Thursday, May 22, 2008

MAN UNITED OWNS. i cummed in my pants at a local mamak

quiet an uneventful night. except for err, i dunno, like err, MAN UTD WINNING THE FUCKING CHAMPS LEAGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah take that you other club bitches who keep bitching the whole season, especially arse supporters.

anyway, yeah, i guess i'll have to give props to man utd, they won the league, they won europe. so they the fucking shit right now.

i think this is the first time i ever talk about footie this season here, i used to talk about it all the time in this bitch of mine.

but times have changed. my passion might have been watered down a bit. kinda like a flavoured water being watered down by water. wow, that's prolly one of the most literal metaphors i've come across.

mm. maybe not living (anymore) with 14 other hairy males with the tendency to sleep-in-the-middle-of-the-lounge-with-balls-and-dick-wide-exposed whose lives depend on the match results of their various respective favourite teams does help, a bit.

however, i did watch the match with about 7 or more males of nearly the same order. but that's just it right, i'm not surrounded by them, they are a choice. it's like going to the lake gardens or something, i can make the choice to go to the lake gardens, but i'm not surrounded by it, so my life does not revolve as much around it as compared to if i lived in the middle of it. argh. i dunno, it's 8am and i haven't slept, i have the right to not make sense. although i vaguely think i did, i might find out later when my mind is more centered.

i wonder if i'll become like my pops or uncles whose knowledge of modern football is based on newspapers instead of actual matches. eventhough back then they were fanatics, my pops even took me to an english league match once, my uncle gave me a genuine aston villa jersey which i proudly wore ketat/tighty-ly as it was the 80's.

maybe not. it happened to wrestling though. like i used to be crazy about it just like my pops and uncles, but does not give a tinge of fuck anymore, at all. but wrestling is acting, it's way different, it's more subjective.

grrkkhh. what a glorious night. MAN UTD OWNED YOU BITCHES.

yeah i know some people think man utd fans are posers. but what the fuck do yawll know, yawll think just because you support some club that wins something once every five years yawll know more about football, yawll iz pure footie fans. fuck off. i chose man utd when i was a kid, i didn't know better, still i chose it for the right reasons, i liked maradona and his dribbling style, and ryan giggs played kinda liked that, i liked cool players, and eric cantona was just that, that was that, and i liked their whole trust on young players. i liked the way they play. isn't that enough reasonss to support a team? why do you listen to certain musicians? cause they sound good right? who gives a flying hobbit fuck if they're popular and 18 year old girls support them for no reason other than pop hype. who gives a fucking dildo fuck really. and i have never budged from being a man utd supporter, i stick to my guns homie, why? cause i fucking love it you bitches. i fucking love it and i'm happy to be able to enjoy simple pleasures.

and another played out shit is people bringing up local teams. you should support local teams bla bla bla instead of english teams. fuck you you're not the fucking major general of my fucking base. i do support a local team, they're called negeri sembilan, i've supported them since i was a kid too. i've been to a piala malaysia final. but now, i just don't feel like watching them, cause err.. it's pretty obvious don't you think? it's fuckeng boring. why lie to yourself and watch something out of principal or shit, fuck principals, i wanna enjoy myself. i escaped principals when i got out of school, now i'm pissing all over that shit.

a glorious night indeed. and a bitchy morning. i guess we all go off on meaningless tangents when we're pissed for no reason.

ahh i can smell napalm in the morning.

last night, i could've been in a peaceful apartment near the hills, sniffing the heavenly armpit of an angel. she could be riding me endlessly, no reality tv judge is about to critique her vocal works - so she moans with a careless pitch. waking up all creepy crawlies. keeping me in slumber as i am in a dream everyone would only dream to dream of. as my curious little bro explores every inch of her volcano, trying to find that one spot that will spark the core of the larva. as she explodes, i stare at her in awe enjoying the view. just like a volcano chaser, except that i'm not chasing, i have already formed the milky way inside her. but i pray for my swollen member to stay swollen for just a few more seconds so a synchronization of pleasure peak would seem to appear albeit faked. and my prayers are answered. and we end it with her smoking a cigarette, and me staring at the sky.. filled with smoke.

last night, i could've been driving a journey of no direction. ending up at a small town with no name. i could be walking towards the local tavern, walking in to only a few of the lot of them watching me for a split second, eventually uninterested. order a drink before talking to the bartender who is a middle aged wimmin with a high-school aged cleavage. she pours her wisdom on me as if i am every jug in her jurisdiction of the bar. a pity that i asked for milk as beverage (without vellocet (LSD), synthemesc (synthetic mescalines), drencrom (adrenochrome), or a knife which could sharpen me up for the old ultra-violence in it), she frowned like, this is a bar you pussy. but we kept on talking, still. she told me of how she left her husband, very typical female bartender tale. i listened anyway. she told me of how he abused her not physically but mentally. he was an intellect but had no idea how to treat any kind of humans at all except maybe scientifically cause she added that he kept a lab under their house that she suspected was a base for all kinds of genetic experiments. it would creep her like fuck but she had never been curious enough to go down. she would often wake up from a nightmare as if someone was screaming inside her head. by the time she decided to leave him he pleaded her to stay for his work was almost over and he could maybe treat her better, but she resisted. a week later, here she is. interesting, but, not really (i went in my head) so i pretend to look at my watch and go loudly darn gosh it's __ (insert time) already i gotta get going (always works when you wanna escape a dull scenario). i set my foot outside the bar. walking into the dark, onto my car. only to run back to the bartender.. chased by zombies left outside haphazardly banging the door held by the disinterested until now barmongers. the bartender turned to me 'have you seen zombie movies?', i say 'yeah', 'do they ever have sex scenes in the midst of action?', i say 'hardly', 'then we're about to be pioneers'.

last night, i could've stolen a lotta heavy drugs from a big time drug dealer and run straight to klcc. use it right in the middle of the shopping complex while it's closing. the guards see me, the guards alert the police. the police chases after me. halfway through the chase, i see one hobo looking dude and a few masculinated companions chasing after me too. is it an irony that i am chased by two differing ends of the law? maybe. i am the focal point of that irony if it is ever one. would i make it worse by suddenly err, running towards them instead? what do they do in this situation? do they stop and wait for me, or continue chasing? they chose the former, bad choice, i turned around again and ran towards the exit before hailing a cab outside. told the cab to just fucking drive! they had no choice but to hail cabs, themselves. it would've been really funny if they shared one but not everything has to be slapsticky humorous. so it was two cabs with different moral and legal notions chasing one. we bust through the streets of kl occasionally passing by mamaks being accomodated by noisy males focused on the projections of a projector. finally we come to a dead end. grand finale. the police goes are you 'hobo drug dealer's name'?! i said, the fuck no?! that's him (me pointing at the hobo who was also pursuing me). the police went, the fuck? lucky day can i say? he gives the other cop a high five, he captures the hobo and his masculine companions. the hobo giving me a snake hissing look. i stole his shit, walk away scot free with it, he gets caught. i go back home, cops oblivious to my pockets being refuge to at least a few thousand bucks of mind-altering intoxicators. i go back home tired, straight to sleep. i wake up late, go through the day as per usual. i sleep again the next night. i wake up again in the morning this time. but this time, no per usual day is gone through, i wake up with a gun to my head, hobo looking dewd pointing it, masculine companions all around my bed. no more snake hissy looking face. hobo is now smiling slyly. he throws a newspaper accurately to the side of my head, i tilt it a bit assuming i am being forced to read. 'two policemen and a cab driver slaughtered in drug-related bloodbath'. fuck fuck fuck, i close my eyes. BOOM BOOM BOOM BLAOW BUCK BUCK BLAOW. i open my eyes. my rose mcgowan lookalike girlfriend leaning at the door with cleopatra's swagger. rubbing an mp5 sub machine-gun slowly between her legs.. she goes 'baby all this blood makes me wanna fuck'. i go 'to put it in borat terms, bloody sexytaimz?!'. she goes 'yeah baby'. 'come here and let me bloody fuck you already bitch'.

but instead, i chose to chill at a nearby mamak with a buncha outside homies as we couldn't find a spot at more happening places. cheering and making noise inside a small proximity resident to a population of 99.9% males. watching a screen projecting two groups of males going after the same ball trying to fit it into something guarded. hugging each other tightly and joyfully at every confirmation of successful insertion. hugging each other tightly and joyfully even more after inserting more than the other group of males. wow.

yet i'm here, 9:45am, way after the aftermath of this "man"ly event, with a big fucking smile on my face.

life is fun, if you choose to ignore the gory details.

we fucking won you week pawn bitches.


Pourpres~ said...

kau ni kalau tak merepek x sah. and kalau tak panggil aku rempit pon tak sah. dasar anak haram. shooh shooh

penyangak said...

yelah aku tak panggil kau rempit lagi. tapi i reserve my right to mengarut as much as i loike sukatilergkhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh tak suke syudehhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Pourpres~ said...

hahaha. yeayyea, ok!