Thursday, April 30, 2009

am'a suck yow bluud

super draculaic badass. and yawll wonder why i'm wet soaking gay for this guy. this guy eh. (throw serious cat out the window for a mo').

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

and that negligee that you wearin' is tight

i learned this morning through a bbc show that old school karate masters can make you move at his will using only his own movements.

jahllknow there's a ninja cat around my house, dude is gray in colour. there's this other dude too, i think it's a dudette though - who i am pretty unsure about. at first i thought she was also a ninja cat, probably named after a type of flame because of her orange undertones.

but she ain't too fahckin' subtle now innit bruv.

she's upfront as shit. while the grey fuck is prowling around usually unnoticed she would simply wait and watch, very noticed. a few days ago she fuckin' meowed and motioned her way into me holding out a finger and getting it scratched to a prickly cut.

the new info that has somehow managed to establish itself into my shy attention span about old school karate secrets has made it possible for a new light to be shed on this particular creature. turns out this is the one and only, notorious, infamous... okinawa karate cat!

if you didn't already know, karate masters would call upon this secret ancient art of theirs to confuse their dueling counterpart and make them bacdafucoff. their enemies would be like 'why the fuck did i just back the fuck off?' and the master would be like 'exactly........bitch' without even talking. and he would gracefully end it with a 'now piss off biatch', using only his eyes. wow.

that's what i am, a bollocking cunty biatch. but i am honoured to be in the presence of a true master who does not only use movement, but also sound, which is another martial arts element. sound is a weapon often underutilized, apparently not by this okinawa karate cat. infact i am pretty sure she has way more in her arsenal. she would leisurely employ a combination of any of her ancient abilities to suitably manipulate every millimeter of my movement.

'that's right bitch where's my food, that's right no no no no piss stain you don't touch me, i touch you, yes bitch, yes, now get back in and close the fucking door like the gutless spine-depraved jellyfish that you are...'.

Friday, April 17, 2009

i see no use in wondering why

2 minggu lepas aku tengah drive kat ldp ke nkve, either or lah kot, kalau serentak samada aku macam dr. manhattan buleh wujud kat dua tempat sekaligus ataupun highway tuh sendiri yang dr. manhattan buleh ada kat dua aliran kereta sekaligus. wow. anyways, aku tengah drive cruisin' je nih cruisin' macam kemana jua ku pergiiii janji kau tetap disisiiiiiiiiiii tenangkan minda dan hatiii just cruuiiisin', erm. wow.


cruise lek je. sambil tuh pasang lagu boyz ii men aku lek je sing along macam burung, gila feeling nih macam student akademi fantasia pun ada ooh ida nerrreeenaaaaaaaaa gorjes sungguh cikgu vokal tuh pun apa kurangnya anyways ye ah tengah gwa syok layan lenggang lenggok melalak lagu boyz ii men ada awek kat billboard iklan nih pandang lain macam, aku macam hek eleh, aku terus pandang depan and uttered "man fuck you my singing is dope".

aku suka jalan jalan dalam shopping mall. nak shopping tak gheti. ada sekali tuh aku kene shopping, macam separa terpaksa ah, bepoluh poluh den, macam babi, yelah apa orang putih kata sweat like a pig, padahal aku tengok pig tuh lek je warna merah jambu. sometimes lepas 2-3 kali jejak mall aku dah leh separa hafal lah infrastruktur mall tuh kira macam mana nak pegi sana sini bla bla bla macam tuh ah, kebanyakan mall concept dia mudah wenang je biasanya konsep bulat, bulat like a roundabout. bulat like my pengetua sometime ago.

tadi aku layan berlari kat taman tasik mana tah, neat jugak ah taman tasik tuh. kira petang nih pesta vitamin d, apa buleh buat cuaca sangat bersetubuh, ferry nice weather. rasa macam nak cium matahari tapi kalau aku cium nanti jadi macam vampire yang keluar rumah tengahari. haha kononnya lupa dia vampire rilek je rasa cam nak beli bawang kat kedai runcit sekali melecur gelabah terus masuk balik rumah. apa barang vampire beli bawang nak buat omelette lah kunun. bongong nye vampire makan omelette, kau ingat omelette tuh darah ke, kena gelak dengan michael j. fox a.k.a. teen wolf baru sedar.

hari tuh aku berdiri kat tengah tengah the curve pastuh jerit your skin is so soft mihita! kuat kuat. padahal aku tak buat pun.

lepas tuh aku pergi maybank keluar duit.

hari tuh aku gi one utama tengok fast and furious sorang sorang, ini hobi sebenarnya. tapi aku terlupa bawak baju panas. rupa rupanya itu bukan isu paling penting, yang paling penting ialah kaki tuh yang patut di baju panaskan sebab memang sejuk dia attack kaki dulu dowh. kau tak tahu ke? kalau kau tak tahu kau memang macam aku hari tuh, kalau kau tahu kau macam aku sekarang.

hari tuh jari aku injured sob sob sob. nak kata sakit takde ah sakit sangat tapi cam injured ah nak gerak tak leh. jangan kata tak sakit memang ah tak sakit sebab aku tak usik. walopun tadi kat tengah jalan jalan kat tepi kolam yang banyak kura kura aku leh cuba nak bunyikkan jari yang injured nih wow wahkuhukhukeaga baru kau tahu erti pain. memang sakit, dah lebih seminggu dah macam dia belum heal habis. dah seminggu aku tak angkat berat. nak kata dah seminggu tak finger awek tak leh lak sebab sebelum seminggu tuh tak pernah finger awek pun betul tak. fuck gila tak pernah finger awek, apa buleh buat tak pernah ada awek yang teringin nak difinger oleh aku. kalau tiba tiba ada memang ironik lah sangat, tapi takde lah ironik sangat sebab padahal jari kiri pun buleh guna ye tak. isk.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

and now it's kinda funny

fuck me i'm so boring. again, not bored, boring. i'm boring myself out. that's why i can't blog. i don't even dream nasty things anymore. although last night i beat a kid up for sprinkling some water on my forehead. i thought it was poison, i travelled so far in a flying car to the professor, he said it was just a stain, the kid probably sprinkled stain on my forehead to embarrass me. so went back and showed him what's up you don't ever sprinkle stain to embarrass me dunny, get up get bucked get beat the fuck up. we had thor on our team and he's in giant mode, kinda like dr. manhattan when he super sizes himself. we can't lose with thor on our team because in this made up universe thor is an immortal and if you kill him he'll just fly back from the afterlife to life and fuck your whole shit up for real. but their team has the highlander, okay he's immortal too but if i cut his head up he's gone, he's only immortal in the sense that he can live forever unless if he's killed, which basically means he can't really live forever, but he could. are you getting all this clear. btw here is a picture i snapped while peeking in the toilet, I SAW DR. MANHATTAN TAKING A SHIT:

what a sight. Except he's THE fucking mutant, he does not need to take a shit. maybe he's just sitting down enjoying a gaping hole below his anus. you don't get that everyday if you don't shit everyday or if you don't sit on the toilet bowl for no reason everyday. i mean have you ever tried wanking while sitting on the toilet bowl, if you haven't you should try it. email me the results. i think i've tried it once, there was a foreign sensation that differs from the norm. you know what, i actually have to be somewhere else right now, maybe we can continue this later. oh by the way, what should i eat today? same old same old or different new different new. mmm. okay i'll be buck aight.