Monday, September 10, 2007

Put Visors In They Rings

I was reading this blog the other day, well this afternoon actually - and dude was complaining about some malay cashiers not having enough change for a 50. Well, truthfully I think this is a national problem. It's too ironic that we've been "merdeka" (free) for 50 years (some say) yet some of us can't hand over 50 dollar notes without being bothered by "takde duit kecik ke?" (don't you have small change or something buddy?). How FREE are we, really? You tell me.

I was clubbing the other day, well I didn't actually, but let's just say I did. I was dancing the night away doing the flash-dance-mc-hammer-hybrid-dance thingy when a group of 10 lovely ladies hounded me sporting hostile grimaces "we heard you dissed sean kingston in your blog". Oh it's something like the transformers fiasco, all over again. It's not easy being a popular blogger, I once criticized A&W for slow service and the A&W bear flew all the way from a Grizzly Man documentary spinoff set to convince me otherwise. "Yo girls, I got nothing against dude, he even looks a bit like me, I mean, the song isn't .. errr . don't hurt me.. the song isn't too bad too .. it's just it's just it's just I prefer listening to Chuck D ignoring Flava Flav on a banging beat!". That put a smile on their faces. I started to dance with them, after about 15 minutes or so the DJ gleefully played the suicidal song. I jumped up and down, so did they, I smiled as wide as Chyna WWF's clitoris, so did they. I shouted "It's OUR SONG", they shouted back "IT IS IT IS!!" excited as hell. I declared "I CHANGED MY MIND THIS SONG SUCKS LEE MAJOR ASS I PREFER RIHANNA'S ELLA ELLA EH EHH EHHHH FUCK ALL Y'ALL WOOHOOHOO FUCK ALL Y'ALL FUCKING CUNTS IN BLACK DRESSES TOO MUCH MAKEUP HAIR TOO STRAIGHT HIP POP FUCKWANK SLORE WHORE WHY PAY MORE BEATCH!" .......... I know I'm dead .... "hee hee just kidding" they smiled, I smiled, we danced the night away, we took three cabs home and I showed them my 50 dollar note.

I mean yo seriously what is the root of the problem here? Why isn't this regarded as a serious problem? Are we serious about making our country a developed nation by 2020? For real dawg, you want flying cars? robots to mow yow lawns? teleportations? As long as I still have to hear "takde duit kecik ke bang?" (don't you have small change at all, yaw?) whenever I put out my 50 note, doggy I apologize but we'd have to put all those on hold.

Sleepy wank? The best. Just now I had a machine gun firing away at my head and it felt good. Sometimes, I'll have all kinds of random shit just flying away through my mind after a good sleepy wank. I don't really need drugs, my hands are Pablo Escobarx2.

I'm a nice guy, I always try my best to offer exact payments cent-for-cent, but when I run out of 'em I'll only have 50s. You know what RM50 dollar notes are like? It's like a dildo. Yeah, it's exactly like that, like you're handing out dildos. You pass 'em to a female cashier she will look at you half-wtf? / half-thankful. You pass 'em to a guy he will be half-pissed-off / half-wtf? Fuck that, even this -- I encourage anyone reading this to buy a dildo and pass it to a cashier they'd prolly hesitate less to give you some change. Poor 50s.

Kanye West VS 50 Cent
Hipster VS Corny
Who do you think will win? Well you wanna know what I think? Yeah, Cam'ron will win! fuck all'a'yall, WOOP WOOP WENG WENG NENG NENG BEEP BEEP tutti frutti lutti tutti


I don't blame cashiers too, they don't have enough 10s up in that bitch, it's not their fault. I blame the government although they might mean well, always let down by their sick sense of humour though. Ooh we are a multi-racial country and we are not racist and if you ask us why our ruling party is divided into three colours YOU ARE the racist because we don't see colours we only see three bodyparts forming like wu tang clan when they formed like voltron. One is the dick, one is the right balls, the other left. The people, are the body. We care about them deeply. We love the people, too much, we want them to interact with each other more than the people in any other country do so that is why we have devised this ultimate plan of action in which we fuck up the balance of our currency so cashiers and consumers will have more correspondence. By 2020 everyone in Malaysia will have interacted with and know each other. We will be so close to each other that we will start to look exactly like each other, so basically when Singapore starts to wage war they would be confused and stand fuck all chance, I mean they'd be like "What? everyone look like each other, this ain't no Malaysia, this is China, we don't be fuckin with China, they've got kung fu shaolin bruce lee and shit, fuck we outtie outtie pz.."

Okay I am very sleepy right now and I can't wank with urine in my balls. I think this entry sucks. You see I just got this surround sound system for my powerful PC. And I'm starting to wonder, okay, if I place the speakers to surround myself I would feel like I'm in the thick of the action right? If I place the rear speakers infront of me when I'm watching porn would I be feeling like I'm hitting it from the back? Likeee thaaaat. Give that a think or two while I sip on plain water. Okay I meant hitting the female from the back you fuck. Ergkh.

Let's say the other day I went on a date with a vegan feminist.
"you're eating a dead being you know?"
"well, I'm honoured"
"i'm not joking, it's just not morally right"
"plants have feelings too, and you're snapping the neck of one right.. about.. yes.. now.. I don't sense a moral righteousness in what you just did" (I had to let out the secret weapon early cause I'm tired of this shit and I just wanna get it over with)
"okay don't try to be a wise-ass"
"wow you're such an intellect"
"seriously back off my case"
"you were the one ON my case"
"well let's just get off each other's cases"
"no I don't have a case to get off in the first place, beatch"
"don't call me that"
"you are so immature, and i think you're an MCP"
"what's that?"
"is that a bad thing?"
"you think?"
"what do you have against pigs? what's that at the window??!!! oh that's your consistency thrown away"
"I ethered yow ass son"
"I beat yow ass"
"i don't understand your slangg .. HOWWWMIIEEEE .. just quiet down, finish that thing you're eating and we can split in peace"
"you don't wanna fuck me?"
"I mean, you don't .. wanna .. fuck .. ME?"
"i'm not in the mood"
"if you were you would?"
"even if you think I'm not morally righteous"
"i don't have time for this.. *signals for check*"
"you're paying?"
"no you are, though i doubt you will"
"you know me too well, i love you"
"i love you tooo eahkg wait what?"
"oh yes, you love me, I'm a meat eating chauvinist dick and you love me, you can't help it you wanna sex me up you wanna lick the chicken juice off all my fingers and lick them back onto my cock you lowly cunt"
"okay maybe you don't, I need to go to the toilet"

*I ran away from the restaurant
*The next day I ran into her at the LRT station

"ah-ha, you ran away from paying for our tragedy of a date"
"it WASN'T a date"
"then what was it?"
"it was me having dinner with a stupid bitch"
"that's not too polite is it? i'm done talking to neanderthals like you"
"YOUR pussy is neanderthal"

*she hissed and walked away, haha that beatch got shut the fuck down
*the next day I ran into her at the LRT station again

"you again"
"please, miss alba, I totally regret my past behaviour, I wanna start over with you"
"it's too late, baby"
"oh so now you're acting all cool EYH? neanderthal pussay"
"ok ok we'll start over"
"yes that's how it is, what it is, you know what is is, beatch, I own yow ass, you my private boat and shit, I OWNZ your ass I can wet yow ass anytime I want, now bend over while I fuck you with people staring"
"yes master"

The moral of the story is - I have always aspired to be a romantic comedy script/screen writer and have sent over my masterpieces but the suits just don't understand my art. They say it's a bit too long-winded and heavy and bla bla BOO HOO HEW HEW KITTY FUCK you are is don't know what it is, you don't know anything at all, fucking douches.

I hate them all. I wanna lie down and punch my curtains now.

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