Friday, July 31, 2009

i'm misty eyed

i just received confirmation from miss magenta that when i was small i looked just like malcolm macdowell.

haih. what to do lah. hee hee hee. hnsfrgh (idung kembang).

Thursday, July 30, 2009


"go easy, step stay free"

i like this quote so much i put it up on my white board. does it have any relevance to me? not really. i can't relate to any part of the song at all. if you do the science on the context of the song, "stay free" probably meant "keep yer arse outta prison will ya bruv".

why do i like the song and that line so much. i feel good whenever i listen to the song, and i get goosebumps most of the time when that particular line comes skying in. for no reason relating to the gist of this sweet punk composition, at all. i just like it cause i like it, it's too plain and simple, really. not that plain and simple could have an extreme for plain and simple simply means plain and simple and that's the only way i could explain this.

people like phrases that make sense and sense of things. i like those that just sound nice to me, myself, and i. it doesn't matter if it waywardly tickles the logic like darth vader ironing a shirt in the middle of the ocean, or if it's not really einsteiny or if it's the opposite of a passage worded like shakespeare's love letters to his favourite bird. as long as the like part of my psyche approves, it's good.

i guess it's because i stand for mostly nothing. and i am as simple as a fucking wall.

i'm not that deep of a person. if i was the sea you could sail through me with your own two feet and only an inch of your pant's bottom tip lifted.

bapap aduduup bappadupdpappa paa pdapdapapdapppa (ella fitzgerald scatting in a louis armstrong voice).

but this also means i'm a fool. an absolute fool. not in control of everything within his own self. well fuck it, if it makes me all smiley let me be a destinationless speck of dust floating with the randomity of an infinite amountation of mathematical equations tossed in by aliens from different planets of different galaxies to merge together and disperse distinctively all at the same time, in outer bollocking space.

let me burn myself with the atmosphere, let me be that endless bottomless infinitar lavendar jelly ordering a parade of its veiled bouquet all around your angelic subsistence. let it be that i ask and expect, of and from, you, nothing but a tinge of made, if not your day, your hour, if not your hour, your minute, or a second, even if just a milisecond made, and my essentia will be more than answered for.


anyway, now i will go and play basketball with the tosai masala and ayam tandoori and teh tiga layer still lingering in my tummy. although i did take a good warm shit to spew some load off. oh well i will still have to go and strain my quads, anything to keep myself hawt. wahukuhkga. smile baby smile.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

gentle morning rain

malam tadi aku tengah berak ada benda kecik kat perut aku. nampak macam sayur dia cam warna ungu campur hijau sket so aku ingat sayur, sekali aku sentuh sikit dia terbang. rupa-rupanya rama-rama haha.

memang hidup itu indah kalau jet pipe cebok kau dah kuat, memang buat aku tersenyum. bontot aku pun tersenyum.

Friday, July 24, 2009

please, please, please let me get what i want

oh perempuan cute, saya macam nak cakap kat dia "girl when i'm with you my muscles are so relaxed i might be unrealizingly taking a shit right now" pastuh kena tampar dengan dia sebab perkataan "unrealizingly" tak wujud.

tadi saya pergi beli barang-barang nerdery. saya baru dapat duit sikit so apa lagi teros ke mall yang digital. dekat papan putih saya ada gambar saya masa kecik, sungguh beautiful. how did something so beautiful grow up to be something so me. apa buleh buat, biarlah keindahan ku dahulu tersimpan dalam memori dan fotografi.

orang yang kenal aku tahu aku penyabar, kalau dalam keta aku lek je kalau orang lain kurang ajar. tapi kekadang bila aku sorang aku suka carut sensorang, carut dengan nada cool ah. macam kalau ada kereta cut que aku akan cakap CUE CUTTING CUNT pastuh gelak sorang-sorang pasal semua perkataan dalam gelaran tuh start dengan C, macam CUE CUTTING CUNT! (T tuh kasi bunyik tajam and pekat at the same time baru effect best), CUE CUTTIN CUNT! hee hee hee CCC. padahal que start dengan q. fuck.

dulu masa aku kecik saya mengaji kat kedai atas. dia macam kawasan rumah kedai yang kecik selalu kat neighbourhood. kat kedai mamak tuh tempat saya beli air tin 4u2c. ada sorang mamat nih dia suka makan maggie, dia kata kat saya tak bagus makan maggie nanti rambut gugur. rasa macam maria ozawa bagi saya nasihat jangan buat seks.

aku pernah lawan bolasepak manila dengan kawan. dia team pahang, saya team selangor ke kl tak ingat. kawan saya tuh pernah camping kat belakang rumah aku sebab rumah saya corner lot so banyak ruang. malam tuh dia ajar saya camna nak kencing berdiri, pastuh masa dia kencing ada kelawar terbang keluar dari toilet. aku ingat aku nih batman tapi batman kelawar dia ramai. saya jerit kat kelawar tuh "DATANG BALIK BAWAK MEMBER SAYA NAK JADI BATMAN". kelawar tuh buat muka tak layan and cakap ... DINCH!

Friday, July 03, 2009


since h1n1 is all the fuss right now lemme share my experience as a member of the first batch of zombies. yeah i was in before the hype.

you see it was 1-2 days after i got back from the land that betrayed their european ancestors back in the days to become the most powerful asshole in the world in recent times. 2 weeks there so i kinda missed home, got some plans for the weekend, infact i was already deep in the village hometown when we got the call to go back home for some checkups.

i was a bit pissed. anyways, i got home, i kinda live alone and i had to stay alone cause i put this address when i was on the plane so they're gonna come-a checkin' here and i can't be movin' in with the fam and shite.

when they rung the bell i was in the middle of a sweet ass afternoon nap. dude, when i opened the door it was like a fucking movie. two nurses in full biochemical gear (or what i would've imagined if i was cracko'd enough - two astronauts trying to abduct and bring me to their new alien masters they encountered while exploring other planets for the russian goverokayistopnow), nearby the van was one of those basins with the bio hazard logo on it. i still wonder what went on in my neighbors' heads if they ever caught a glimpse of this scenario cause what was going on in my head as i was thinking about what would be going on in their heads was the opposite of not suspicious at all about me turning out to be a potential zombie or THE HOST.

one of 'em went in cautiously and did a checkup on me. i was cleared for today but she said i still have to be quarantined and gave me all the government documents stating so. i also have to check myself daily and sms her every morning. she gave me a thermometer and shit. and yeah, the smsing every morning gave me some experience needed for my future girlfriend, so my future girlfriend whoever you are, rest assured that i am not too inexperienced when it comes to understanding the frequency needed in relationshipal communications.

now comes the funny part, i don't remember touching anything at all that she brought in see. so imagine the hilarity breakdancing throughout my nerves when she said "oh shit, you've touched these things so i have to leave 'em here". well not exactly in those words but yeah, she had to leave a truckload of plastic gloves and thermometer covers that could supply a small clinic for a week simply because she hallucinated me touchin' 'em. i don't know about you but this to me is hilarious, oh okay imagine me feeling up that bag filled with clinically thingies because i like the material it was made of. wahukukga where the jizz did she get the impression that i touched that shit. dizzzym. and tell me why would she be bringing in that much plastic gloves and shit anyway, what in case i get all monstery and start lashing out she could throw plastic fucking gloves at me in self defense? i must stop thinking about this. anyways, yeah when she made that "you are a scary zombie and everything you touch must not be taken out cause it will turn into small infectious maggoty things and shit" statement, i was half muttering this in my head "why thank you, this will do wonders for my self esteem". keeping sarcasm to one's self is a blessed form of meditation, i guess.

so soon enough, she left after giving me her number. another good experience. see ladies in the clubs, don't think i'm inexperienced when it comes to receiving female telephonial numbers.

another funny bit, as i was witnessing her and the other nurse putting some things in the bio hazard bin, putting on a straight face, and handling everything with caution and care (yes, they were putting in the documents that i had to sign in those csi evidence bags with the uttermost tip of their fingers, or nails, even) because you don't want to fuck around when you're within the proximity of a contagious beast, i saw the van's driver. he was a plain clothed mamat (dude) with a stereotypical badass malay moustache, get-for-free-at-events cap, wearing no bio protection at fucking all. imagine the contrast, in the passenger seats were the casts from an outbreak movie (or a movie titled simply enough outbreak from 1995 haha) and just look to the left a little bit, the driver, some dude who just woke up with a shit-what-now face and a total nonchalant disregard for whatever that's going on around him. he couldn't even be bothered to stretch his face muscles a little bit to at least project a concerned expression. i can just about picture what's going on in his oblivious oblivouty. pandemic? who gives a shit, if i get a flu i'll just wheelie upside down the penchala link tunnel and scare the bitch out my body.

sigh. and so, that was that. and what happened throughout the duration of me being stuck all alone at home could be recalled in just one word - angerdepressionsatonneofeggsmasturbationdumbellsandthefrickinginnernet.