SECURITY OF THE FIRST WORLD

while i was taking a nice 'hot' shit (like dude seriously, it was like giving my anus hole a nice hot bath, except with denser "water") i was thinking to myself, nobody is good enough to help this country. malaysia's future relies on my wisdom.

right now it's a battle between the ultra-malays and the opposition. although honestly i am leaning more towards anwar (despite him being a sheep shagger), i do admit that (1) he's a cunning politician and (2) he's carrying some fucked up weight - i mean on his ass are former umno members, democrats, liberals, socialists, islamists etc. how the fuck can our country ever handle all that. its not possible. on the other hand, i'm just not comfortable with having ultra-malays control my country anymore, just because i think they're a bunch of cunts, it's that simple.

so although this might not seem very original, i propose - we re-invite the british back into our country's administration.

assholes are gonna be quick to say PENJAJAH! (colonists!), look dawg, it's just not about who is leading the country anymore, it's about which administration is gonna allow tits on our television channels after midnight.

here i present a few points to support my argument. by the end of this list you will have convinced yourself of three things, that: (1) i am right and we should bring back the bri'ish, (2) i'm a genius, and (3) raja farah is a dunce for not falling in love with me.

okay go.

(POINT 1)
are you daft? we're talking about the same people who were responsible for 95% of monty python.

(POINT 2)
they invented cool shit like, i dunno, drum n bass? and most of the great rock n roll bands were british, like DUH, led zeppelin, black sabbath, the rolling stones, the beatles, oasis (just kidding), etcetra etcetra wokevvah.

(POINT 3)
they have a cool accent. i mean it's not just about how they pronounce fuck (faack) or the vast array of cuss slang at their disposal, try saying "pathetic" in an american accent. come on just try it. yees, "pa-the-dIC", that is pathe-tic. and americans get away with this in films and tv every fucking day, you can't pronounce pathetic that way, what the fuck is "pathedic"? when you say pathetic, you are supposed to be demeaning someone or berating him/her to a point of no return. but if some random american goes "dude, you're patheDic" to me, i'll just be like "err yeah, okay, anyway, 50 bucks unleaded pump number 8 thanks". drop it you yanks, dem brits know what's up - it's pronounced puhh-the-TICK! that extra T at the end of that shit is what makes the word. grr. sheesh, some people.

(POINT 4)
other countries around us that lack enough british presence back in the colonialism days, they suck. indonesia? pleez. what did the dutch (or whoever it was) ever do for them? sure they have better looking women, and their schoolkids can stay out past midnight and and they're more liberal and shit but have you ever been there? they have like, what, just ONE flyover? *scoffs* has electricity even arrived there yet, i wouldn't dare speculate.

still i don't intend any offense towards our indo brothers, we still need y'all, our luxury condos aren't gonna build themselves, and the music's not bad too, anything to minimize the presence of akademi fantasia winners on radio.

and then, what about thailand? sure they can make movies about how the british only get to be teachers of their king's children and shit, sure they have a nice sex industry, and hot chicks, and hot manboys, but would you live there for more than two weeks? when the novelty wears off, thailand is nothing doggie, it has all of malaysia's heat and shit, but without the civilization. my friend told me he once went there with his laptop and when my friend turned it on the locals thought it was black magic. *scoffs* savages.

just look at singapore, the only nation that could compete with us, and why? the british of course. but nonetheless they're still gay.

there are those other south east asian countries, but i don't remember their names. they don't teach us about them in geography, maybe they did, oh wait yeah, i think all of them were categorized under "tasaday". hmm, okay wateva.

(POINT 5)
they tricked brad pitt into playing a gypsy.

(POINT 6)
i concede their national team is gay, but the premier league is super solid.

(POINT 7)
and what about their tv, fuck - the office, peep show, the league of gentlemen, extras, monty python's flying circus, fawlty towers, i'm alan partridge, knowing me knowing you with alan partridge, louis theroux, shit i could go on and on and on, but i need to chat you know, you get the idea, though.

(POINT 8)


..

i rest my case your faarcking honour.

i should be sleeping right now. 2 hours ago i managed to get the lights and my clothes off, lying on the bed. suddenly i'm back here in the chair in stadium lights brightness banging away at the keyboard, i wish my real life was as exciting as this. argkh.