God gave me three chances to find a girlfriend. School, university, and mirc. In school I was too stupid and blur to react when this one chick who had mad body (mantap in bahasa melayu), firm tits an all'at was interested, you lost son. I slept too much in class, some girls might find that cool but I was too slow to react. I lost. In university I lost again, I didn't go too classes, some cases I won't go to a class for a whole semester and still pass cause I got good friends who will sign for me and fill me in on assignments and shit, then again I still lost. I might've had some sweet moments playing games and football in the evening, going to hardcore gigs and other stupid shit malay dudes do in university but I still lost, no pussy for me. Mirc came and went, I got a chick who I actually went out on dates with and called my girlfriend then she played me, got this other chick who I totally did not meet in real life which does not count, they both was playin' it was stupid now I lost again. Mirc is dead now, it's still there but it's dead, kinda like hip hop, well it's not really dead, just irrelevant. Now we have instant messengers and friendster myspace what whatevers, it's hard to have a game in this shit cause first off you actually have to put pictures on your shit nahmean, in mirc you don't have to have pics, you just ask a girl out and she's stuck with your ugly ass for a day wakhugnjkuhga or she'll be cybersexing with a jabba the hut she won't know it. You also have to be very clever at playing the game, you see chicks in mirc all day in channels they're always there but with these new more personal shit shit you have to time everything right, you can't private message them too much, and tha'ts just yeah bla bla.
There's some advantage to being a big ass fat muthafuckah, like people remember you, I'm not too friendly but people will remember me, some people I have only chilled with once remember my name even. There is a disadvantage, people will stare at you for no reason, in this country people are small so they stare at you, especially when you're carrying a big ass cpu across a hotel and a mall, they stare and stare at you. I mean me. One dude was staring at me for a minute, I'm threw the cpu at him, he kept on staring, with blood on his face and all. I took the cpu and walked away. I looked back he was still staring. So I went to the atm machine to check out hot chicks, I just love hot malaysian chicks. Another advantage is you know in malls you have those dudes and dudettes who give out flyers, they usually wouldn't dare to give it to you, either that or they think I'm poor and can't afford the spectacles they're offering, oh wait I don't wear glasses, maybe that's why, hmm, on another note, one time a taxi driver told me I needed to swim and that was the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me - to my friends who were sitting at the back, laughing in their minds, I can hear you assholes, assholes.
I used to have a tuition teacher who looked like Elvis. I think I've storied this before but just be a nice human and pretend I haven't. He was the funniest dude ever, stuck in the past and shit, she asked us if we had a kugiran, yes no one not trying to be ironic use that word anymore kumpulan gitar rancak, he said he used to be in one. He was also a charmer knows how to speak to your parents and shit. Unlike the other tuition teacher who was a square social inept dude but can really teach and make sure you get your shit togetha. Elvis dude was a conman, who just ran away with my parents tuition fees. Gotta thank square dude for makin' my spm grades quite respectable, dude actually gave a fuck about some negros.
The funniest thing about elvis dude was he would teach me biology by reading through book. It'll be like he reading fotosintesis adalah makanan ruji terhadap enzim enzim yang berada di kulit rama-rama then I'll be like macamana tuh? for no reason other than I'm sleepy and be like whatever let me off already I wanna go to mirc and cybersex some random chick already then he'll pause for a while (reading the next sentence and memorizing it OF COURSE), then he would read the next sentence to me but as if he's not reading and he's actually saying it wakguaeuhgeahkkuhga you get me? I'm like duh we're reading the same big ass book here, wtfz?! wuhakhugehahgaeuga you get me? wtf that's the funniest shit everr.