Tuesday, January 26, 2010

some candy talking

thankfully throughout my life i've been in okay health so i have never really had to stay in the hospital. so when the doc asked for my history i gave it a bit of a thinker and came out with an innocent i-seriously-thought-it-would-count answer that could easily be mistaken for sarcastic wit to which both she and her receptionist chuckled at. the answer was 'time sunat je kot' meaning 'well, only during circumcision'.

why see the doc? well, just a little something something that needs to be operated. it's this thing i've been carrying around for quite some time. i didn't even realize it's 'thing'ness until it was pointed out to me a few years ago. all throughout my college years i had always thought my neck had somehow developed freakishly steely muscles due to straining it excessively trying to stay awake during lectures. this, of course, was a foolish assumption considering that if you took the time to statistically do the numbers on how many classes i actually attended you would find that it wouldn't satisfy the regularity of a proper fitness regime.

the doc kinda made me comfortable from the moment she invited me to sit on that patient chair next to the table. it didn't take much she only had to ask my age and say 'oh really, i thought you were 16 and shit' she might have worded it differently i wouldn't know i kinda blanked out in gedikness (there's no word in the english language that could do this one justice so no translation) at 'thought you were 16'. note: that's how you charm a himbo such as yours truly. after a short discussion and q&as and whathaveyous she decided i needed a ct scan, so off i went.

other than gathering that i don't have much experience with the hospital, you should also know that i am socially awkward and have no idea whatsoever how everything works. as soon as i reached the x-ray place i think i did pretty okay at the beginning, i've managed to greet the receptionist with a nod and give him the green paper without drenching my armpits in sweat. he mentioned that for ct scans my name would be called instead of taking a number. he didn't add that i should take a seat first so i ran a few rushy signals through my brains and figured that out myself.

while sifting through an endless supply of outdated klue magazines and not wondering why they were left untouched by the largely not-so-young x-ray lab waiting room demographic i longed for the doc's clinic which had up to date editions of serious adult magazines (by this i mean of the time national geographic variety not the playboy penthouse fyi). she even had the latest lat comic. i pay attention and cherish these details because in the waiting room would be the only time you could see me engrossed in an intellectual reading material flexing my intensifying eye muscles trying to read the small caption below the pictures which other than being the focal point of my concentration is also what makes these magazines 'readable'.

back to the current waiting room, i was 'reading' and pondering away at nothing too urgent i when somehow managed to hallucinate (or soundlucinate) my name being called. and by misleading chance, the ct scan room door was also opened. without much hesitation (something which i should have heavily hallucinated instead) i walked towards and peeked into the room while still holding the door. a lady was inside prepping the ct bed thingy and ignoring my presence. i just stared blankly at this ignorance until she finally realized a 6 foot mammal was blankishly staring at her doing her work. with my trademark combo of low-fi, low frequency, and low volume voice i asked 'did you call my name?' 'err, no..' she smiled sheepishly for a while before probing further 'what are you in for?' 'ct scan' (my inner monologue going wow you got the name of that thing right at the first pronunciation). before things could get awkward and i would have to be involved in stuff like a conversation i escaped by hurrying back to my past edition klue magazine-infested refuge.

when my name was finally exclaimed i went into the room devoid of any direct facial contact to avoid witnessing the previous lady's oh-finally-it's-your-ACTUAL-turn-but-are-you-sure-it-is-though?-haha-i-keed-i-keed face. in my nervousness i almost thought i had to be naked for the scan, thankfully for everyone involved in the whole ordeal, i awaited authentic instructions.

to be honest, the first thought that went through my mind upon entering was hey is that chase and thirteen from house md behind that glass pane explaining scan results to a patient. you could say it was a familiar sight albeit a smaller version cause while in cuddy's scanning equipment facilities (ooh kinky) you could probably organize a ping pong match between two medium-sized giants in this one those unsuspecting doctors inside the safety of their cubicle won't be spared from the stink of my feet.

i also noticed that this whole scanning empire was run by females. out of genuine fear towards my opposing species i shall refrain from furthering with a snide comment citing the female breed's ability to see through all of us. on the ct equipment, the first step was to lie down, so there i was gawking at the ceiling. not exactly the best thing to do right after catching legion at the cinemas a couple of hours ago. if you haven't seen at least the trailer let me get you acquainted with spidergrandma!

oh yeah legion was okay, i wasn't expecting much so i guess i enjoyed it, a bit. paul bettany was cool as fuck. it was funny cause he was supposed to be the angel that gave a fuck about humans but it didn't seem like he gave a fuck at all not even when he was making that speech about how much he gave a fuck. in that speech to dude he looked more threatening than assuring as if going 'look, i give a fuck, just trust me real talk, *points gun*, i.. give... a fuck, awight bruv?'. wahukukgea the fuck man, he was cool though, a bit weird to watch since the movie was mostly crap-fodder and his arch nemesis was gaybriel.

dude, hollywood needs to sit down and study my religion cause we would never allow gabriel to be portrayed like that. our angels have wings that span a fucking planet, they could destroy civilizations with a single swipe and shit like that, they throw giant fireballs and shit. they don't dress in homo-bondage kits and carry mini maces with cute re-tractable spikes fuck outta here son.

but one part kinda made me laugh for a bit, it was when tyrese gibson was like 'i don't know boutchu WHITE BOY'. you know you're the realest thug when you've addressed an angel as 'white boy' wahukhukgea wow.

where was i umm, okay and then the scan doctor would relay some guidance to me using those speakers. for a while though i thought i was following orders from hal 9000 from 2001: a space odyssey cause once i was inside the giant gadget i was facing a blinking light and there were voices telling me when to and not to breath and swallow. at first i thought my brain had developed its own p.a. announcement system to control my bodily actions and then i realized that this is a massive fucking furry ball of ridiculous and i need to stop having initial 'thoughts'. this version of hal 9000 sounded female and was able to emote though, she sounded like a cutesy japanese girl but with perfect english. i'm not saying japanese people are bad at english i'm only saying sometimes you understand them better when they're speaking japanese wait what.

after i was finished one of the handlers told me the report would be finished in an hour. i went to the vending machine for a tin of milo. i'm telling you i don't know how anything works so i actually went back up to the doc's office to tell her that they told me the report was going to be completed in an hour and she kinda told me in her smile what the fuck are you doing here go back downstairs and wait. she didn't actually, she just simply went it usually takes less than that which despite her good polite intentions was uncalled for since i have already spent half an hour walking around the hospital for no reason and once i am back down there i am going to spend the next half an hour paranoid that my name might have been called out. i could easily just ask the dude if my name has been called out but i have this strange obsession with hesitating to find out something and dwelling in my own lame paranoia.

and anyway after that bla bla bla and bla bla here i am in my room it's 1:10 am i'm kinda hungry but i can't eat now maybe tomorrow can't wait for breakfast. i'm listening to r&b i'm so intoo youuuuu.

sometimes i feel like driving with a bunch of goons and parking at a post-apocalypsy stadium's parking lot to witness a mausoleum-like event. i would need to rescue one of the gladiator dudes by figuring out how to unlock his future shock technology cuffs and then double dragoning with him to defeat the thousands of men who stand to win money if they beat him. of course while trying to escape with my goons in our dirty squarish wagon we would have to fend off an army of chasers in floaty jet ski like vehicles but we would surely wait what wow i need to rest my mind.

Monday, January 11, 2010

shit i watched

let's get it in.

anugerah juara lagu 24
there were two male contestants from the latest af with ridiculous make up. astro make up team get your make up game up, i coughed a few times from the excess powder and i wasn't even at the venue. see boys during the l'oreal segment cheryl samad mentioned how make up is used to enhance your best features and not to turn your face to raja kapuuur's itu nasihat akak ye anaq-anaq sekalian.

other than bunkface, hujan and yuna and her band, everybody's costumes were stolen from a primary school play set up, real talk. i lost count of how many thumb thacks were used to accessorize the fabrics. btw i wanted that aizat dude to win cause his songs were nice, and so was his singing.

some fuckers from facebook were bitching about how yuna should've won and how the 1malaysia shit was getting played out, yawll are ridic, wgaf stop judging something by anything else other than that shit itself. the song is good, fine, that's it, who gives a fuck if it's manipulating the 1malaysia shit and you're tired of the 1malaysia shit just pay attention to the song you pie penetrators. i'll say this much the classical indian singing didn't go to well with the song but that chinese instrument played by that malay chick was perfect but who cares anyway it doesn't really matter what matters is the song itself and man do i hate these stupid malays.

these are the same twats who probably didn't want to let non-muslims use the arabic word for god, why? cause muslims are weak and refuse to strengthen themselves and are not confident in their own faith therefore would rather blame everything else that could confuse their weak shitfaces. yeah that's right assholes don't refer to the quran and the sunnah when you're making your decision focus on your own insecurities and idiocy and when things don't go your way burn churches cause by your logic if the prophet did not get what he wanted even though his demand can't be supported by his own teachings he would start burning churches right?

this is why the malay race is en route towards extinction and i would gladly denounce myself from being one just to help that cause.

the only solution to this problem is for the malays to acknowledge that they don't really follow the quran instead they actually follow kitab melayu. this will help avoid confusion and since we all know now that malays are against confusion let's settle this once and for all, all under kitab melayu go to this side and all muslims this side. i will dub all of you malaysians but of different faith. that's it fuck it why am i so angry today when i'm not really an angry person, i'm the kind of guy who likes to walk around shopping malls eating cut fruits smiling to myself argh.

new moon
and while i'm on the subject of angst let me review this classic film. i forced my hot latina gf to watch this 'movie' with me and i'll need my whole lifetime to apologize to her for my behaviour that night. i came to the cinema to witness this popular flick with an open mind, i left with the urgency to improve as a person by being more close minded. i've seen a lot of crappy movies and i could easily bear those in fact enjoyed some of 'em but this one, this one, was just wow. i've never been to a horrible high school play but now i can say i've been to the filming of one. i take back all my hate for the cliched bashing of twilight for this shit deserves all the hatred in this earth and every other inhibited planets, fuck this shit deserves hatred from mountains, trees and shit. if we put in neo from the matrix somewhere in this z-grade pissfest he'd win a fucking oscar out of comparison garkh.

a whole fucking bunch of rap battles

my favourite battlers are hollow da don and tiger ty.

oh yeah dizaster too, cause he's like the cartman of this battle shit.

what about dumbfoundead, the funniest battler ever.

oh yeah math hoffa too, his swag is ridiculous.

did i mention tiger ty? cause if you fuck with TIGER TY he'll come through with a TIGER SWIPE!

who else, i dunno, these days i usually check out battles mostly from grind time. sometimes from don't flop, kotd, smack/url and others.

couple's retreat, the hair warriors, muallaf

bodyguards and assassin
see this to witness donnie fucking yen stop a galloping horse with his bare chest.

the princess and the frog
the movie was not bad but there was an old couple getting into a deep conversation throughout the whole movie. i would understand if they were youngins who didn't know better but they looked like they were in their late 30s or 40s. i hope you two had a nice time entertaining the kids who came to the cinema. i am pretty sure those kids bought the princess and the frog tickets with the sole intention of overhearing murmurs from two sources that represent what they would turn out like when they reach adulthood if they along the way fail to develop common fucking ethics.

beautiful but other than that the story, characters and all that shit were crappy. however imagine the possibilities, man. with this technology available to make cgi seem so seamless if applied to something more well-thought out it'd be the dog's bollocks. some dude in an internet forum made a good point that when the new star wars movies came out those were shit but the technology was ingenious and later on lord of the rings came and peter jackson used that shit way better so i'm hoping those fuckers that brought that smurf world to life would work for some other dude who could bring justice to that shit aight, word word.

did you hear about the morgans
we went to the alamanda mall, and i liked the food court. more nasi campur stalls should provide nasi dagang as an option. and giant begedils must be made mandatory for every food court ever, so one utama i'm looking at you with one eyebrow lifted. oh yeah the movie, it was okay, hugh grant had some funny lines but it seemed like the scriptwriters decided that those were going to be the only highlights of their script so they barred the other onscreen characters from reacting tastefully cause they decided that nobody wants to see actors engaging in colorful exchanges that would brighten up the dialogues and ultimately make for a more engrossing film. oh yeah the sergeant from the wire, and the stranger from the big lebowski were sighted, it's heartwarming to see people from some of my favorite shit making some dough.

sherlock holmes
got bored pretty fast, some nice shit earlier. i've never seen any sherlock holmes adaptation other than house m.d., and i've never read the books so i guess using that to judge this shit it was okay but house m.d. is still the best dude to play sherlock holmes so far. the movie itself while directed by guy ritchie i don't know it didn't have enough coolness like his older shit, needed more cockneyness i guess. mah gurl who read the books thought robert downey jr. didn't fit the role too well and it should be someone more poker facey and more britishy i think, in fact judd law himself who was watson would've made a better sherlock holmes. and facebookers stop hitting me with pillows!, i once went to an old friend who i have been out of contact with for years and started hitting him with pillows, he wasn't amused. and i was guessing he was not amused because that shit is annoying and i couldn't help but to not disagree!

the thick of it and in the loop
brilliant! every character was funny and lovable and i had to rewind so many times cause the dialogues were delivered so swiftly yet so full of hilarious awesomeness. imagine house m.d. but instead of just one person having all the good lines everyone does. and just like house m.d. i don't know what the fuck is going on especially when i'm clueless about british politics but i don't really give a fuck i'm just enjoying the ride.


funny people
for a movie that had the holy trinity of annoyance - adam sandler, seth rogen, and mini seth rogen, it wasn't bad at all.

curb your enthusiasm new season
dope shit, seinfeld reunion, larry david's chemistry with jerry seinfeld = priceless. and don't forget leon!

entourage new season
okay lah.

it's always sunny in philadelphia new season
HILARIOUS. as i've said before, god bless mental white people.

house m.d.
it's house, watchu expect haha.

500 days of summer
boring crap. nice chick at the end though. but fuck me if this movie wasn't made just to activate the twattiness of indie-twats so they could feel superior to the regular people who didn't get the 'the smiths' references. well guess what i wear baggy pants and wu tang t-shirts but i got the references perfectly, i even know most of the songs in the soundtrack, and yeah well basically i got it but so fucking what? that stupid ipod in the elevator scene was pure wankery, if you thought that scene was adorable then picture yourself wanking to a picture of yourself and replace it with that scene and it wouldn't make a single raindrop of a difference argkh i'm so full of hate for indie faggots graaaaaaaaawgkh. i love indie music btw. however my point is, this movie is boring.

peep show new season
okay, not as great as previous seasons

sin nombre
when it comes to me, you can't go wrong with latino gangsters, however this movie is more than that it was quite i dunno, quiet heart wrenching, i think that's the word, yeah quite feely feely heart-touchy. nice. and it was kinda breathtakingly beautiful to to see from the perspective of immigrants who travel by riding illegally on train roofs.

observe and report
not bad.

whatever works
okay lah, very return to annie hally shit from woody allen (i think my assessment is quite right, i don't know i'm not a very meticulous film geek).

i'm currently tryna finish the new bad lieutenant movie and quite a few other shits, i also haven't been able to finish city of men (city of god spinoff tv series) and veronica mars yet. catch yawll latuh.