Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Edah Dah Lama Tak Bwat Lawak

Penyangak: your bf still ugly
Penyangak: wakuhgkaehukga
Edah: if my anti virus dah expired, do i dl it again from download.com?
Edah: he is not ugly ok
Penyangak: just update lah
Edah: he is just not your time
Edah: i tried, its not doing anything
Penyangak: i wouldn't know if he's my TIME or not
Penyangak: what year he's trying to look like?
Edah: *type
Penyangak: wakhugeaukghaeghkeakgeakhgkuhga
Edah: piss off

Monday, June 25, 2007

Throw Your Hands In The Air, Wave Em Like You Just Don't Care

Today was funny, and beautiful in its own way.

I lost my virginity.

Oh well, I'm just gonna put the twist here and declare there's no other twist to avoid annoying ya ass like m-nite-syanalan or heroes (fuck heroes), cause I know y'all think I'm only gonna lose my virginity to some hot-ass-slut-malay-artist-chick who looks like Raja Farah in my blog banner and I haven't met her yet .. okay uh well y'all actually think I'll never get laid unless by Jessica Alba's lookalike, who's a genuine female too .. okay just kidding y'all'are playa haters, fuck all y'all.

I had my first car breakdown in the middle of the highway (I've been driving for nearly a decade). Not that I've never been in accidents, two times, minor, I hit it from the back and from the front, I covered the two basic sexual positions. But mysteriously both victims or shall I say lucky recipients of my schlong, drove away without asking for compensation. Is this a metaphor for my future sex life (if any.. God? if you hear me?)? - I can see it on billboards with a big picture of me smiling - "Bang all, pay none".

So yeah, I mean, driving home from work, interchange out to the highway, push the pedal - no response, glide to the slow lane, push pedal again - no response, emergency lane it is. Stop. Bang the hazard lights. Re-start engine. Push pedal - no response - engine down.

I didn't panic but I've never been in this situation. Luckily, the S.O.S phone was nearby, probably around 15 steps. I tried to be a dick and started actually pushing my car towards somewhere right besides the phone before deciding that it was stupid and dangerous - with all the big ass lorries fondling me and the flapping car door with its windy after effects. But I'm telling you sonn, the S.O.S phone was the first thing I saw before the clit mobile broke down, gotta say God was pissing on me with kidney stones made from freckles of luck. I mean even the weather was nice, not raining, not hot - just nice, like cape town without the muggers.

14 steps later... I have always wondered how these PLUS S.O.S thingies work, most probably it's a phone and there's a list of numbers to call. Turns out they're kinda like those apartments thingy, whatchucall'em. At first I thought I'm supposed to put a coin in, how stupid was that. There's something you can flip - what's this? - looks fun - flippety flip - oh wait there's instructions you can read dimnip, "flip that shit, wait for dude to answer, talk clearly aight" or something like that - done that. Some dude on the otha end, me complaining "ada keta rosak", "okay saya hantar ronda".

What didn't occur to me was that it could've been caused by no petrol, my petrol indicator is fucked, and I need a lot of time and money to fix that. I thought I full tanked my cunt mobile last friday but I can't be sure, I do dashboard-automate-calculate my travels - I've travelled 400 km since the last time I full tanked. Hmm. Whatever. Should've mentioned it to dude. I mean nothing was fucking up in the engine, and if it's battery I wouldn't have even been able to start that shit. Whatever.

Help dudes arrived. Confirmed it's petrol. He offered to buy for me as much as his big whatever bottle thingy could fit. It would take quite a long time. He would have to go there one direction - buy - go back one direction - go back another to my car. Well then. He bought. Let him keep the change which was quite a lot though I'm not fully sure as we don't have any tipping culture here. And I can move now.

    So basically while waiting for help. I did not take a piss .. facing the road. I did not take a picture of a topless busty half malay half arab babe. I did not try to climb the gates and see if there's anyone fucking behind the bushes. I also miraculously did not try to lay in the middle of the highway when there's no mobiles around. What a boring person I must be, even my list of what I did not do is dull as fuck.

Anyway, I had to make a move to the nearest petrol station slowly steadily quickly with limited petrol. So said "temekeseh aah bang" and waited for a truck to drive by before getting back in motion lane. Looked ahead. Guess what fucking fuck was the trucking truck? Yes dear readers, a Petronas petroleum tanker. Very funny. Whatever.

You see if you've been hopping massage parlours you'd surely come across some that offer extra services. I've been in shitloads of Petronases (Cause they sell pizzas, paus, and burgers not cause'a'tha cheap and quality fuel mind you), but I've never come across one offering extra services. This one did, this one somewhere near batu tiga. First dude offered a change of wipers which I bought cause mine was domestically fucked. Some other dude walked towards and offered, yep you guessed it you ponce - A FUEL saving liquid. Very funny, very very funny, I get it, okay? What's next? Orang minyak climbing on top of my car before breaking into a rap verse? An offshore platform in the middle of damansara? Sarah Silverman lookalike soaked in baby oil? .. .. .. ..


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Well you shall never deny God (If you don't believe in him, well, Chance) does have a twisted sense of humour, he (If you're a feminist, fuck off, HE) did afterall invent humour in all its glory whether in the form of stand up comedians or jay-z's lips or whatever or whatever and so on .. and as pointed out by Kevin Smith movies - "the platypus" and "faces during sex".

So today was a bit tiring and 0.05% traumatic, but it did put a big wide ganja-like smile on my face, fittingly enough, turned on the stereo to Bob Marley crooning I don wAAnA waaaayiittt in vaaahaaaiiinnnn.

I don't wanna wait in vain for you beautiful, can cook iron clean etc., b-cup or slightly bigger princess/queen (I'll decide a minimum age later in life).

So come now, join me in my twat mobile. For you, I shall empty my tank, everyday, forever.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Jalan Happening

Oh yeah. It's sunday, you can't say oh "yes!" it's sunday! it doesn't work that way, sundays go with yeah, not the yeah! yeah either, mind you.

Just trying to get over last night's nightout club hopping, pickup line dropping, with dan, eric and frankie. Who am I kidding, who the fuck has a circle of friends with a collective order of names like that.

It's obvious that if I did, by this morning I'd be heading towards the thailand border after refusing to snitch on frankie who just murdered eric and dan, cut their bodies into pieces for a nifty plastic bag fit, car boot, hurled into port dickson waters (Best spot, wouldn't make a difference, they've seen worse in those heavenly seas).

Frankie, not a sweat, citing hereditary reasons. He can't kill me, he'd have suicide bombers on his ass.

So before I go on further, let me get my head straight for a while.


Back to the initial point of discussion. Do you remember school days? Well I do, and I was in the stupid class of a clever school after transferring from a clever class of a stupid school. So much details. If only back in school we knew how pointless it all was.

Our topic this day triggered a memory point (scientifically referred to as cerebro medula oblingatan) of everytime I pass by, or is visiting the clever class. there would be intermitten hisses - "yesssssssssssss". This phenomenon usually occurs whenever any of the clever ones have solved a math problems, to which the population will have this inner mind gesture activated:

I never understood this particular event, because firstly - I've never solved a math problem without flipping the book upside down to look at the answer, secondly - I'm not narcissistic (sure), and thirdly - I was not badass enough.

Referring to the third point, look at it this way, in these days of WWF and rap music, it wouldn't be so painful to watch someone brag out loud, it's so.. common, it's so.. okay, yeah, okay.

But this subtle and deadly low frequency hiss, this.. yeah, is designed to quietly contaminate every layer of your ego slowly into a state of decay. A lethal blow usually administered by a character with a front, the typa front which will moan "oh no, it's not that good" after a compliment, but you don't know this, you don't realize it. This front is the perfect set-up, the perfect decoy. That illusion of humility is just a skirt, one hasty tug would reveal the private part of self satisfaction and eagerness to display prowess - expressed by a lowly hiss "yesssssss" in its perceived muted frequency can be heard from miles away.

It is a silent killer. It is a black widow the size of a birth control pill, resting in the shades of your pubic hair. Awaiting the all systems go faint buzz of carnage.

Ohh I hate all you clever students. Solving math problems. I shall go now, back to my "hood", the only place I could call home. There shall never be any subtle snakey brag murmurs here, for if there were any, it would be futile. This place I call home is too full of outburst of ala WWF and rap music showboating for your pretentious little moment to be relevant. HAH! take that you math problems solver, I saw a nipple slip today! I am the 8th wonder of the world! I am the circular universal atom ripple wave red sea feel my wrath! feel the tock tocking of my cane as I lift it up and swiftly knock the floor down! fuck you, I live better! Counseling teacher said knock you out! Fuck your hiss you fucking whore, you fucking brainiac stainiac menstrual painiac. I'll travel the whole past, I'll go to ancient rome and greece, ancient egypt, ancient this and that, just so I could come back here and brag about something else instead! you fucking smarties, I'll eat you like a burger! and lick the sauce off the wrap, and then I'll wait till it's dry, then piss on it. Take that, bitches.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

In The Streets of New York

So how was your night? Wednesday nights are always .. like wednesday nights, what does it mean exactly? .. exactly. Fucking dots. I slept this evening, so I can probably sleep late although I have to wake up in the morning. Mathematics has allowed some reckless sleeping, as if I know how to count.

I would like to talk about love, or women. Ladies. Girls. Pussies. Punani. Puncture below stomach. Female specimen. Lolitas. Minah. Perempuen. Wanita. Etc. Etc. Etcunt.

Erm. I have been having this thought for quite a long time - I've never known a female specimen, that I just gotta have, that I must have. I've had quite a few crushes in my lifetime, all look-based, I'm shallow right (in a question mark manner), no I'm not, oh yes I am. But I understand that when it comes to what you want - no use not being shallow, but what you need? Being shallow will only hurt you. Whatever that means. I didn't know most of my crushes too well, some of them, yes, some are douchebags, some are okay a.k.a so-so. Once the novelty wore off they're just pieces of meat.

Love is like a pig, I don't know what it tastes like.

At least with a pig, you know it's a pig, love? Hmm. The closest I probably got to it was my first relationship, a demented one, heaven to hell. But I know it was all a fraud. I know if she wasn't at least a bit good looking I'd probably not give a solitary fuck. Not that she's hot. She barely had ass or tits. She had pointy ears, small tongue, very very thin, she's almost like a child, do I find this attractive? Am I a pedo? I can surely smile like one. Well, she had a pretty face, that's all. What my friends would call "tak malu bawak jalan". At least. That's one.

Two, she was impossibly nice. Someone who loves you does not act like this. She's hardly jealous, highly sporting, followed me to watch 90 minutes of football - and I'm not talking about hot sweaty italian or latino man running away from each other - this is Malaysia vs. Indonesia, she's willing to talk about anything, and, uh well, she's basically perfect - like the virgins promised for suicide bombers.

Turns out as I might have pointed out earlier in this blog, she was a massive playa. Let's get back to this "But I know it was all a fraud.". I actually didn't know, and was only in full realization way later - in other words, now. Then? I totally didn't see anything coming, I was naive, I didn't understand the concept of women, I didn't know enough women. Once I started through the "rebound" phase I got to know and learnt a lot, I even faked love so convincingly I convinced myself. Now is there magic in love? I felt magic with playa gurl, or setan kecik as I fondly referred to her after the fiasco known as me trying to find her.

Magic? That's what I felt, that's probably why I said she's probably the closest I've come to the four letter word. Despite the relationship hanging on a piece of thread in the form of slightly good looks, I must've at least loved her made-up character. And the feeling albeit fake of someone like that loving you, and giving a fuck about you more than any other cockballs, is magic.

Then the rebound era. Where my shallowness reached a new high. And all magic that has expanded inside love giving it lovely strech marks - went missing, a dour taste in the mouth creeping in. I was good natured enough not to be as evil as the small devil, but still it didn't feel good. So, basically confusion is what this is about, I don't know, the fuck. What the fuck is love? Was magic ever a part of it? I'm sure it is, look at all these muthafuckaz in love, there must be some kind of magic. I miss that magic.

But truthfully, as I've said, I've never really known anyone that I just gotta have. Is this good or not? In a way I think it's good, cause the older you are the stronger your defence mechanism is. Imagine knowing someone you just gotta have early in life only to not be able to have it, that would hurt like a mufucka. Of all my crushes, the first one was the one I know least about, she's probably pretty cool despite her beauty. Yes I am a bit prejudiced, beautiful girls are vain and have no personality - irony will prove me wrong. I am ugly with no personality, irony is smiling like a wiseman at me - irony wants me to have a beauty with personality. Unless I wake up tomorrow looking like Johny Depp and acting like *insert some dude with personality*, irony will keep smiling at me. Irony will be on my side. Irony will keep nodding sluggishly at me. Haha. What the fuck.

Anyway back to the slightly emotional bullshit. If I ever get to know someone I just gotta have, will I climb out of my cocoon? Out of my comfort zone, my bed, laptop and hard disk with entertainment in abundance. My once pink now light green cave. Will I try to grab that shit I just gotta have, forget social understanding's disagreements with me and just straight fly out like a mufucka and I repeat, grab that shit?

What would she be like? I must have "taste", I mean you know she's my taste, she's not my taste typa "taste". But irony does not give a fuck about "taste", and life swings irony in and out as she pleases, now that's a fancy way of saying you never know what's gonna happen. Shit is unpredictable. So I basically never had requirements. Though I know it'd be cool to have someone who's not so beautiful to you generally but has something you see that no one else does, can cook, can wash, can do house work, can wash baby's shit .. okay sorry ladies that's too much to ask, can at least midly do some shit women always do. But well like I said, you don't know how love works, can't control it, can't do shit, it'll invade your ass like computer viruses and trojans and spywares and malwares and whatever, the difference being your ass is non-formattable. Fucking hell.

Well technically it is formattable, ever wonder how it would be like to lose memory? Fuck you can't, cause once you lose memory you'd have forgotten that you were wondering. If the pure scientists are right, if after we die we just rot away. What would it feel like to not exist? Fucking hell. This is contributing fuck all to whatever I intended this post to be about.

Curiousity, the gift and the curse. Curiousity can be a force. The beauty of not knowing what true love will be like lies in the hope that I will one day. If I don't then I hope us God fearing barbarians are right and wrong. Right that there's a heaven, and wrong that I'll end up in hell. For I will end up in heaven and live again on earth, to enjoy love and lust. Jealousy is an addiction. Being sorry for yourself feels good, admit it. Jealousy can hurt so bad. Is this dull phase better than feeling anything at all whether heartbreak or heartcum. See how I used the word "heartcum", by cum I mean you know, squirt, white thingy, haha. hihi. huhu. Man I betta sleep. Can I auto pilot through tomorrow? I hate work, I hate meetings, there's a lotta things I wanna auto pilot through.

Oh God help me. Help me.

Why do I see through all this bullshit infesting earth right now. Why do I not see a point to it. It hurts to have to put a semblance of effort into something you don't give a fuck about. I hate it. It doesn't feel right. It feels very very wrong. Very very wrong. I needed to stress that.

I need to develop a new defence mechanism. Before I leave this garden of not so eden for the real deal, I'll be half human half robot. And I don't know for sure at least now, if the human half would achieve anything other than developing the other half.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Life Is Beautiful But You're Just Pretty

This entry I dub - reviews that have no structure, no appeal, no wit, no unintended puns, no poetry, no content, no sign that the writer is trying to write something good, no humour, no insights, no philosophy, no deconstructions, no summarizations, no sign that the writer actually understood the movie and what it was trying to convey, no intelligence, no beauty, no clever use of language............. and no readers.
    "And now, for something completely different"

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I don't know why I watch all these Werner Herzog movies, I don't even like them. But I do like oogling at the nature shots - like a fucking mountain with things moving down it like larva which turns out to be fucking humans.. in Aguirre, and all the bizarre things happening on screen - like a million topless black female specimen being trained to fight by the badassistic Klaus Kinski.. in Cobra Verde. In this movie's case, a buncha Indians being commanded by Kinski - to pull a fucking 100 tonne ship over a fucking hill.

In Her Shoes
Chick flick with Cameron Diaz in it. I can't believe I actually enjoyed watching this shit.

One Tree Hill (Season 4)
Shut up

House (Season 3)
Yeah sonn. The McGuyver of our generation. Same thing every episode, "I got it" look should get on people's nerves, not me, I'm still watching it bitch, "never is just reven spelled backwards" I'm reve reven gon' leave you House. House is the Socrates of our generation. I need his guidance in this cruel crazy world. Btw, I dig cuddy yo, makes my schlongow grok-owh. I been digging the jewish look lately, I hope the local authorities don't find out, and forgive me hitler.

The Last King of Scotland
Whittaker, nice, everything else = whut-e-va.

Freedom Writers
What-e-va movie, nice ass soundtrack - Digable Planets, Gangstarr, 2pac, Wu Tang, bla bla bla, 90's on lock. The only inspiring teacher movies I enjoyed were Dangerous Minds because of the scenes where the chicano went "something something esseeiii" and "something something puttttoooo", and Great Teacher Onizuka (GTO), well I don't know, the movie was aight, the T.V series was nice, the comics I mean mangaswhateva were the shit. The Wire also had some teacher shit going, how the fuck did they make that so not corny, genius, you can't be a production crew based in America and not make teacher-student shit not corny, it's a Hollywood rule to make people phuke ais kacang. Mm, yeah, season 4 had a lotta kids, that was cool, how do you make a lotta whiny ass ghetto kids cool? You be as cool as The Wire. They made a super gay dude super cool - trenchcoat + shotgun + trademark whistle + toy boys + female sidekicks + making drug dealers shit they pants. You make a gay dude the coolest alpha male on earth you can do everything, yes, they could probably make Lina Joy love malay muslims with all her heart.

Smokin' ACES
Smokin' aces, flaming bullshit.

Erm. It's aight. Nothing much. Not bad either. Compared to City of God, nah man, nahh. Carandiru is comparable. This one is just aight. But a lotta hot brazilian chicks though *droolz like a mufucka*, I need a homer simpson emoticon here, yeah sonn.

Louis Theroux and the most hated family in america...
I luvs this guy. I like watching him trying to blend in with psychos and then debate them while they're driving to some psycho event. The psychos just love him. I like how he gets away with being blunt because of his polite and bookish personality.

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Peep Show (Season 1-4)
This show is superb. Haha. Just like I did with The Office, after watching all seasons, I instantly went back to the first episode, and like I do with Southpark, when I'm bored I'll just watch a random episode. It's basically about two best friends = housemates. A 9-5 geek and a musician geek. One gets all that a normal metropolitan life can give - a decent job, a decent gf prospect, a pc AND a laptop, a big screen t.v, an apartment, a fridge, etc etc at the expense of pussy. The other gets all the pussy - neighbour, ex-gf, random american hippie, some random chick, some other random chick, a threesome, best friend's future wife's mother ("I'm a motherfucker, literally"), and almost, almost - best friend's future wife, etc etc at the expense of any clue of normal life.

I can't really explain much, just watch it you fucks, it's on youtube, almost every episode I'm sure, my friend downloaded all from there. It's charmingly depressing, like The Office, but a different kind of depressing. Only the Brits can excrete all kinds of color from depression, oops, I mean colour. I do like the brit accent very much, it's cool, not because I used to live there, when I lived there I thought white people only had one type of accent - "mat salleh". It's because I just like it, it sounds cool, americans will say "at least we actually pronounce the words", well mispronouncing the words made english cool, all cool accents in the united states are from immigrants. I been watching too much of Brit shit everytime a yank is on screen they accent sound funny. RrrrRRRrrrR. Watch this shit you piss kidney (I got this term from this show).

24 Hour Party People
Ha-Ha, dude is the coolest, Alan Partridge rulez yo azz (He is the alter ego of the actor in this movie who played a real life guy who influenced the alter ego - that went full circle). Erm, dude is mad cool, wrote a statement with blood, record company had no contracts, no masters, Club had massive audience, no profit, New Order's sales used to cover losses. I never really liked all that post punk or new wave shit that much. Madchester gave birth to a lot of DOUCHES in this country alone, with their scarves, urgkh, that's not cool, you wanna be weather-confused? Wear a big ass jacket, russian hat, and timbalands, yes, hip hoppaz rulez yo azz, whakhuukgea. "Pussyyyyyyyy *ahhh* meow". Anyway, yeah, but this movie is nice, nice one. Lead dude is cool as fuck.

Bill Bailey - Bewilderness and Part Troll
Dude is mad funny. Improvisations are the shit. Fucks around with instruments like a mufucka.

Letters From Iwo Jima
I love the colours. The movie was cruise control for me. Not too engaging. It was aight. Ken Watanabe is still the shit.

Office Space
Well, a rewatch, one of my favourites ever, funniest shit homie. Why do I rarely update my myspace profile, I have so many favourite movies. "MmMMMm yeah, I'm gonna have to ask you to" mmMmm yeahhh.

Woah, this one is raw. I just watched it. Ray Winstone is the shit.


Notice that queer shit I did with all the "*"s, wahukgkeuauhkga I must be very depressed. That's all for nowwwwwwwww, well I've watched a lot more shit and have a lot more shit to watch. I reviewed ones I just felt like reviewing and did not review ones I haven't seen yet cause that's called a preview, nutsack. I called myself a nutsack. I have achieved everything in life.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Summer of Hope

    "House is a deity trapped in a human body - he's comfortable with not playing along, but sometimes he wonders why he can't play along, just to trick you into hoping a part of him could be human, guess again fool" - Mickey Mouse

I'm doing a short story divided into three chapters called "Summer of Hope" for my own ethereal pleasure, check it out:

Summer of Hope Part I
I just watched a music video, nice one, nice song. But it featured a loving couple enjoying themselves in a cable car, cuddling, smiling and shit. No fucking way dawg. The only excitement I get out of riding a cable car is reaching the intended location. If I have a girlfriend and we go dating in a cable car .. No we won't go dating in a cable car, ever, you wanna be romantic? book a hotel room for 2 weeks, fuck each other's brains out for 2 weeks, don't leave the hotel cause the only sighseeing we'll do is the arrival and departure hall of the bloody airport. On second thoughts, nah no airports, let's just drive out to the city or something, I'm sure there's a lotta hotels there.

Summer of Hope Part II
In the afterlife, there will be heaven / hell. I will be in heaven. And I will be paying hell a visit. Oh you betcha you muthafucking twat. I'm gonna be in there, I'm gonna borrow all of Satan's tool and I'm gonna find each and every one of you cunts who programmed viruses / spywares / malwares / trojans / whatever / whatever causing my laptop to become fucked up - I can't even open 3 word documents at a time, fuck you, I'm gonna torture all you fuckheads orgasmically.

YOU! Yeah you, come here you buttfucking bastard, I'm gonna scrape your lips off and make you eat a spicy as fuck nasi lemak without the nasi, timun, kacang, ikan bilus, telur or daging. I'm gonna make satan wear a strap-on (Just in case they turn out to be dick-less) and fuck you, through your peehole, yes the irony, satan and his flaming dildo is fucking your peehole and cumming inside where cum is supposed to cum outside, fuck you. I'm gonna ensure that you're sober as a mufucka, and then make you listen to Akon's rehearsal tapes for 24 hours, and 24 hours in hell is not the same as here dunn, it's like a thousand years or something, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna do everything in the M.E.T.H.O.D M.A.N song intro from the Enter The Wu Tang 36 Chambers album, torture muthafuckah whut? whut? JEBAOOWWWWWWW. There's a lotta categories of people that I hate, but you fucks are gonna be first in line. I hate all of you piss kidneys, and this is me being subtle.

Summer of Hope Part III
I just watched this movie The Pursuit of Happyness, I think it's despicable. The main character is an asshole and I'm not only saying this because it's Will Smith - it's because he's the salesman mlm type, a liar, a cheater, an asshole. For every one hobo lottery asshole like him making millions, 500 thousands didn't - had to send their kids to the welfare, and sell their wife to an arab. I'm not fucking around this is scientific truth, there have been researches and shit. Though I can't say it was a bad movie, they had the whole uplifting feel to it, I could've fallen for it, thankfully I didn't cause it had a funny smell. It would have been better if it was some dude who just picked a regular job, had a small home, had fun with his wife and kids, lead a decent honest life, smiled at everyone, enjoyed life for what it is, and just be naturally happy .. oh wait - yeah, even indie artsy fartsy fucks won't pick up a movie pitch like that. No wonder my movies don't sell. Not that I make movies. Bleargkh. Buck townnnnnn! home of the original gun clappazzz.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Penguin in the Sahara

You know, life is so hard.. just kidding I'm not gonna talk about life, what are you up to? oh yeah? cool, good for you, thumbs up. I been doing a little bit of that myself, except moderately, you know what they say? every moderation is a combination of observation and toleration, well I just made that up, it rhymed and all that, sounded cool, heyy.

So on to what we discussed just now, what's a blog without discussions on current issues EYH?! let's see what issues have to offer here in this lavendary garden of a nation we call Malaysia:

  • Lina Joy loses fight to change her religion status - oh yeah? oh ok, kinda aa.... expected, dontcha think? .. next

  • Bahasa Melayu is now Bahasa Malaysia again - ministry of education changing shit every now and then, just being consistent init

  • PM marries again - nothing to see here move along


Nah I'm just fucking around, I'm not gonna evade writing about things that are not random bullshit like I always do, can't I just be a proper old blogger for a while.

Lina Joy issue - Babyrina and Sexysuraya have amateur marketing teams, any local porn impresario quick enough to jump on considering this as a nickname for one of his actresses gets my full blessings.

BM is back to BM - I think this will affect only an inkling of the population, even so only when they're on screen or writing karangans. Other than that, no biggie, we know everyone here only speak either bahasa pasar or bahasa rojak, it's evolution baby.

PM marries - All I can say is, it's funny watching or reading people saying now the PM has someone to look forward to at night to hold and to bla bla bla, come man, seriously? You don't think he's tapped that ass already? you out of touch son, our PM is all that is MAN, he might not be the evil genius that is Dr. M, he might be inferior in all aspects of ruling a country........

but he is ALL that is MAN. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Our Pak Lah is the rempit of all rempits.

You ever chill in a mamak .. then a butt-ugly rempit walks by, black jacket on, holding dear to his tinted helmet, poker-faced, looking straight ahead, not bothering to probe for a place to sit his ass down cause he knows he is the lion of this concrete jungle and there WILL be a place for him, if there aren't any, there will be one made? .. he talks loud, walks with a ballsy rhythm (whatever this means), familiar? Have you ever cursed him in and out - making fun of him several ways in your mind only to :o when you see the broad clinging to his hand, attentively trailing him wherever he is going?

Yes, that fair skinned, short-haired chick with a face so cute you feel like caging her as a pet to devour, every time a piece of sand drops in the hour glass.

The mulleted warrior she admires with all her heart is ALL that is MAN, not the muscular hulk humping away an ironpiece at your gym - he's either a metrosexual or gay - either way - gay .. not the rockstar threatening to tear his guitar strap every instance of spinning and jumping - that's a faggot .. not the ghetto blaxploitated basketball jersey wearing cap funny ghetto heaven going fuck - he's a faggot .. not the something something - that's gay ......... This old lad, who does not adhere to traffic direction, or light IS, Julius Caesar, HE .. is Genghis Khan, he is George W. Bush, he is Scarface, he is Don Corleone, he is Nino Brown, he is etc. etc. etc. "The World Is Yours" tatooed on his balls, and I don't mean "The World" on the right one, "Is Yours" on the left -- both sides, same phrase dupduplilicacatetedd, provided both balls are still intact, of course.

Who am I? I am the dude, the other lebowski, I am just a product of^ HIS environment, HIS empire.

Phew. So back to the topic at hand, if you find me annoying .. don't worry, I'll get back to blogging only about football real soon.

    Oh yeah another issue is the ongoing apostacy faith whateva whateva. I want to snipe at one angle, most muslims don't have balls, they're insecure, plain dumb, you lack a lot of faith if you require anyone straying from Islam to only refer back to Islam, if you have so much faith in your own beliefs, you won't be such a coward, if you have so much faith, you won't mind that particular kafirun alrejamun bulu jembutun exploring everything cause the strength of what you believe in -- is enough. It's like love, one day you get this call from this girl you have a relationship saying she wants something different, if you're an arsehole you'll force her to be with you, if you have faith in love what is there to be afraid of? and if she leaves you for a rempit, there's no need to cut her arms and legs off, scrape her eyes out with a spoon then burn her slowly on a stove, that's what fucking cowards do, have a soup, and have some fucking balls you fuck.

    Malays like to use this phrase "BERANI KERANA BENAR", which translated literally means brave because you're right. Malays don't like to practice it. I'm glad I'm Welsh that's all there is to say. I know there's a need to point out certain things or defend your faith, but at the same time, there's no need to be a fucking NAZI, just face is, majority of muslims are fucking arseholes, is it any surprise people start to look down on muslims? no it's not a fucking western propaganda .. on second thoughts maybe it is and if the western propaganda is a vechile you hopeless fucks are the fuel. Muslims are not going to stray far from the disease we call organized religion, the most vile contamination, AIDS ain't got shit on organized religion, AIDS = Starscream, organized religion = Galvatron, and I'm Soundwave, I love that ninja cassette player dude. Anyway, I repeat, a majority of muslims are either nazi arseholes or nazi douchebags, CHECK YO'SELF B4 U WRECK YO'SELF. Gangsta rappers have all the wisdom. Peace.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Itulah Kehidupan, Penuh Dengan Keindahan Alam

On a stormy, rainy, gloomy evening, what oh what in the world could make things better? Yes, nothing else but the beauty of your streamyx's DSL LED blinking, ooh the celestial twinkling fluorescence which brings life to all your homicidal tendencies rggrrkkrhhh. arkgkkhhhh, you fucking cunts, shove it you cunting bastards, twatty-twat-twat brrapp bbraappp fucking low cost kidney-piss, low life thieving phukey-promotional-sense monopolizing banditery practicery assholes, fuck you, fuck you, know that you stand in the way of me changing the colour of my blog's header bar, you fucking cheap undependable-e-mail-server-owning bar-beer shit-feces. ARKGHHhhh. Bulllet bullet bullet.

Aku suka korek telinga, aku pernah cakap dulu aku suka korek telinga, takkan kau tak ingat, gila. Walaupun doktor dalam cerita puteri apa lanchau tuh cakap tak bagos korek telinga pasal taik telinga tuh bagus untuk telinga aku tak pedulik sebab aku rasa best bila korek telinga, orgasmic doh. Gila doh, aku jadi tak kruan kalau takde bende tuh, kalau supply dah habes -- kau layan boh aku layan bud - kau layan ais aku layan kapas - kau layan hisap aku layan korek - kau layan tarek aku layan jolok - okay tak? Layan doh, memang layan, kalau aku habis supply aku kacau adik aku mak aku semua orang ah, aku masuk bilik mak aku - aku geledah semua laci dia, aku bukak semua yang tertutup kat situ, aku jadi gila tak tentu arah, kalau takde gak aku geledah bilik aku carik duit, aku pergi kat mafia multinational terdekat, 7e paling dekat, kedai runcit mamak tak best takde awek 7e cakap selamat petang, ada dua cawangan kat sini, dua dua tak leh harap sangat, tapi takpe, barang tak baek pun yang penting ada barang, itu yang penting doh. Ummmmm yeAaahhhhhh.