Sunday, March 20, 2011

hikayat merong mahawangsa review

so i watched this movie, here's what i think:

it looks very dark, i mean not dark dark, but dark dark. it's like watching the ong bak sequels (which sucked) with 3d glasses on. i don't know if it's to get some wayang kulit swag on but yeah, bad for the beautiful scenery, but good for the menacing foggy geruda lair

the narrator is rushing it. can't blame him though, he's probably doing it at the station with a train to catch

the audio for dialogues is loud as fuck. it's unique in the sense that it differs from most movies that are annoying with their soft dialogues and loud music contrast but still it's way too loud. either that or the actors in this movie really can talk over a landing airplane

film critics nitpicking on the language shit piss me off. they forget that it's pretty much whatever. so what if the main dude does not speak malay fluently, what is fluent malay. most of the time i watch a malay movie acted by malays they speak an alien language that sounds only vaguely like the malay that we speak daily anyway. it's really whatever-goes especially since it was set in a time where we don't know what the fuck they would speak like and if we did we wouldn't understand it so language in this movie is strictly all about just getting points across not about being authentic or faithful

while we're on about that, the script was pretty decent

the fight scenes were good

the local actors did good. the foreign actors were not bad too

story was dull but i wouldn't know if the source material was already this abc

when i first watched the youtube trailer i thought to myself, that's pretty much the whole movie. after watching the whole flick i was all yeah, that's pretty much the whole trailer

the villain dude is good and funny, with some harun salim bachik + kadir (from kadir doyok) swag on. his commitment towards pervertism is ovation-worthy, i mean his last words were "kelazatan embok masih terasa hingga kini" (my loins are still quivering from the lusty memory of embok's deliciousness... something like that) homie didn't even think twice about having that as his last vocal contribution to planet earth

all in all, an okay effort. i wish they had upped the mysticism in this one, just go ballistic with the crazy purbakala shit. like have taxi drivers carrying civilians on garudas or jentayus (giant birds), or have the old villain dude wear an actual living tiger as his headgear. i don't know, maybe kemawas or whoever the younger villain was could be filmed raping female dinosaurs to satisfy his monstrous carnal requirements. shit i really don't know, maybe wacky historians have a better idea

i guess the makers were more focused on making this comparable with hollywood epics but let's face it except for their technical ability and resources, 75% of the time hollywood sucks anyway. which is why anyone with the opinion that we have a long way to go before being on par on hollywood piss me off. fuck that shit, just do good malaysian movies. fuck that, just do good movies and entertain that's what it's there for. there is no actual standard set by hollywood except maybe technical and aesthetic ones, other than that, blergh


LazatnyaUmi said...

Yup trust Amir Hafizi to come up with that delicious one liner..

I wonder berapa kali dia ulang hehe.

"Masih ku ingat kelazatan Embok dan kehangatan tubuhnya di malam yang hot itu.." or something like that

and the guilty look on embok's face as she remembers how she had enjoy it too..hehe

Penonton lelaki yang tak tidur pasti terasa terangsang membayangkan kelazatan bertubi-tubi tikaman Mawas..

Penonton wanita pun ada yang squirm nervously squeezing their thighs.. ramai tak suka umi sebab dia nampak sangat enjoy sama memberi kelazatan kepada Mawas.

Filem melayu memang syok dari dulu lagi bila penderhaka kepada raja bermain di istana dgn dayang-dayang yang cantik dan muda.

" Cepat buka baju mu!" to the shy dayang.. exciting all the anak dara and mak cik. Words can always excite women u c.

"Cepat telanjang!..." oops that s just my imaginative scripts..hehe

mmmmm..... way to go amir hafizi..

if you need help with the kelazatan we are all here for you..hehe

filmcritik said...

That's the problem with Malay filems. They lack real practical konwledge and write script based on school boyish imagination which is not saying much.

The producer is someone who is not interested in women. How else could he let go the most beautiful Malay women and a Miss Universe at that!

So you can imagine Yusry lack of sexual experience.

Then Hafizi lack of experience with real woman shows when his insult to Merong consist of the one liner quoting kelazatan ummi.

A producer with real passion for women and real practical knowledge of handling and arousing women would know that men looks for the power as they slowly caress the helpless Ummi, watching with lustful hunger at the unwilling Ummi writhing with shame as she slowly surrender.

Betapa Ummi sedikit demi sedikit menyerah dengan rela..dan bernafsu sekali.

Betapa Ummi kesal kerana menyerah dengan ghairah kepada Kamawas expertise in handling women.

Compare this with Rashoman by Kurosawa. How the husband was driven to suicide when the bandit aroused his wife so much.

That is cinema, catching the moment of blisful and lustful surrender of a beautiful women like Ummi. Not just a one liner about kelazatan..ada cokelat dibibir Ummi ke bang?

To add to Merong outrage, Kamawas should describe slowly bagaimana Ummi telah dilucutkan dari pakaiannya, rasa kulit licin yang akan Merong rasai...

Producer juga sepatutnya ada flashback saat-saat genting ketika Ummi dibogelkan oleh Kamawas..ala CSI.

Lagipun ini cerita purbawalla.. filem lama2 Melayu dulu lagi berani menunjukan baju kemban Ummi dengan perlahan dilucutkan dari bahunya yang cokelat licin jatuh ke tumit. Baru stim. Baru Merong hot.

Intipati cerita atau climaks cerita adalah bagaimana Kesultanan Merong bermula. Tapi cuma 3 saat refer kepada saat itu.

Tiba-tiba filem dah habis Ummi dah mengandung? hah?

Tak mungkin itu anak Merong kerana Kamawas lebih awal dan lama menikmati Ummi.. so asal usul adalah berat kepada lanun.

Lagipun perempuan yang merasa nikmat lebih senang mengandung anak lelaki ikut petua orang Melayu.

So final advice guys.. go get some real experience with women k.. so your script is more believable.