Wednesday, November 24, 2010

some shit i watched

piranha is exactly what it is supposed to be, a mindless flick about creatures that swim and hunt actors and extras whom were paid to act like they are taking their roles seriously without taking their roles seriously. i enjoyed it very much.

reign of assassins
cool love story, could have been a perfect wuxia picture if the well choreographed action scenes weren't marred by confusing hollywood-style fast cut editing.

what the expendables was to action movies, is what this movie is, to expendables (think a retirement escapade for retirees retiring from retirement homes). add to that a twist - other than bruce willis as the anchor, none of his assembled team members in the story were played by action flick mainstays. instead, the roles were filled by mostly veteran character actors. so naturally the casting was near perfect. in fact, i don't think the whole film would have worked without their collective charisma since everything else is pretty much simple and direct. which is why despite the fact that i quite enjoyed it i still have a gripe - for something so straightforward it needlessly dragged too much.

buried is impressive due to you know, the moviemaker's self-applied limitations. but from a moviewatcher's perspective, i don't really care, what matters is the entertainment value. so ultimately, this movie regardless of how awe-inspiring it should be to me due to how difficult it was to pull off and how many political injustice obviousness it pointed out, didn't entertain me. and the ending *eyes rolling a perfect semicircle* i assume was written in to seem clever and avoid being cliche, but in 2010 it IS cliche. i understand the need to avoid a hollywood ending and maintain 'artistic credibility', but to me a story should flow as well as the story could, and in this case the ending in my honest opinion, felt very contrived. van wilder did good though.

scott pilgrim vs. the world
quite well made. the old school video game elements are heartwarming and all but overall it was pretty boring.

good action flick, and like any good action flick it didn't waste too much time not being an action flick. in short, the pacing was perfect. it was so dedicated to being an action flick that the back stories (usually utilized to give the illusion of character depth and evoke empathy from the crowd) of the two main characters were established mostly through a hurried conversation made up of forced summaries as if they were in a rush to rescue whatever town the railway track ran through from a rogue freight train full of explosive chemicals. after all, they were in a rush, to rescue, whatever town the railway track ran through, from a rogue freight train, full of explosive chemicals. i don't mind this at all, every action movie should be more like this, 5 minutes max to introduce him and him and him or her, this and that, and we're off.

i had formed an expectation prior to watching this one due to foolishly reading a review. so i was looking forward to a so-bad-it's-good affair, unintentionally funny everything but overall fun experience. i was disappointed, it didn't reach a sufficient amount of any extreme whether positive or negative to be entertaining, the movie was straddling along the line of mediocrity unable to incite anything from me. it felt like it was made for tv, for a channel that i won't be viewing, not even as a brief transit while on a stereotypically male journey of needless multiple channel browsing. but who am i to judge, i shouldn't say anything since i dozed off momentarily halfway through, decided without a whim of a doubt to just walk away and drive home. that was saying something though.

would have had a greater impact if it wasn't for the concept of adorable villains being already introduced earlier this year, softening the blow. for some reason i felt it just didn't have that extra enough to have an emotional effect because seriously if the storyline had been structured a bit better and the characters just a bit more endearing, it could have been magical. on the other hand, magical is exactly how i would describe viewing it in 3d because in this sense it delivered beautifully. if every 3d motion picture looked like this i would think less than twice about investing in 3d contact lenses.

and another thing i truly have to thank the makers of this for - i have never understood the appeal of jonah hill to movie producers but in this one jonah hill who always plays jonah hill was treated exactly how jonah hill of any incarnation should be treated, as a zero. from now on i don't want to see jonah hill in any other form of predicament onscreen, if only we could also somehow pigeonhole jay baruchel into roles that share the same fate.

hachiko: a dog's story
simple and touching. richard gere and that dog, good acting.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

i don't want a new malaysia (part 1)

i don't want to change the world
i don't a new malaysia
i just want to fucking say things

- a song that doesn't exist loosely based on a song that exists.

1malaysia is a great concept, sure it's underlyingly farcical but it will ultimately become the downfall of them racist pricks who rule this country. because the planting of this slogan will unite everyone who actually believe in and aspire for the idea to eventualize. before this the plight against racism was disorganized term-wise but now it's like, yo, 1malaysia biatch, fuck you.

to me in order to achieve the true meaning of 1malaysia, which is defined by me because i am malaysia and not the false bullshit taught by biro tatanegara, we have to forget our international roots. whatever your race is, you have to forget whatever country it's associated with, forget your cousins or your ancestors. the chinese, forget china or hong kong or whatever, the indians forget india, sri lanka or whatever, the malays, forget indonesia, philippines, thailand, or whatever. the whatevers, forget the whatever, or whatever.

let's get back to the basics, and create a new culture, a new us, a new we. disown whatever our ancestors made culturally compulsory and let's create our own.

for example, we love to park lawlessly everywhere, let's officially make it our culture, put it in the history books. in the middle of a roundabout? why not. triple parking? this is malaysia. fuck, if they invented a car that could climb stairs, we'd park right beside the receptionist, reverse sensors all beeping while she's distractedly trying to answer the calls, why the shit not.

what else? greasy deep-fried food? i'm pretty sure that's very malaysian. we've heard of those mediterranean people with very good skin leading very healthy lives and what not what with the olive oil and all that shit but they're faggots and we're malaysians, we produce badass palm oil or something by the dozens so we cook everything with a baldi-full of that ish my man (oh yeah, mixing up various languages and under-pronouncing it, should be our new official language.) you want healthy food? fuck, i heard fruits are healthy, put that fucking banana into that burning hot lake of oily goodness, goreng pisang!

clothes? i'll think of one, the kebaya was already a fusion of malay and chinese right? expose them belly buttons, add a a thin cloth around it and boom! - kebayasari.

malaysian time - i'm proud to say is an internationally recognized trademark. anybody "too punctual" to a government job interview should be compulsorily rejected immediately for bastardizing our culture, how dare they. to be honest, just to prove how malaysian i am i confess i was actually late to writing this entry, i was supposed to do it an hour ago.

this is just the beginning, i am only randomly shitting out spontaneous suggestions and i've already got a few. there are so many things we could employ, it will be so much easier to just refer to our lives and properly brainstorm once we start over together as just malaysians.

of course we can't forget completely where we came from so maybe we could create a hero from a combination of heroes from the countries of our roots and build a statue.

in my honest opinion, to contemporarize this monument, it should be a combination of superstar rajinikanth + donnie yen + ariel peterpan.

and on the plaque accompanying it, is written - "FUCK YEAH MALAYSIA".

Thursday, September 02, 2010

i'll take you there through paragraphs and a shitload of a href=""s and embeds

a few days ago i watched this british movie 'four lions'. it's hilarious! the comedy is a bit dark seeing as it is after all british, and the guy who directed it has also worked on this great news spoof program 'brass eye'. i would recommend it to anyone with a good sense of humour, it's just funny, the characters are funny, the dialogues, i found myself laughing out loud a lotta times regardless if what they're up to is something seriously dangerous such as one of the dudes pointing a bazooka the wrong way destroying his own base and this other dude trying to teach a crow how to suicide bomb.

i love the characters. i wish this group of actors would do more comedy flicks, they're very good. i watched what is probably the best performance i've seen on late show with david letterman. it was by janelle monae who i first heard through her beautifully sung chorus on big boi's album. in the show, alongside a band she did a rendition of her song 'tightrope'.

her vocal control, showmanship and the band, wow. watch out for the horn section's part near the end it's great. right now i'm watching this show 'how not to live your life' it's really funny and laid back, and full of hopeless loserliness, my kind of atmosphere. the main dude has a funny (deliberate, i hope) way of saying things for example pronouncing no way jose as 'no way joe say', or yoghurt as yo-gaht, or something. i have a thing for pispronunciations (in this bracket i am pointing out that was a david brent reference). i also started watching 'modern family', it's funny with funny characters but it's too conveniently heartwarming, as if what every character needed to be convinced to change how they think or well, their 'character', is an episode. still, some of the characters are so funny such as the 'cool' dad, the gay, the siblings, the milf (she reminds me of susie from 'curb your enthusiasm'), etc.

i like 'parks & recreation', it grew on me, at first it was just okay but i learned to like the characters. some of them are just priceless, like RON SWANSON, he's badass, and also aubrey plaza who's method of speech is monotonously hilarious. 'community' is okay, but like most american comedies it suffers from loathsome and corny lead characters syndrome, kinda like 'how i met your mother', don't you just hate the main character he's euw. i hate it when corny white american guys try to be charming, i'm racist. the supporting cast steals the show though, particularly abed, troy, and chevy chase (yeah he's in it, cool right). abed is a rare character, he's a geek, no i mean a real geek, not made up awkward self-hating no redeeming qualities geek that's strangely 'in' right now (read jay baruchel), abed is unapologetically geeky. he smilingly reminds me of bill haverchuck from freaks and geeks.

i don't get this herd-ish justin bieber hate fest. he can sing, he's got catchy songs, end of story. he's also still a kid, so you fucks are all either bullies or sadistic closeted pedos. the new season of 'entourage' is halfway through, it's still pretty much entourage, fact paced soap constantly placing the characters into all sorts of predicaments for them to glamorously climb out of. which is why i always get sucked in. one weird thing though, it took vince quite some time to finally develop into an asshole, and ultimately what caused it, was love. ironic right? when he was a playa he was probably the nicest in the show. prince is so badass. it's been more than a year already but i still can't get over his lead guitar part in the george harrison tribute. it's wow.

oh yeah that new sherlock tv series is not bad at all. the casting especially, is great. it's way better than the movie. i like lady gaga's song 'monster', and her first single 'just dance'. waka flocka flame is BOW BOW BOW i love his image, that's how real men look like, big bellied and rugged. his live shows are awesome, it's rowdy as fuck. do you guys like this song 'you and your sister' by the late chris bell (member of big star, whose song was used as the theme for 'that 70's show')

i like it very much. he has a very sad wishful voice, another song of his is also very bittersweet, my friend gave it to me some time ago, 'i am the cosmos'. i feel remp-it has one of most realistic script when it comes to local movies. jason statham has such a calm assuring voice, if he smoothly announces that he wants to kick my ass i will hypnotically bend over in a second. i have to admit i have never checked out his work post-guy ritchie, i loved him in the guy ritchie movies but ignored his action star filmography until expendables sparked my interest. so i checked out both installments of 'crank', not bad, quite flashy and gimmicky, and weird. i checked 'transporter', a moody action film, not too bad in a ridiculous cheap action movie sorta way. i also checked out 'the bank job', not an action flick by any means but i overlooked it back then despite it being critically acclaimed, very nice movie. i guess after having seen his prominent action star works, i must say expendables really brought out his full potential. he deserves some shine for being so badass, and in expendables - alternating krav maga with shooting guns and throwing shurikens (wtf this sentence alone screams top quality action porn). can't wait to see the sequel. there better be a sequel.

i bought a plasma ball last month, or was it the month before that. pretty nifty little thing to have in your room. have you guys ever heard of this 70s malaysian/singaporean band called 'truck'? i really like this song of theirs called 'these words i sing for you'. it's quite dreamy.

'party down' is a nice show, pity it got cancelled. i enjoyed watching 'summer heights high' very much. it's an australian mockumentary, it came out around 3 years ago but i've never heard of it before this year. the guy responsible for the show plays three people. one of his portrayals is that of a naughty student, and it's very interesting because this series' depiction of high school is probably one of the most accurate in television. the teachers are eerily similar to some of the teachers i've known. there's the new-ish most possibly not married teacher who just at one time loses it and in a naive outburst scolds dude before throwing him out the class, i've experienced something like this before albeit less-dramatic. but the best teacher in the show demonstrates to us the best way to handle dirty-mouthed naughty boys, she just plays along, whenever dude curses or does crude graffitis or any other cheeky shit it doesn't bother her one bit like it did the majority of teachers in the school. she's just full of smile and likes to keep it going by just persistently sneaking in her lessons to him.

it's different from most movies or tv series about teachers handling problematic kids. most of the time the teacher has to do something out of the box or take an extreme approach, and most of the time try to change them. this one just goes with the flow and in a subtle way tames the kid by making him feel respected and nurtured. she does not give his antics the wrong kind of attention by graciously grinning it away easily brushing it off making it trivial instead focusing on teaching him. the kid ends up getting the right kind of attention, probably not the one he wanted, but definitely the one he needed. in the end, rightfully so the boy takes a liking to her and expresses how only she seems to genuinely care for him in his own fuck-word infested way via his essay assignment which goes to show just because something is fuck-word abundant doesn't mean it can't be heartwarming. however, the funniest character in the show has to be:

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

pasar ramadhan

pukul 4 petang, aku tengah round-round pasar ramadhan atau nama timangannya param (soalan kuiz: apakah nama pendek untuk kelakuan sembahyang di dalam dorm asrama? jawapannya di akhir entri ini).

kalau kat param nih, aku suka check out gerai yang tak ramai orang. aku ada teori gerai tak ramai orang nih mesti dia jual yang best best maka orang tak berani nak dekat sebab best sangat manakala gerai yang ramai orang nih mesti dia jual yang tak best maka orang ramai berebut sebab kalau tak best mestilah murah. so far, dengan humble nya aku mengaku teori aku belum cukup kukuh untuk dibuat tesis.

aku approach satu gerai nih jual kuih muih. aku berinteraksi dengan salah sorang akak tuh:
"nak tanya boleh?" 
"lima dua ringgit dik" 
"tak, kak, saya nak tanya" 
"yang nih pulak tiga ringgit satu dik, ada ayam, ada daging" 
"bukan kak, saya nak tanya..." 
"apa yang kau nak tanya actually?" 
"saya nak tanya... kat mana pintu keluar pasar ramadhan nih?".

aku dengan akak tuh memandang muka masing masing. aku dengan muka plain. dia dengan muka plain jugak lah, tapi hidung dia mengembang dan menguncup dengan penuh intense.

sejenak selepas sessi daring tadi dia angkat tangan macam nak bagi penumbuk sambil senyum dan berkata:
"dik... dekat tangan akak nih ada satu jari, jari nih ada banyak guna, kadang-kadang kita guna di jalanraya diselangi dengan menekan hon, adakalanya di gunakan di stadium bola untuk menunjukkan bahawa kita merasai pihak penyokong lawan adalah useless, dalam kes sekarang ini, apabila jari yang gatal nak naik nih naik ia akan mengexpress kan perasaan akak terhadap soalan adik tadi...


tapi takpe, hari nih akak puasa, maka jari nih kita simpan dulu


"akak simpan jari tuh... ada dividen ke? he he he amirite? amirite? high five? ... err"

akak tuh senyum lagi sambil berkata:
"kuih yang nih, lima dua ringgit, yang nih pulak, satu tiga ringgit, ada lagi satu kuih nih, percuma je, kalau adik nak akak buleh kasi, adik pernah dengar tak?"


"ahh, kuih nih datang daripada negara thailand, nama dia ong bak, adik nak?"

"err.. huhu, apa nih kak saya tak faham"

"okay lah macam nih kalau kau tak faham, akak jawap soalan memula kau tadi... di antara setiap gerai yang bersebelahan ada ruang kecik, selain tuh semua gerai nih menghadap jalan yang besar, semuanya boleh digunakan sebagai jalan keluar daripada pasar ramadhan ini. akak harap adik perhati betul betul, sebab kalau adik tak gerak daripada pasar ramadhan ini akak akan bedok adik macam akak bedok semua orang yang cakap cerita the expendables tak best!"

"eh... akak ke yang dok belasah semua critic yang kutuk filem expendables?"

"ya, kenapa?"

"oh nak mintak autograf boleh?"


*akak tuh sign autograph*

"you are my heroine!"

"jangan lupa tunggu sequel filem expendables akak ada buat cameo sebagai penjaja yang suka belasah orang yang selalu tanya soalan bodoh"

hey aper-daa aku mengarut nih, consider this my review of the expendables. i have nothing to say but a movie like it deserves immunity from critics or reviews. it is something you watch and feel with your heart not think about with your brain. terima kasih sylvester stallone, you could be chillaxing not giving a fuck with all that wealth you have but you chose to hustle and try to gather as much action stars as possible into a brotherhood just to entertain us.

anyways, lapar doh, selamat berbuka puasa.

(jawapan kepada soalan kuiz tadi ialah sodorm).

Thursday, August 19, 2010

yes sir, i can boogie

last time aku servis kereta aku tak bawak apa-apa takde suratkhabar, ipod battery tak charge, aku tunggu je kat situ tengok orang, tengok kerusi, tengok papan putih, tengok tangga, tengok t.v. eh ada t.v. kenapa aku tak tengok t.v. nih je dari awal. oh yeah, sebab dia tunjuk, bukan aku anti, tapi annoying sebab subtitling dia ada delay kira kekadang kau tengah tengok beyonce tonggek sekali keluar text kat bawah tuh coldplay - shower in the rain. apa lanch. logik ke annoying?

apa point aku tadi, oh yeah, itu dulu, so semalam aku bertekad aku takkan boring tunggu kereta kena servis. malam sebelum hantar kereta aku buat preparation. aku tak pernah habis tengok flight of the conchords so aku download season 2. aku convert movie yang aku tak habis habis tengok lagi nih the englishman who went up a hill but came down a mountain ke format ipod. aku convert jugak the office uk season 1 season 2 and christmas specials sebab nih series yang for some reason aku leh tengok ulang ulang. aku dah set ah nih, macam macam option ada untuk tengok. tuh tak kira lagu-lagu yang aku simpan dalam ipod aku.

keesokan paginya pulak on the way aku angkut surat khabar satu. rasa-rasanya takkan boring lah aku kat kerusi service center tuh. sampai je kat tempat tuh, tunggu giliran. sampai giliran, cakap-cakap, then finally kereta aku telah sedia untuk diservis dan aku buleh mula menunggu.

tiba-tiba aku jalan keluar tempat tuh, duduk kat teksi stand, tahan teksi, pergi one utama. what the fuck.

presenting the malaysian boy who planned an eventful waiting period on the chair but ended up going to a shopping mall.

satu benda dalam ipod tuh yang berjam-jam aku prepare malam tadi aku tak layan. kenapa ini terjadi? ini adalah kerana inilah perangai aku. simple as that.

dalam banyak banyak posisi kat dalam bolasepak, posisi mana yang pemainnya susah nak maintain fitness?

sudah tentulah goalkeeper, sebab apa? pemain lain lari ke sana sini so everytime main bola diaorang dah exercise cukup-cukup. goalkeeper berdiri je mostly so dia kena jaga fitness sendiri even masa tak main bola.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

some shit i watched and want to review (and now having already finished typing up the entry, have reviewed)

i realize i watch a lotta shit, almost everything that comes out plus all the backdated shit i checked out for the first time or re-watched. so i gotta filter and here's a select few i decided to pseudo-review just because:

i just got home from watching this. it's a very good action flick, i enjoyed it. romance is usually poorly done in action (and romance) movies thus relationships hardly having any effect. but i somehow felt for angelina and her guy in this one, despite having only a few brief shallow scenes they really seemed in love. i can't really explain it and maybe my judgment is not that good but that's what i felt and it made the movie a bit better cause you are really invested in her bionic woman of a character.

one thing about this movie (and basically most hollywood movies with female action heroes) though, anyone notice how uncool the movements of women-kind are when executing action moves? i'm not being sexist or anything wait i am but yeah that's the truth. this got me wondering whether professionally trained female agents do move like this or if they are more man-like thus cooler. i mean jason bourne looked way smoother and impactful bashing a poor swat unit member with his efficient right elbow while planting a c4 with his tongue despite his lack of angelina jolie's face. another clever observation i have already established and would like to ask my readers about is anyone notice how beautiful i look in this movie? no? well not entirely me, you guys do know my lips are the stunt double for jolie's right?

i watched this movie as soon as it was out. i didn't really notice the pre-release hype and the only information i got about it was through the trailer which i liked very much. that's good, cause a fucking shitstorm graced the internet after everybody watched this shit. it's actually much better to watch anything at all with a clear mind and no trace of pre-conceived notions toxining the brain while experiencing.

on first viewing i found it to be an interesting movie quite beautifully made. nolan is certainly better in the art of big budget movie making compared to his current peers. he balances cgi and traditional effects so well making everything look so seamless, and his use of music is very inspiring. although one thing he's not good at is fight scenes, i remembered the excuse dude is a ninja for the fast cuts on his new take on batman, what's the excuse now? if he can balance the fx he can surely apply the same thing to the editing of action instead of with the exception of the gravity-defying sequence making every shooting and sparring seem so claustrophobic as we are unaware of anything except a few people are having a go at each other.

now as the movie has a vague ending, and like memento, has a trust-unworthy narrator it sparks our imaginations and discussions will arise. i actually like this, i don't particularly like trying to figure out something i just like to read other people's opinions and also annoyingly bug my girlfriend with an endless maze of questions. i think it's fun. i also had a second watch, and it probably maybe gave me a clearer picture of the picture. all in all it's a very well-made movie, no need to put it on a pedestal it's just a summer blockbuster that's all. it's not perfect, in fact i personally think the movie's crutch was it had way too many manual of dream-travelling! (read in a bassy british accented announcing voice for no reason) reading in its dialogue, it was almost like listening to a lecture.

but fuck it, it was a good movie anyway, and the casting was great. they managed to take the two actors from two previous annoying indie movies (500 days of summer and juno) and de-annoy them, although i have to concede those two are not bad actors only given poyo roles before this. the others were perfect though, ken watanabe was hawt, the brit dude (he was bronson in bronson) he was hawt with his hawt accent *swoons* and he had the funniest bits of dialogue, c-murph as usual - beautiful, and leo impressed but basically carried on from his shutter island character (i was slightly disappointed he didn't bring along the boston accent with him gotta light thear boss?).

- what really happened in inception
now this is what i think really happened, if it was all a dream or whatever or whatever. *spoilers* my opinion based on carefully cemented facts stemmed from meticulous examining of every bit from the movie is that none of it was a dream everything was real and they were all just collectively taking mushrooms and taking the piss (so was nolan) wahkugeahhukga.

sex and the city 2
we were fully aware of how offensive this flick is supposed to be especially to arab muslims. so other than my lady being a fan of the sex and the city hbo series, we also watched it to witness for ourselves the shittiness since this franchise has only gone downhill since they made the first movie. what i did not expect was that other things about the movie would irk me to the point of making the offensiveness of yank ignorance seem just mildly annoying. the dialogues were eye rolling material, the jokes unfunny, and the main character puts the poyo in poyo. i wouldn't wanna go into details as there are negative reviews in abundance with better explanated scrutinies. all i have to say is the naively judgmental tone carried by the main character all throughout the fucking movie involving remarks such as it's like they don't have a voice is the most ironic shit ever considering how i would gladly petition for her to be banned from ever having an opinion.

comedian louis ck gets an fx show, bless fx. he's had an experience producing a show before with lucky louie on hbo but this time around he's doing something completely different. this show didn't start so great but it gets better with every episode. i really like how random louie gets with what's happening onscreen and his narrating. it's like a scrapbook of various select scenes from his mind. why i like louie so much is because he is really relatable. i mean i enjoy the great comedians with opinions and shit but ultimately i don't give a fuck about what they think about shit i only enjoy them if they're funny about it and if they're not they're just as annoying as annoying preachers cause when you think about it nothing really matters and there is not much difference between conformity and non-conformity or whatever and whatever and i really give a fuck about fuck all.

that's what i like about louie (other than the fact that he's the most whitest guy ever to use the word nigga and still get the adoration of black folks), just like his routines, he doesn't really try to have a tight grasp on a subject, he's just going with the flow and is comfortable saying things for no reason. if he tries to present any semblance of belief over a matter it would usually vaguefy into obscurity and end with him going whether he means it or not whatever i don't really care. watching his tv show now a few times i was nearly fooled into thinking he's trying to say or express something about something with a directed point of view but in the end he subtly opens it all up by suggesting softly a different angle distorting any understanding we might have developed.

there's a great part from this series in which louie brawls with a right-wing friend over a heated disagreement injuring the dude, and on the way back from the hospital they just nonchalantly trade apologies and then recommence their conversation about what's going on nowadays with their respective families except there were no conversations about it at all prior. he doesn't try to make a case for any side in fact he's not afraid to parody his own flaws. whether we like it or not this is how we co-exist in our daily lives, we can build up something inside our minds so much to the point of as we perceive it at first no return but in the end everything could easily be overlooked by simple gestures of going on with life. i am entertained by escapism from real life, but louie amazingly gives me my escape by turning real life into entertainment. or am i reading too much into it, whatever i don't really care.

city island
this is a great low-key family comedy/drama helmed by andy garcia. i was pleasantly surprised. good acting, good script, good story.

i used to be a total hbo-head. but fx is aiming straight for my nonsense and meme-riddled heart and mind what with it's always sunny in philadelphia, louie, and archer which is an animated series about a spy organization. i can't explain it, you have to watch it to fully grasp its unreasonable brilliance. who would've thought a serious recon operative could be a template for so much casually trivial fun. it was so ninja! can't wait for the second season.

the a-team
i was hoping this wouldn't disappoint since the cinema world has already got me kiddy drooling with a-team like flick "the losers", and it didn't! this a-team remake was simply the a-team the series updated to fit the modern times without losing it's magic and charm which is exactly how remakes should be approached. don't expect more than corny (which is good) ridiculous 80s nostalgia shit centered on the camaraderie amongst four colorful characters. what really made a-team a-team were the characters and their interaction with each other. they got it right, and in my opinion even better at times especially with murdoc. i was all giggly like a kid just like when i watched the losers except probably even more since these were familiar characters from my childhood fuck it if they were played by different actors but those actors nailed it! i also laughed loudly every time they are involved in a ridiculous action scene.

i don't really give a fuck if the action scenes don't make sense, four dudes shooting shit from a skydiving tank? four dudes successfully evading being flattened the fuck out by a million falling containers from a giant fucking tanker? why the fuck not who gives a fuck. only one gripe though, it did drag on for a bit and not too second viewing friendly (i still watched it again though) compared to the more neatly-structured the losers.

Saturday, May 22, 2010


selalu aku tengok memana rasa cam ramai je nak kutuk crocs. aku pun tak tahu kenapa. sama ah macam bebudak suka nak kutuk mamat-mamat pakai polo kolar tegak. padahal kau berani kutuk belakang je ada bran kau nak bersemuka dengan brader-brader kolar tegak tuh? wahkuukgea menyalak lebih, sekali abang polo kolar tegak daring mata baru kau tahu erti terkucil, fucking geeks.

anyway, aku lately kaki agak injured so aku kena jaga sikit kaki nih. so aku beli lah crocs, sebelum nih aku tak tersentuh kedai crocs pun sebab mahal kot. tapi kali nih cam agak kena kot for the sake of my kaki. so aku beli ler satu crocs nih, dia bukan cam crocs biasa tuh, dia cam offroad nye crocs, lawa gak ah. aku cakap kau, kaki aku dah tak sakit lagi bila jalan rasa best lak, lagi best daripada pakai kasut b-ball aku yang padding stock untuk kau lompat kat court nba dan disahkan oleh mr. kevin garnett himself.

padding tebal gila wa cakap lu, lagi tebal daripada misai magnum p.i.

malah... lagi tebal daripada... bulu dada magnum p.i.

haha. tapi sebab padding dia yang tebal gila gf ku agak bengang sebab aku nih dah lah tinggi, tambah lagi dengan padding tahap hampir high heels whaukgea. lagi satu kena berhati-hati kat escalator kot kalau pakai crocs sebab ada insiden tuh kan. also kaki cepat peluh, panas gak ah tapi demi kesejahteraan kaki aku nih terpaksa ah. oh and also kena berhati-hati dengan geeks yang kutuk kau dalam hati and twitter diaorang.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

babi destinasinya syurga

KUALA LUMPUR 29 April - Seorang usahawan hari ini membuat keputusan untuk memulakan sebuah pakatan baru di dalam dunia politik. Beliau mengakui bahawa niatnya adalah semata-mata untuk memajukan negara ini serta memastikan rakyat hanya menerima khidmat yang terbaik daripada seorang pemimpin.

Apabila diminta untuk memberi ulasan mengenai parti-parti yang akan menjadi pesaing beliau cuma berkata, "Tiada komen".

Selain daripada berikrar untuk hanya membincangkan apa yang beliau dapat sumbangkan kepada kemajuan dan keharmonian negara ini apabila berkempen, beliau juga turut mencabar diri sendiri untuk sentiasa berlaku adil, melakukan perkara yang benar walaupun sukar, serta mendekatkan diri dengan rakyat semampu boleh.

Beliau sedar sebagai seorang pemimpin, majikannya adalah rakyat. Ini menjadikan ianya suatu tanggungjawab yang sangat berat.

"Saya bukanlah seorang yang harus ditakuti rakyat, malah sebenarnya saya yang patut takut dan patuh pada rakyat. Apabila bersalaman dengan anda semua saya akan tunduk tanda hormat.

"Negara ini mempunyai potensi yang sungguh besar. Sekiranya saya dapat kumpulkan pemimpin-pemimpin yang paling ikhlas dan berkemampuan tanpa mengira bangsa atau keturunan untuk mengendalikannya, dengan izin Tuhan kita akan dapat bersama mengejar kemajuan tanpa batas," kata beliau.

Sementara itu, seorang Pakar Psikologi & Psikiatri dibawah Kementerian Kesihatan telah mengesahkan bahawa ahli politik ini menunjukkan sifat-sifat delusi yang ekstrim.

"Prinsip-prinsip yang dia bentangkan jelas bertentangan dengan apa yang telah ditunjukkan dan diajar oleh mereka yang lebih lama di dalam bidang beliau. Bagi saya, dia seolah-olah mahu memulakan sebuah ajaran sesat.

"Saya telah membuat aduan terus dan Ketua Polis Negara akan memulakan penangkapan secepat mungkin. Pemahaman ahli politik palsu ini adalah suatu ancaman. Ini kerajaan Malaysia, kami adil dan saksama, oleh itu si gila ini perlu ditahan tanpa bicara dengan segera," kata beliau.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. GTFO, this is Malaysia, biatch," ulas seorang pemimpin negara yang tidak mahu indentiti beliau didedahkan.

Monday, April 26, 2010

cara-cara mengelak promoters

kalau kau mallrat cam aku and selalu jalan-jalan shopping complex mesti pernah experience promoters kat tepi tuh yang nak suruh kau beli or sign up for something.

usually derang nak bagi flier je but sometimes ada yang persistent gila, bukan aku nak kurang ajar ke apa tapi kekadang aku dah ada pun akan jadi panjang lebar sebab anytime ada respons walaupun respons aku "dah ada" mesti panjang cerita sampai kang benda aku dah ada pun derang nak signup lagi sekali. maybe kalau aku ada dua akaun internet aku leh guna yang satu lagi bila yang aku tengah guna penat? wahkuga.

aku dah devise beberapa cara untuk mengelak diaorang tanpa menghurt anyone's feelings:

1 cepat-cepat keluarkan handphone and buat macam tengah cakap. kalau buleh cipta conversation palsu and dalam conversation palsu tuh kau banyak cakap AA? AAAAA! sebab bila kau tengah mengAAA! dah tentu kau kena mendongak and mendongak lah antara method terbaik untuk effectively ignore dunia yang melingkungi gravity and ultimately diaorang.

2 kalau kau student cepat-cepat keluarkan apa-apa kertas dari file and counter offer apa diaorang offer. just cipta something cam oh yake? apa pula pendapat encik mengenai broadband lalala.

kalau kau nak buat lagi comedic, kau counter offer dengan benda yang sama diaorang offer cam dia cakap encik mau register ini celcom broadband?!?!?! mau?! engkau pun cam encik mau register ini celcom broadband?!?!?! mau?? wtf?

siapa kesah asal kau cakap sambil membelakang and gerak ke arah away dari derang dan ke jarak yang selamat sebab kalau kau perasan semua orang promosi nih ada limit sampai kat satu garisan imaginasi dia akan retreat balik ke 'home' dia. aku rasa derang ada cam boss diaorang on the line walkie talkie kecik kat telinga cam kalau jauh sangat takut management shopping complex marah so boss akan jerit operation promixity exceeded! mission recalled, return to base immediately, over!

3 jerit "manusia bogel!" and tunjuk belakang diaorang, pastuh lari and escape. ini agak kelakar, sebab kau sebut manusia! haha, kalau mamat yang bagi flier tuh laki and dia sempat fikir yang manusia boleh mean either male or female (or both), adakah dia telah make a decent decision untuk pandang kerana decision nya itu boleh menyebabkan dia tertengok konek (and worse, bulu jembut) (and worser, skrotum) laki lain.

aku pun tak tahu, kau kena perhati betul betul lah, kalau pempromosi tuh jenis yang senang didistract taktik nih boleh digunakan.

4 taktik nih cuma akan efektif kalau ada kipas atau angin berdekatan. biasa orang orang promote bende nih akan kasi kertas ke apa ke pasal apa dia nak jual kat korang. so korang stop, amik kertas tuh, tengok jap, buat muka muka ala interested kejap. pastuh dengan penuh timing and precision bila kipas dinding tuh elok-elok je menghala situ terus buat-buat terlepas kertas, terus kertas tuh terbang kau ikut kertas tuh amik. just make sure kipas tuh tak tiup ke arah meja pendaftaran teros sebab in this case aku dah tak leh tolong dah, readykan jelah credit card cecukup.

5 tap dance away to safety?

6 and finally my secret weapon, when all else can't be done, put on a huge smile, cakap "takpe" seribu kali and jalan away.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

a loser's review: the losers

two movies were enjoying the hype before the losers was released and i managed to catch both prior to watching it. it was kick-ass and date night.

now kick-ass has been getting a lot of praise. i enjoyed it, a bit, but it was just okay. a few chuckles here and there, a wow during the last scene with that gta-status weapon, a "yeah nicholas fucking cage, biatch!" when nicholas cage arrives onscreen, other than that well it was, alright, i guess.

kids cussing, big deal this is 2010, comical ultra-violence, big deal the koreans and the japs have been doing it since forever. some dude in-movie complaining about why no one normal would just decide to become a super hero in real life one day when he is actually in a comic and in comic world that happens all the time, eye roll material.

truthfully what bothered me was the cussing, it was a bit annoying, and forced as fuck. they needlessly fit in overused cuss words everywhere. kids cussing is cool and all but halfway through the movie it became a chore to listen to. they should've made like the thick of it and hired a british swear consultant to look over the script.

and what is with every single fucking reviewer or pseudo-reviewer i've read going "kick-ass is simply put... kick ass!" (cue me rolling eyes and forcing my imaginary cat to do the same). it was supposed to be comic satire but what satire where?

date night i watched because i had a 2-hour window between ticket purchase and showing time for the losers. it was really meh. james franco and mila kunis were funnier than the leading couple and they had like what just slightly longer than their trailer appearance of screentime? but i'm biased, i don't find tina fey or steve carrell funny. at least not anymore. the movie was really meh despite some nice supporting casts (marky mark, ray liotta, common, liam mcpoyle from it's sunny, even leon from curb was in this!).

this movie was one of those movies where you don't need to watch the movie the trailer would suffice. the whole time steve carrell was on screen i only laughed once and that was because he was exchanging words with franco and franco said something funny and my laugh spilled as the camera cut to steve. the whole time tina fey was onscreen i was thinking about how funnier it would be if it was sweet dee instead.

then it was finally time for THE LOSERS!

i knew exactly what to expect, an a-team kinda shit (how fitting for the a-team remake trailer to come out before the showing). i've read some reviews dismissing it as just another action movie. i don't mind at all, i'm always excited to watch action movies on the big screen.

the opening sequence to set up the story was simple and tight, i loved that and had a small feeling that i would really enjoy this movie but i won't get too excited, i'll judge it when it's finished. true enough, after it ended i couldn't help thinking about how i loved it. this is one movie that i loved so much i'm prepared to just ignore the reviews and actually formulate an opinion totally on my own and stick to it! (*gasp* how could i!) cause you gotta admit not too many people like it. it is, a bit too mindless for your friendly everyday connoisseurs i guess.

but what it did to me was, it made me that small boy again, watching an episode of a-team all by himself, giggling and being all-round giddy. of course a particular unimpressed reviewer did say it panned out like a bad episode of the a-team but when i was a kid i've never not enjoyed any episode of a-team so this is not necessarily the worse thing.

i also don't remember the last time i laughed out loud uncontrollably in a cinema and i went alone. there was this one scene involving the funny white dude, he started with a really funny scene *laughs* follows it with another funny scene *laughs* and ended with a scene that was just too funny i just had to laugh the fuck up. great buildup.

whoever played that guy, he was really good. you will find most stereotype chatty gadget-geek type in movies to be annoying, like seriously annoying, they always over pronounce or overstress intonations when quipping a joke as if smirking to themselves wow i'm so smartalecky and referentially funny but this guy was just naturally and innocently comedic (or genuinely and hilariously geeky). he is also one of the most well built geek i've seen.

the casting was really good, their chemistry made me all warm inside. because i feel this is what makes the movie, i'm gonna do this one by one:

the main good guy leader dude - the first time i saw his eyes i thought he was gonna be good. i didn't realize that he was the guy who acted as the comedian in the watchmen. no wonder he was impressive. he looks like a cross between robert downey jr. and nicholas cage.

the tough black dude - it's STRINGER FUCKING BELL. you can't go wrong.

stringer fucking bell

the funny geek white dude - this guy is classic. i always find the stereotype fast-mouth in post-90s movies annoying and i was ready to write him off, but he proved me wrong. this guy is just too jolly, you'll love him if you love kittens and shit. he's like a mix between donatello and michaelangelo of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

the quiet cool sniper - i always have a thing for the quiet character and this guy was mad cool. and to top it off, he's a fucking badass sniper wahukgea. and to top that off, he's latino. i'm all kiddie mancrush whenever he's on screen.

the sarcastic black dude - this guy is the vehicle expert, i think that's kind of a cool specialty. he's also mad sarcastic, not white boy annoyate inflection when saying something ironic sarcastic, i'm saying he's MAD sarcastic. when he's angry he gets hilariously sarcastic. i think only black people are capable of pulling this off nicely. that might sound cliche but i find that in this movie there is no really cheap exploitation of racial stereotypes, everybody just seemed like themselves.

the chick - she's the chick from star trek and avatar. she fits the character quite nicely. and she's very tanned. i love it when a movie focuses on tanned women instead of over-glorifying some not really that hot white chick ala megan fox. cause come on dawg, seriously tanned women are the height of excellence! i mean, the bees knees.

the bad guy and his henchman - the bad guy is really really funny, and some of the best moments are his exchanges with the grunt assistant.

there are some other characters but these are the notable ones. i think this movie could have easily been just another action movie but they made very good choices with the cast. i mean i am biased due to my nostalgic love of something so old schooly, simple, and a-teamy but if you can diss everything else about the film you definitely can't have anything against the casting, it was very good. and if you do, i don't really give a half-fuck let alone a full one.

the movie's overall production was modernly slick though, a lotta cool music video or advertisement kinda editing mixed in with comic elements. i do enjoy movies that employ such gimmicks especially those parts when they morph actual footage to illustrations but in this case those are just additional joymakers.

notice how i didn't make any mention of and comment on the story line or plot. wahukgea. no need to point out the obvious.

it was just great to feel like a kid again. all it took were cool characters with contrasting characteristics, good chemistry between them, humour, guns, decent action, and the rest will follow.

bonus reviews:
shutter island
really enjoyed this one. very well made. the acting was top notch especially from leo and his sidekick (i liked his accent "need a light, boss?"). also the professor. made me question my sanity for quiet a bit. the storyline might have lost some shock value due to it being overdone but you just need to stop trying to predict or anything just enjoy the ride and take it for what it is.

veronica mars season 1-2
i haven't finished season 3 yet but so far brilliant. i really like it, even went on a binge for a little while. contemporary setting with an old school feel. the joy of finding out what the mystery is all about fuels my interest. and the never ending big lebowski references.

how to train your dragon
surprisingly despite the annoying smart talking geek (yes my point again), quite enjoyable, better than avatar at least.

the slammin' salmon
it was ok. i wish the broken lizard team would just make a super troopers sequel already. that was their best shit and it seems will forever only be.

frequently asked questions about time travel
i might be an anglophile but this is garbage.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

something bout the way you do the things you do

in the car on the way home i told myself, penyelamat dunia, never ever even begin to ideate stepping foot in that place again without your girlfriend.

i am a dude, i would break into a drought-relieving amount of sweat if i had to purchase something, especially when i have to choose, even if there was only one choice.

here i was in this restaurant. as it relates so much to choice, i have never been good with menus, i always end up with something the opposite of what i like by my own foolish doing. you have to forgive me, how do you read and begin to understand these things, there are these terms, these technical technical terms, like butter, garlic, mushrooms and what have yous.

i am but a regular guy, there is only one ingredient i am familiar with that comes from the kitchen - food.

in a proper restaurant with so many choices on pages upon pages of... hardened paper?, i am like a woman trying to figure out the right specifications for her future new cpu. yes, exactly. i am flipping back and forth forth and back, this is exactly like me trying to read a book and eventually giving up before finishing the foreword, except right now i am hungry, and the solution lies within this book i am holding on with sheer cluelessness to.

i actually had an agenda. a few months ago me and my cutie went here. the waiter gave some bread as starters and my gf taught me to eat with the two liquid whatever they were on the table. i really liked that and i wanted to taste it again.

don't make that face, i assure you i did not fuck that up. what kinda screwup would i be to fail at getting something that the staff would only stop short of force feeding me. that was nice. the other thing was what my gf ordered. i wanted to taste that again too. now achieving that alone, is the struggle.

my gf was not in the country but i did have my phone with me and i could easily sms or phone her to ask what it was. but there was pressure. i had spent about five minutes just reading everything on the menu trying to figure out what it was and by the time my genius mind finally came up with the idea of basic telecommunications one of the waiters was already standing nearby as if waiting impatiently for my set of command.

of course he wasn't, he was probably just there waiting for an empty glass of ice lemon tea to jollyly refill. and even if he was, who gives a fuck, i am a customer, i can browse the menu as long as i want. but i can't, because i am not normal. and how do you expect me to be calm and collected and to make the right decision, there is an imaginary waiter hissing and clicking his tongue with all the impatience of a traffic jam attendee.

so i made the wrong decision to just follow my gut and point at my (wrong) choice. and i had to finish it. driving home with a glutted belly but unfulfilled taste buds.

all i could imagine as i made the turn to go right back home was the grace of a woman's delicate fingers turning the pages only to browse as she had already made up her mind, her big funky eyes glowing at the ingredients fine written below the fancy names. all alien to me, as alien as aliens.

women don't even need to know what they want, it's their method when being approached with the idea of choice. it's their ability to block out everything and everyone but their mind and modus operandi when dealing with options. when they are looking, and formulating countless separate opinions they are almost floating and gliding from one to the next, back to the one, and then the other. what a sight. so baby, come home quick i miss you.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

adegan yang tidak ingin kita lihat

minggu lepas benda bongong jadi kat kelas aku kat kolej.

lecturer aku buat this competition sorta, semua orang kena nyanyi satu lagu secara karaoke and then after lagu tuh kena jawab soalan interview ala ala miss world pelanch (kalau kau amik course aku kau paham ah kenapa bende-bende camnih selalu dibuat). siapa yang menang, akan diberi pass takyah datang kelas dia dua minggu and dapat full marks dalam one of the tests free free je.

apa dia buat dia bawak laptop dia sambung kat speakers and dia akan select file apa and kita kena nyanyi, kena pilih yang ada kat hardrive dia. a few days before kawan aku black dude nyanyi lagu apa tah best gila, aku tengok pun dah intimidated gila babi cam aku takde chance ah lepas nih, dia jawap soalan interview pun rilek je dengan charming padahal soalan semua menusuk minda dan emosi bagaikan kayu lidi yang menembusi kulit intelek wait what.

sampai turn aku lecturer kasi chance sikit sebab aku istimewa. dia kata aku leh pilih dulu apa aku nak nyanyi. aku tengok tengok, fuck, mana aku tahu lagu-lagu nih semua lagu lagu popular baru aku dah lama kot tak dengar radio aku lagi suka lepak dalam bilik dengar paip tandas aku buat breakbeat sambil kucing dengan anjing kat luar nyanyi ala ala beth gibbons sebab aku loser yang tak ikut perkembangan zaman.

last last aku cam, you choose for me sir, i don't care anything will do. aku figured aku leh try sing a long je tengok the words kat laptop dia tuh.

so lagu pun start memula tuh buleh lah aku follow sikit sebab dia cam ada backing melody part nyanyi so aku follow sekali dah after 3 lines camtuh dah susah nak follow bebudak dalam kelas semua dah pandang aku lain macam aku terus argh fuck it. teros aku buat lirik sendiri guna movie yang aku tengok semalam.

ohhh remember baby! when we were swimming in the brains of the big king kong we were experimenting on ohh baby do you remember! you and me flying in the car passing through jungles looking at giant worms from afaaaaaaaar it was beauuutiful the wormmsss of arcadiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa yeah yeah yeahhh siap tarik tarik perkataan yang tak ada logika.

wahukkgea dah tak sedar diri dah, tapi yang bestnya lecturer aku pun dah tak tahan gelak, bebudak dalam kelas pun. haha.

time tanya soalan pulak aku memang blur macam biasa, aku loyar buruk ah. soalan paling cikai dia bagi first first, dia tanya why should i let you skip my class bla bla bla, aku jawap of course sir, cause i am your most disciplined student, whenever the class is noisy i would stand up knock on my table and authoritively declare silence is golden! silence is golden! bebudak dah boooooooooo and buat bising sebab memang tak ah kan wauhkugea aku selalu tidur je dalam kelas.

lepas tuh apa tah lagi soalan dia tanya, oh yeah ada satu lagi soalan dia tanya cam give me an example of a good usage of creative elements to enhance non fiction storytelling. aku yang blur nih bagi jawapan paling bodoh dalam dunia aku cakap the usage of theater screens to show adaptations of stories which otherwise must be read from the book. wauhkukgea memang ah some classmates tergelak tapi dalam hati mesti cam cibaneng mamat nih. bebudak lain bagi jawapan yang at least close to jawapan betul aku leh buat perangai monyet lak.

haha. masa turn aku habis and aku nak pergi balik meja lecturer aku cakap "maybe i should give you two weeks off" dengan penuh sarcastic..."maybe i should give you the whole course off". wahukgea babi bebudak semua gelak gila babi. of course lecturer tuh cakap dengan penuh sarcastic implying maybe he should fail me padahal dia takkan failkan aku, dia sayang aku. at least that's what my denial thinks. ah whatever. gua pergi balik kerusi, tidur balik.

*mana-mana ayat yang tidak ditanda dengan '*' adalah cerita rekaan semata-mata.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

why i can't hate on clash of the titans

okay it didn't feature giant fucking gorillas with batwings but it had...
giant scorpions, arabian sorcerer basketball players, cool old warriors with facial hair + dreadlocks and shit, a stalker lady who gives advice with a loving concerned voice, a giant snake woman whose home is a nightmare for barefooted anyone (you almost always can't lose with giant snakes, refer conan the barbarian), a gargantuan empire state building sized bodybuilder octopus hybrid who lives in the ocean and strolls through the water like a giant eel made out of frozen petroleum, mountain side the o.c. like ancient cities, flying horses, yeah you get it shit like that.

i think this dude is pretty cool and i kinda had a man-crush on him:

i enjoyed "crappy" movies like g.i. joe and 2012 so watchu expect
sure i won't be rushing to get the dvds for repeated viewings but these are movies that because of the epic cgis are a spectacle to watch at the cinema on a giant fucking screen. it's almost like a giant zoo with a cage full of giant fucking gorillas with batwings. the gorillas don't really have any articulacy or an interesting back story rich with enigmatic and novelly built-up climactic twists and sequences to offer but dude, look... giant fucking gorillas with batwings!

simple things like those helicopter circling shots from afar of people walking through beautiful ancient surroundings can make me be like woah

i can casually ignore the absence of a good plot, and/or dialogues etc.
if you know me i'm kind of a film geek, well sorta, i guess, but i can also switch off quite easily. at the big screens i have enjoyed a shitload of movies deemed to be shitty. sometimes a movie is just about the experience, and it does not need to fulfill the elaborate requirements that 'people with taste' (wahkugeawageahukga) look for or expect to be enjoyable. i mean, in certain movies why are you giving a fuck about plot and shit like that anyway, dude, giant fucking gorillas with batwings!

exploitation is now the mainstream
it's studios looking to cash-in. develop easy-to-make movies, inflate something else more marketable (usually the action or the cgi or boobs) to compensate for the lack of everything else. the classic exploitation movies wouldn't get the best ratings on most movie sites but they inspire adoration from the biggest dweebs of today eg. one of the most prominent geeks in the industry, quentin tarantino. two things are going against the exploitation movies of today, they are not underground therefore not rare and 'kewl', and now is not two decades after they were released, yet, cause as proven time and time again time can mellow the hate.

there will be people who create something entertaining and meaningful, and there will be some that make something just barbarically entertaining
some people will create shit like the wire which is an example of perfect novelly storytelling with dialogues to wank to but is also at the same time entertaining (mainly cause it featured cool thuggish black dudes and cops), and on the other hand some people will create ridiculous shit featuring shit like vin diesel racing through with a car that impossibly yet almost leisurely avoids a clumsily stumbling tanker on fire or skirted men fighting giants while throwing toothbrush advertisement catchphrases at each other. and i can appreciate both. when it comes to enjoying shit i can be the geek, the jock, or the stoner, all in one go or paired up, or individually.

but then again, maybe i'm just not geek enough
most geeks thrive on nostalgic comparison. clash of the titans geeks will most probably note how awesome and characterful the stop motion creations of ray harryhausen were but back in the days i didn't watch the original so i couldn't be all purist about it. i was however a fan of jason and the argonauts which ray regarded as featuring his best stop motion work but i can't be too geeky about it maybe cause i don't remember much. but ironically, the mental jaw drop i had as a kid watching the dudes sailing through giant statues and shit in jason and the argonauts was present when the helicopter camera views were circling the giant statues in the new clash of the titans so i dunno, i think it comes down to the next point.

kiddy awe
i'm glad i still have it, those simple things that attract you to watch a movie as a kid, all those gimmicks. maybe not as much as when i was a kid but to have at least a bit of it would be pure heaven. it's is quite a pleasure to be easily amused.

most people who are gonna be dissing shit like clash of titans are assholes anyway so whatever
i'm pretty sure most people who are gonna be like clash of titans was crap would also be those lauding avatar. it's funny cause to me avatar and clash the titans are pretty much the same movie. i would admit avatar winning in the technology department as the cgi was more impressive but it's pretty much the same thing, rehashed linear plot with whatever dialogues but woah cgis creations. well to tell you the truth, i enjoyed clash of the titans more cause i mean admit it, avatar was kinda gay.

it was kinda lotr-lite and i'm a sucker for fantasical shit
yeah i am put random giant beasts and mythical humanoids or creatures in a movie and i'll be like whoa! dude!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

a proper review: a prophet (un prophète)

since this film made me delay my sleep for more than 2 hours and that it is very rare for me to finish something in one viewing i figured it should only make sense to write a proper review instead of my usual 'yeah this shit is yeah yeah okay not bad yeah this shit is kinda yeah good shit'.

this french fare had a simple premise, prison + gangs (i confess i have a thing for prison gang flicks, i might have an idea why), and a rise to underground glory ala scarface. it followed the footsteps of 2008 italian offering gomorra and many other classic predecessors (especially those brazilian favela movies) in bringing an extremely gritty dimension to the mafia genre.

truthfully the storyline was not only predictable but it was already announced with every promotional gesture. of course, an air of uncertainty would definitely add some kind of excitement but a foreseen affair that could still make you surrender your attention and render it glued to each scene absorbing every development with so much anticipation is a very special one. that is one true mark of a great movie.

in my opinion, other than the beautiful presentation in terms of colours, camerawork, screenplay and editing, and the occasional subtle surrealisms, what really made the movie were the two main actors tahar rahim as our quote unquote hero malik and niels arustrup as the corsican kingpin cesar who rules the prison with his gang's power over guards.

malik is quite a unique character, all his emotions no matter how you can tell from some onscreen suggestions (such as those surreal cellmate scenes) is there are only shown slightly and he has the tendency to go with the flow and make the best of what he has or is given. when we are first introduced to him, he let out in a very short burst about his innocence to the prison personnel surveying him but settled down in haste and calmly recommenced with his interview as soon as the questioner ignored it.

the same goes when he was forced to commit homicide, it inflicted a major trauma on him and will haunt him forever it seems (to the point of randomly baring his tongue out during check-ups) but he has the ability to live with everything. possibly, his mind and emotions have developed a compartment system that allows him to roll with the punches smoother than your usual. he is also not engrossed in his identity, he might seem to be a muslim arab but has no guilt or qualms about being associated with the corsicans, and he eats pork. all this sets you up for what to expect from this particular figure, a strong indicator of what type of person he is.

the most dangerous kind when you think about it, an unpredictable character hustling and scheming through a tortured linear path. sometimes you can sense the endearing innocence in his wide eyed fascination at the modest things he must have been deprived of or taken away from such as the feeling of sea water touching his feet at the beach, the view and free food from an airplane, the warm embrace of carrying an infant, or even at the simplest, looking out the window during a car ride. but in other instances, some of his actions which are largely impulsive deserves adoration from the most ruthless of cunning thugs.

his first and arguably last boss, cesar, is also complex in his own way. he has a sadistic way about him, sometimes administering intimidation in the most sickeningly violent way (such as trying to spoon an eye out). but his swagger is of an abusive father, and like a nostalgic son his underlings could easily fall into the trap of feeling sorry for him which is something that must've crossed the mind of malik but if you already know our protagonist by now you should understand that it is too hard to know what to expect from malik.

one part towards the end in particular was really touching and i can't even quite pinpoint why. malik smoking a cigar looking afar at the now powerless cesar who is kept from approaching him by malik's goons. you can read a million subtle gestures from the way he is looking at his former boss from contempt to pity but whatever it may be, he stays put, exactly where he is, not making even a single sound, as he smokes the last puff and then goes on with his life.

in the final scene that to me is one of the best ending i've seen in a gangster film no matter how inelaborate it was, i would like to conclude that all malik really wanted is what everyone wants, all the simple things in life. he might have acquired it in the most daring and nihilistic way but that is all that he wishes for, and it is in a way, noble. or at least, that is what i wish to believe.

i can say i really like the main character, he has a kiddie way about him that i find cute. this makes me feel for his plight and every time he pulls off a badass move successfully i can't help but to feel happy for him. the movie tried to somehow relate his fate with that of a prophet when he managed to predict something by way of deja vu, and that in the beginning he was illiterate and along the way learned to read and write. and like many prophets, he was drastically thrown into something any regular person would dread, a labored path riddled with countless obstacles but somehow worked his way through it all. the actor played it really well, i'm gonna be on the lookout for this guy (he's kind of a cutie too ahaks). to be able to make you feel something through just facial expressions is a gift.

the movie overall brought a new shade of gangland to the table, the muslim/arab variety. we've seen muslims mostly as villains in a terrorist setting so it's rare to see them in a more humbler but still grim light. and truthfully, you can't help but parallel this with what goes on in our country. the band of 'brothers' who most of the time can look the most pious but will do whatever is necessary to defend and take care of their 'community'. it all sounds too familiar.

bonus reviews:
green zone
this movie was alright. i loved the bourne trilogy, and sure this one puts that concept in a more realistic setting, but i didn't expect realistic settings. it might please some critics to be more realistic but to tell you the truth what i wanted was jason bourne iraq edition to shit out some kick-ass surreal shit and beat the shit out of the pentagon like what he did to c.i.a. but alas, they chose to go the more captain obviousy route as if we didn't already know what's up with the wmd, it was nice action but did not please my vengeful fantasies.


promising concept and some great actors involved. even the feel of the movie was kinda dope but as the film goes on despite an okay twist it got way too routine and common to be good.

i really loved this one. i do have a thing for movies related to sci-fi and this movie despite not being straight forwardly sci-fi used it as a setting so effectively. the actor dude was really good. the robot was kinda cute too. every movie that has some fucks abandoned or placed in space lonelimently would involve some evil twist but this one did not suck in that cliche and had a really nice flow to it resulting in a kinda-satisfying ending. to me whether a movie succumbs to the age old good hollywood ending or not does not really matter, what matters is if the ending is good that's it.

butterfly effect
i liked this movie. had a really nice twilight-zony concept going, the adult support cast could've been better though. the childhood part was great, but when those kids turned to adults shit just lost a bit of magic especially the girl.

awesome chevy chase shit. probably the best chevy chase flick i've seen. he is so smooth (and awesomely random) with his wit, sarcasm, and insults.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

civil whining

there is this guy i know who likes to make generalizations about girls who wear hijab. at one point he was outright dissing hijab-ed girls in the harshest way possible just because a few of them weren't acting too nice in his opinion.

this makes so much sense to me because i once saw an iguana who stole a key-chain from a gift shop and from that day on every time i see another iguana stealing a key-chain from a gift shop i'd be like yeah, iguanas, they're all key-chain thieves! sheesh.

he has a best friend of a different race who seems like a level headed guy. the best friend is sensitive about racism, every time someone says something racist he would be the first to point it out and is not afraid to burn bridges just to get his stance across. but would he burn the bridge he has built for years with this hijab-girls hating best friend of his? because i am sorry to inform you my good man, your best friend, is racist-material.

racism is bigger than racism.

why is the first dude racist-material? because his behaviour is the very same behaviour that fuels racism. of course the dude is not directly racist towards you and you probably value that, but if this is the way he acts, believe me he is more than capable.

like i said, racism is bigger than racism. to be against racism is not just about using politically correct terms in public, or proudly exclaiming that you are not a racist, or avoiding calling someone with a different skin tone names. it runs way deeper than that, it covers more than just a scope related to how you look or what culture you are from. i also don't think we should be against racism, racists and anyone who practice any form of prejudice are the ones who should be against us.

and i guess the best friend wasn't really that level headed afterall, he is actually aware of this behaviour and still couldn't make the connection. either that or he's just accepting of whoever his best friend is, or he just doesn't care because it does not directly affect him. it's disturbing seeing as they are the type of people who wouldn't think twice about putting others down for presumably not being as modern or as civilized as they are.

there is another thing i don't get at all. some girls are so pissed off when they are pressured into wearing the hijab and would be ever ready to lash out if society presume they are whores cause of the way they dress. but they would also be the first to condemn whenever a hijab-ed girl does something indecent as if a hijab-ed girl is supposed to be a decent human being just because she is wearing the hijab.

if this is a behaviour of yours then what right do you have to be pissed off when people judge you because of the way you look in the first place? i'm not saying those people have the right to judge you i'm just saying you're an idiot. and if you are gonna be judgmental just because people are judgmental towards you then i guess this vicious cycle of idiocy will perpetually spin till the milky way pours itself into a cereal bowl of apocalypse.

it's kinda like somebody who would be surprised if they see some arabs behaving badly because arabs are supposed to act all islamic and decent because the prophet was arab not realizing that it was also the arabs that wanted to kill the prophet back in the days.

it's been said too many times don't judge a book by it's a cover, what i wanna say is if you judge a book by it's cover don't bitch when you are judged by your cover.

and i just have to say this, if you are a muslim, just because you know a lot of hijab-clad assholes does not make it any less of a duty for you to cover your aurat. fine, if you don't want to wear the hijab, it's your business, there's no need to get all defensive about it. you just choose to not do some things that your faith requires, i am also as flawed in this respect, most people i know too, no need to get bitchy about it.

those people who start distorting islam just to fit into how they live their lives piss me off even more. some islamic rules not funky and hip enough for you huh? homie, if you don't agree with some islamic teachings then it's simple, you just don't agree with some islamic teachings. islam is about submission, not innovation. it will be however it will be no matter what, you can change interpretations up to a certain point but what's concrete will always be concrete. if you don't agree, then you simply don't agree, don't try to shape something established to your own liking. if you still want to, start your own fucking religion, buy a .org, print corny car stickers, organize gatherings in a neighbourhood far far away from mine whatever whatever as long as you are banished from the proximity of my annoyance radar.

i guess with the rapid advent of social media that has swiped off the cloth blanketing thoughts running through minds i have begun to see just how primitive a lot of people are. and most of these fuckers don't even realize how redneckish they are, they think they are so distant from the close minded ways of a part of the community that they bitch about daily not knowing that they are not advancing from that but merely sidestepping into a different-looking form of redneckism.

you could be the first person to laugh every time racism is parodied in a movie, you could have the most artistic taste in movies and music, you could view yourself as the most liberal personality in your community. none of these in any way guarantee that you are immune from all that negativity which you yourself paradoxically resent.

you could have a lucrative career at a large multinational company, you could own expensive foreign cars, you could acquire a condo unit saturated with ex-pat neighbours. you would probably blend in with the rest of civilization but it wouldn't make you civilized.

a lot of people don't realize just how disgustingly shallow they are. i use disgusting because as a human being i know everyone is in one way or another shallow and hypocritical, but if you have at the very least a little bit of intelligence and common sense you could easily avoid reaching a disgusting level.

a lot of people think that just because they fit the criteria reminiscent of personalities from the culture of a developed country assuming developed countries represent civility gathered probably through mass media or just simply common knowledge they are therefore automatically civilized.

to seem civilized might require a materialistic form.

to be, requires much more.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

shit i watched

kinda nice looking, and great actors (del toro always looks cool as fuck), but overall it was just okay to me. it was well made, the whole atmosphere, the part when he was turning into the werewolf and shit, but the story was too bland.

book of eli

ehh not bad, great hero-villain combo in denzel-oldman but the movie overall could've been way better. what a pity since it had a very mad max-y fallout-y backdrop, the dream of post-apocalypse-bonered geeks. for some reason i thought they got the colour correction wrong, it was way too chromy and almost 300-level annoying, they should learn more from korean movies on how they could make shit bleak yet beautiful. some of the action scenes were kinda cool though.

i love this shit, haha, blaxploitation spoof, it's as slick as oss117 and funny as shit my man, wahuukgea, y'all gotta watch this shit it's mad slept on it came out last year you know.

the invention of lying
i will forever love ricky gervais for the office but fuck is he annoying as himself, the atheist. what i hate so much about some atheist assholes is that they don't realize they can be as annoying as some religious assholes too. annoying douches are annoying douches it don't matter what colour race religion whatever the fuck. this movie is boring atheist propaganda, i don't really give a fuck if it's any propaganda but it is so fucking horrible, i love formulaic movies you know those easy to watch mainstream movies about some dude who one day wakes up as a ship and now has to convince the woman that he loves to fall in love with a ship but fuck me this movie just fell flat maybe cause it was way too obnoxious, yeah we get it bla bla bla you don't believe in god and you think it's ridiculous cause of bla bla bla but this is a fucking movie entertain or get the fuck out. sometimes these atheist assholes are way more annoying than religious assholes i would give out my wu tang t-shirt to see the look on their faces as they are proven wrong.

this was kinda nice, the kid who acted as the asshole kid was very good i really felt for his character, so was the other kid the son of rambow, a very touching imaginative movie.

up in the air
i don't know this was just okay i guess. wayyy too much acoustic guitar with some white dude singing softly as background music.

the parole officer
kind of a waste of steve coogan but what the heck nice easy to watch formulaic movie with a british twist ekk why not.

bored to death season 1
hbo shit, yeah nice chillout shit, private investigator kinda shit and includes a goofy high ted danson. i have a thing for ted danson from cheers to becker to curb your enthusiasm etc. etc. etc. ekk why not.

blue collar
surely the best ever acting performance by the late great richard pryor. great movie, great atmosphere, great chemistry between the main casts which other than pryor includes harvey fucking keitel and yaphet kotto. i was watching this movie and due to their performance onscreen i thought these guys were real close buddies off it, later on i found out they were actually throwing punches at each other during filming. that's good acting.

nanny mcphee
nice, unexpected but i kinda enjoyed it. nanny mcphee was kinda cool.

the stunt man
i watched this just now, a very bizarre movie, had a great performance by peter o'toole. i think i like this movie, it's really well-made, the pace of the movie is almost perfect it's like scene after scene flowing so nicely no matter how hectic or weird it would get, even the movie inside the movie seemed interesting the scoring was dope too. it's basically about some vietnam vet running away from the law stumbling into the set of a world war i movie and somehow brought in as a stuntman by the eccentric director played amazingly by peter o'toole.

the hammer
really chillout, just watch, listen, see what happens kinda rom-com. nothing unique but that's what i like about some movies, no need to get out ya comfort zone and shit. it's just about some guy who's gonna achieve great success, i like, sexytime and get the girl he loves, the guy is funny too it's adam carolla a famous dj or sumin' in america, he's just a funny guy. you know one of those witty tall dudes with a nicaraguan sidekick, i don't know. he just seemed so natural you know it's almost like watching him actually you know falling for the women and bla bla bla, it's basically about this loser who you know finally makes something of himself i just have a thing for losers hmm i wonder why wahuhukgea.

meet bill


dirty work
wahukkgea norm macdonald, he's just norm macdonald, this movie is hilarious, and to top it off it's a great 90's formulaic easy to watch movie. some funny ass cameos too, namely chevy chase (classic dry chevy chase here), the late chris farley, gary coleman (yes), don rickles, adam sandler, and many more.

the hangover
a non-funny dude, where's my car

an education
not bad, ok.

homie spumoni
not bad too.

big stan
yeah, kinda nice.

drillbit taylor