tak kelakar betol ah kau nih, macam lembu

After a good wank, sleepy, and right before I sleep. For some gotdamn reason, my brain recited this really really bad joke to me:

stranger: so 2008 is coming, what's your new year resolution?
me: same as last year
stranger: what was that then?
me: same as the year before it
stranger: ok, what was it?
me: same as the year before that one
stranger: what was it?
me: same as the year before that one too
stranger: it was?
me: same as.. (interrupted)
stranger: STFU! just fucking tell me what it is already!
me: actually.. it was 'nothing'
stranger: then why make a big deal about it with all the same as the year same as the year before bullshit you cunt!
me: cause I was tryna make something out of nothing
*stranger walks away

Funny? No? Okay?

nasi goreng kampung + telur bungkus @ nasi kosong + telur bistik + ayam merah

kenapa bila nak berak bila dah dekat rumah dia jadi agak sangat nak berak. macam masa lepak semua tuh buleh tahan lagi tadehal. bila tgah bawak keta pastuh mata cam nampak rumah tiba tiba otak hantar signal melalui highway besar dari otak ke lubang buntut untuk mengurgensikan kekeluaran tahik. macam okay ah memang ah nak dekat semua tuh kan. tapi macam kat luar rumah gak lagi.

banyak bende tak lepas lagi.

nak kena bukak gate automatik. kena bukak pintu jap sebab cermin kereta nih cam tak lepas signal remote control tuh. pastuh lepas tuh kena parking elok elok, tahik tengah separa nak terkeluar concentration tak berapa bagos tapi kena park elok elok gak. lepas tuh kena amek semua barang dalam keta termasuk portable hard drive. kena kunci keta elok elok kang calar pasal jari tengah menggigil sebab tahik tuh macam geli geli kat bawah.

pastuh kena bukak pintu pulak oh shit.

lepas dah bukak pintu jangan ingat dah lepas, kena kunci balik elok elok, ada dua pintu. pintu kayu dengan pintu grill.

lepas tuh okay dah kira lepas.

boleh bukak seluar merata-rata. tapi kena ingat, ada portable hardrive dalam poket, tak leh main campak je macam nak main dengan pelacur, tak leh jack. kena letak elok elok.

on your mark, get set go lari ke tandas.

kena naekkan ke atas pulak tandas tuh nye cover.

oh shit taik dah nak keluar duduk cepat cepat.

BLUUUUWAAAAAAARGKH.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ekstasi.

after this day

I'm sitting here tryna get sumin' tah eat at what would be the mamak with the most smartass waiters.

customer: apa ada?
waiter: macam macam ada.

customer: air apa sedap?
waiter: semua air sedap.

Maybe it's the rain. Maybe it's having to wipe off rain water from the outdoor chairs and tables.

Maybe they're just being honest.

Cause for fuck's sake they do have a dope malay cook cooking malay/thai shit. I'm on that shit all the time yo. I found a goldmine in this neighbourhood mamak.

It's fucken dope, it touches my fucking soul, grabs it and squeezes all the funky spicy feelily juices for my body to devour.

What the fuck.


Yesterday was Eidul Adha. Animal slaughter for the malays. Holidays for the others. And hell for PETA. Wuhkaghehakukugea.

What do PETA fucks do for Eidul Adha. They can't straight disrespect a religion, but good god almighty they must be crying they anuses out. Every second of Eidul Adha, a spark of implosion is ignited in the arteries of PETA mufuckuz. Their hearts bleed, their minds electrocuted constantly. Seizures of anger and disbelief dominate this population of arseholes.

I'm clearly bored.

Like I was during the generic government-written khutbah. I can't even begin to hide my bored as fuck face. And yeah icing on the cake - some governmental propaganda dissing bersih and maybe even hindraf rallies was put in for good measure. The term "plight of Islam" was streamlined with the government. Every Muslim ever, in order to fight for Islam, fight for this government. Yes, do that bitches. Do not fall into the trap of misguided Muslims who use the Zionist media to get what they want. The government is all that is Islam. Haha piss off. You disgust me. I don't even agree with those pointless rallies and I am pissed off like a perfumed racoon.

It does not help that the Imam is reading that shit with the same monotone of 'khutbah' that I've known for many years. My mind cannot take it anymore. Recently my mind has been cancelling out acceptance of a lot of things, including formal malay language. And that's what the khutbah was delivered in, to add salt to wound of course. ARGKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I was going crazy. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

This is what REFORMASI has given us. Now all Imams are fucking government drones. Reading speeches from the teleprompter of corrupt gonas.

Before this we had some really cool Imams.

Like this neighbourhood Imam once giving friday khutbah prayers. He had the most inappropriate brilliantly timed metaphorical sense of humour. Like he would use "road to wembley" as a term for skirts of chicks being opened. Wukhagheakuhgeukea. If you don't know what "road to wembley" is it's kinda like another name for FA Cup. Football yaknow.

I understand perfectly what he's doing. He's testing his listeners.

For some unknown reason, every Muslim doing Islamic things must have this KETAT (tight in a bad way) face. I don't understand why. So he's basically just fucking around with his listeners. There's a lot more anecdotes about him I just don't remember. Ergh. Haha. What a cool and badass Imam. That's dope.

Sadly, he must've either sold his soul to the corruptly arseholeycunt government ops I meant plight of Muslims everywhere in Malaysia, or is locked down in a secret prison superior to the ISA somewhere.

We must all burn the Malaysian flag and fuck the ashes with our wet cocks.

I hate yawll.

drunk game

Today I'm older than I was.

Logically, it's a cause for misery and despair. But we're all humans, why the fuck would logic want anything to do with us. So we celebrate! I kept mine at a minimal. I slept till it was 12PM. Why 12PM? Cause someone really important woke me up, someone who has been here with me always, through "thick" and "thin". Mr bladder.

Woke up to the download of Pirates XXX still not complete by one file. But the download of Karate Kid is!

I watched Teen Wolf first though, I finished downloading that yesterday, fried some roti canai for an improper-something-to-chew-on-during-movie meal.

It's a childhood throwback. When I was a child we had a lot of tapes, but there were a few that I would always keep in the cupboard back then - Back To The Future, Karate Kid, Teen Wolf, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II. These weren't necessary classic movies, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II for example is one of the most fucked up sequel ever in the history of movies about animals that can survive in land and water mutated into semi human then taught the ways of a Japanese martial art. Especially when compared to the made-me-piss-my-eyes first movie. Daym that movie was emotional. Sob sob sob.

These tapes just happen to be there all the time. And I just happen to watch them over and over again when I was just a little kid. I know all the dialogues, and rhythm of its deliveries.

So after revisiting two movies from that particular spandex of nostalgia. What have I learned?

The heroines in those movies are mostly very decent looking wimmin with not much flesh to show. They're not too beautiful or too hot, just charming, you spend more time looking at they faces then they titties. However, remember the girlfriend of that alpha male token asshole dude in Teen Wolf? That blonde chick, yeah that was the shape of heroines to come, minus silicones.

Teen Wolf is basically total bullshit, it's totally bullcrap except the song played during the last scene. That shit is beautiful.

Karate Kid is not bad as a movie. It can make you piss your eyes if you're not careful. The premise might be as corny as my ass with corn sticking out of it, but the relationship between old japanese dude and young italian american dude is quite nice. Also the token male asshole is pretty cool cause at one point he wears a red jacket like MJ. When I was a kid, in my imaginations of saving girls from various situations which would lead to a kiss, I would always be wearing a red jacket. Red jackets are cool.

The song played during the tourney montage in Karate Kid is BADASS. One of the most badass songs to have ever surfaced in the anal surges of badassness in the most badass situation ever known to mankind i can has badass possible.

What did I learn back then and what do I think of it now?

80's pop music, in all its electronic corniness, is proper shit --- it still is. Stop trying to revive it arseholes. And no YOU'RE THE BEST AROUND does not count, it is so badass it transcends taste.

Japanese people are wise and funny --- Japanese people are kinky. Their women love to be fucked by octopi incarnates and worms before stretching their pussy to cover up a table sized object. All while their men are eating feces and fucking eye sockets of little girls in skirts. Albeit all that, I still think they're wise and funny.

White men can't dunk, werewolves can --- white men can't dunk, blacks can.

lawak adik edah di petang yang basah

adik edah: kau tgh buat apa?
aku: sentuh diri sendiri
adik edah: tak faham

...............

and it will be tomorrow until she comes back home

Why are the most catchiest words considered taboos. Like the most popular 'fuck'.

And anotha one is 'cunt'. It's prolly cool to use it in the UK and OZ they use it more than they drink fucking beer. But in the U.S.A. 'cunt' is an extra offensive word.

Erm, why? It feels good to say cunt. It's catchy as fuck. Why ya gotta spoil it for all of us. Cunts. Sloppy wankah.

Anyway. I just did this post so I could point out how funny this is.

go here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

There's prolly many many more, I'm too lazy to think of more dirty words. Ugh who uses dirty words anyway. They're sooooooooooo lame. Duhh.

Mann. Either one fucked up day, one dude decides that he's gonna skip lunch and stay back in the office registering all dirty names he could think of in blogspot out of spite. Or blogger would only let one kind of layout be used for blogs with dirty worded titles, as punishment.

Yeah punishment. Nakal niiiiiihhhhhhh. Nak kena babap. Nak kena papap. Eh tuh lain cerite. Anyway, tonite's! puhleaseeee my whole crewmate's G'ssss, tonite's the night baby so blow up on me.

fuck you and peace

Hmm. Nice wank. Forgot who was my braincell companion.

Got up went to the toilet. Looked at the mirror.

Strange. Since when did I tatoo my tummy.

It's neatly done too. All black ink, shape of a small lizard.

I have never gotten drunk or high in my life. When did this happen.

Oh fuck it is a small lizard whaukuhkhkugea. Wiped dude off onto the floor.

Washed him away into the drain.

There, that's for giving me a mini shock. Join all the cockroaches I've banished down there.

Cunt.

On another separate trip to the loo I met who might be his uncle or sumin'.

I'm like yo, your nephew? *points to the big bottomless pit*. Yeah.

I'm all alone now.

Where are the females?

In my fucking mind.

Where should they really be?

In my fucking comforter.

Where should I be then?

In that very same comforter.

Is the 'should' happening?

No.

When will it be happening?

When I get lucky.

Why?

Cause I'm a passive loser.

Why?

Fuck you.

Peace.

all you mufuckaz need a beating

Why are people so anal about parking spaces.

I have to park 2 km away from home everyday causa no space near the house.

I have to walk through padi fields, rivers, oceans, constructions, hills, a shit tank, a canyon that is now filled with water etc. just to go from car to house.

A canyon that is now filled with water is something really mystical to me. I've seen it once, and camped besides one. It's kinda cool. Looked like a big lake. But imagine this, beneath the water is a fucking living canyon, I mean like hillsides and all that, with trees and all that. It's like an underwater national park. Like fuh real, that shit just amazed and stay amazezing me. Like fuhreal, daym.

Anyway, yeah. Cunts.

You know how between houses there's like a free space that you can park you car if the porch's full.

The house infronna mine used to be empty I used to park there all the time and all that.

Now a cunt's moved in and shit. It's like she puts a dustbin on that space cause she won't let nobody else park there, as if it's her land and shit. What an asshole.

And her car is so small and shit, plus she barely uses her own porch, fuhreal. What kinda selfish cuntish shit is that. Mufuckaz need to chill and back lay a bit.

Have some fucking niceness in yar fucken hearts for once.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO NICENESS?

WHAT THE FUCK, happened to niceness?

I'm a nice guy. I always try to give the right amount of change to cashiers. I always give cars the road unlike most cunts. I don't mind a lotta things.

But muthafuckaz except a few don't act the same. What the fuck happened to niceness. All you fucking cunts need to be taught a lesson.

Somebody needs to beat NICENESS into you cunts.

That's what it is.

You just can't expect people to be naturally nice nowadays. You gotta heat up iron and patch it onto they flesh then force them to be nice. You gotta shove a cactus dildo down they throats and all that. BE NICE BITCH.

Like shiiiiit.

Man.

Fuckedy fuck.

You mufuckaz really really need to be taught lessons. Fuck a lesson. Lessons.

I'm gonna gather every single cuntish asshole and put them in a pit.

In the pit I'm gonna put in giant robots. Giant unisex rapist robots. With big ass cocks made out of raw uncut splintery diamonds.

And I'm not gonna let anyone out unless they promise to have some fucking niceness.

ARGKH.

jah easy dub

I was watching this friends-on-acid british sitcom Coupling. And despite the fact that it's pretty pretty dope, it had a laugh track. Laugh tracks are generally understandably corny maybe because of the fact that most sitcoms are not funny. At all.

It's love-hate for me though. I love to be told when to laugh, or when a situation's supposed to be funny, cause I'm a lazy thinker. And it does add a bit of livelyness to the shit. But sometimes shit would be a certain type of dope which would render the laugh track as nothing else but annoyance.

For example, League of Gentlemen. They scrapped the laugh track for season 3 and that made it somehow way better. Or shit like The Office (UK) / Extras, it's laugh out loud funny but I would certainly not appreciate it as much if it had a stupid laugh track. Or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Or other that typa shits. Yadadamean?

Forget about it.

Anyway, I've always wondered about the mechanics of a laugh track.

Some sitcoms have very open-ended and scene-responsive laugh tracks. Like in some instances where it's a disaster of a situation and any sensitive being wouldn't be laughing. Buttt, there would always be like 2-3 sick fucks bursting into a faint moment of cackling and then stopping in a fadeout kinda way like 'oh we're not supposed to laugh here? b fuhreal?'.

It got me wondering like mad. If the studios and production houses have meticulous laugh track editors who possess a wide range of royalty free laugh FXs, it wouldn't be much of a problem for me. Technology is magic. I undastand totally.

But what if it's an audience setting. Recorded. Do they cue the audience whenever they are supposed/required to laugh? If so do they inform the audience on what type of laugh it's supposed to be? Or the volume even? Do they like pay a bunch of people to sit in a room and laugh? Or is it like those big ass American sitcoms or Senario where they have a large studio crowd?.

Most importantly, yet again, do they cue the audience?

Like the big APPLAUSE lighty-light sign you always see in movies that have a scene about something involving a studio audience. Or do they just let it be. Or do they let it be at first, and then make laugh track editors edit it a bit so that some appropriate parts get the right kind of laugh and some inappropriate laughs get cut out.

I don't know. I'm just curious, yo.

Aren't eggs just the best. And chicken. And potatoes. Fish in the form of fish and chips. Mmm Mmm Mmm. I'm just hungry right now. Should I get out and get some food? patut ke? aku dah pakai boxers yang aku biasa guna untuk keluar rumah sebab ianya sungguh selesa untuk konek. tapi aku cam malas. Hmm. The world needs me.

But I don't need the world.

Aiyo God, send me to heaven yaw.

I need that shit.

Fuhreal.

MILF. Hmm. MILF. You're so cute. You're so cute I can't apply you to my figmental sensual escapades. And by that I meant dirty animalistic nihilistic imaginary fuck sessions, wahukukgea.

When I get to heaven. And since we humans love statistics. I might wanna check out my top ranking mind fucks. I wouldn't be surprised by the sheer oddness of it, because I don't usually include celebrities and the atypical porn stars. Yes, I'm very regular. I go for regular girls mostly, from the memory. I'm not gonna talk about this anymore bye (I want to but I don't wanna gross out my 100,000 female readers, no lie, I checked Google Analytics). Whakuguekaga.

Didja guys know there's a dance routine called Wu Tang? Yeah, do the Wu Tang!. Yes, and it's mad mongoloidistic. But what would I know about dancing. I was thinking about posting about it on Rogue Radio until I actually watched a video of it. Sorry doggz, contrived dance fads are mostly fuhhcking lame. The lamest shit.

Hip hop, please stick to b-boys. You've got your own badass dance unit and you keep trying to invent the most retarded-board-room-meeting-invented-simplistic-non-rhythm-having bullshit brushing off our b-boys and b-girls. B-boys and b-girls are broke now. Either that or they have to sell their soul and dance corny with a fake smile wearing moronic looking "hip hop" costumes.

Lil' kids are gettin' into these cuntfucking dance fads. I don't remember me being into all that dance fad bullshit as a kid. Wtf. Or have I been thoroughly cool since my age was a single digit. Man I'm so cool.

Dammit. I'm so cool.

Coolness.........

Btw, Coupling was pretty dope innit. It had some cute british females. The psycho one gives me boners for some reason. The three males. One is this typical good propah guy stereotype who can get annoying but sometimes would erupt into cool ass tirades like this one in which he explains the male-porn affinity throughout the ages (triggered by his girl's discovery of his love for lesbian porn and the awkward moments that ensued). Another is his best friend, the creep. Who always has some fucked up as-if-everyone-knows-it termed theories. The third dude, a simpler dude, is the cooler luckier one, with the donkey schlong.

And because I don't feel like ending a post with 'donkey schlong' I'll have to type some more apecrapshit. You know, I have no idea why while typing this post out, I kept mistyping laugh as 'laught' or 'love' throughout it. You won't notice though cause I edited those mistakes. But WTF. WHUT'S THA DEALEY.

curb your racism, nah fuck that let's go ballistic with racist insults. and 10 years before farhgkin independence

Man, when the blacks moved into Larry David's house I'm like that ma is hot (the one in red), and I was like fuck Larry you should be shagging her instead. Fair enough, since Larry is every man's man, he finally did at the end of Curb Your Enthusiasm season 6. Cheryl can fuck off. Cheryl broke Larry's heart, and if you break Larry's heart, you break every man's heart. But in the end he got a hot momma with a fine ass body. Usually she would walk around the house with her hair tied up and housewife clothes, in the last episode she dressed up PROPAH and I'm like daym daym daym dayyyyym.

LD's latest season dealt with racism a lot. Well, in a way it parodied racism and the paranoias, idiocies, dumbfucking pc-nesses, etcies. that's commonly associated with it.

I like racist jokes. I like racial stereotypes. It fucking tickles my dick. It makes me laugh out loud. Lisa Lampanelli is not the funniest cunt in the world but she makes me laugh anyway causea her no holds barred racial stereotype tit stomping. And ironically, her stand-up shows are pretty prettty heartwarming.

Paul Mooney, jokes are racist as fuck. I FUCKING LOVE IT. Wgeakkhueaga. White folks get made fun of the fuck shit. He does not give a fuck, you fucking slaved my peoples for years this is fucking the least you can do, lemme diss yow ass. Whukgeakhugea. Check him out yaw. YOUTUBE THAT SHIT, aight.

I love racism.

Give me racism for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and supper. And in my hot horlicks.

-FADE OUT-
-FADE IN-

I love 57, the number, not the 'year' of independence. I think it's a cool number, and that's that. I hated history, the subject, why? Prolly cause it's so fucked up now you'd think the history you're supposed to learn is either a benign cyst, or a sickening one. Or just badly-written fiction to keep the people in a comfort zone like any other history lessons.

So I watched this documentary "sepuluh tahun sebelum merdeka" (10 years before independence).

Content aside, it was a very well-made documentary. Short and cool, mostly interviews-based narration. The creative use of symbolism is dope (like the split screen three malaysians holding placards shit), and the usage of music is just dope, soundtracks combining well with what's on screen CAN make a man piss his eyes for sho'. And The Clash being in the playlist wins my cum everytime.

Content-wise, it's what I wished was taught back in history class. My reaction would be, huh, interesting, as opposed to huh, *scribbles pics of genitals on pad BORING* (or zzz) with the standard syllabus. But you know what it is, propaganda, not propagandhi.

The docu is basically about left-wingaz fighting for everyone to be malay and the country to belong to them, I mean us. Imagine that, everyone being malay. Dopeness.

Sure this is like fucking decades ago, even if they succeded who knows what might eventuate. Corruption, envy, evil, none can escape the temptations and shit.

But you gotta let a brotha have some fockenh fantasy eh.

Imagine that. We're all malay. That yellow fuck with the horizon eyes, he's malay. That hairy darkie, he's malay. That shit brownish moustached dude, he's malay. That latina looking bitch, she's malay. Like daym.

We don't need to make every 'heartwarming' tv ad compulsory to have all three colours anymore. We don't need a token chinese and indian, both speaking in the darndest malay dialect eva heard worse than mainstream film dialogues to be assistants to some supposedly high-ranking malay dude in police movies.

Fuck, I wouldn't be taught by nature, to hate on them chinks and darkies. I'm not saying that's what muh parents or fam taught me, they're cool, it's the environment, it is what it is dunce.

We'd all be malays, focken malays. I don't need to explain to my foreigner friends why we call the chinese, chinese, and the indians, indians. And that, they didn't come from they mainlands, they born here dukes, only they great great great grand don dada came from the mainlands, but fuck that right.

Makes things easy wouldn't it.

And the Gandhi inspired Hartal thingy was dope for sho'. Mufuckaz closing shops for a day and fucking up the economy. Take that you bri'ish cunts! Shove it up yer farhkenh arses.

I mean, all could've resulted in an ALTERNATE REALITY. Where Singapore is a part of us. We're all malays. We all fuck each other and live happily ever after. Deep. Fuhreeal.

Sigh.

I can't describe much more bout the docu though, I'm running out of effort. Alls I gots to say is it's FUCKING DOPE. You expect my level of anttention-span to watch docus? No you don't, bitch. But I finished this one so it must be dope innit?! Yawll should simply be gettin' and watchin' that shit anyway. The director provided like a million links for you to download the 30 minute shit.

If you give me any excuse at all I'm gonna piss on your brain.

And make your hot girlfriend give me brain.

bersih tak bersih

I guess it's now about that time for me to write about current issues, or issue, preferably. BERSIH!

I used to join the Reformasi demonstrations back in the good old days, yes myself it's been nearly a decade ago. Not just the main demonstration in the thick of the city, even the small small ones, and definitely the ones in Anwar's house. Why? Beats me, it was fun though, well I followed muh pops and uncle mostly. Anwar is one funny dude, charismatic for sho', his speeches are the shit, him dissing any politician is the shit. The PAS leaders are jokers too. Maybe that's why.

One thing about Anwar is, he probably was a faggot, most def bisexual. I mean he schooled in MCKK. It doesn't really matter though, he would make a dope leader, cause he can speak like a mufucka, afterall what else does a leader do but speak and make muh country look good, biatch. Nonea that stupid melayu bullshit our Minister of INFORMATION or whuteva pulled.

Plus, it doesn't really matter whether Anwar's a faggot or not, what really matters is, is he the bitch, or the butch? wahkgeuauhkgea.

Back then, the gatherings were chaotic cause SBs (Spesel Brunch) succesfully pulled triggers. I read for this recent Bersih gathering they had some PAS dudes who kept it organized and spotted SBs before anything, that's pretty dope. I guess that's why the fucking water cannons were fired with no cue.

I've never tasted that chemical though, cause I'm a dope rioter, muthafuckah. Wauhkehukgea.

One of the best shit was blocking highways. One demonstration was on the Kesas highway, that was dope. Helicopters flying around and shit. Just chilling on the highway we blocked and shit, that was dope. Why is it dope? Cause I don't know, any instance of anarchy is kinda dope to me, I'm a punk, beatch. Like fuck order fuck law, we blocked the highway yaw!

Anotha dope shit was that biggest one in KL, that ended up with Anwar giving his speech at Masjid Negara. Why? Cause like I said, anarchy, the city stopped for a fucking stadium full of people to do whatever they wanna. What's funny was, my family went there together but I detoured. I went somewhere else first, shopping for shit cause I'm about tah get back to boarding school, I think I bought some toothpaste as well too, gotta have toothpastes, toothbrush I can live without, I can finger myself. Then I got on public transportation and re-joined muh fam and the demonstration shit like it's some picnic, wakhugukea, *whistles*.

Thing is, I could've joined the BERSIH shit for nostalgic purposes but fuck it, I'm too lazy, I'd rather be at home watching Bad Boy Bubby fuck random girls. I guess back then a little part of me did feel that we need change and shit and revolution bla bla hoo haa wee hoo.

I'll stick to UMNO for now though. Cause face it, we're all doomed, nobody can make this country better right now, I'll stick to the corrupt but stable. We need a messiah, but by the time he (for feminists, fuck yawll, HE) appears with a blazing cock wettin' the pussy clit of our nation, it's gon' be too late, it's gon' be doomsday. Doomsday yawll.

And the only way for a revolution to happen is with big ass fucking guns and bombs. Let's kill each other shall we, that's the only way. Destroy, rebuild. But not that I don't appreciate all the whining, the whining keeps the corruption at least on a controllable level.

Man fuck it corruption is a requisite. Who gives a fuck, Dr M was corrupt as fuck but he did okay, this country was cool.

Idiocy is the pro'lem. Fuck man when I heard that Minister of INFORMATION or something chop his own head off and run naked around the Al-Jazeera office I was like fuck dude gotta put a hit on this dude, WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING? Fuck that, we need smooth talkaz up in this muthafuckah. Yo Pak Lah get yow shit togeva, hire some cool dudes, preferably with a cockney accent so we can say fuck and they won't know it. Fahcken sloppy wankazhz.

Fuck man.

I can't handle kids, I'm not good with kids.

There's three things that can help me get pussy that i just can't do or am not good at, carrying a book around / clubbing / being good with children. Okay maybe we can add losing fat to that list too.

What if i told you just now i was driving in the hood and a latina looking gurlie was walking in the opposite direction. and she was mad hot.

Man stick to the topic, back to the matter at hand. Kids.

What if I hooked up with this mad fine chick then she takes me to her parents and turns out she has like fucking 50 small nieces and they all scatter around me, what the fuck would I do? Make funny faces is all I could think of.

I'm gonna be trapped. The jealous ex-bf will be there as well cause it's like an open house or something. He will suddenly approach the kids and then charm them like a mufucka. Muh girl's parents'll be like fuck our daughter's bwoy is such a losah. He ain't no shotta. Fuck hell what do I do in this situation, do I act like I can handle children then fuck it up. Like start talking to one of them, and then one of them start going about how cool the transformers movie was, and I be like "fuck that, sonn" and I just screw up. Fuck this, sonn, I'm doomed.

Latina girl. Daym where does she fucking live? Daym.

semalam penat duh

korang suka tak drive kat jalan lama? i mean jalan highway lama yang takde tol yang ada dua lane jeh tuh? aku takut doh drive kat jalan lama, aku selalu drive slow gila, ye ah banyak driver lubang buntut, kadang kadang aku tengah drive ada lori tengah potong lori wtf kimak aku lak kene slow tunggu kau masuk lane kau. takpun motor, bodoh nye motor, semua tak geti nak bawak kat lane sendri, boleh boleh nak amek lane aku, kote kau. aku takut, bodoh.

aku tak tau ah camna orang dulu dulu survive dengan lane camnih. dulu parents aku salu balik kampung lalu jalan lama, sebab time tuh dari jb ke semban mana ada highway plus lagi doh. gila doh, sikit sikit kena potong lorry, siapa leh tidur doh dalam keadaan macam tuh, aku jarang tidur doh dalam keadaan macam tuh.

memang lah buleh buat jalan lama selamat sikit, tapi buat apa nak amek risk tuh doh? kalau camtuh nanti semua orang ikut jalan lama, sape nak bayar tol? sape nak bayar duit kita pegi bulan? kalau tak pergi bulan camna nak jadi negara maju? doh?

kalau tak jadi negara maju, camna nak dapat kerajaan yang bagi duit kat orang orang unemployed, aku nak jadi unemployed tapi dapat duit benefit doh. pegi kelas carik kerje je setiap hari doh. kalau tak maju, mesti tak dapat keje supermarket tapi buleh idup selese, asal tak buat anak ah.

kalau dah tau diri tuh takde punca duit yang boleh arap, TAK GETI PANCOT LUAR KEH? okay ah mengaku aku takde pengalaman leh lah cakap, mesti mamat tuh cam cakap, KAU INGAT SENANG KE NAK BUDGET PANCUT LUAR? ENDORFIN TENGAH DIPAM BERTUBI TUBI KAT OTAK KAU INGAT SENANG KE NAK CONTROL? BANGKUNG? okay ah aku faham perasaan kau mamat, tapi pakai lah condom, pastuh dia cakap KAU INGAT BEST KE PAKAI CONDOM? okay ah aku bleh cuba faham lagi perasaan kau. tapi takyah ah romen, pastuh dia cakap HABES KONEK AKU DAH STIM, LAGIPUN AWEK AKU NYMPHO.

awek kau nympho, meh sini pass kat abang. hi nama awak siapa? bra saiz berapa. mesti awek tuh cam pissed off bila aku tanya bra saiz berapa. padahal dia nympho.

kelakar kau dunia. puki ah.

anttention span aku hebat. aku try lah baca buku nih aku baru beli. aku baca cam satu page pastuh tidur jap, lelap mata jap, baca satu lagi dengar orang berbual jap. bookmark aku dah macam WOW AKU LAH BOOKMARK YANG PALING KERAP DIGUNAKAN DI MUKA BUMI. TAHNIAH SYABAS PENYANGAK SYABAS! KAU HEBAT, KEMMAK LU CAMNA LEH HEBAT CAMNIH? SIAPA TOK GURU? BOOKMARK LAIN MESTI CAM CEMBURU DENGAN AKU, TERIMA KASIH AH PENYANGAK! MAKASEH! CIBAI KAU!

sarkastik punya bookmark.

sebenarnya bookmark aku sekeping 5 ringgit. yelah manalah tau kau takde duit tapi kau bawak buku kau, kau perlu duit, emergency, sebab ada awek lawa cam nampak kau pastuh cam "hi, i will love you if you give me 5 bucks right now". like yo.

5 ringgit tuh pulak datang dari paket paket duit raya yang aku tak bagi! whaukgeukagukaeukgea. konon nak bagi duit raya kat orang datang rumah, sekali semua orang lain dah bagi, cam malas ah pulak, lagipun aku malas. malas. malas.

aku bukak balik semua sampul tuh aku masukkan balik dalam wallet! wakwahgegeakueHAUKWAHKUGEUKAHGEUKA what the fuck.

loaded gurlz pls treat me to food

don't curb your gasanalism, let that bitch go and let the world know, how the insides of yow ass smell like

Yesterday I was staring at the screen not knowing what to do with it hand and fingers stiff on the mouse, then I felt something coming and.. and.. and.. I sneezed & farted simultaneously, that felt pretty good, preeeetty good, preeeeeeetty good.

Shooting cum to a proper ladies' face is the zenith of manhood, the claim of superiority & dominance over that particular dame, fox, gal, femme, etc. The white soya bean quality of your penilis fluidis represents the unity of your army of supremacy. Your private & personal marine corp, relieved of their generic duty of going from air force to naval for a more noble one of air force to land soldier. Soldier! Take-over! the nose! the eyes! the cheeks! the lips! and occasionally, hair. No weaponry needed, the mere presence warrants a claim of authority, lordship.. total supremacy.

It's true though. If I hate some kind of women, I would imagine cumshotfaceher to be really really pleasurable as me putting that beatch down, yo. I got you mufuckuh, you snobbish arrogant think-you-hot muthafuckah.

Yargkh, my imagination is held accountable for keeping my reality sane.

Never blame video games for violent, rather lack-of.

Never blame songs for suicide, rather lack-of.

Always blame lame bands for the lack of suicides, crucify them, ostracize them - for the over-population of lame white boys with super lame dressing sense is the cake taker of doomsday prophecies.

If we walk right up to the sun, would it be in an area 51 studio on a drift of moon trip dejavu?

No matter how much I crap, I will make it obligatory to pretend that I am not crapping by using a pretentious style of writing.

little miss strange

I was chatting with my once best now NORMAL friend (wakhugukeaga) and something was brought up about meeting ex-girlfriends. I only have one but I can as fuck imagine various scenarios of meeting an ex-girlfriend I lost touch with for years cause she's a cunt.

In a shopping mall, an old school one, something like Subang Parade. She's pregnant, while attending to another one of her beauties. I walk up to her and look at her. She looks at me. I do this (refer to the fucking image dunn). She smiles. I walk past her and recommence with life as I know it.

In a shopping mall, an old school one, something like Subang Parade. She is now a whore, she calls out to me, I go "do I know you, whore?" she goes "bla bla bla bla bla", I go "whatever, whore", then I walk away.

Okay I'm actually having writer's block, whore. I'll come back with more talk, whore. Wuhkahgkeahkugugapeace.

spanish bombs

We'll get back to this later.

Ooh post-raya (eid), that magical time when you promise yourself you'll eat like a maniac who has been fasting for one month for a week or so but get back to eating decently and controllably after that one week ends cause you're fat as jabba. A week will turn into a month, a month will turn into months. Next thing you know you're finally eating right - on the first day of next year's puasa, of course, that is only until 7pm or so. Beatch.

Dida. Ultimate diver. He one-upped Rivaldo's mega-dive during some world cup years ago, ball to knee *falls down holding face*. This time around, some Scottish (how surprising) dude ran across Dida, tapped on his eyebrow. What I heard from the experts was that the scottish dude's finger dispersed some kind of bacteria which spread across Dida's body prompting him to fall down like he was hit by a baseball bat miss-hit by a kid going for the pinata. Hmm.

You know you're shite when Italians start giving you shit about diving. Dida is gonna be punished like a mufuckah for that stupid shit. Which is good, all us football fans hate divers, that's why I hate american football fans. Everytime they wanna make a point that football is gay they'd point out diving. But dumbfuck, diving is NOT part of the game, it's done by faggots, while TIGHT PANTS, PADS, and HUGGING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PITCH WHILE THE BALL IS A MILE AWAY, IS part of your game bitch. Fuck that, rugby is that good shit, fuck american football, americans (u.s. ones) are douchebags. They're like that dude in your class who loves Bon Jovi and would never wanna let anyone say he's a douchecunt for being that way. What a douche.

One of my favourite The Clash songs is "train in vain", my favourite song from The Delfonics is "think it over", my favourite song by The Temprees is "out of my reach", one of my favourite Boyz II Men songs is "doin' just fine", my favourite song by The Stylistics is "have you seen her", my favourite song performed by The Platters is obviously "smoke gets in your eyes", one my favourite tunes from The Velvet Underground is "who loves the sun", my favourite Harold Melvins & The Blue Notes song is "i miss you", one of my favourite Blue Magic songs is "just don't wanna be lonely", one of my favourite Beach Boys songs is "god only knows", my favourite The Ramones song is "the kkk took my baby away". My love optimism game is fucked. You know who you are.

mars attack

A lot of people say Malaysia's space adventure is a PROPAGANDA. Yeah, okay, fuck you, as a patriot, I beg to differ. The flight has all the makings of a trip full of objectives, so full there's room for none more. I mean sure there are the minor fooling around experiments like this and that, but there are also the major experiments that will change the world and incite aliens to come to us like this, that, that, and this.

However, to me, the biggest contribution from this trip would be to language. It would create the intro for a new phrase. A new generation of sentences.

we've gone to space and shit but...

or

angkasa pun dah sampai tapi..

Anything can be added after these openings like for example "there's still poor people asking for donations in the streets" which I predict would be one of the common ones. Or maybe "there are still remp-its (biker mice from mars)". Or maybe in malay "pendidikan awam pun masih kena bayar lagi" or "korupsi masih berleluasa" (pergh macam kumpulan punk rock poyo cuba buat lirik BM lak) or "ahli-ahli politik masih lagi tergagap-gagap cakap bahasa melayu rasmi, cakap jelah cam biasa, tengok alien tuh, relaks je". Shit like that. Point is, fuck you space mission haters, fuck you indeed.

That brings me to another issue, aliens. Why is it that aliens are always envisioned as slimy ugly creatures? or ugly big eyed fucks? This leads to me suspecting that we already know what they look like. I mean, do they have to look like that? Can't they be pretty and beautiful. Or would it be too far fetched to think that they actually just, look like, us? Especially their females, hopefully. And their hot hot females could possibly even dig fat ugly bwoys like me. I wanna go to Mars, fuck it, government!! sign me up for the next one! Beatch.

mind language

a lot of malay people think in english, therefore their english is very good, written and most of the time also spoken. I have superior english to most malays, but I don't think in english, I don't even think in BM, I think in bahasa pasar (direct translation - market language, meaning - street malay or the malay language we speak not the one we're forced to speak). I'm not kidding it's true.

Whenever I'm driving and some dude is honking 0.001 seconds after the traffic light turns green I'll be going "pantek kau ah". Whenever I'm laying around on the carpet watching local tv and some dude makes a stupid statement like "the space program is a waste of our money!" I'll go like "kepaleh bapuck kaauu".

Many more like "kau gila kappa", "apa lanchau", "hek elah".

Or more complicated ones like "pergh awek nih chun siot", "hari nih aku nak tengok movie ke tv series?", "awek baru kat house m.d nih chun gak siot", "aku nak open dengan karipap dulu ke terus ke spaghetti? hmm", "p. ramlee gila badass siot", "kalau astro ban cartoon network disney etc masa raya pun bagos gak, takde ah aku kena mengadap bende bende nih bila sedara sedara kecik pegang remote", "pergh awek tuh comel sial argkh", etc etc.

I've been reading a lot of malay bloggers saying they think in english so it got me wondering what language do I think in as I've never paid it too much mind. I mean when I'm supposed to write in english of course I'll think in english but primarily as I live through life I just think in bahasa pasar.

mufuckaz ain't shit to me

Who here has never had a black metal phase? Okay fuck you stop judging. I had one and it wasn't not fun, okay. Infact, me and my friends once painted our faces for a picture although I wasn't taking it too seriously cause I was wearing a striped-down boxer, holding a broom and *black metallers say BLASPHEMY!!!!* was too lazy to put on the white paint (it's too much fucking work, how do you band dudes do it!).

Black metal is the gangsta rap of metal. Not the good gangsta rap either. The stupid new-age ponce gangsta rap, think 50 cent, or I dunno, fuck should I know.

I've bought metal mags. I've cursed at stupid clueless fucks who send letters to metal mags asking why bands like Sil Khannaz or As Sahar have growl vocals and don't sing like the mainstream metal bands (think XPDC or FTG (by this time they've already gone mainstream)) (and I still think muthafuckaz who can't understand growls eventhough I don't dig it anymore are crybabies). I cursed at the government when a band called Destinity (no real idea who the fuck they are and what they sound like) was banned from coming down. I've viewed Harian Metro as the devil for being so melayu and mega-sensationalists, still do, those bitch-asses.

Thank God or chance if you're a godless heathen only propa Heavy or Stoner and Death metal stuck with me.

I used to have a hardcore phase, mainly due to going to their gigs down south, I was so clueless I didn't even know hardcore came from punk. They have good crowds, crazy as fuck. Why are kids nowadays against this type of crowd, performers love a crowd that brings the fucking ruckus. Well maybe not all, maybe some prefer a more intelligent crowd. LOL@intelligent.

I missed out on the punk and rock kapak phase cause I guess that wasn't my time. That was the older dudes' times. I guess that must've been a very fun time, I loved reading old editions of my school's magazine cause you can see pictures of rock kapakers with their Loudness/Iron maiden t-shirts and pointy guitars performing in the same hall I once mimed an Innuendo song in (Innuendo is dope, aight), shout out to whoever drew a Bloodshed casette on one page of the mag too, dope shit.

That was their time, what else was my time?

I had a grunge phase, well this is my first ever phase after POP. Everybody without influential older siblings start at pop. Although grunge was pop back then it wasn't exactly pop, it was a loophole, it was actually alternative/indie rock (no not faggy rock as it's known now). Everybody born within the same era as I did had a grunge phase, it was the easiest fad to adhere too. If you're a sloppy slacker loser, you don't need to go to a motivation camp to learn to be yourself, just be yourself. Girls back then listened to almost the same shit as you do, so if you have a Nirvana lyrics folder (I did) or Offspring (Offspring was raw back then, aight)/Rancid or softer ones like Blur cassettes, cool chicks with "alternative specks" are gonna be looking for you. Bless you Kurt Cobain.

I also had a rap metal phase, oooh I really did have this phase, it was simultaneous with my nu metal phase, but rap metal was closer to the heart cause my favourite nu metal music had vocalists who liked rap - Deftones, Limp Bizkit (I know this is standard preference but fuck it 1st album only okay?), or Korn. But Rage Against The Machine was that shit. In my batch I was the only one who listened to RATM, not trying to be different I also dug whatever was popular in the hostel mainly punk (Carburetor Dung, The Bollocks) or skinhead punk (A.C.A.B., The Official) (strangely no metal movement at all in my hostel except maybe one dude who listened to Iron Maiden, hip hop is totally out of the question here cause I didn't school around KL), but I had a very soft spot for RATM, I'm that dude who listens to RATM. One time my friend found a junior who listened to RATM that junior was instantly referred to me. RATM was my shit. My table at school had RATM quotes that I don't even understand or care about, but it sounded cool so FUCK THE NORM. Enter University, my locker had a printed-at-the-faculty-lab pissing-off-the-kakak-jaga-lab RATM propaganda posters, my books had plastic covers and RATM propaganda pics slipped inside them.

RATM was introduced to me by my first internet friend. Bless her. Girls used to be cool back then, what the fuck happened? Females get your shit togeva I toldja.

Fucking phases. I prolly had more phases and more details towards phases but fuck man it's so hard to recall everything, on the drive balik kampung some detail might pop up and will piss me off cause I won't have TEH INTERNETS for a few days. So I'm gonna put this disclaimer to avoid me being pissed off, while hungry, in a traffic jam.

I wish I had a hip hop phase but I didn't. I've never properly spent my time in a hip hop infested environment. Most of my childhood in a small town, most of my teenhood in the dirty south. Hip hop was 100% my own decision, a curiousity driven by my own will, it was a closet thing, it was like being a fag, everybody around you would mock and make fun of hip hoppers, and you're laughing half-heartedly. But fuck it right. Escape to the headphones in cybercafes. Back then I had to download real audio as mp3 was too big (times have changed), one of my favourite tracks was killa hill niggas which showcased two crews that ruled my hip hop getaways - Cypress Hill and Wu Tang Clan. My first cassette was 2pac's.

Moved on from cybercafes to the car. My car was hip hop. I continued with hip hop the tradition of always checking out local shit when it was with rock. I was going to classes listening to Sicksiderz - rap tak ingat it was my car's anthem, all of my friends knew the words, these are regular joes with superregular flows, so they'll have big macs, no pickles... and regular cokes wukaghkeaukga sorry couldn't stand the momentary MARVWON lapse. Erm what was it yeah nama akuu ada binnn, infact it got so played out some of the friends even memorized the other hooks in the Message for the Masses compilation with complicated english choruses haha. And I'm ain't gon' front I played Too Phat a lot some of the dudes got into Too Phat. I even rapped along to the lyrics whenever I'm bored. Who would've known I'd end up in a crew that not only was home to some of the groups I was a fan of, but was also regarded as another group that I liked, Too Phat ..'s rivals, hahuhe.

Thing is as I have written in an upcoming song, I have always had a thing for RAP (before I knew some of it was mainly known as hip hop). When I was a kid living in the UK I got into a duel with my friend over who memorized do the bartman (a Bart Simpson rap song in The Simpsons' casette a longgggggggg time ago) the most. I would never miss Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, never. I will never to admit to this but I actually liked Vanilla Ice especially in Ninja Turtles 2 GO NINJA GO NINJA GO. I remembered anecdotes about MC Hammer when he came to town one of them being an older cousin who didn't wash her face cause MC Hammer's sweat fell on it.

I knew Public Enemy!

But didn't know exactly who they were exactly, only that some people considered them to be dangerous to listen to as if they're gangsta rap (sheeesh). I jumped to Kriss Kross' jump when it came out. Fuck I lived in KL (keramat to be exact) for about a year and got a touch of hip hop in me - when I borrowed 4U2C's (okay not TOTALLY hip hop) cassette from the Indonesian maid next door - a listening moment I had to disown once I moved to the dirty south, seriously bruv never risk getting crucified for listening to rap, it's fucked up, hahuha. I totally digged Nico's songs and especially his rapping although for some reason I never really got into KRU. Maybe a few listens, but the Cinta Metropolitan movie was kinda funny, especially when some girl got jealous of some dude who got with some other girl in a party and she ended up sitting next to Edry who was playing his acoustic guitar and Edry promptly strummed the guitar and went with a falsetto - "jaaaangaaaannn jealous! jangan jealousssssssssssss" (I can sing this to anyone who wants an idea of what it sounds like just request, like we malay dudes say, no hal punya). And and and some might not believe this, I actually listened and acknowledged the Krash Kozz song when it first came out on radio, it was the first propa local english rap song I've listened to (putting aside the lame KRU attempts). I wished I had heard of Naughtius Maximus but fuck you industry they got banned, I would've been way cooler in life if I had listened to them early on but nothing's ever too late for anything and everything tring-a-ling-ling.

Shit I don't know what got me writing all this shit - all of a sudden, maybe it's the nostalgic effect of being about to spend raya in the good old hometown. What do I look forward to during raya? No more raya money for me. Of course, cute ass chicks in baju kurungs. Mmmmmmmmmmm. Where ma homer at?



Girls are so cute. Why are girls so cute? Shit. I'm punching my way out of a sponge thinking of how cute wimmin can get. Mmm.



So on that note happy raya to you mufuckuz, don't watch too much bullshit on t.v except for footie, watch cute gurlies in traditional dresses instead, beatch. Have a nice one and uh don't forget to:-

cupid you're fucking *having a laugh* at work

More cute girls selling kueh, I get confused which one's the savoury.

think it over

Sitting down with a hot ass not lookwise, wet hot anal hole fresh from a good session of chilli shit - you know what it is don't front. The things I would love to do right now. Rescue a mixed heritage girl from the surroundation clutches of teenie skinny hipster boys of colour with white boy syndrome big messy hair, lousy tight pants, and generally horrible looking tops. I'll smash they ipods, get them occupied, decoy, distraction. Gurly come with papi I got the goods. We'll make sweet sexytime as I discover she's not a virgin but is still tight - like a 7-year old's ass. Or drive by in my army unit hummer a bus station in a posh hood occupied by two stunningly hot caucasian-infested-asian young but legal chicks in hot pants. Or not, maybe I'll look a cute malay chick in the eye and spend the next few weeks having conversations, no not the stupid when i was a kid you know muh granma bla bla blabbergas ala sunset sunrise whatever movie but just continous flirtations on and on we can do this till we fall too much in love we get high and start doing things to each other we would never have done if she was a nun and I was a buddhist monk. But I'm sorry, darlings, it's nearly the end of the season, I need to win me some silverware and maybe plan future transfers for my team in Football Manager 2007. *cue ladies looking dissapointed and hot*. I say yo, for real gurlie, give me a few hours (12-24 give or take), then we can cuddle. We can look at the stars and I'll point out which one looks like your nipples the most. We can wake up and look at the clouds, I'll point out which one looks like your breasts the most. We can go to middle earth and look at the eye, I'll just straight up point straight at it and say that definitely looks like your pussy the most. And then maybe, just maybe, we'll have breakfast together, and I'll get back to my FM. *insert gurlies looking angry and hot*. For real yaw, I updated this shit with the latest transfers right up to the TRANSFER DEADLINE! *insert gurlies in bikinis looking not impressed*. Okay I give up bimbos, and Liz Lemon. Ooh Liz Lemon. You look like Winona Ryder except not like a dude, with less character which is good, natural boobs. You probably make a lot of money but you're always busy it's okay baby I'll go with the flow use the time you spend in the studios to catch up with my FM. But when you free, baby you're gonna have all of me, every single cholesterol, every single damaged split-ended hair, every single pheromone glands. You make the bimbos jealous, but my charm'll make the bimbos content, cause they love me, especially the one with a big fucking gun for a leg. I can't stand it when she sweats. I need psychiatric help right now, most fittingly from a psychiatrist who looks like a cross between Tina Fey and Rose Mcgowan, is single, and wants me badly. Guess what lady, you can fix my mind up, cause I made my mind up. What? Later at night in your bedroom, you're gonna find out.

emo acoustic guitar looping over a drumbeat, white boys getting dumped

Every morning, I mean afternoon, I mean ergkh evening when I take a shower, I would bend down to look at the short-ass Malaysian mirror and just stare at my face. And I'll be like yo that's a good looking dude right there like DAYUM, cute handsome pretty macho whatever whatever, he's got it. I'll be straightening up myself again and be like DAYUM and then I'll take a mean shit. You see, yeah it's true, I'm good looking as a mufuckah but why do girls not fall in love with me? I'm good looking as a butterfly who hasn't been crushed by the curious grip of a dennis the menace hereditaried child. I'm good looking as a muthafuck.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make myself look better or maintain a high self-esteem, none of that bullshit, it's just the truth. My point is actually, that wimmin have fucking bad taste (I hear "word up" from dudes everywhere). Fucking bad taste. Look at the music and movies yawll be all up into, and the kind of shit yawll be up into, what the fuck. Yawll have major bad taste. And I mean I don't wanna generalize but that's the truth. Then again the music the movies the whatever the whatever it's all subjective but when a heavenly soul like me is single and not loved by wimmin all over at least this country something is EVIDENTLY wrong with them tastebuds of wimmin.

Wimmin, get your shit togeva.

destination ruby soho

God gave me three chances to find a girlfriend. School, university, and mirc. In school I was too stupid and blur to react when this one chick who had mad body (mantap in bahasa melayu), firm tits an all'at was interested, you lost son. I slept too much in class, some girls might find that cool but I was too slow to react. I lost. In university I lost again, I didn't go too classes, some cases I won't go to a class for a whole semester and still pass cause I got good friends who will sign for me and fill me in on assignments and shit, then again I still lost. I might've had some sweet moments playing games and football in the evening, going to hardcore gigs and other stupid shit malay dudes do in university but I still lost, no pussy for me. Mirc came and went, I got a chick who I actually went out on dates with and called my girlfriend then she played me, got this other chick who I totally did not meet in real life which does not count, they both was playin' it was stupid now I lost again. Mirc is dead now, it's still there but it's dead, kinda like hip hop, well it's not really dead, just irrelevant. Now we have instant messengers and friendster myspace what whatevers, it's hard to have a game in this shit cause first off you actually have to put pictures on your shit nahmean, in mirc you don't have to have pics, you just ask a girl out and she's stuck with your ugly ass for a day wakhugnjkuhga or she'll be cybersexing with a jabba the hut she won't know it. You also have to be very clever at playing the game, you see chicks in mirc all day in channels they're always there but with these new more personal shit shit you have to time everything right, you can't private message them too much, and tha'ts just yeah bla bla.

There's some advantage to being a big ass fat muthafuckah, like people remember you, I'm not too friendly but people will remember me, some people I have only chilled with once remember my name even. There is a disadvantage, people will stare at you for no reason, in this country people are small so they stare at you, especially when you're carrying a big ass cpu across a hotel and a mall, they stare and stare at you. I mean me. One dude was staring at me for a minute, I'm threw the cpu at him, he kept on staring, with blood on his face and all. I took the cpu and walked away. I looked back he was still staring. So I went to the atm machine to check out hot chicks, I just love hot malaysian chicks. Another advantage is you know in malls you have those dudes and dudettes who give out flyers, they usually wouldn't dare to give it to you, either that or they think I'm poor and can't afford the spectacles they're offering, oh wait I don't wear glasses, maybe that's why, hmm, on another note, one time a taxi driver told me I needed to swim and that was the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me - to my friends who were sitting at the back, laughing in their minds, I can hear you assholes, assholes.

I used to have a tuition teacher who looked like Elvis. I think I've storied this before but just be a nice human and pretend I haven't. He was the funniest dude ever, stuck in the past and shit, she asked us if we had a kugiran, yes no one not trying to be ironic use that word anymore kumpulan gitar rancak, he said he used to be in one. He was also a charmer knows how to speak to your parents and shit. Unlike the other tuition teacher who was a square social inept dude but can really teach and make sure you get your shit togetha. Elvis dude was a conman, who just ran away with my parents tuition fees. Gotta thank square dude for makin' my spm grades quite respectable, dude actually gave a fuck about some negros.

The funniest thing about elvis dude was he would teach me biology by reading through book. It'll be like he reading fotosintesis adalah makanan ruji terhadap enzim enzim yang berada di kulit rama-rama then I'll be like macamana tuh? for no reason other than I'm sleepy and be like whatever let me off already I wanna go to mirc and cybersex some random chick already then he'll pause for a while (reading the next sentence and memorizing it OF COURSE), then he would read the next sentence to me but as if he's not reading and he's actually saying it wakguaeuhgeahkkuhga you get me? I'm like duh we're reading the same big ass book here, wtfz?! wuhakhugehahgaeuga you get me? wtf that's the funniest shit everr.

your mum buys your bling

"now i got the whole world swinging from my nuts, damn it feels good to be a gangsta" - geto boys

Man Utd kalahkan Chelsea nampaknya, tapi Chelsea main 10 orang ah.

Masa mamat ref tuh bagi kad merah aku dah dapat baca mulut dia "this one's for the special one"

Obi Mikel memang ah tak tackle kad merah tapi mamat tuh cibai kia. Aku rasa penyokong Chelsea pun benci dia. Padan dengan muka kau dan rambut rumput tebal kena tiup angin kau.

Chelsea dah jadi milik Abramobic sepenuhnya, mulai sekarang nickname sudah menjadi nama betul - Chelski.

Chelsea akan menang semua perlawanan dengan pertolongan topi besar orang Russia tuh.

you dare to look me in the eyes, choose him over me, is better than text messages

Korang semua tahu aku suka korek telinga aku dah cakap banyak kali tapi sebelum dua hari lepas dah lama aku tak korek telinga. Sekali aku godek laci mak aku pastuh cilok cotton bud dia segenggam, aku korek sambil tengok tv. Memang takde bende best kat tv, bila ada bola aku pulak yang takde kat depan tv pantek betol, ada je kene pegi mana mana what the fuck. Sebelah tangan je cukup nak korek telinga, sebelah lagi pegang remote. Fuh, best tuh best sebab dah lama tak jolok tapi rasa lain sebab, yeah sebab taik tuh warna coklat cadburrys punya kaler, ini memang jelas stok dah lama gila tak korek punya hasil, fuh rasa lega dan best, nak bau tak buleh pasal bau taik telinga tak se-best taik hidung, tak feel. Sekarang buleh turun bawah. Oh aku korek telinga lepas dah berbuka puasa okkeh jangan maen gila.

Aku belum beli baju raya, aku dah tinggalkan zaman baju melayu aku guna je baju yang wajib tempah masa konvo dulu. Sekarang aku beli baju biasa je, sebab selesa dan bak kata aku dalam keta aku dah disown culture baju melayu sebab material dia hagam tak selesa. Aku pun tak faham. Maybe nanti bila aku jadi perdana menteri Malaysia aku tukar semua bende, menteri-menteri yang kena pegi meeting luar negara kena represent to tha fullest dengan memakai kain-kain pelekat dan pagoda. Kita kumpul tukang-tukang jahit terhebat senegara dan bagi budget sikit suruh derang invent kain pelekat yang gempak, yang ada poket, yang ada tempat letak tali pinggang, yang ada tempat letak pistol, dengan kat belakang buleh sangkut sniper sebijik.

Pasal aku rasa kain pelikat cool.

Samurai pakai apa? Lebih kurang cam kain pelekat kan. Pagoda tuh semua optional, kau nak pakai jersey Chelsea pun suka hati kau ah, itupun kalau korang belum tukar kelab sebab Mourinho dah chow. Apa guna Chelsea kalau takde manager gempak macam Mourinho, aku dengar manager baru kroni Abramovich, tak lama lagi semua player Chelsea kena bela misai Stalin.

Semua orang perlukan seseorang. Aku perlukan awek nama Coko penyanyi utama dalam group SWV dengan Shanice untuk nyanyi kat aku sambil diarang bugil slow slow. Whkaugnjn,avkja. Mereka sungguh cumil what the fucking hell. Aku cakap pasal nyanyian. Serious.

AKU SERIOUS DAH BOSAN DENGAN 4-5-1. Daripada zaman bila Man Utd dah main main dengan formasi tuh apa hasil? Tak pernah ada hasil yang bagos, jadi hopefully dengan Saha dan Rooney dah balek silalah guna dua striker. Sorry ah Giggs memang player yang mula mula buat aku nak sapot man utd masa aku muda dulu tapi sekarang dia dah nyanyuk dapat bola je dia pass kat player lawan. Sorry ah Giggs, aku kena cakap Welsh ah kat sini sebab dia my Welsh bredren. Uhuk. Uhumm. Oi Giggs, gakhkha wuyu iaiadj ailailw hdhdhd wuwuuuuu jvbuipq kasam, Giggs u mndqo ppp oi oi ksaksks kfkfla, okay? kskjdf aaal fjfjfjf lalalala jffueue iaiaiao aiwiiwa nfa analks alksks ksa iiw wqoiwqoi oiw iasi asiasoiwoqi qwio wqio asioasio aoa ioaioas ioas asioias ioasasioqwioq wioqw oiqw ioqiosaio saoias qwoi qwi nfda nfnjg ng utur rup qpiwqipq f, I mean wakl uo awowqo nadnme,mqjkkjqf fefe, but you know what it is, it is what it is, it's aljks q qoiw ankndm,aijlqweqoi qnklsdoioq eoieq kndalkladqoiwe qioqio qioo wqiwq, huaua aiioa awoiawi oao afnsdmnm qoiqwf laknanla lakna wash yow goddamn neck waufak anjasm, am,asohqwo qoiqjl a, as,n aoiq oiq qn,alnadfo eqoieq e jn df,m df,m qeoiqowe iq dsajnd nad,noqie qeoi dajkl dajqeio eqdnj danlqeoihe qol dsj,n aqeohi eqoiudajn danad lj dajl qeoi qedal adl,j ihqeoeq odasja, okay I guess that's all I gotta say Giggsy, and always remember qhafauh ohaqoouq haujka hja homie! BEST TAK ENTRY MACAM NIH KAKAK EDAH? WKAHGKAEUKHGEUKAGHKUAEHGKAUHKGA.

if i ever get to sweden tell the german chicks ill brb

IF I EVER GET I
You know your mind is missing movies when you start dreaming in screenplays. Remember that british movie love, actually where they follow different characters in different situations/places? Something like that was my dream a few days ago, it was bizarre, it was like I'm watching with my eyes only an inch from the screen - a stupid artsy fartsy movie that follows 50 characters every 20 minutes one-by-one back to that back to this back to that again bla bla bla. I'm not supposed to dream shit like this, I mean where the fuck did this come from?. Yes I've been abandoning movies for Entourage a month ago and then 70's show episodes watched in order recently. I also realized after watching 70's show systematically that I've watched nearly all of it in the past though not in the best order.

In another dream, throughout the whole thing I had The Clash - tommy gun playing in my mind. It's funny cause I don't listen to that song much and I don't even remember how it goes but somehow my subconciousness seems to remember every bit of it and pitched it to the music director of my dream who approved it as the score. Maybe my subconciousness is crying out to me telling me I've been abandoning it, like "doggy, you been slackingj oireaidxcnou jehla j n2 31ds cj;a.

You know you're old when you're watching 70's show and you're siding with Red all the time. I remember clearly a few years ago when I was watching Eric wanting to marry Donna, I was all go Eric go for the sake of love, but watching it now it's like yo Eric you a dumbass. How about when Donna was supposed to go for college and Eric in his heart wanted Donna to not get on the bus. Donna eventually out of her own will did not get on the bus. Back then it was like awwwww how lovey dovey, now it's like Donna you're a dumbass. Only now do I get to understand the parents, now you understand why young people are fucking idiots. Dumbasses. [red]Your ass is vacant and my foot is looking for a room[/red]



IF I EVER GET II
This one is for this month's feel. Back in the days there was this Imam dude, he had a Neighbour. During his time you can't get caught drinking so Neighbour dude drank privately while singing drunkfully ohhh theyyy abandonn meee theyy abandonnn meee.. if only they knew what theyyy abandonnnnneddd (well something like this). I mean nobody should be able to hear him but Imam dude did as you know these were in those old ghetto housing estates where people lived close to each other.

Neighbour dude would sing each time he gets drunk, usually after work, and Imam dude would listen except one day when it was all silent.

Imam dude was curious so he went to the mosque (if I'm not mistaken) and asked about. Dudes around the mosque was like yo Imam dude, Neighbour dude got taken captive by the guards yo, he got caught drinking and shit.

Imam dude was like okay, he got on his mule and went straight to the Khalifah's palace. I mean during these times they had a million guards surrounding the palace which would be situated in the middle, but Imam dude was so powerful and respected they would let him ride straight through to the Khalifah. Fuck it's like me driving my car straight to Pak Lah's room, that's how much respect everybody had for Imam dude. I'm like damn, this Imam dude.. he's the shit! He ain't nuthin', just a modest dude with a lot of knowledge, he don't got no fancy position or connections, he's his own man, his own boss, but everybody respects him like a mufucka. Straight to the Khalifah homie, the Khalifah is his homie? You got connections? Well he got more connections.

Okay too much there back to the story .. so Imam dude was like yo Khalifah let go of my neighbour. The Khalifah was like yo, you got it Imam dude. Dapped it up. Imam dude picked up Neighbour dude on his mule. Neighbour dude was like wtf what's up?

Imam dude said something which goes something like "Yo, have I abandoned you?"

Neighbour dude was like, dayummmmmmmmmmmm. From that day on he stopped drinking, he's happy now. He a good muslim now, boi.

THE END

So you see I know it's a simple story but to me the most important thing is the gestures. Imam dude is a fucking IMAM, yet he is the opposite of the majority of muslims you know in this world. You would think an imam would tell a drunk that he's going to hell and should stop fucking drinking or his ass gettin' beat. Or simply just report him to the authorities. But fuck me, he got dude out of jail, and he didn't even say a word to dude about his drinkly habit. Level of judgmentaliting - 0, level of religious ass analness - 0, level of religious annoyance - 0, level of coolness - 100%. Who is this imam dude? well he is only one of the infamous four imams of Islam, his name Nu'man.

Put Visors In They Rings

I was reading this blog the other day, well this afternoon actually - and dude was complaining about some malay cashiers not having enough change for a 50. Well, truthfully I think this is a national problem. It's too ironic that we've been "merdeka" (free) for 50 years (some say) yet some of us can't hand over 50 dollar notes without being bothered by "takde duit kecik ke?" (don't you have small change or something buddy?). How FREE are we, really? You tell me.

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I was clubbing the other day, well I didn't actually, but let's just say I did. I was dancing the night away doing the flash-dance-mc-hammer-hybrid-dance thingy when a group of 10 lovely ladies hounded me sporting hostile grimaces "we heard you dissed sean kingston in your blog". Oh it's something like the transformers fiasco, all over again. It's not easy being a popular blogger, I once criticized A&W for slow service and the A&W bear flew all the way from a Grizzly Man documentary spinoff set to convince me otherwise. "Yo girls, I got nothing against dude, he even looks a bit like me, I mean, the song isn't .. errr . don't hurt me.. the song isn't too bad too .. it's just it's just it's just I prefer listening to Chuck D ignoring Flava Flav on a banging beat!". That put a smile on their faces. I started to dance with them, after about 15 minutes or so the DJ gleefully played the suicidal song. I jumped up and down, so did they, I smiled as wide as Chyna WWF's clitoris, so did they. I shouted "It's OUR SONG", they shouted back "IT IS IT IS!!" excited as hell. I declared "I CHANGED MY MIND THIS SONG SUCKS LEE MAJOR ASS I PREFER RIHANNA'S ELLA ELLA EH EHH EHHHH FUCK ALL Y'ALL WOOHOOHOO FUCK ALL Y'ALL FUCKING CUNTS IN BLACK DRESSES TOO MUCH MAKEUP HAIR TOO STRAIGHT HIP POP FUCKWANK SLORE WHORE WHY PAY MORE BEATCH!" .......... I know I'm dead .... "hee hee just kidding" they smiled, I smiled, we danced the night away, we took three cabs home and I showed them my 50 dollar note.
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I mean yo seriously what is the root of the problem here? Why isn't this regarded as a serious problem? Are we serious about making our country a developed nation by 2020? For real dawg, you want flying cars? robots to mow yow lawns? teleportations? As long as I still have to hear "takde duit kecik ke bang?" (don't you have small change at all, yaw?) whenever I put out my 50 note, doggy I apologize but we'd have to put all those on hold.

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Sleepy wank? The best. Just now I had a machine gun firing away at my head and it felt good. Sometimes, I'll have all kinds of random shit just flying away through my mind after a good sleepy wank. I don't really need drugs, my hands are Pablo Escobarx2.
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I'm a nice guy, I always try my best to offer exact payments cent-for-cent, but when I run out of 'em I'll only have 50s. You know what RM50 dollar notes are like? It's like a dildo. Yeah, it's exactly like that, like you're handing out dildos. You pass 'em to a female cashier she will look at you half-wtf? / half-thankful. You pass 'em to a guy he will be half-pissed-off / half-wtf? Fuck that, even this -- I encourage anyone reading this to buy a dildo and pass it to a cashier they'd prolly hesitate less to give you some change. Poor 50s.

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Kanye West VS 50 Cent
Hipster VS Corny
Who do you think will win? Well you wanna know what I think? Yeah, Cam'ron will win! fuck all'a'yall, WOOP WOOP WENG WENG NENG NENG BEEP BEEP tutti frutti lutti tutti
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I don't blame cashiers too, they don't have enough 10s up in that bitch, it's not their fault. I blame the government although they might mean well, always let down by their sick sense of humour though. Ooh we are a multi-racial country and we are not racist and if you ask us why our ruling party is divided into three colours YOU ARE the racist because we don't see colours we only see three bodyparts forming like wu tang clan when they formed like voltron. One is the dick, one is the right balls, the other left. The people, are the body. We care about them deeply. We love the people, too much, we want them to interact with each other more than the people in any other country do so that is why we have devised this ultimate plan of action in which we fuck up the balance of our currency so cashiers and consumers will have more correspondence. By 2020 everyone in Malaysia will have interacted with and know each other. We will be so close to each other that we will start to look exactly like each other, so basically when Singapore starts to wage war they would be confused and stand fuck all chance, I mean they'd be like "What? everyone look like each other, this ain't no Malaysia, this is China, we don't be fuckin with China, they've got kung fu shaolin bruce lee and shit, fuck we outtie outtie pz.."

Okay I am very sleepy right now and I can't wank with urine in my balls. I think this entry sucks. You see I just got this surround sound system for my powerful PC. And I'm starting to wonder, okay, if I place the speakers to surround myself I would feel like I'm in the thick of the action right? If I place the rear speakers infront of me when I'm watching porn would I be feeling like I'm hitting it from the back? Likeee thaaaat. Give that a think or two while I sip on plain water. Okay I meant hitting the female from the back you fuck. Ergkh.

Let's say the other day I went on a date with a vegan feminist.
"you're eating a dead being you know?"
"well, I'm honoured"
"i'm not joking, it's just not morally right"
"plants have feelings too, and you're snapping the neck of one right.. about.. yes.. now.. I don't sense a moral righteousness in what you just did" (I had to let out the secret weapon early cause I'm tired of this shit and I just wanna get it over with)
"okay don't try to be a wise-ass"
"wow you're such an intellect"
"seriously back off my case"
"you were the one ON my case"
"well let's just get off each other's cases"
"no I don't have a case to get off in the first place, beatch"
"don't call me that"
".."
"good"
"beatch"
"you are so immature, and i think you're an MCP"
"what's that?"
"MALE CHAUVINIST PIG"
"is that a bad thing?"
"you think?"
"what do you have against pigs? what's that at the window??!!! oh that's your consistency thrown away"
"hmhphlfdksaldkjhf"
"I ethered yow ass son"
"what?"
"I beat yow ass"
"i don't understand your slangg .. HOWWWMIIEEEE .. just quiet down, finish that thing you're eating and we can split in peace"
"you don't wanna fuck me?"
"no"
"I mean, you don't .. wanna .. fuck .. ME?"
"i'm not in the mood"
"if you were you would?"
"maybe"
"even if you think I'm not morally righteous"
"i don't have time for this.. *signals for check*"
"you're paying?"
"no you are, though i doubt you will"
"you know me too well, i love you"
"i love you tooo eahkg wait what?"
"oh yes, you love me, I'm a meat eating chauvinist dick and you love me, you can't help it you wanna sex me up you wanna lick the chicken juice off all my fingers and lick them back onto my cock you lowly cunt"
"what?"
"okay maybe you don't, I need to go to the toilet"

*I ran away from the restaurant
*The next day I ran into her at the LRT station

"ah-ha, you ran away from paying for our tragedy of a date"
"it WASN'T a date"
"then what was it?"
"it was me having dinner with a stupid bitch"
"that's not too polite is it? i'm done talking to neanderthals like you"
"YOUR pussy is neanderthal"
"what?"
"YOUR .. HAVE .. A .. PUSSY .. AND IT IS - NEANDERTHAL! NEANDERTHAL PUSSY!!"

*she hissed and walked away, haha that beatch got shut the fuck down
*the next day I ran into her at the LRT station again

"you again"
"please, miss alba, I totally regret my past behaviour, I wanna start over with you"
"it's too late, baby"
"oh so now you're acting all cool EYH? neanderthal pussay"
"ok ok we'll start over"
"yes that's how it is, what it is, you know what is is, beatch, I own yow ass, you my private boat and shit, I OWNZ your ass I can wet yow ass anytime I want, now bend over while I fuck you with people staring"
"yes master"

The moral of the story is - I have always aspired to be a romantic comedy script/screen writer and have sent over my masterpieces but the suits just don't understand my art. They say it's a bit too long-winded and heavy and bla bla BOO HOO HEW HEW KITTY FUCK you are is don't know what it is, you don't know anything at all, fucking douches.

I hate them all. I wanna lie down and punch my curtains now.

Pretty

"You have pretty eyes" said the photo shop camerawoman. Later on I looked at the developed pictures and those wasn't my eyes, it was as if someone photoshopped Elizabeth Taylor's young eyes onto mine. Fittingly enough, I woke up.

I once had a friend who had pretty eyes. The teacher told the female students to never look into his eyes for too long or they will fall in love. So the female students didn't and if I was my friend I would be damn well pissed off and consider injuring the particular teacher's motorcycle.

If I had pretty eyes, girls will tell their girlfriends "i looked into his eyes, now i can't come back". They would of course be LYING as they will be going BACK, to their condos/apartments. Me trailing so I could look at they asses cause they don't have eyes as pretty as mine.

If I had pretty eyes, as I'm taking a shit I would stop for a minute(this takes skills, beatch) to look in the mirror then fall in love with myself, go straight to bed with myself and wank the night away. Of course for these string-of-events to happen, I wouldn't really need pretty eyes.

If I liked a girl with pretty eyes I would say "you have pretty eyes, I am lost in it" and continue looking at it. She would blush. I would add "I really wanna fuck right now". She would be like "fuck what, my eyes?", I would be like "why not?", she would be like "you're right, why not", I would be like "why not, indeed". I summon the spirit of Japanese people and Bob Saget - may the fucking of her eyes be blessed by thee and thee.

As I'm writing this my winamp suddenly shuffled to The Pogues - a pair of brown eyes for no reason. with a pair of brownnn eyesss.

I'm looking at my eyes again, are they really not as pretty as the dreamed picture. No they're not, they're very regular. Oh well, at least I won't have teachers telling chicks not to look at them, that would piss me off greatly.

Where have all the nouvo bimbos gone - I'm blogging about blogging, I'm officially a blogger!

The roads are darker - brand new, manholes are being patched up due to elevated tar, some trees are trimmed. Kids, the elections are a-coming! I would love to give a fuck but if I gave a fuck the fuck will end up nowhere and I'm better off keeping the fuck to myself. I'm building a prison cell for my fuck so that it'll never stray. Fuck all'a'yall, fuck me.

I'm comfortable this way. When everything is fucked up, it won't make much of a difference if you fuck up, so you can basically fuck up all you like as long as you know how to spurt excuses which comes naturally since they say I have a little bit of malay blood in my welshness.

A lot of bloggers love to blog about blogging. I've read some blogs of people who I think are douchebags and they just love to blog about blogging.

Well fuck that, to me, the essence of blogging is = female + bimbo + gossip. That's the main reason I started reading blogs back in 2003 or suttin'. I did start my own blog but it's NOT WORTHY. This blog is just for me to scribble. Look, back in university I'd have a small sketch pad in which I would scribble whatever to get through class. This blog is my small sketch pad to get through life. You don't really have to give a fuck about me or what I'm writing, cause yeah well fuck whatever bitch yes cunt. But a proper blog, the supreme optimum chosen race blog is all about female + bimbo + gossip. I think they're extinct, every bimbo alive have been brainwashed by douchebags into thinking they're not good enough and now they think too much and start to even think about the meaning of life.

You fucking douchebags, I'll shove a hose up your ass and squirt hot coolant fresh from an overheated car engine through it.

Let bimbos be bimbos, I love them, I loved their blogs. I loved the gossips and the stories and shit, oh yeah that bitch took her best friend's boyfie, that slore thinks she's cooler than her she stared at her and she backed off, she went clubbing the other day and some whore was feeling up her boyfie she bla bla that bitch is a cunt that whore is a slut bla bla bla lots more I can't think of anything cause honestly, I'm merely a male specimen unworthy of trying to think like you, dear bimbos. It takes a higher level of intelligence only Einstein could figure out if he went further with his 4th dimension study.

Thanks to the douchebags, they're a dying breed, everybody has some form of made-up intellect these days, everything has to have a thing about it that is a thing that makes it a thing. Well fuck off, bring back the bimbos. Bring back the ruthless gossips. Bring back the i-got-backstabbed-by-a-whore stories! GALOREEEEEEEEEEEE!! Bring back the fucking monkeys! Kill any blogger who don't include the words female, bimbo and gossips if they're writing about blogs or blogging.

Look to make you understand better:

Humans
Chosen race = whiteys, jews, and arabs

Bloggers
Chosen race = bimbos

And no I don't wanna hear about shopping or products or hanging out with friends, I wanna hear about backstabbing sluts, clubbing, sluts, cunts, and whores.

There's probably a lot of fun I'm missing, so if you know of any blogs keeping this old school tradition link me up I'm running out of blogs to enjoy.

And don't give me tranny blogs, I know they're fun for a while back then when I was an intern bored in the office with nothing to do *kosser mak*. But at home with a lot of wanking and crying looking at all the friendster/myspace chicks who will never pay attention to me - to do, they're not that great. You can only know something's great when you'd be going out your way to enjoy it. Like the bimbo blogs, back in uni, I would have a research thesis to finish which is very tempting since I just LOVE DOING WORK wakhuegaddhdauhkga but I would go out of my way and spend a few hours to read bimbo blogs for inspiration. Run out of money to pay for the cyber cafe. It's okay I'll have time for the project, I could do it tomorrow, I could extend another semester, no problem, bimbo blogs bring it on. End of that.

So what's up with this whole hype about having adverts in blogs and making money off it. It's quite dope innit. Well as long as it doesn't make your blog look like a pile of shit, cause I've seen this one blog belonging to this super "religious" douchebag who I swear will eventually end up in hell. "but I'm religious and shit?!?!" STFUSTFU DOUCHEBAG *THROWS DOUCHEBAG INTO HELL*. His fucking blog is a fucking mess, the ads were distracting as a mufucka. As much as I would like to thank his inability to have accessible content on his blog as it avoided me having to read his shit and get pissed off, a douchebag's a douchebag and he should get shut the fuck down.

BLISS

IS singing along to Boyz II Men's "fallin'" while treading the planes of oblivion using the daedroth's massive physique as shield against the long range shock of spider daedras after slaying daedra princes and guards with my self-enchanted *pedang pelanchau.

Listening to Public Enemy's new songs in the stereo then stopping by the local supermarket. Walking past the entrance as the newest hits of today dominate the ambience (specifically that "suuuuicidalll" song) - this is reality welcoming me back to it - IS knowing I only need to face all this till I finish paying for the maggie. And then I can go back to the car and tell reality to shut the fuck up.

IS eating that maggie while reading a Tucker Max article about trying to buttfuck a hot chick. Halfway through savouring the cocaine noodle comes the not-expected-but -should-have-been-expected part where the hot chick shits herself, dude gets shit mixed with lubes on his dick, dude phukes on hot chick, hot chick goes wtf then phukes, secretly planned by dude cameraman plunges out the closet and phukes, and finally, hot chick phukes while cursing and trying to stand failing miserably then falls into a pool of shit, lubes, and phukes. At which point noodle is finally finished and I'm licking my lips.

Let's go to the moon where they have misplaced that shop from the past in seremban that had chicken chops that rocked my paedo aged groins

Aku memang penyabar walaupun hati aku cepat panas atas sebab genetik. Walaupun bila drive keta. Walaupun bas pukimak kat belakang nih flash flash suh aku laju padahal aku kat lane paling kiri pegi ah potong dua lane kat sebelah aku kosong, bahana bahalol.

Walaupun kereta kat belakang nih horn suh aku jalan kat trafik light padahal lampu hijau baru muncul dalam 0.001 saat pukimak pantat kau tak geti sabar kau ingat aku tak nampak ke puki enggkau aku pakai cemin mata hitam yang mahal lens dia terang bodoh bukan macam cemin mata sungai wang kau yang tinted macam cibai pasal nak sorok kenyataan yang dia takde nilai-nilai penjagaan optik yang piawai, pantat.

Walaupun awek kat keta sebelah nih chun gila pastuh balak kat sebelah dia yuppie macam bagus pakai shirt putih dengan muka pukimak dia, padahal tah-tah dia sebnarnya dia ok tapi saje je nak bengang pasal ada awek cantik kat sebelah dia sebab kat sebelah aku hanyalah ada wallet dengan handphone aku yang aku letak situ sebab aku tak selesa drive dengan diaorang kat dalam poket aku.

Walaupun macam-macam senario lagi.

Tapi .. semua kesabaran itu buleh hilang dalam sekelip mata, kalau aku tengok bahasa kita dirosakkan. Bahasa itu cermin budaya.

Mengayat itu bukan kelebihan aku, tapi aku ada kuku yang nampak macam milik kaum hawa, dan cakaranku lukanya dalam macam pantai dalam

Step foot on the wood panels towards Balmora's entrance. Realm of vision, base of two specific-gender exploring devisers I am to meet. As I concentrate on the agenda, out of fucking nowhere glides a headwrapped cutie seed to one of the two. Only two seconds of meaningless eye to eye glaze can a shy male specimen collect. Not enough to command my heart but just the right look to warrant physical adoration not involving boobs and ass. Yet the heart is blue by age and by tomorrow I will forget all this. But only till obligation requires me to come back and if blessed by her presence again, rekindle the most fucked up feeling in the world, hopeless idolation of cute ass females. You fucking cute females. You fucking. Torture muthafuckah what. What's a fat, broke and ugly negro to do. And she will say if you didn't spend your cheese on a big spinner-equipped bulk of digital pleasure you won't be broke enough to not at least impress a yeast between my two a-cup it seems breasts. And I say, beyeatch, I only need to impress a hair on your eyelashes to be at ease with myself. For that face is from muthafucking heaven. Paradise. For the sake of reality, I hope you're not married, for the sake of taboo lusting imagination, I hope you are.

If I park my shadowmere mobile and hit a curb that is the fault of my mind wandering away on your soft soft skin softly softly admiring every single sweat glands you possess. Haha what the fuck.

If I spend tonight zombie travelling the roads of serene west side KL I will come across legions of biker mice from mars. Like the emperor's very own horse unit they scower the land protecting our soil from heathens. Heathens who do not erect the "american" flag on their apartment balconies or semi-d gardens, local car rooftops or Japanese motorcycle rears. I say freedom is a lie but the queen of MY country would say please at least honour the freedom fighters. They do not know politics, they only know that tomorrow, they want the people in their village to be able to live peaceful lives. And that if those rifle wielding imposing muthafuckaz come they shall get fuck all so they can fuck off. Please respect those who lift their fists and stomp their flip flops to say fuck off to our fucked up enemies. Screw the "american" flag.

Milk Gets Me High

Again, woke up from a dream. It's so bright, my room. All the lights are on. And so to switch them off I floated towards all five, one by one. Fuck. Again, I'm still in a dream.

Dear Doggy,

I don't have anything against you. But your voice straight up scares me, petrifying. Come on doggy, you know I had to park on the grass opposite your house cause there's no space left near mine. And you fucking well know that all those 4 ghetto doggies who guard the street and stay outside, they cool with me. Yes, even that dude that looks like a wolf + fox hybrid (what's cooler than this?). Everytime I get out my car, sure they can fucking chase and bark at me anytime they want, but they cool, they be givin' me the approval look as if they be telling me in low tone voices "aiyo whut up dawg .. we chillin' .. goin' home already? aight, safe".

Sometimes they bark at my car when I'm passing by sometimes they don't. I get it, whenever they do they just wanna scare the flies away so the flies don't end up in my nose. They cool with me doggy. They chill. You? whassup with you? are you just pissed off you're not as free as them, locked up in those weenie black gates, or are you a napoleon? with your small ass physique.

But your bark homie, that shit don't fly with my bladder control. I can't describe it, it's a bit husky, a bit distorted, a bit oddly-timed, ALL HORROR. It's like you figured it out dawg, you figured out the sonic dread assault.

And what's with barking at me from when I was outside the car, to when I'm walking through the back alley, through my street, and while I'm opening the house door. I can't even begin to concentrate on twisting dem keys, yo.

Please, I might be going back out in a while, I will be within your radar.

Please, I beg, stop barking.

Please, I am only human.

I can't go through with this. Celia, pass me dem happy pills.

Hey Sucka Flya

I was surfing the net while picking my nose just now when some kind of unnaturally big sized dust or something entered my nosal system and I had to pick harder to get it out. So I felt a dejavu.

One time I was shopping for clothes, a big ass fly flew straight into my nostrils with the speed of an x-wing. It was so deep inside I had to phuke it out onto my tongue and then spit it out. All the while maintaining a poker face so as to not let anyone at all suspect that A FLY JUST ESCAPED THE WORLD INTO MY NOSE AND I HAD TO SPIT IT OUT.

With that being said, I'm flying to NY tomorrow in my private jet to shop for some fresh threads.