Sunday, March 20, 2011

hikayat merong mahawangsa review

so i watched this movie, here's what i think:

it looks very dark, i mean not dark dark, but dark dark. it's like watching the ong bak sequels (which sucked) with 3d glasses on. i don't know if it's to get some wayang kulit swag on but yeah, bad for the beautiful scenery, but good for the menacing foggy geruda lair

the narrator is rushing it. can't blame him though, he's probably doing it at the station with a train to catch

the audio for dialogues is loud as fuck. it's unique in the sense that it differs from most movies that are annoying with their soft dialogues and loud music contrast but still it's way too loud. either that or the actors in this movie really can talk over a landing airplane

film critics nitpicking on the language shit piss me off. they forget that it's pretty much whatever. so what if the main dude does not speak malay fluently, what is fluent malay. most of the time i watch a malay movie acted by malays they speak an alien language that sounds only vaguely like the malay that we speak daily anyway. it's really whatever-goes especially since it was set in a time where we don't know what the fuck they would speak like and if we did we wouldn't understand it so language in this movie is strictly all about just getting points across not about being authentic or faithful

while we're on about that, the script was pretty decent

the fight scenes were good

the local actors did good. the foreign actors were not bad too

story was dull but i wouldn't know if the source material was already this abc

when i first watched the youtube trailer i thought to myself, that's pretty much the whole movie. after watching the whole flick i was all yeah, that's pretty much the whole trailer

the villain dude is good and funny, with some harun salim bachik + kadir (from kadir doyok) swag on. his commitment towards pervertism is ovation-worthy, i mean his last words were "kelazatan embok masih terasa hingga kini" (my loins are still quivering from the lusty memory of embok's deliciousness... something like that) homie didn't even think twice about having that as his last vocal contribution to planet earth

all in all, an okay effort. i wish they had upped the mysticism in this one, just go ballistic with the crazy purbakala shit. like have taxi drivers carrying civilians on garudas or jentayus (giant birds), or have the old villain dude wear an actual living tiger as his headgear. i don't know, maybe kemawas or whoever the younger villain was could be filmed raping female dinosaurs to satisfy his monstrous carnal requirements. shit i really don't know, maybe wacky historians have a better idea

i guess the makers were more focused on making this comparable with hollywood epics but let's face it except for their technical ability and resources, 75% of the time hollywood sucks anyway. which is why anyone with the opinion that we have a long way to go before being on par on hollywood piss me off. fuck that shit, just do good malaysian movies. fuck that, just do good movies and entertain that's what it's there for. there is no actual standard set by hollywood except maybe technical and aesthetic ones, other than that, blergh

Monday, March 14, 2011

tanda-tanda kau kurus sangat

mamat nih buat tanda-tanda anda semakin gemuk, so aku nak buat isu terbalik, kalau kau mengalami semua ini maka kau tuh dah kurus sangat:

bila kau berdiri tengah-tengah hujan, kau tak basah

kau balik kampung melawat mak bapak. time dinner masa kau hulur pinggan nak nasik, mak kau amik pinggan tuh campak kat syiling pastuh letak periuk nasik kat tempat kau

kawan-kawan kau dari sekolah dulu yang setakat contact kat facebook je berpusu-pusu telepon ajak kau keluar makan

orang yang kau tak kenal telepon ajak kau keluar makan. orang yang tersalah nombor pon ajak kau keluar makan. strangers yang selisih dengan kau kat pekan ajak kau keluar makan. kucing liar pun ajak kau makan whiskas dengan beliau

kau nak bayar lolipop kat 7e akak tuh tengok kau, lari ke sana, lari balik ke kaunter, hulur 50 paket roti yang dia tengah peluk "akak belanja"

everytime kena tiup kipas angin kau end up kat negeri lain

tiap kali kau makan, perut kau buat kenduri kesyukuran, siap sembelih cacing pita dua-tiga ekor

tiap pagi kau tengok cermin bila kau mengiring nak tengok side view kau nampak cermin je

kat kolej kau tengah berdiri tunggu makwe/balak, makcik cleaner tiba-tiba capai kau nak topup penyapu lidi dia

ok byez