Monday, May 19, 2008

dirty south diaries, ninja cat?

sometimes i would be late 10-20 minutes for school and the asshole prefects would smile and take my name down and start chastizing me. unless if it was that non-asshole prefect who happened to be the first malay christian i ever met. he was too nice. but most of the time it would be name taken down, as if it has any other effect than the prefect feeling some kind of dumbfucking superiority. then since you'll get held up you'll be late for the class and you have the annoyed teacher to face. argh. sometimes you come across the disciplinary teacher who will start pulling your hair, telling you to cut this and that, while randomly hurting random parts of your body like ears or cheeks or shit.

but here comes the paradox.

my daily trip to school is random. sometimes my pops would drive me. sometimes a neighbour. sometimes my friend's ride.

this one day i had no ride at all. i forgot why. i didn't know where to go. and then i was reminded of one of my friend who was always late. i walked to his house.

i must've runged his fucking doorbell 69 times. then someone answered, it was his pops with no shirt on and looking like he just got out of bed and a bit pissed off but still managing to sport a polite albeit shabby smile. he simply said my friend is not going to school. i said 'ok'. he closed the door. what an anti climax.

and sooooooooooooooooooo.

but first lemme tell you how i usually get home from school. it was either by bus (but rarely) or walking along this shortcut through the jungle. i had never needed to use this shortcut to go to school before until now.

i was totally hesitant at first, but i don't know i just went through it. through the fucking jungle, trees and shit, nahmeen? dodgy rivers that could be a nest to crocodiles, and two lean tree trunks as the bridge. this bridge is the worst part of the journey. requiring balance and lightness, both i doth not possess. but i am glad i never fell, it could've happened, but no i'm still here sitting down writing bullshit in this blog instead of in the crocodile's armitage shanks, pasty and stinky.

sweating like mad and already at least an hour late for school i entered the civilized part of the journey. the tar road leading up to the dreaded school entrance full of smartly dressed police wannabees.

and so i reached the gate. that fucking thing was wide fucking open, i walked peacefully to my class. the class hasn't even started for some reason. nobody noticed. everything just went on as usual. no name taken, no teacher staring at you like you were a crook, no shit.

dope right? the teacher strolled in with a morning smile. and began the lesson. i was naively trying to hide the sweat, like who gives a fuck i sweat a lot regardless anyway right. fucka.

it was actually all about accidental good timing. it was a monday, there was a gathering for the whole school. when i arrived, i'm guessin' it was when everybody was just starting to enter class including the prefects. the teachers are maybe in their place gettin' they shit togeva or on the way to class. to get to my class was easy, right after the school gate take a straight right, a shortcut going down a small and hill then up the stairs (but i had no idea why the gate was wide open, both parts of it).

bla bla bla. the conclusion is, i should be a bankrobber.

this morning. i was going out, ninja cat looked at me like 'good morning homie where's mah food.. bitch'. i was like 'aight aight aight', and poured down the food. the plate was on the left side of mah car. so i went to the right side to start the engine. then i try to go around the back of the car to sneak up on ninja cat, maybe try to touch him/her/whateva.

the moment a bit of me popped out from the car's anus, ninja cat instantly turned his head which was facing the delicacy and stared at me. shit this dewd is fucking alert. i hid a bit. waited for a while. and slowly paced back out. dewd is still lookin' at me. aight aight aight. you really alert doggy, i mean catty. i tried going round the front of the car as the only innovation possible to my sneak strategy other than going up on the car's roof. and *poof* ninja cat is gone. fuck this dewd is goot. props due yo.

shit i'm fuckin' sick right now. some kind of ulcer or whatever infecting my nasal. that's the worst, it's like you can't speak comfortably. to speak comfortably you have to avoid proper pronunciation and be sengau. fuck, i'm popping pills and all sorts of shit and it still won't go away. i'm starting to sneeze constantly and feeling a fever coming up too.

no phone sex tonight ladies aight?!?! unless if sengau is your thing. afterall akon, sean kingston, and t-pain are 'in' nowadays. ain't it. fucking bitches with awful funny voices making mils. fuck yawll.

2 comments:

Bedah said...

this is soo bangsat... you liked sean kingston what.. you told me that day.

penyangak said...

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh kosser mak pecahkan rasia i tau.