memang dia tak lawa ke?
shit aku tak pernah tengok in real life.
buleh tak at least 1 or 2 of my 3 readers confirm this.
dia tak lawa ke doh?
aku kene tukar perempuan ke skarang?
cibai ah situation nih.
dah 2 tahun aku tak mandi. perlu ke mandi? aku rasa tak payah dowh, aku rasa bau badan yang natural nih lah perfume yang paling mujarab. korang tak terfikir ke bila tak buat satu bende, bende tak elok jadi, tapi bila kita tak buat satu bende tuh long enough bende yang tak elok tuh akan cancel out itself and instead kita dapat the other end of the spectrum which is better than apa akan jadi kalau kita buat satu bende tuh semata-semata supaya bende yang elok tuh tak jadi. fahems?
dah 3 tahun aku tak shave, tapi takde facial hair pun kat .. kat apa ah? oh kat muka aku (duh obviously, sebab tuh lah nama dia facial hair bodohnya penulis) (fuck off), asal aku takde facial hair? aku nih sebenarnya perempuen ke? tetek ada, mana pantat? ke bahagian yang macam pantat between testis dengan bontot nih pantat sebenarnya? tapi takde rangsangan pun. tak aku bukan perempuen kot, cuma laki yang tak cukup hormon chuck norris. loser betol ah.
dah 10 tahun aku duduk kat basement cave nih. tapi aku takde rasa macam batman pulak, walaupun rupa aku ada macam christian bale sket. takde kelawar pun kat bawah nih, kelawar pun tak se-loser aku duduk dalam confined space 10 tahun. freaks come out at night tapi aku tak come out at night sedangkan kelawar pun come out at night.
dah 8 hari butler aku tak datang hantar makanan ruji dan keperluan lain. maybe next time aku suruh dia bawak perempuan, so that aku leh squeeze all her vaginal discharge. should make a better emergency meal than my own cum.
kenapa baru setengah tahun aku tak sentuh pubic hair, tapi dia dah jadi macam hutan kat bawah tuh? kenapa the same thing tak jadi kat facial hair aku? kenapa kena ada hutan kat skrotum and konek? mesti ada sebab-sebab tertentu, tak tahu ah kalau scientists dah find out why. nak kata because of cosmetics tak leh gak unless malaysia nih nudist colony. bukannya orang nampak pun dowh, unless ah kalo hutan kau tajam sampai jeans kau koyak bila kena.
bende-bende yang aku tulis nih semualah justification kenapa tak semua bende yang lalu dalam otak kita nih akan surface luar daripada dia. macam apebenda dowh. maybe kalau aku ada awek ke buleh lah aku confess semua bende pasal bulu dan lain-lain nih kat dia. bagus gak ada awek, leh cerita pasal bulu skrotum kat dia. dia pun leh cerita pasal bulu dia, samada bulu dia style ramos ke, ex-gf aku nye dulu dia cakap pubic hair dia ada bentuk heart which is obviously a fucking lie but itulah tujuan gf, menipu untuk buat balak rasa bangga dengan pubic hair diaorang yang ada bentuk heart. tapi macam ah aku nak bagitahu kat homies aku ke yo what up homies mah girl be having heart-shaped pubic hair yaw?! and then homies aku macam bagi high glock (high five tapi guna glock sebab we gangstuz nameen) kat aku and like DAYM BRUV U MED IT1!!1!!
and then dah tentu gf aku takkan bangga kat homegirls dia sebab balak dia lahap cum sendiri kalau lapar and then cungkil pantat perempuan lain for vaginal discharge just for a change of emergency taste. unless kalau homegirls dia kinky then buleh lah aku fuck bestfriend gf aku ke. fuck fuck fuck, itu je kau fikir, kau puasa tak hari nih? kalau kau puasa bagos lah, at least kau takyah ganti walaupun ala kadar je pahala kau dapat nanti. kalau kau kena ganti everytime kau kurang kan pahala puasa tak ke complicated.
memang complicated doh.
hujan nih macam manja-manja dengan aku lak. kejap dia hujan kejap dia tak hujan. aku keluarkan kain dari washing machine pastuh letak kat luar sebab tak hujan lepas tuh tak hujan.
tapi itu tak kesah, aku lagi tension bila sedar aku hidup dalam THIS NEW MODERN WORLD!
WHERE ALARMS RING EVERY SECOND!
WHERE YOU CAN ONLY SLEEP AS MUCH AS TILL ONE OF YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S ALARM IS TRIGGERED FOR NO FUCKING REASON.
lepas bukak aku nak gi beli router satu antenna, kau rasa cukup ke untuk rumah satu tingkat? cukup kowt.
selalunya bila balik lepas majlis ke or some social gathering ke apa and then balik dalam 1-2 am, kalau dalam kereta mesti aku rasa cam nak dengar r&b pastuh sing along dengan kuat.
sing along sekali dengan lenggang lenggok vokal r&b dia tuh pastuh macam perasan kau nyanyi best padahal yang kau dengar best tuh suara mamat yang tengah nyanyi tuh bukan suara kau, suara kau sumbang tapi sebab kau pasang lagu tuh kuat tak noticeable, mamat tuh nye nyanyian kira macam kau nye pitch corrector or some shit. haha gila loser kegiatan nih. PROPAH LOSARAMA DETECTED! 5 SECONDS TO POINT-OUT 5.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. HAHA YOUZE A LOSAH! YOU HAV BIN POINTED AS LOSAH!
fuck gila. zomg pwnt.
aku tak hisap ganja tapi aku macam paranoid ada orang tengah ring bell. macam bunyik tuh asyik ulang-ulang kat kepala aku. dulu paranoid alarm rumah aku sindri bunyik sampai kadang-kadang bangun tidur teros turun bawah pastuh takde apa-apa. tapi aku dah cut off alarm yang annoying nih. sekarang bell pulak. sebab aku tak dengar kat sini.
tak leh ke ignore je. memang betol ignore apa-apa pown lagi bagos.
tapi tuh ah.
apa?
tuh ah.
tuh ah apa?
tuh-ngaow!
tak kelakar.
tuh ah.
piss off.
pissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. URINE SPLASHES ON FULLY CLOTHED CUTE JAPANESE CHICK.
aku nak try tengok movie nih, tv series tuh, documentary tuh tapi macam tak leh concentrate. concentration aku dah macam just buleh concentrate kat porn, itupun kat part-part yang best and up until aku cum ah of course. by that time kena recharge balik and between those times maybe ada chance sikit leh concentrate nak tengok bende balik.
tuh lah, the effectiveness of a man's actions is dictated by whether he has jerked off in the last few minutes.
a man can only have a clear mind up until the dick starts to re-harden itself.
macam-macam lah falsafah yang buleh kaitkan dengan bende nih, takyah tanya ahli falasah, apa diaorang tahu, diaorang cuma spend years study falsafah, kita nih yang spend years study bende yang difalsafahkan. dasar bencong!
ek eh sayer nak gi memancing, crotz banget! peace!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
why you type so much you fat fuck
banyak sangat entry. kenapa aku type banyak sangat?
actually, ini saje contact dengan dunia luar yang aku ada. aku hidup dalam sebuah basement dungeon. aku bukan dikurung tapi aku mengurung diri sendiri. aku hukum diri sendiri sebab failure aku untuk mencapai social decency.
dah bertahun aku dalam bilik nih, internet je means of communication aku. seminggu sekali ada-lah sorang kawan yang akan tolong bawakkan makanan atau apa-apa supply yang aku kena ada (tapi dia kena nyamar so orang tak nampak dia tolong aku). kadang-kadang atas sebab tak leh elak dia tak datang lebih 3 minggu. if that happens memang aku takde makanan lah, in some extreme cases aku lapar and desperate sangat sampai lepas aku lancap aku tadah cum aku sendiri and lahap. protein babe.
aku tak tahu lagi macamana nak act sebagai manusia biasa, dah lama aku kat sini. aku tak boleh keluar, bukan saja sebab aku tak nak keluar, neighbours aku pun tak kasi aku keluar. diaorang anggap aku freak. pernah satu malam nih diaorang satu mob turon nak bakar aku, bawak cangkul lah, obor api lah. dekat leher aku ada muscle yang abnormal, manusia biasa tengok bende nih and diaorang takut, manusia sentiasa takut kat benda-benda yang different. apa yang diaorang tak tahu diaorang takut, bila takut diaorang anggap bukan-bukan, diaorang mengganas. diaorang kata aku evil.
aku tak evil, it's just that aku tak normal.
tapi korang fahamlah kenapa aku tak keluar lebih daripada grill dungeon nih.
orang cakap gray matter kita nih power. pernah sorang mamat terperangkap dalam penjara kecik gila tapi setiap hari dia bayangkan dia main golf, bila dia keluar muscle calf dia kuat macam dia main golf setiap hari. aku setiap hari tak bayangkan aku main apa-apa, so aku rasa bila aku keluar nanti calf aku lembut je macam aku tak main apa-apa.
tapi aku tak nak keluar, mungkin aku kat sini selamanya, aku tak buleh menghadapi masyarakat, manusia, society, normalcy, semua tuh aku tak buleh face. rambut aku dah bertahun-tahun tak potong, tapi kadang-kadang aku cabut sebagai usaha nak trim.
jangan takut dengan aku sebab aku reveal rahsia nih, sebab aku hanya ada dalam bentuk internet, bukannya aku akan kacau kau, aku tak leh pon. cuba lupakan aku wujud dan hanya anggap aku as satu idea saja.
mungkin ada orang yang akan pujuk aku keluar menghadap dunia luar. jangan main gila, bukan aku tak pernah buat. aku pernah try keluar satu hari bila aku menghadap cahaya matahari je aku dah rasa lain, aku menjerit, aku fobia. aku nampak manusia, manusia semua tengok aku, aku tak buleh, diaorang pun tak buleh tengok aku, tak buleh tak buleh, kita lain. maybe aku bukan manusia pun, aku dah jadi pre-manusia mungkin, sebab aku takde contact dengan manusia lain. aku kene hukum diri sendiri, kenapa aku lain. aku kene hukum. hukum hukum hukum. bukan korang yang hukum aku. oh manusia, bukan korang, bukan bukan bukan. aku hukum diri sendiri. aku hukum. kguhgegh. aku hukum. argkh. grkh. kenapa korang pandang aku macam tuh. aku hukum. aku hukum diri. diri. gkh. grrkh. *cabut bulu kaki*
*pandang cermin*
argkh hensemnya aku!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
actually, ini saje contact dengan dunia luar yang aku ada. aku hidup dalam sebuah basement dungeon. aku bukan dikurung tapi aku mengurung diri sendiri. aku hukum diri sendiri sebab failure aku untuk mencapai social decency.
dah bertahun aku dalam bilik nih, internet je means of communication aku. seminggu sekali ada-lah sorang kawan yang akan tolong bawakkan makanan atau apa-apa supply yang aku kena ada (tapi dia kena nyamar so orang tak nampak dia tolong aku). kadang-kadang atas sebab tak leh elak dia tak datang lebih 3 minggu. if that happens memang aku takde makanan lah, in some extreme cases aku lapar and desperate sangat sampai lepas aku lancap aku tadah cum aku sendiri and lahap. protein babe.
aku tak tahu lagi macamana nak act sebagai manusia biasa, dah lama aku kat sini. aku tak boleh keluar, bukan saja sebab aku tak nak keluar, neighbours aku pun tak kasi aku keluar. diaorang anggap aku freak. pernah satu malam nih diaorang satu mob turon nak bakar aku, bawak cangkul lah, obor api lah. dekat leher aku ada muscle yang abnormal, manusia biasa tengok bende nih and diaorang takut, manusia sentiasa takut kat benda-benda yang different. apa yang diaorang tak tahu diaorang takut, bila takut diaorang anggap bukan-bukan, diaorang mengganas. diaorang kata aku evil.
aku tak evil, it's just that aku tak normal.
tapi korang fahamlah kenapa aku tak keluar lebih daripada grill dungeon nih.
orang cakap gray matter kita nih power. pernah sorang mamat terperangkap dalam penjara kecik gila tapi setiap hari dia bayangkan dia main golf, bila dia keluar muscle calf dia kuat macam dia main golf setiap hari. aku setiap hari tak bayangkan aku main apa-apa, so aku rasa bila aku keluar nanti calf aku lembut je macam aku tak main apa-apa.
tapi aku tak nak keluar, mungkin aku kat sini selamanya, aku tak buleh menghadapi masyarakat, manusia, society, normalcy, semua tuh aku tak buleh face. rambut aku dah bertahun-tahun tak potong, tapi kadang-kadang aku cabut sebagai usaha nak trim.
jangan takut dengan aku sebab aku reveal rahsia nih, sebab aku hanya ada dalam bentuk internet, bukannya aku akan kacau kau, aku tak leh pon. cuba lupakan aku wujud dan hanya anggap aku as satu idea saja.
mungkin ada orang yang akan pujuk aku keluar menghadap dunia luar. jangan main gila, bukan aku tak pernah buat. aku pernah try keluar satu hari bila aku menghadap cahaya matahari je aku dah rasa lain, aku menjerit, aku fobia. aku nampak manusia, manusia semua tengok aku, aku tak buleh, diaorang pun tak buleh tengok aku, tak buleh tak buleh, kita lain. maybe aku bukan manusia pun, aku dah jadi pre-manusia mungkin, sebab aku takde contact dengan manusia lain. aku kene hukum diri sendiri, kenapa aku lain. aku kene hukum. hukum hukum hukum. bukan korang yang hukum aku. oh manusia, bukan korang, bukan bukan bukan. aku hukum diri sendiri. aku hukum. kguhgegh. aku hukum. argkh. grkh. kenapa korang pandang aku macam tuh. aku hukum. aku hukum diri. diri. gkh. grrkh. *cabut bulu kaki*
*pandang cermin*
argkh hensemnya aku!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
tv rules, and i don't even watch it anymore, fuck i have teh internets and a technology called downloading
before the end of this decade, you could say the millenium has given us a crap shit music industry, an okay neither here nor there movie scene, but an ass-raping badassedly-brilliant golden age of television.
there's too much good shit to list so it's just easier for me to say even the crappy-crap shit like the o.c., grey's anatomy, heroes, lost or etc etc whatever were pretty watchable. i watched the o.c. till season 3 or something, at least a few seasons of grey's anatomy, the first season of heroes before realizing it's bullshit, and i watched a bit of lost before realizing i could just wait a few years and read up about what that shit was and it's probably some anti-climactic scientific bullshit anyway so why bother even bothering argh.
..and i did realize those and a few other guilty (or shameless) pleasures were pretty gay but, they weren't too bad you know.
but a lotta classics were made in this decade, most of my favourites are from it nahmeen. i'm not saying that my opinion is fact and if you don't agree you're wrong .. wait that's exactly what i'm saying. and that is true, no matter what you say, i'm right! even when i'm not right i'm right (my own version of scarface's famous you-can't-win-even-when-you're-winning-you-fuck statement).
right, fuck it, lemme name a few, aight:- freaks and geeks (this good shit came out in 1999 but fuck it was only a few months away), curb your enthusiasm, the wire, house m.d., peep show, the office (original version), chapelle's show, entourage, the league of gentlemen, extras, weeds, rome, oz, dexter, and many fucking more you fucks get what i'm getting at right? you cuntbags prolly watch more good shit than i do fuck i know but yawll agree right.
i understand the advent of annoying ass reality t.v. has been a propah bitch and will keep haunting us, but vanilla ice, mc hammer, marky mark, etc etc, they could not and did not impede the 90's from becoming a golden era of hip hop. so don't let reality t.v. spoil your shit, just pretend it never existed (like i did with the dirt on my car, a wash every three months is not too bad, i hope), except for shit like maximum exposure, or bangbus, those are a different type of reality t.v. i'm talking about the ones with a considerable (and inconsiderate) amount of cunting douchebaggery, you know whatitiz.
now i gotta go piss and maybe shit a good one, wait a long while (boys know why), then get to wanking. tata titi tutu.
there's too much good shit to list so it's just easier for me to say even the crappy-crap shit like the o.c., grey's anatomy, heroes, lost or etc etc whatever were pretty watchable. i watched the o.c. till season 3 or something, at least a few seasons of grey's anatomy, the first season of heroes before realizing it's bullshit, and i watched a bit of lost before realizing i could just wait a few years and read up about what that shit was and it's probably some anti-climactic scientific bullshit anyway so why bother even bothering argh.
..and i did realize those and a few other guilty (or shameless) pleasures were pretty gay but, they weren't too bad you know.
but a lotta classics were made in this decade, most of my favourites are from it nahmeen. i'm not saying that my opinion is fact and if you don't agree you're wrong .. wait that's exactly what i'm saying. and that is true, no matter what you say, i'm right! even when i'm not right i'm right (my own version of scarface's famous you-can't-win-even-when-you're-winning-you-fuck statement).
right, fuck it, lemme name a few, aight:- freaks and geeks (this good shit came out in 1999 but fuck it was only a few months away), curb your enthusiasm, the wire, house m.d., peep show, the office (original version), chapelle's show, entourage, the league of gentlemen, extras, weeds, rome, oz, dexter, and many fucking more you fucks get what i'm getting at right? you cuntbags prolly watch more good shit than i do fuck i know but yawll agree right.
i understand the advent of annoying ass reality t.v. has been a propah bitch and will keep haunting us, but vanilla ice, mc hammer, marky mark, etc etc, they could not and did not impede the 90's from becoming a golden era of hip hop. so don't let reality t.v. spoil your shit, just pretend it never existed (like i did with the dirt on my car, a wash every three months is not too bad, i hope), except for shit like maximum exposure, or bangbus, those are a different type of reality t.v. i'm talking about the ones with a considerable (and inconsiderate) amount of cunting douchebaggery, you know whatitiz.
now i gotta go piss and maybe shit a good one, wait a long while (boys know why), then get to wanking. tata titi tutu.
RING RING RING (HA HA HEY)
to be honest, i'd like to thank anwar for taking a long time in his quest to become PM (in relation to his proposed deadline). this never ending (looks like it, at least) saga of seemingly eventual non-event has given me an opportunity to again strive for a state of political apathy.that which i've reached before in my life post-reformasi (1999 and above) mostly during university days. and in those days my carelessness i attribute to these factors - the act of sleeping while other people are busy attending classes, eating at 5pm everyday as breakfast, underground gigs (i loved 'em dearly), counter-striking, man utd sucking ass, the pirated vcd boom, mcdonalds (and occasionally kfc), morrowind, porn, sempoi friends, BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA APA TAH LAGI
i have a very comfortable and happy life, so why should i moan and whine? (i have a list of reasons why i should moan but i'll reserve them for another day so as not to jeopardize the seriousness of this entry) well in my defense i am capable of empathizing sometimes, i hate the racist world i live in even though i benefit from it just because i happen to , and those victimized by it, i hate evil, i hate corrupt cunts in power, and i hate . however, at the same time i hate being whiny. but i guess i have bla bla something something something.
FUCK SORRY IF SOME SENTENCES DON'T MAKE SENSE, ARE MISSING A FEW WORDS, OR NOT EVEN FINISHED.
I CAN'T WRITE RIGHT NOW I'LL CONTINUE WITH THIS LATER, KURGH THINKING IS PROPAH WORK.
Monday, September 22, 2008
15 random facts to prove that i'm not random
magenta tag aku itu ari. terima kasih puan, aku suka kena tag.
#1 aku penah ada hummer
bukan hummer ong kaya yang kau salu nampak kat hatamas tapi military hummer:
masalahnya nak menten susah bende nih, dah lah mahal. pastuh evytime aku drive mana-mana aku gatal telor nak pegi offroad. macam tahun lepas, aku tengah drive kat jalan telawi elok-elok, tiba-tiba tau-tau aku dah merantau drive ke dalam food court tuh. abang nasi lemak sound weh parking kat bawah bodoh, aku buat-buat blur dengan muka innocent. 2 minit lepas tuh derang kejar aku dengan pisau potong sayur, aku tak leh lari so aku just mengangkang and aku jerit BOYI BOLOOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!. derang terkujat and aku teros masuk hummer aku and belah dari situ.
arituh aku tengah drivin' down the block like what else shud a brutha doo its saturday its saturday the heat might smother you drivin' down tha block low end low end theory tape in open up the trunk ba-bass crazy kicking, kat area area penchala link, sedar sedar aku dah ada kat hutan simpan bandaraya johor bahru, teros aku gerak arah singapore sebab nak layan murtabak.
tengah aku ghairah macam tengah senggama layan ittew murtabak ada mamat singapore macam polis polis sikit tegor hello mister u cannot park here maar this is not jb can park anywear one! aku merajuk and drive balik kl.
tengah lepak dengan hummer aku kat midvalley lepas tengok wayang citer lord of the rings. masa nak masok parking aku telanggar had tinggi tuh, sakit bumbung hummer aku, aku teros usap-usap, sion.
sebulan lepas tuh aku tengah sandar kat hummer aku macam david haselhoff (what). tiba-tiba hummer aku cakap i have someone else it's over between us. aku kuciwa and aku makan nasi beriyani + sambal + ayam goring banyak-banyak.
so basically hummer aku churengz, kalau tak aku bawak hummer je skang nih mesti korang smwa impressed. tapi takpe kereta aku skang lagi lawa, ala-ala fauziah latiff.
#2 slalu aku cakap kat orang awek aku raja farah dengan nada cam aku buat lawak, tapi sebnarnya dia memang pernah jadi awek aku.
tekejut tak? tuh ah jangan pandang rendah, walaupun aku hensem tak semestinya aku tak leh score awek cam dia (ayat nih tak logik tapi wgaf lalz).
sebelum aku jadi orang kebanyakan dulu aku pernah jadi manager kompeni besar. aku bawak bmw 8-series (what) gi mana-mana. pergh, harituh dalam building tuh aku nak pergi toilet yang one floor down pun aku bawak kereta aku, aku gi kereta aku, aku bawak dia kat exit parking yang lagi dekat dengan toilet tuh. selamba je aku parking kat tempat parking reserved orang lain.
tengok-tengok rupanya itu tempat parking balak raja farah. elok-elok lak time aku baru park mamat tuh baru balik dari lunch, dia nampak aku, pergh berasap muka dia. dia kejar aku teros dia bedok aku cukup-cukup.
malam tuh aku tengah merana sorang-sorang dengan pelbagai jenis lebam dalam bilik tiba-tiba dapat call. rupanya raja farah, dia nak mintak mahap untuk balak dia yang sengal tuh. kitorang terbegayot kejap, dia terpikat gila kat aku bila aku start rapping verse 2pac macam fuck yow bitch you fat mutha fucka! dia cam tapi awak tuh yang patot kene kutuk awak tuh biggie bukan 2pac tros kitorang dua dua gelak manja and tak lama lepas tuh tros phone sex.
tapi since call tuh dia dah tak call lagi. aku pun tak call balik sebab dia call guna handphone balak dia (woot woot in the butt aku phonesex dengan raja farah yang guna handphone balak dia) (actually that sounds a bit gay) (tapi takpe, hakikatnya aku hensem).
2 bulan berlalu, tiba-tiba ada nombor aku tak kenal call aku, gupenya raja farah nak ngadu kat aku pasal balak dia. dia cakap dia lonely and dia nak merajuk dengan balak dia selama 6 bulan. so aku jadilah mercenary boyfriend dia for 6 bulan. lepas 6 bulan dia tak contact lagi. ada sekali dia contact kejap tapi dia dah cam lain dengan aku. sms kejap tuh pun dia dah macam lain and malas nak layan, maybe dah baik habis dengan bf dia and nak lupakan existence aku. lepas tuh call ke sms ke apa ke dia dah tak layan. evytime aku add dia kat friendster or recently facebook tak pasal-pasal dia akan cancel account dia or delete aku. last sekali aku givap.
and sekarang dia dah jadi pelakon. wauhkghkeahkuga. logik tak cerita nih. pathetic and sedih pun ada dowh lalz.
apa-apahal aku saje carik alasan nak letak gambar dia kat sini wakuhukgea.
sila sila encik penyangak, sila letak.
oh terima kasih encik suara dalam otak.
CROTZ BANGETZ!!!!!!!!!!!!
#3 aku rasa kain pelikat = invention tebaek manusia.
#4 aku suka minum susu.
kat ofis aku dulu-dulu ada sorang perempuan nih tetek dia besar, dalam otak aku aku bagi dia nickname susu besar. whaukhgeaukhkuga.
#5 aku suka tengok muka dengan belakang (upper) perempuan.
tetek dengan bontot tuh memang lah suka jugak, itu lumrah jantan, tapi maksud aku, fuck macamana aku nak eksplen neh, klurgkh lalz, i mean i mean i mean selain daripada bahagian-bahagian yang obviously menjadi attention arkh (termasok pantat) (kau ingat pantat tak leh nampak dari luar?) (jangan underestimate power lelaki) (wakhgeahkueahgka).
#6 aku suka dengar lagu jiwang meleleh.
sebab eventho aku sebnarnya mexican + african + welsh + cina bukit + india estet, aku grow up mostly dalam environment melayu.
#7 member aku cakap kalau aku hisap gam aku buleh pegi kedai runcit sambil terbang macam aku helikopter.
aku pun cakap kat dia tapi kalau kau naik helikopter kau tak buleh pegi kedai runcit sambil hisap gam.
dia tumbuk aku. dia cakap asal plak?! kalau aku bawak gam naik helikopter tuh pastuh aku suh abang pilot singgah kedai runcit?! bongong!
aku betah balek, aku cakap kat kedai runcit mana ada helipad.
dia tumbuk aku lagi. dia cakap kat mana-mana pun leh landing, kat atap ke.
aku betah balek, aku cakap mana leh, kau tahu ke rules-rules bawak helikopter?!
dia nak tumbuk aku lagi tapi terberhenti jap sebab betol gak apa aku cakap, macam ah dia tahu rules-rules bawak helikopter kan, mana lah tahu memang tak leh nak landing mana-mana je pon. apa dia ingat dia presiden amerika, jangan nak berangan ah, iq tinggi nak jadi presiden amerika kununz.
tapi last sekali dia tumbuk aku gak.
argkh.
#8 aku suka tengok perempuan body baek tonggeng.
cist, siapa tak suka bodowh. dasar lemau.
#9 lepas darjah 6, aku tak pernah gadoh lagi, aku orang yang peace.
masa darjah 6 aku gadoh pasal bengang lepas semayang jumaat mamat nih curik sejadah aku padahal aku bukan guna pun sejadah tuh aku guna sebagai cover masa keluar rumah padahal nak lepak playground tepi masjid. maaf tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, saya darjah 6 masa tuh apa saya tahu (kononnya sekarang cam tahu sangat).
tapi aku bengang gak and bengang nih dia merembes sampai kat padang sekolah esok-nya.
aku kalah sebab aku gemuk and lembap, dia kurus and laju elak sana sini. tapi semua orang sokong aku sebab mamat tuh douchebag and aku loveable.
lepas tuh dah tak pernah gadoh. tak pernah orang carik gaduh, aku tak pernah carik gaduh, aku tak nak gaduh, aku tak suka gaduh, apa nak gaduh-gaduh, kalau rasa cam baran sikit, apa susah, lancap saja! kapal terbang tinggi!
bayangkan julianne moore tengah handjob kau. mesti stim. release! release! release! ikut resam gorilla.
apasal tah tiba-tiba kena bayang julianne moore buat handjob. tapi takpe ah, kata random facts duh. lagipon minah tuh dah tua, mesti tangan dia yang wrinkle buleh kasi geli lebeh sket, pastuh dengan accent english dia, mesti chare punya. kan kan kan.
#10 kalau aku bosan aku naek kuda tengah-tengah bandar.
aku paling suka lalu heritage row malam minggu. pastuh semua orang heran asal mamat nih naek kuda kat sini.
mamat-mamat jaga parking mula-mula semangat suluh sebelum diaorang realize apa lanchau nye kau nak suluh-suluh kuda suruh parking, kuda leh parking mana-mana pun okkay. lepas tuh diaorang cam buat muka bengong kejap, pastuh diaorang tersenyum and angkat tangan, aku pun angkat katana aku (oh aku tak bagitau aku pegang pedang ke) macam samurai sebagai tanda hormat.
awek-awek pelbagai kaum skirt itam kat tepi-tepi tuh macam mula-mula heran tapi last-last diaorang pun dah nak start manja-manja dengan aku. mula-mula aku cam prasan ah pergh mesti diaorang rasa aku nih cam macho pastuh nak manja-manja ngan aku sebelum aku realize derang sebnarnya manja ngan kuda aku sebab kuda aku konek besar. CHIST.
dasar aweks semuanya mau konek besar banget. takpe-takpe, aku akan charm diaorang dengan senyuman aku. not working, sedarlah wahai penyangak.
anyway, teroskan, lepas hujung heritage row aku kasi kuda aku makan sup. kuda aku suka makan sup, lagi-lagi sup ekor, dia kata sup ekor buat dia rasa horny. lepas dia rasa horny dia tinggalkan aku and teroslah awek-awek pelbagai kaum naek dia nak kemana entah, nak ke hotel kot. aku tak sure ah kuda aku tuh leh muat masuk hotel ke tak.
bila aku dah tinggal sorang, aku mula ah boring and tengok-tengok handphone, aku dengar lagu kat ipod. pastuh aku jalan sorang-sorang. kalau aku rasa macam langit nih dekat sangat aku start ah panjat pokok-pokok dekat dengan menara kl tuh. pastuh aku pergi zouk, aku masuk zouk, aku kencing dalam tandas, pastuh aku keluar balik.
bila aku dah keluar bouncer tuh macam bengang sebab aku masuk zouk semata-mata nak kencing je. dia macam APA LANCHAU KAU NIH KAU BAYAR SIKIT NYE MAHAL SEMATA-MATA NAK KENCING. aku angkat sikit katana aku. dia pandang aku 2 saat, dia tengok kiri kanan, dia senyum senyum cover sikit, pastuh dia gelak hihi, pastuh dia macam angkat tangan sikit, macam "hai", pastuh dia step back. TAU TAKPE JANGAN MAEN GILA AKU SAMURAI BWAARGHKH!
#11 kita semua kena ada movie yang kita suka tengok ulang-ulang.
masa aku kecik aku suka tengok teenage mutant ninja turtles 2, karate kid 1, enter the dragon, dengan return of the jedi ulang-ulang, at least sebulan sekali. dah besar tak aktif sangat, tapi certain movies kena ulang at least 6 bulan sekali, namely - blood in blood out, city of god, the big lebowski, super troopers, and a few moar. dia kira cam staple movie lah, atau movie ruji, entah ah.
#12 aku akan benci orang yang awek aku ada crush, walopun mamat tuh celebrity and awek aku just ada innocent celebrity crush, and also walaupun aku suka muzik or lakonan mamat tuh.
macam dulu, ex aku dania danielle cakap dia minat gila dekat faizal hussein. tros aku benci mamat tuh padahal dia lah fevret akter aku masa kecik. aku anti sangat sampai aku buat facebook group anti faizal hussein. lama-lama aku sedar takde maknanya macam ah dania kesah. aku amik decision untuk buat balik kat dia, aku start ah crush kat sorang artis nak kasi dania jealous.
tapi bila aku piker balik, dania tuh celebrity so macam hmm baru aku faham sebab apa aku jealous, sebab celebrity bila minat celebrity diaorang pun darjat sama so aku pun kenelah minat orang darjat sama dengan aku so dia pun buleh jealous. aku start ah minat sorang minah kebanyakan macam aku nih, kita kasi nama jessica lah. aku bwat-bwat minat gila dengan jessica sampai satu hari aku romen dengan dia. baru aku sedar yang itu semua sebenarnya aksi curang di pihak aku wahkughekaga. tros dania clash dengan aku.
sampai sekarang aku blame faizal hussein for break-up aku dengan dania danielle.
#13 masa aku kecik aku pernah jadi pirate pastuh breakdance sambil tebang pokok macam lumberjack.
WOOT WOOT MADDOX STYLE BADASS!
(aku tipu tapi bukannya korang tahu pun aku tipu).
#14 aku ada fobia kat almost semua bende sebab aku penakut.
infact masa tengah tulis entri nih aku tutup mata sebab aku takut blogger.
#15 aku baru sedar yang mustard ada jual kat supermarket, selama nih aku chuma leh harap merasa kat subway je or kat mana-mana yang ada.
lalz cannot go very.
..
aku tag siapa-siapa yang ada kat links kat tepi tuh.
#1 aku penah ada hummer
bukan hummer ong kaya yang kau salu nampak kat hatamas tapi military hummer:
masalahnya nak menten susah bende nih, dah lah mahal. pastuh evytime aku drive mana-mana aku gatal telor nak pegi offroad. macam tahun lepas, aku tengah drive kat jalan telawi elok-elok, tiba-tiba tau-tau aku dah merantau drive ke dalam food court tuh. abang nasi lemak sound weh parking kat bawah bodoh, aku buat-buat blur dengan muka innocent. 2 minit lepas tuh derang kejar aku dengan pisau potong sayur, aku tak leh lari so aku just mengangkang and aku jerit BOYI BOLOOMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!. derang terkujat and aku teros masuk hummer aku and belah dari situ.
arituh aku tengah drivin' down the block like what else shud a brutha doo its saturday its saturday the heat might smother you drivin' down tha block low end low end theory tape in open up the trunk ba-bass crazy kicking, kat area area penchala link, sedar sedar aku dah ada kat hutan simpan bandaraya johor bahru, teros aku gerak arah singapore sebab nak layan murtabak.
tengah aku ghairah macam tengah senggama layan ittew murtabak ada mamat singapore macam polis polis sikit tegor hello mister u cannot park here maar this is not jb can park anywear one! aku merajuk and drive balik kl.
tengah lepak dengan hummer aku kat midvalley lepas tengok wayang citer lord of the rings. masa nak masok parking aku telanggar had tinggi tuh, sakit bumbung hummer aku, aku teros usap-usap, sion.
sebulan lepas tuh aku tengah sandar kat hummer aku macam david haselhoff (what). tiba-tiba hummer aku cakap i have someone else it's over between us. aku kuciwa and aku makan nasi beriyani + sambal + ayam goring banyak-banyak.
so basically hummer aku churengz, kalau tak aku bawak hummer je skang nih mesti korang smwa impressed. tapi takpe kereta aku skang lagi lawa, ala-ala fauziah latiff.
#2 slalu aku cakap kat orang awek aku raja farah dengan nada cam aku buat lawak, tapi sebnarnya dia memang pernah jadi awek aku.
tekejut tak? tuh ah jangan pandang rendah, walaupun aku hensem tak semestinya aku tak leh score awek cam dia (ayat nih tak logik tapi wgaf lalz).
sebelum aku jadi orang kebanyakan dulu aku pernah jadi manager kompeni besar. aku bawak bmw 8-series (what) gi mana-mana. pergh, harituh dalam building tuh aku nak pergi toilet yang one floor down pun aku bawak kereta aku, aku gi kereta aku, aku bawak dia kat exit parking yang lagi dekat dengan toilet tuh. selamba je aku parking kat tempat parking reserved orang lain.
tengok-tengok rupanya itu tempat parking balak raja farah. elok-elok lak time aku baru park mamat tuh baru balik dari lunch, dia nampak aku, pergh berasap muka dia. dia kejar aku teros dia bedok aku cukup-cukup.
malam tuh aku tengah merana sorang-sorang dengan pelbagai jenis lebam dalam bilik tiba-tiba dapat call. rupanya raja farah, dia nak mintak mahap untuk balak dia yang sengal tuh. kitorang terbegayot kejap, dia terpikat gila kat aku bila aku start rapping verse 2pac macam fuck yow bitch you fat mutha fucka! dia cam tapi awak tuh yang patot kene kutuk awak tuh biggie bukan 2pac tros kitorang dua dua gelak manja and tak lama lepas tuh tros phone sex.
tapi since call tuh dia dah tak call lagi. aku pun tak call balik sebab dia call guna handphone balak dia (woot woot in the butt aku phonesex dengan raja farah yang guna handphone balak dia) (actually that sounds a bit gay) (tapi takpe, hakikatnya aku hensem).
2 bulan berlalu, tiba-tiba ada nombor aku tak kenal call aku, gupenya raja farah nak ngadu kat aku pasal balak dia. dia cakap dia lonely and dia nak merajuk dengan balak dia selama 6 bulan. so aku jadilah mercenary boyfriend dia for 6 bulan. lepas 6 bulan dia tak contact lagi. ada sekali dia contact kejap tapi dia dah cam lain dengan aku. sms kejap tuh pun dia dah macam lain and malas nak layan, maybe dah baik habis dengan bf dia and nak lupakan existence aku. lepas tuh call ke sms ke apa ke dia dah tak layan. evytime aku add dia kat friendster or recently facebook tak pasal-pasal dia akan cancel account dia or delete aku. last sekali aku givap.
and sekarang dia dah jadi pelakon. wauhkghkeahkuga. logik tak cerita nih. pathetic and sedih pun ada dowh lalz.
apa-apahal aku saje carik alasan nak letak gambar dia kat sini wakuhukgea.
sila sila encik penyangak, sila letak.
oh terima kasih encik suara dalam otak.
CROTZ BANGETZ!!!!!!!!!!!!
#3 aku rasa kain pelikat = invention tebaek manusia.
#4 aku suka minum susu.
kat ofis aku dulu-dulu ada sorang perempuan nih tetek dia besar, dalam otak aku aku bagi dia nickname susu besar. whaukhgeaukhkuga.
#5 aku suka tengok muka dengan belakang (upper) perempuan.
tetek dengan bontot tuh memang lah suka jugak, itu lumrah jantan, tapi maksud aku, fuck macamana aku nak eksplen neh, klurgkh lalz, i mean i mean i mean selain daripada bahagian-bahagian yang obviously menjadi attention arkh (termasok pantat) (kau ingat pantat tak leh nampak dari luar?) (jangan underestimate power lelaki) (wakhgeahkueahgka).
#6 aku suka dengar lagu jiwang meleleh.
sebab eventho aku sebnarnya mexican + african + welsh + cina bukit + india estet, aku grow up mostly dalam environment melayu.
#7 member aku cakap kalau aku hisap gam aku buleh pegi kedai runcit sambil terbang macam aku helikopter.
aku pun cakap kat dia tapi kalau kau naik helikopter kau tak buleh pegi kedai runcit sambil hisap gam.
dia tumbuk aku. dia cakap asal plak?! kalau aku bawak gam naik helikopter tuh pastuh aku suh abang pilot singgah kedai runcit?! bongong!
aku betah balek, aku cakap kat kedai runcit mana ada helipad.
dia tumbuk aku lagi. dia cakap kat mana-mana pun leh landing, kat atap ke.
aku betah balek, aku cakap mana leh, kau tahu ke rules-rules bawak helikopter?!
dia nak tumbuk aku lagi tapi terberhenti jap sebab betol gak apa aku cakap, macam ah dia tahu rules-rules bawak helikopter kan, mana lah tahu memang tak leh nak landing mana-mana je pon. apa dia ingat dia presiden amerika, jangan nak berangan ah, iq tinggi nak jadi presiden amerika kununz.
tapi last sekali dia tumbuk aku gak.
argkh.
#8 aku suka tengok perempuan body baek tonggeng.
cist, siapa tak suka bodowh. dasar lemau.
#9 lepas darjah 6, aku tak pernah gadoh lagi, aku orang yang peace.
masa darjah 6 aku gadoh pasal bengang lepas semayang jumaat mamat nih curik sejadah aku padahal aku bukan guna pun sejadah tuh aku guna sebagai cover masa keluar rumah padahal nak lepak playground tepi masjid. maaf tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, saya darjah 6 masa tuh apa saya tahu (kononnya sekarang cam tahu sangat).
tapi aku bengang gak and bengang nih dia merembes sampai kat padang sekolah esok-nya.
aku kalah sebab aku gemuk and lembap, dia kurus and laju elak sana sini. tapi semua orang sokong aku sebab mamat tuh douchebag and aku loveable.
lepas tuh dah tak pernah gadoh. tak pernah orang carik gaduh, aku tak pernah carik gaduh, aku tak nak gaduh, aku tak suka gaduh, apa nak gaduh-gaduh, kalau rasa cam baran sikit, apa susah, lancap saja! kapal terbang tinggi!
bayangkan julianne moore tengah handjob kau. mesti stim. release! release! release! ikut resam gorilla.
apasal tah tiba-tiba kena bayang julianne moore buat handjob. tapi takpe ah, kata random facts duh. lagipon minah tuh dah tua, mesti tangan dia yang wrinkle buleh kasi geli lebeh sket, pastuh dengan accent english dia, mesti chare punya. kan kan kan.
#10 kalau aku bosan aku naek kuda tengah-tengah bandar.
aku paling suka lalu heritage row malam minggu. pastuh semua orang heran asal mamat nih naek kuda kat sini.
mamat-mamat jaga parking mula-mula semangat suluh sebelum diaorang realize apa lanchau nye kau nak suluh-suluh kuda suruh parking, kuda leh parking mana-mana pun okkay. lepas tuh diaorang cam buat muka bengong kejap, pastuh diaorang tersenyum and angkat tangan, aku pun angkat katana aku (oh aku tak bagitau aku pegang pedang ke) macam samurai sebagai tanda hormat.
awek-awek pelbagai kaum skirt itam kat tepi-tepi tuh macam mula-mula heran tapi last-last diaorang pun dah nak start manja-manja dengan aku. mula-mula aku cam prasan ah pergh mesti diaorang rasa aku nih cam macho pastuh nak manja-manja ngan aku sebelum aku realize derang sebnarnya manja ngan kuda aku sebab kuda aku konek besar. CHIST.
dasar aweks semuanya mau konek besar banget. takpe-takpe, aku akan charm diaorang dengan senyuman aku. not working, sedarlah wahai penyangak.
anyway, teroskan, lepas hujung heritage row aku kasi kuda aku makan sup. kuda aku suka makan sup, lagi-lagi sup ekor, dia kata sup ekor buat dia rasa horny. lepas dia rasa horny dia tinggalkan aku and teroslah awek-awek pelbagai kaum naek dia nak kemana entah, nak ke hotel kot. aku tak sure ah kuda aku tuh leh muat masuk hotel ke tak.
bila aku dah tinggal sorang, aku mula ah boring and tengok-tengok handphone, aku dengar lagu kat ipod. pastuh aku jalan sorang-sorang. kalau aku rasa macam langit nih dekat sangat aku start ah panjat pokok-pokok dekat dengan menara kl tuh. pastuh aku pergi zouk, aku masuk zouk, aku kencing dalam tandas, pastuh aku keluar balik.
bila aku dah keluar bouncer tuh macam bengang sebab aku masuk zouk semata-mata nak kencing je. dia macam APA LANCHAU KAU NIH KAU BAYAR SIKIT NYE MAHAL SEMATA-MATA NAK KENCING. aku angkat sikit katana aku. dia pandang aku 2 saat, dia tengok kiri kanan, dia senyum senyum cover sikit, pastuh dia gelak hihi, pastuh dia macam angkat tangan sikit, macam "hai", pastuh dia step back. TAU TAKPE JANGAN MAEN GILA AKU SAMURAI BWAARGHKH!
#11 kita semua kena ada movie yang kita suka tengok ulang-ulang.
masa aku kecik aku suka tengok teenage mutant ninja turtles 2, karate kid 1, enter the dragon, dengan return of the jedi ulang-ulang, at least sebulan sekali. dah besar tak aktif sangat, tapi certain movies kena ulang at least 6 bulan sekali, namely - blood in blood out, city of god, the big lebowski, super troopers, and a few moar. dia kira cam staple movie lah, atau movie ruji, entah ah.
#12 aku akan benci orang yang awek aku ada crush, walopun mamat tuh celebrity and awek aku just ada innocent celebrity crush, and also walaupun aku suka muzik or lakonan mamat tuh.
macam dulu, ex aku dania danielle cakap dia minat gila dekat faizal hussein. tros aku benci mamat tuh padahal dia lah fevret akter aku masa kecik. aku anti sangat sampai aku buat facebook group anti faizal hussein. lama-lama aku sedar takde maknanya macam ah dania kesah. aku amik decision untuk buat balik kat dia, aku start ah crush kat sorang artis nak kasi dania jealous.
tapi bila aku piker balik, dania tuh celebrity so macam hmm baru aku faham sebab apa aku jealous, sebab celebrity bila minat celebrity diaorang pun darjat sama so aku pun kenelah minat orang darjat sama dengan aku so dia pun buleh jealous. aku start ah minat sorang minah kebanyakan macam aku nih, kita kasi nama jessica lah. aku bwat-bwat minat gila dengan jessica sampai satu hari aku romen dengan dia. baru aku sedar yang itu semua sebenarnya aksi curang di pihak aku wahkughekaga. tros dania clash dengan aku.
sampai sekarang aku blame faizal hussein for break-up aku dengan dania danielle.
#13 masa aku kecik aku pernah jadi pirate pastuh breakdance sambil tebang pokok macam lumberjack.
WOOT WOOT MADDOX STYLE BADASS!
(aku tipu tapi bukannya korang tahu pun aku tipu).
#14 aku ada fobia kat almost semua bende sebab aku penakut.
infact masa tengah tulis entri nih aku tutup mata sebab aku takut blogger.
#15 aku baru sedar yang mustard ada jual kat supermarket, selama nih aku chuma leh harap merasa kat subway je or kat mana-mana yang ada.
lalz cannot go very.
..
aku tag siapa-siapa yang ada kat links kat tepi tuh.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
rendem suvay
1.When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
ps: aku sedar aku hensem.
2. How much cash do you have on you?
cukup untuk hidop, bruv.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
kotor, jubor (kalau accent kau pelik), whore, eh cipet dia mintak satu word je ah burduh.
4. Favorite planet?
apo masalah ekau jang?
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
kalau kau berak kau cebok sendri, kalau hal orang jangan kau sebok-kan diri yadadameen?!
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
aku tableh letak lagu yang aku suka as ringtone sebab aku tak suka di-call and bila lagu yang aku suka keluar everytime aku di-call nanti aku start-lah benci lagu tuh, dowh.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
tak pakai shirt, aku suka raba tetek sendiri.
8. Do you “label” yourself?
pemende luh mat.
9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?
TIMBALAND MUFUCKA! kain pelikat and timbaland. sebenarnya aku tak pakai pun kasut nih selain untuk bergaya and sekarang aku kat rumah dan takde sebab nak bergaya kecuali kalau aku gay dengan diri sendiri, tapi kesimpulannya aku nak show-off je timbaland aku.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
aku suka terang, terang gila lampu puteh macam kat mamak. baru bleh teringat tosai bawang cicah kuah putih tuh sorang-sorang kat rumah sambil air liur makin kering.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
aku tak tahu dia siapa, aku tak kesah dia puasa ke tak, aku tak kesah samada dia pergi kerja ke dia amek mc ini hari, aku tak kesah kalau dia suka cendol ke tak sebab kalau dia tak suka terang-terang dia bongek, aku tak kesah kalau dia guna bank maybank ke rhb ke atau dua-dua ke walaupun rhb nye imej baru gila lemau, aku tak kesah katil dia single ke double, aku tak kesah samada dia rasa bila laki bagi perempuan bunga itu pointless ke tak, aku tak kesah dia suka donat ke tak sebab aku tak suka donat sangat kecuali kalau ada daging dalam donat tuh, aku tak kesah dia guna pencuci muka apa sebab kalau dah handsome macam aku nih kau cuci lah muka guna muntah ayam sekalipun tetap handsome, aku tak kesah dia ada blog ke tak atau dia jawap survey ini secara manual dengan tulis atas kertas guna pen, wkahugeakhuaukhga gila kuno, dude this is 2008 weyh, pen dengan kertas tuh jual kat kedai antik SYUDEH whakugueakkgheakuhgeakuga.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sentuh diri sendiri. biasalah muda-mudi nikmat duniawi. diari seorang loser yang takde perempuan.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
mana leh bagitau dowh, sometin bout preference of sexual position you know who you are mi prempuenz.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
belakang gerai burger wkhaugeahukga jawapan bodoh siak dah tentu semua 7-11 belakang burger.
16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
tu ah pasal.
17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
18. Last furry thing you touched?
mah bawls. okay takde ah furry sangat, bulu dia macam pendek-pendek camtuh sebab aku suka cabut. come to think about it, aku dah lama tak trim or shave, zaman sekarang nih aku cabut je, REAL MEN DON'T USE TOOLS.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
eh sori sket nih zaman digital. aku benci orang-orang yang ada kamera sebab aku takde kamera. mahal dowh kamera. belikanlah aku kamera, siapa nak jadi suga mummy aku? aku tak mintak banyak, cuma sejambat kamera, and 1 million pounds. sebagai balasan aku jadikan kau sugamummy aku, dengan syarat, kau ida nerina. huhu. tapis tapis jangan tak tapis.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
zaman pakai baju ketat belang-belang makan maggie petang-petang, tengok vijaykhan blasah orang, tengok faizal hussein usha anak dara orang, tengok jackie chan mabuk sorang-sorang. buat gaya mat mot depan jiran sebelah sebab ada awek cute. padahal adik member aku yang kat sebelah tuh je. member aku tuh buruk je. tapi adik dia putih dan cute. aku naik bmx rim plastik merah sambil berdiri. syuko setlah membesars aku tak terjebak dengan kerempitan kerana basics dah ada. erm. main tutup botol dengan kayu eskrim. bawak tenggiling beku takutkan orang. naek beskal kemana-mana lalu kampung lalu pekan. main panjat-panjat bukit. beli ding dang main mainan yang bodowh tapi best. buat pistol guna lego. dan macam-macam lagi.
22. Your worst enemy?
keterunaan-ku. anytakersladiesonlyplztqttylbyz.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
wu tang clan.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
ok byez.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
sejuta rm takde ah banyak sangat. leh terbang ah dowh. kalau kau leh terbang, macam fuck, kau leh jadi courier ke apa ke, charge lebih-lebih sket, lama-lama kau leh jadi lebih dari jutawan dowh. "LU FIKIR SENDIRI".
26. Do you like someone?
sebenarnya takde, takde langsong, takde fokus, takde ambition, takde target, takde aim, takde crush, takde perasaan, aku robot brrt, mana ada robot bunyik brrt bodowh. tapi "modal" sentiasa ada, yadadameen? kautahuapakumaksudkan? whaukgueahkuga mesti ada punya, siapa-siapa pun buleh, sesiapa yang dipilih mesti rasa honoured, kan kan kan.
27. The last song you listened to?
ITU LAGU LARGH APA KAOW SEBOK!
LYF IZ RIZK, CARNAL?!?!?!?!?!
U MESS WIF ME FAMILIA U MESSES WIF ME, PINCHE MAMON!
U WONA DANCE?? U WONA DANCE??!?!??!! I KNOW TOON CALLD STIK-N-CUTTT-EESSSEIIIIIIIII
2. How much cash do you have on you?
cukup untuk hidop, bruv.
3. What’s a word that rhymes with “DOOR?”
kotor, jubor (kalau accent kau pelik), whore, eh cipet dia mintak satu word je ah burduh.
4. Favorite planet?
apo masalah ekau jang?
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
kalau kau berak kau cebok sendri, kalau hal orang jangan kau sebok-kan diri yadadameen?!
6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
aku tableh letak lagu yang aku suka as ringtone sebab aku tak suka di-call and bila lagu yang aku suka keluar everytime aku di-call nanti aku start-lah benci lagu tuh, dowh.
7. What shirt are you wearing?
tak pakai shirt, aku suka raba tetek sendiri.
8. Do you “label” yourself?
pemende luh mat.
9. Name the brand of your shoes you’re currently wearing?
TIMBALAND MUFUCKA! kain pelikat and timbaland. sebenarnya aku tak pakai pun kasut nih selain untuk bergaya and sekarang aku kat rumah dan takde sebab nak bergaya kecuali kalau aku gay dengan diri sendiri, tapi kesimpulannya aku nak show-off je timbaland aku.
10. Bright or Dark Room?
aku suka terang, terang gila lampu puteh macam kat mamak. baru bleh teringat tosai bawang cicah kuah putih tuh sorang-sorang kat rumah sambil air liur makin kering.
11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
aku tak tahu dia siapa, aku tak kesah dia puasa ke tak, aku tak kesah samada dia pergi kerja ke dia amek mc ini hari, aku tak kesah kalau dia suka cendol ke tak sebab kalau dia tak suka terang-terang dia bongek, aku tak kesah kalau dia guna bank maybank ke rhb ke atau dua-dua ke walaupun rhb nye imej baru gila lemau, aku tak kesah katil dia single ke double, aku tak kesah samada dia rasa bila laki bagi perempuan bunga itu pointless ke tak, aku tak kesah dia suka donat ke tak sebab aku tak suka donat sangat kecuali kalau ada daging dalam donat tuh, aku tak kesah dia guna pencuci muka apa sebab kalau dah handsome macam aku nih kau cuci lah muka guna muntah ayam sekalipun tetap handsome, aku tak kesah dia ada blog ke tak atau dia jawap survey ini secara manual dengan tulis atas kertas guna pen, wkahugeakhuaukhga gila kuno, dude this is 2008 weyh, pen dengan kertas tuh jual kat kedai antik SYUDEH whakugueakkgheakuhgeakuga.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sentuh diri sendiri. biasalah muda-mudi nikmat duniawi. diari seorang loser yang takde perempuan.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
mana leh bagitau dowh, sometin bout preference of sexual position you know who you are mi prempuenz.
15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
belakang gerai burger wkhaugeahukga jawapan bodoh siak dah tentu semua 7-11 belakang burger.
16. What’s a word that you say a lot?
tu ah pasal.
17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
SERENTAK! boleh?!?!
18. Last furry thing you touched?
mah bawls. okay takde ah furry sangat, bulu dia macam pendek-pendek camtuh sebab aku suka cabut. come to think about it, aku dah lama tak trim or shave, zaman sekarang nih aku cabut je, REAL MEN DON'T USE TOOLS.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
eh sori sket nih zaman digital. aku benci orang-orang yang ada kamera sebab aku takde kamera. mahal dowh kamera. belikanlah aku kamera, siapa nak jadi suga mummy aku? aku tak mintak banyak, cuma sejambat kamera, and 1 million pounds. sebagai balasan aku jadikan kau sugamummy aku, dengan syarat, kau ida nerina. huhu. tapis tapis jangan tak tapis.
21. Favorite age you have been so far?
zaman pakai baju ketat belang-belang makan maggie petang-petang, tengok vijaykhan blasah orang, tengok faizal hussein usha anak dara orang, tengok jackie chan mabuk sorang-sorang. buat gaya mat mot depan jiran sebelah sebab ada awek cute. padahal adik member aku yang kat sebelah tuh je. member aku tuh buruk je. tapi adik dia putih dan cute. aku naik bmx rim plastik merah sambil berdiri. syuko setlah membesars aku tak terjebak dengan kerempitan kerana basics dah ada. erm. main tutup botol dengan kayu eskrim. bawak tenggiling beku takutkan orang. naek beskal kemana-mana lalu kampung lalu pekan. main panjat-panjat bukit. beli ding dang main mainan yang bodowh tapi best. buat pistol guna lego. dan macam-macam lagi.
22. Your worst enemy?
keterunaan-ku. anytakersladiesonlyplztqttylbyz.
23. What is your current desktop picture?
wu tang clan.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
ok byez.
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
sejuta rm takde ah banyak sangat. leh terbang ah dowh. kalau kau leh terbang, macam fuck, kau leh jadi courier ke apa ke, charge lebih-lebih sket, lama-lama kau leh jadi lebih dari jutawan dowh. "LU FIKIR SENDIRI".
26. Do you like someone?
sebenarnya takde, takde langsong, takde fokus, takde ambition, takde target, takde aim, takde crush, takde perasaan, aku robot brrt, mana ada robot bunyik brrt bodowh. tapi "modal" sentiasa ada, yadadameen? kautahuapakumaksudkan? whaukgueahkuga mesti ada punya, siapa-siapa pun buleh, sesiapa yang dipilih mesti rasa honoured, kan kan kan.
27. The last song you listened to?
ITU LAGU LARGH APA KAOW SEBOK!
tapi ini lagu salu buat aku mellow:
swv - weak
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
SECURITY OF THE FIRST WORLD
while i was taking a nice 'hot' shit (like dude seriously, it was like giving my anus hole a nice hot bath, except with denser "water") i was thinking to myself, nobody is good enough to help this country. malaysia's future relies on my wisdom.right now it's a battle between the ultra-malays and the opposition. although honestly i am leaning more towards anwar (despite him being a sheep shagger), i do admit that (1) he's a cunning politician and (2) he's carrying some fucked up weight - i mean on his ass are former umno members, democrats, liberals, socialists, islamists etc. how the fuck can our country ever handle all that. its not possible. on the other hand, i'm just not comfortable with having ultra-malays control my country anymore, just because i think they're a bunch of cunts, it's that simple.
so although this might not seem very original, i propose - we re-invite the british back into our country's administration.
assholes are gonna be quick to say PENJAJAH! (colonists!), look dawg, it's just not about who is leading the country anymore, it's about which administration is gonna allow tits on our television channels after midnight.
here i present a few points to support my argument. by the end of this list you will have convinced yourself of three things, that: (1) i am right and we should bring back the bri'ish, (2) i'm a genius, and (3) raja farah is a dunce for not falling in love with me.
okay go.
(POINT 1)
are you daft? we're talking about the same people who were responsible for 95% of monty python.
(POINT 2)
they invented cool shit like, i dunno, drum n bass? and most of the great rock n roll bands were british, like DUH, led zeppelin, black sabbath, the rolling stones, the beatles, oasis (just kidding), etcetra etcetra wokevvah.
(POINT 3)
they have a cool accent. i mean it's not just about how they pronounce fuck (faack) or the vast array of cuss slang at their disposal, try saying "pathetic" in an american accent. come on just try it. yees, "pa-the-dIC", that is pathe-tic. and americans get away with this in films and tv every fucking day, you can't pronounce pathetic that way, what the fuck is "pathedic"? when you say pathetic, you are supposed to be demeaning someone or berating him/her to a point of no return. but if some random american goes "dude, you're patheDic" to me, i'll just be like "err yeah, okay, anyway, 50 bucks unleaded pump number 8 thanks". drop it you yanks, dem brits know what's up - it's pronounced puhh-the-TICK! that extra T at the end of that shit is what makes the word. grr. sheesh, some people.
(POINT 4)
other countries around us that lack enough british presence back in the colonialism days, they suck. indonesia? pleez. what did the dutch (or whoever it was) ever do for them? sure they have better looking women, and their schoolkids can stay out past midnight and and they're more liberal and shit but have you ever been there? they have like, what, just ONE flyover? *scoffs* has electricity even arrived there yet, i wouldn't dare speculate.
still i don't intend any offense towards our indo brothers, we still need y'all, our luxury condos aren't gonna build themselves, and the music's not bad too, anything to minimize the presence of akademi fantasia winners on radio.
and then, what about thailand? sure they can make movies about how the british only get to be teachers of their king's children and shit, sure they have a nice sex industry, and hot chicks, and hot manboys, but would you live there for more than two weeks? when the novelty wears off, thailand is nothing doggie, it has all of malaysia's heat and shit, but without the civilization. my friend told me he once went there with his laptop and when my friend turned it on the locals thought it was black magic. *scoffs* savages.
just look at singapore, the only nation that could compete with us, and why? the british of course. but nonetheless they're still gay.
there are those other south east asian countries, but i don't remember their names. they don't teach us about them in geography, maybe they did, oh wait yeah, i think all of them were categorized under "tasaday". hmm, okay wateva.
(POINT 5)
they tricked brad pitt into playing a gypsy.
(POINT 6)
i concede their national team is gay, but the premier league is super solid.
(POINT 7)
and what about their tv, fuck - the office, peep show, the league of gentlemen, extras, monty python's flying circus, fawlty towers, i'm alan partridge, knowing me knowing you with alan partridge, louis theroux, shit i could go on and on and on, but i need to chat you know, you get the idea, though.
(POINT 8)
..
i rest my case your faarcking honour.
i should be sleeping right now. 2 hours ago i managed to get the lights and my clothes off, lying on the bed. suddenly i'm back here in the chair in stadium lights brightness banging away at the keyboard, i wish my real life was as exciting as this. argkh.
BLACK STEEL IN THE HOUR OF CHAOS
whukhkgeakuga this is by far the gayest layout i've ever come up with (and i've done some really homo ones), *pats myself on the back* geddit geddit? on the "back" geddit geddit? wahukgeahukgea.anyway. the clock struck 12 sometime ago, it is officially 16th september a.k.a. malaysia day (a.k.a. the day we pretend we care about east malaysians beyond robbing them of their natural resources).
(from now on i have to write all political shit in english, kena hati hati "bro")
if anwar manages to take over this country tomorrow or before the end of this month, this is what i predict will happen:
- chaos will ensue, the racial stability of this country will be forsaken! i don't know why or how but this is what the ministers and the media have been repeating everyday - so it must be true!
- if it turns out to not be true, then malays, chinese, and indians will start to integrate more than ever, we will all start to become more harmonious, the previously agonizingly slow process (if any) of assimilation will be sped up considerably - and i say EUW, keep those immigrants away from me pleez.
- anwar will sell this country to either the chinese,
- singapore will re-join malaysia and eventually try to take over this country. they will however fail, because while they're busy trying to conquer us the singaporean malays (we all know singaporean malays are jb rempits who just happen to live much.. souther) taking care of their homeland security will take over their nation. the singaporean chinese will end up stuck between jb and singapore. all i can say is, i hope all those years living on an island has taught them how to swim.
- syed hamid albar will put every prominent leader from PR into isa, citing that their lives are in danger and the police need to protect them (ironically, from his own party). this massive mass of irony will negate existence and we will all get sucked into a black hole.
- as a last ditch effort to salvage their power, umno will go one-up with their "clever" tactics and accuse anwar of having sex with a sheep. on whether the sheep will swear about it, we'll have to wait and see.
- iron maiden will finally come to malaysia (picked out the random hat).
- fuck seriously i just ran out of ideas, and i'm a bit tired, and mellow. i'll just have to procrastinate. and this is very clever what i'm doing because by later today some shit will happen and i don't need to predict anymore. whaukgheaukga. i call it strategic procrastination. i should be a politician.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
when i smell nicotine
i am not inspired! ARRGKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HARRRRRRRRRRR
GAKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GRRRRRRRRRRRKGKH
GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
HARRRRRRRRRRR
GAKHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
GRRRRRRRRRRRKGKH
downt it feel so g00t when your stomach is like grkh i need to shit, there must be a lot of shit that needs to be delivered to the bowl right now. so you rush off to the bowl, and you sit down make yourself comfortable and all that shit. you start working your anal pump. but what comes out is not shit but a commendable amount of hot gas - PRRRRRROTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT PROT PROT PRRRRRRRRRRRRROWWTGKH. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. the stomach is relieved. this happens a lot actually. maybe because there's so much air in your system that it feels like you need a shit.
it's always a dissapointment when you don't get what you expect, expect a handjob from a vibrant lady get a meh do it yaself instead, expect a wet dream with raja farah innit get a dream about chilling at the mamak with your guy friends who are all extremely male (what a letdown, at least let a jambu like that scarecrow in batman begins slip through), expect HEY! HEY! get boooo boooo. but this is not one of that, this is like expecting something but getting something different but still as g00t. nothing like letting go of all the airy nothingness needlessly filling up yow boday. ahh yow boddayyy yow booooooooooodayyy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel good.
it's like expecting raja farah but getting sazzy falak or fazura, or ida nerina (if we're going the milf route, or fauziah latif, or erra fazura, even noor kumalasari in some instances), or any of the dunia baru chicks, or that chick in kami the series, or dania danielle, or whatever hot malaysian chick lalz (allthough it's pretty obvious that all of those chicks you've just mentioned are malay, you fucking racist) (no i'm not a racist, you're a racist for noticing that, i didn't notice at all, fuck you you're the cunting racist) (eh ekau nih jang baghu je lopeh besahur dah start mencarut) (mahap).
tadi aku dengan optimisitic nya turun ke bawah untuk sahur dengan roti. sekali roti aku dah berkulat. aih tak sampai setengah buku lagi pown. teros aku sahur dengan cereal dengan susu lalz. apa bleh bwat sudah ditakdirkan roti berkulat. aku dah ikat dengan getah dowh tak tipu punya. aiyah.
itu hari aku bukak puasa dengan subway setelah lama mengidam. aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku tak fulfill ngidam aku nih earlier, dah halfway into bulan puasa pon dowh. satu hari seblom aku gi one utama, sekali tengok subway dia under renovation balik dengan kecewa bebuka roti dengan apa tah je kat umah. lepas tuh aku dah determined kena dapat, so lepas puas tengok minah-minah berpeluh 2-3 jam (pahalo puaso ekau nak lotak mano, jang?) 15 minit sebelum bukak puasa aku gi subway and angkat satu. dalam kereta baru sedar aku lupa nak suruh dia toast roti sandwich tuh. shit man.
lama ngidam bila dah dapat lupa nak buat satu bende penting, ada gak aku kene gi lagi subway nih esok nak puaskan ngidam sandwich yang roti dia di-toast.
tapi takde masalah sebnarnya, untuk bujang-bujang yang mungkin pernah or ada potential kena problem sama, ini solution - aku sampai rumah aku sapu margerine (bukan marjerin) sket kat luar roti tuh pastuh letak kat atas frying pan (jangan lupa pasang api eh) abang ramly burger style, kasi puseng-puseng sampai puas. sebenarnya lagi sedap daripada toast pon. problem solved, aku pun happy, buleh tengok bola sambil senyum, sebelum senyum tuh di rampas dengan sadist bila manure kalah pada livepul ARGKH.
cipet, asal semua main cam tak nak main?
baik kau kasi aku main je, aku gelecek sana gelecek sini dummy sana stepover sini gelek sana samba sini elastico sana spin macam zidane sini, pastuh one-two dengan bebatov SHOOTOW! SETTTLE! arrgggkh dissapointmon.
siapa penah tengok man vs. wild? agak poyo sikit kan mamat tuh sebab dia berlakon je mostly tapi kelakar ah and dia selalu enthusiastic semacam. ini parodi aku terhadap mamat tuh menggunakan gambar yang dikutip dari internet:
IF YA STRANDED IN MIDDLE *ARF* RIVAH, MEK RIGHT DECISYUNZ IZ CRITICAL, MAKE WRONG ONE, CAN BEE DEADLY.
ME STAND FOUR LEGGED IN MIDDLE *ARF* RIVAH, IT'S DANGERUS TING, ONE ME NO AFFORD GIT WRONG, GOTS BASIC SURVIVAL SKILLS ME LURNT FRUM INSPECTAH GADGET DOG. AND MEH CAMERA CREW, IZ DIS SADISTIC BASTURD WHO THREW ME IN WOTTURH JUST TAH TEK PIKCUZ *ARF* ME. *BRR BRR BRR* *AURFH*.
THIS RIVAH JUZ NO STARBUCKS ME WAZ HOPE FAR. -_________\
NOWHEAR TO LOOK END NO FIND DRINK. *AROOF*!
THESE BOTTLE, NO EAT, BUT HERE WE GO GAT THIS BEFOAR BOTTEL GO, *WHEE* :).
WILL LEAVE BOTTEL AS IT IS, ME WANT.
MUCH EASIER TO GAT, IF RIVAH NEARBY TOURISTS N HOTEL, BUT GUTTA BEE QUITE QUIK! GAT DEM BEEFOAH THEY FLOAT WAY. I ONI NEED ONE, I BITE DEE BOTTEL, NICE BOTTEL! *BRR*
I DUN WANT EAT IT RAW, IT IZ BOTTEL SILLY! FOOD POISONING DE LAST THING I NEED! IZ LIKE SIGNIN MAH OWN DETH WARRANT! MINE PAWZ SMALL TO WRITE USE WIF PEN!
FOOD TO BE FOUND OUT HEAR, IN RIVAH! :)
NO TELLIN' HOW LONG ME STAY IN MIDDLE OF WEEVAH, IT LONLY SUMTIMZ. T___T
BUT I HAS BOTTEL, I PUT WOTTUH FRUM RIVAH IN BOTTEL, I DRANK! *ARF*!
BUT BOTTEL IS GOT MANY HOLES . . . . . . . . -_______-
I IZ TO MEK REPAIR TO DRANK.
BUT DEN HEAR ENGIN! *BRRRRRRRR ENGIN SOUN*
IZ WAT ME PRAY FOAR! *AURWF*! *____-
MAH CHULLENGE IN MIDDLE OF RIVAH BEEN SUMTIN ELSE.
BUT NOW TIME ME HEAD HOM ON REMOT CONTRL BOAT FRUM OUT NOWHEAR! AURWF!
i know i know i know. lameeeeeeeee whakgeuahukgukgea -_- tidur dulu gangstuh! selamat!
it's always a dissapointment when you don't get what you expect, expect a handjob from a vibrant lady get a meh do it yaself instead, expect a wet dream with raja farah innit get a dream about chilling at the mamak with your guy friends who are all extremely male (what a letdown, at least let a jambu like that scarecrow in batman begins slip through), expect HEY! HEY! get boooo boooo. but this is not one of that, this is like expecting something but getting something different but still as g00t. nothing like letting go of all the airy nothingness needlessly filling up yow boday. ahh yow boddayyy yow booooooooooodayyy ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel good.
it's like expecting raja farah but getting sazzy falak or fazura, or ida nerina (if we're going the milf route, or fauziah latif, or erra fazura, even noor kumalasari in some instances), or any of the dunia baru chicks, or that chick in kami the series, or dania danielle, or whatever hot malaysian chick lalz (allthough it's pretty obvious that all of those chicks you've just mentioned are malay, you fucking racist) (no i'm not a racist, you're a racist for noticing that, i didn't notice at all, fuck you you're the cunting racist) (eh ekau nih jang baghu je lopeh besahur dah start mencarut) (mahap).
tadi aku dengan optimisitic nya turun ke bawah untuk sahur dengan roti. sekali roti aku dah berkulat. aih tak sampai setengah buku lagi pown. teros aku sahur dengan cereal dengan susu lalz. apa bleh bwat sudah ditakdirkan roti berkulat. aku dah ikat dengan getah dowh tak tipu punya. aiyah.
itu hari aku bukak puasa dengan subway setelah lama mengidam. aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku tak fulfill ngidam aku nih earlier, dah halfway into bulan puasa pon dowh. satu hari seblom aku gi one utama, sekali tengok subway dia under renovation balik dengan kecewa bebuka roti dengan apa tah je kat umah. lepas tuh aku dah determined kena dapat, so lepas puas tengok minah-minah berpeluh 2-3 jam (pahalo puaso ekau nak lotak mano, jang?) 15 minit sebelum bukak puasa aku gi subway and angkat satu. dalam kereta baru sedar aku lupa nak suruh dia toast roti sandwich tuh. shit man.
lama ngidam bila dah dapat lupa nak buat satu bende penting, ada gak aku kene gi lagi subway nih esok nak puaskan ngidam sandwich yang roti dia di-toast.
tapi takde masalah sebnarnya, untuk bujang-bujang yang mungkin pernah or ada potential kena problem sama, ini solution - aku sampai rumah aku sapu margerine (bukan marjerin) sket kat luar roti tuh pastuh letak kat atas frying pan (jangan lupa pasang api eh) abang ramly burger style, kasi puseng-puseng sampai puas. sebenarnya lagi sedap daripada toast pon. problem solved, aku pun happy, buleh tengok bola sambil senyum, sebelum senyum tuh di rampas dengan sadist bila manure kalah pada livepul ARGKH.
cipet, asal semua main cam tak nak main?
baik kau kasi aku main je, aku gelecek sana gelecek sini dummy sana stepover sini gelek sana samba sini elastico sana spin macam zidane sini, pastuh one-two dengan bebatov SHOOTOW! SETTTLE! arrgggkh dissapointmon.
siapa penah tengok man vs. wild? agak poyo sikit kan mamat tuh sebab dia berlakon je mostly tapi kelakar ah and dia selalu enthusiastic semacam. ini parodi aku terhadap mamat tuh menggunakan gambar yang dikutip dari internet:
IF YA STRANDED IN MIDDLE *ARF* RIVAH, MEK RIGHT DECISYUNZ IZ CRITICAL, MAKE WRONG ONE, CAN BEE DEADLY.ME STAND FOUR LEGGED IN MIDDLE *ARF* RIVAH, IT'S DANGERUS TING, ONE ME NO AFFORD GIT WRONG, GOTS BASIC SURVIVAL SKILLS ME LURNT FRUM INSPECTAH GADGET DOG. AND MEH CAMERA CREW, IZ DIS SADISTIC BASTURD WHO THREW ME IN WOTTURH JUST TAH TEK PIKCUZ *ARF* ME. *BRR BRR BRR* *AURFH*.
THIS RIVAH JUZ NO STARBUCKS ME WAZ HOPE FAR. -_________\NOWHEAR TO LOOK END NO FIND DRINK. *AROOF*!
THESE BOTTLE, NO EAT, BUT HERE WE GO GAT THIS BEFOAR BOTTEL GO, *WHEE* :).
WILL LEAVE BOTTEL AS IT IS, ME WANT.
MUCH EASIER TO GAT, IF RIVAH NEARBY TOURISTS N HOTEL, BUT GUTTA BEE QUITE QUIK! GAT DEM BEEFOAH THEY FLOAT WAY. I ONI NEED ONE, I BITE DEE BOTTEL, NICE BOTTEL! *BRR*
I DUN WANT EAT IT RAW, IT IZ BOTTEL SILLY! FOOD POISONING DE LAST THING I NEED! IZ LIKE SIGNIN MAH OWN DETH WARRANT! MINE PAWZ SMALL TO WRITE USE WIF PEN!FOOD TO BE FOUND OUT HEAR, IN RIVAH! :)
NO TELLIN' HOW LONG ME STAY IN MIDDLE OF WEEVAH, IT LONLY SUMTIMZ. T___T
BUT I HAS BOTTEL, I PUT WOTTUH FRUM RIVAH IN BOTTEL, I DRANK! *ARF*!
BUT BOTTEL IS GOT MANY HOLES . . . . . . . . -_______-
I IZ TO MEK REPAIR TO DRANK.
BUT DEN HEAR ENGIN! *BRRRRRRRR ENGIN SOUN*
IZ WAT ME PRAY FOAR! *AURWF*! *____-
MAH CHULLENGE IN MIDDLE OF RIVAH BEEN SUMTIN ELSE.
BUT NOW TIME ME HEAD HOM ON REMOT CONTRL BOAT FRUM OUT NOWHEAR! AURWF!
i know i know i know. lameeeeeeeee whakgeuahukgukgea -_- tidur dulu gangstuh! selamat!
spendar aku penuh dengan palat
rakan-rakanku telah mula membuat panggilan terhadap telefonku, namun ku ignore-kan sahaja karena aku tiada kredit. betapa bodohnya aku kerana menyangka kredit diperlukan untuk menjawap panggilan. pabila mereka gagal untuk calling mereka telah ber-sms denganku mengingatkan ku akan perkahwinan yang akan berlangsung melibatkan si dia bersama pilihan kedua orang tua-nya. aku telah disuap bukan dengan nasi kerana ku berpuasa tetapi dengan kenangan-kenangan lampau yang indah bersama si dia termasuk aksi-aksi panas ketika kami in the bed, im horny bro. musykil juga bagaimana rakan-rakan ku know on details this namun ku teringat yang aku selalu merakam aksi-aksi kami ke dalam 3gp files dan mungkin aku terlepas memberi rakan-rakan lihat video ketika ku sedang mabuk akibat tin cap kodomo lion.
ada yang menegur "alangkah indahnya sekira nama kau di sebelah nama si dia di kad perkahwinan itu tetapi malangnya kau loser, mesti kau ingat nih cam cerita cinta melayu yang mak bapak dia tak terima kau sebab kau loser, malangnya dia sendiri yang reject kau sebab kau tak cukup misai macam freddie mercury hahahahahahhaha loser loser loser". cibai-nya kawan.
aku selak kain awek ofis sebelah meja-ku ini mana tahu ada gambar si dia rupanya tiada, yang ada cuma tangan lembut yang pantas menapis dan memberi satu penumbuk padu ke muka-ku. awek nih kickboxing kot. aku tersungkur ke bawah meja lalu ternampak satu cd-rom. ku buka, betapa berseri-nya dunia ini aku rasa, cover cd rom itu tertera 'good luck chuck' tetapi di dalamnya terkandung gambar ku bersama si dia. ku amati sebelum ku membuka photoshop untuk mengemaskini lalu terimbas kembali segala kenangan masam pahit manis persis ikan siakap tiga rasa. kulampirkan bersama nukilan ini gambar kami bersama. kami membuat signal peace dengan tangan sebagai tanda bahawa kami couple.
buat si dia, terima kasih kerana kamu tak ingat kepada aku dan langsung tidak menghantar kad jemputan sebaliknya kamu hantar copy laporan polis yang kamu buat terhadap aku supaya aku tidak dibenarkan mendekati kamu dalam jarak lingkungan 50 meter. walaubagaimanapun darling, dalam landasan hati-ku tetap ada kamu.
(entri nih didedicated-kan for magenta wahkguekahkgeaukgea)
ada yang menegur "alangkah indahnya sekira nama kau di sebelah nama si dia di kad perkahwinan itu tetapi malangnya kau loser, mesti kau ingat nih cam cerita cinta melayu yang mak bapak dia tak terima kau sebab kau loser, malangnya dia sendiri yang reject kau sebab kau tak cukup misai macam freddie mercury hahahahahahhaha loser loser loser". cibai-nya kawan.
aku selak kain awek ofis sebelah meja-ku ini mana tahu ada gambar si dia rupanya tiada, yang ada cuma tangan lembut yang pantas menapis dan memberi satu penumbuk padu ke muka-ku. awek nih kickboxing kot. aku tersungkur ke bawah meja lalu ternampak satu cd-rom. ku buka, betapa berseri-nya dunia ini aku rasa, cover cd rom itu tertera 'good luck chuck' tetapi di dalamnya terkandung gambar ku bersama si dia. ku amati sebelum ku membuka photoshop untuk mengemaskini lalu terimbas kembali segala kenangan masam pahit manis persis ikan siakap tiga rasa. kulampirkan bersama nukilan ini gambar kami bersama. kami membuat signal peace dengan tangan sebagai tanda bahawa kami couple.
buat si dia, terima kasih kerana kamu tak ingat kepada aku dan langsung tidak menghantar kad jemputan sebaliknya kamu hantar copy laporan polis yang kamu buat terhadap aku supaya aku tidak dibenarkan mendekati kamu dalam jarak lingkungan 50 meter. walaubagaimanapun darling, dalam landasan hati-ku tetap ada kamu.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
attn: hati hati
mamat hati hati nih dok nak nakut-nakutkan aku.
aku cuma buleh cakap.
YA TUAN! SAYA TAK BUAT LAGI TUAN! MAAFKAN SAYA TUAN! DARI KIRI, KE KANNAAAAAAAAAAAN PUSENG!
aku cuma buleh cakap.
YA TUAN! SAYA TAK BUAT LAGI TUAN! MAAFKAN SAYA TUAN! DARI KIRI, KE KANNAAAAAAAAAAAN PUSENG!
stay calm, stay free
we live in a funny country. our leaders and us don't share the same dimension. they live in their world, we live in another.and we just can't seem to get rid of each other.
(no rhyme intended)
every blog discussing politics has urged the people to be calm. i am quite sure we are capable of being calm, but what kind of calm? the best guess is a ticking time bomb.
propaganda taught us to hate the communists, but our government thrives on the people's fear.
i knew a friend who's family member got captured under the ISA. what do you do in this situation? what if it was your family member, someone who's very dear to you. would you tell him/her to give up whatever he/she is fighting for?
this is not something new, people have been apprehended without trial and gotten their beliefs attempted to be shaken out of them since before all of us were born.
does it sound dreadfully familiar? do you remember what your ustazah taught you? about those muslims who were beaten senseless and forced to denounce what they stand for and believe in.
are we muslims because we love islam, or just because it looks good on us.
this country would choke and perish if its supply of dire hypocrisy and irony is cut off.
or will it? i hope we'll find out someday.
how long can we bear witnessing this comedy (tragic) with a clenched fist, instead of laughter.
Friday, September 12, 2008
don't fight the power, sodomize 'em
baru hari nih rpk kena tangkap bawah isa sebab apa entah, aku pun tak tahu. kalau betul sebab hina nabi kenapa tun mulia tuh tak kena isa masa dia cakap bela janggut sunnah nabi sebab dulu takde gilette?
asal baru-baru nih melayu lanchau (nanti akhirat nanti jangan lupa pakai baju melayu so that tuhan tahu kau melayu, buleh?) yang cakap 'cina pendatang' and 'cina jangan nak jadi cam yahudi' tuh tak kena isa? tapi memang betul apa dia cakap, cina nih semua pendatang, lainlah melayu, melayu semua timbul daripada tanah malaya macam orc dalam lord of the rings. pastuh lagi bodoh, typical melayu semua bende tak betul dia cakap yahudi, "tak sedar ke berapa orang nabi yang dia (patut) sanjung dari kaum yahudi" (paraphrase dari hishamuddin rais). tak sedar yang masalahnya bukan yahudi tapi zionis (apalah salahnya orang tuh kaum yahudi, larry david yahudi, woody allen yahudi, diaorang cool je dowh). and zionis dengan kau tak banyak beza, wahai melayu. melayu kat malaysia nih bukan mudah lupa, tapi mudah tak ingat - bongok tak ingat.
bukannya aku wish isa upon these cunts, tapi saje je for the sake of argument dowh.
bengang siak. rasa macam nak keluarkan kapak aku dari stor pastuh cantas semua pokok-pokok kat taman dekat rumah aku nih. tapi kang brader-brader mppj takde kerja pulak. macam lawyer kat negara nih lah, tak lama lagi takde kerja lah. ye ah, apa susah, rasa macam nak tangkap orang, tangkap jelah guna isa. takyah lah guna law ke apa lanchau ke, takyah guna lawyer hakim semua nih buang duti buang masa je. kita mansuhkan rule of law and guna isa je sepenuhnya apa susah. jimat duit, buleh naikkan sikit subsidi minyak kan kan kan? takpun buleh booking tiket secara bulk incase mp-mp kita nih diperlukan lagi untuk lawatan sambil belajar pasal pertanian.
kalau korang pandai sejarah (bukan buku teks sejarah tapi sejarah) atau korang tak pandai langsung sejarah (example aku) tapi selalu baca blog yang ada mention pasal sejarah mungkin nampak pattern-pattern may 13 1969 kat sini. bila kerajaan akan create chaos buat orang bengang. kang semua pergi jalanan. gaduh sana sini. tapi jangan ah derang nih kepala otak tertinggal kat zaman jahiliyah, rakyat sekarang tak gelabah sangat dah. semua dah muak je.
kau rasa kalau mamat agen cia-cina-yahudi tuh take over buleh change for the better ke negara nih? aku pun tak tahu dowh. siapa tahu. semua orang buleh janji, tuhan je tahu.
apa-apa hal kote-kote umno yang kontrol negara nih sekarang (bukan semua umno jahat okay, yang kat atas tuh jahat), semuanya zionis. kau tahu apa perangai zionis? orang cakap dia racist and dia clearly racist, tapi dia tak setuju and yakin je ngaku dia tak racist langsung, sounds fucking familiar?
fuck all y'all.
*sumer di strikeout atas dasar "hati hati" (lalz) - j/k (lalz).
asal baru-baru nih melayu lanchau (nanti akhirat nanti jangan lupa pakai baju melayu so that tuhan tahu kau melayu, buleh?) yang cakap 'cina pendatang' and 'cina jangan nak jadi cam yahudi' tuh tak kena isa? tapi memang betul apa dia cakap, cina nih semua pendatang, lainlah melayu, melayu semua timbul daripada tanah malaya macam orc dalam lord of the rings. pastuh lagi bodoh, typical melayu semua bende tak betul dia cakap yahudi, "tak sedar ke berapa orang nabi yang dia (patut) sanjung dari kaum yahudi" (paraphrase dari hishamuddin rais). tak sedar yang masalahnya bukan yahudi tapi zionis (apalah salahnya orang tuh kaum yahudi, larry david yahudi, woody allen yahudi, diaorang cool je dowh). and zionis dengan kau tak banyak beza, wahai melayu. melayu kat malaysia nih bukan mudah lupa, tapi mudah tak ingat - bongok tak ingat.
bukannya aku wish isa upon these cunts, tapi saje je for the sake of argument dowh.
bengang siak. rasa macam nak keluarkan kapak aku dari stor pastuh cantas semua pokok-pokok kat taman dekat rumah aku nih. tapi kang brader-brader mppj takde kerja pulak. macam lawyer kat negara nih lah, tak lama lagi takde kerja lah. ye ah, apa susah, rasa macam nak tangkap orang, tangkap jelah guna isa. takyah lah guna law ke apa lanchau ke, takyah guna lawyer hakim semua nih buang duti buang masa je. kita mansuhkan rule of law and guna isa je sepenuhnya apa susah. jimat duit, buleh naikkan sikit subsidi minyak kan kan kan? takpun buleh booking tiket secara bulk incase mp-mp kita nih diperlukan lagi untuk lawatan sambil belajar pasal pertanian.
kalau korang pandai sejarah (bukan buku teks sejarah tapi sejarah) atau korang tak pandai langsung sejarah (example aku) tapi selalu baca blog yang ada mention pasal sejarah mungkin nampak pattern-pattern may 13 1969 kat sini. bila kerajaan akan create chaos buat orang bengang. kang semua pergi jalanan. gaduh sana sini. tapi jangan ah derang nih kepala otak tertinggal kat zaman jahiliyah, rakyat sekarang tak gelabah sangat dah. semua dah muak je.
kau rasa kalau mamat agen cia-cina-yahudi tuh take over buleh change for the better ke negara nih? aku pun tak tahu dowh. siapa tahu. semua orang buleh janji, tuhan je tahu.
apa-apa hal kote-kote umno yang kontrol negara nih sekarang (bukan semua umno jahat okay, yang kat atas tuh jahat), semuanya zionis. kau tahu apa perangai zionis? orang cakap dia racist and dia clearly racist, tapi dia tak setuju and yakin je ngaku dia tak racist langsung, sounds fucking familiar?
fuck all y'all.
to all non hip hoppaz - in case you need to know since 's.h.e.' is usually misrepresented, this is why i love hip hop
..
and this is why i wanna be black:
mtv cribs - dave chapelle (spoof)
i never get tired of this song
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
stakes is high
takde bende lah nak tulis. gila kau aku tak patut ada blog hidup aku simple je. seumur hidup aku ikut jalan tengah. tapi macam aku cakap dulu ah, blog aku nih bukan diari ke apa ke, dia macam buku nota takde line yang aku selalu bawak pergi kelas (kalau aku pergi lah kan, which is rare lalz), and kalau aku boring dengar lecture aku scribble je apelanchau. takpun semua buku teks aku masa kat sekolah, mesti ada aku lukis mamat black metal kat dalam tuh, kadang-kadang mamat hardcore/skate/hip hop (sama je dressing masa 90's haha) pakai seluar baggy dengan snowcap. takpun aku tulis dengan rupa kononnya graffiti perkataan-perkataan yang aku tak faham pun maksud dia.hari-hari aku keluar. petang malam aku balik, aku bukak komputer, aku surf kejap. pastuh aku baring tengok movie ke tv series ke stand up comedy ke sambil download porn. lepas tuh kalau ada mood aku wank. aku paling tak tahan tengok lesbian buat scissors. aku tahu aku tahu bulan puasa tak baik tapi at least aku tahan sampai malam okay? and aku just wank bukannya aku ratah anak dara/tak dara haha. balik kepada scissors, yeah aku tak tahan dowh tengok lesbian buat scissors, nanti nak carik video scissors banyak-banyak. mula-mula dalam kehidupan nih aku tak tau pon scissors tuh hapa tapi southpark ajar aku. semua lessons in life buleh belajar dari the simpsons and southpark.
aku selalu tepikir apa agaknya rasa kalau kita nih tak exist. aku nak try recall apa aku rasa sebelum aku wujud tapi tak leh. aku rasa leh recall sikit-sikit tapi tak clear lah, dia macam fade in fade out camtuh. macam wow. memang ah kalau kau memang tak wujud senang je, tapi kalau kau tak wujud, tiba-tiba kau wujud, pastuh kau tak wujud balik, macamana agaknya rasa. macam, takde apa-apa, fuck. tuhan tolonglah masukkan aku dalam syurga so that aku masih buleh wujud hehe. amin. amin-kan doa aku, cepat!
aku jarang tak happy. orang tahu ke takde ah best sangat jadi orang yang takde ambition. ada gak bestnya. tapi kalau kau dah hidup dalam dunia sekarang nih rasa terasing gak ah. cam orang lain semua tengah dayung sampan laju ke depan, aku rilek je berendam dalam sungai nih. dahlah sejuk macam sungai kat uk, cibet. apa aku nak buat kat dunia nih, kenapa aku wujud, aku rasa tujuan aku wujud ialah untuk jadi hero dowh. kalau aku jadi hero, aku nak ada costume gak. aku nak pakai trenchcoat ala-ala sin city dengan baju casual kat dalam (pagoda dengan seluar koyak-koyak baggy), lepas tuh boot timberland yang besar gila. stomp 'em up kid.
dah lama aku tak makan bende fevret aku. ayam merah/sambal. takpe ah. kalau selalu makan takdenye lah dia jadi bende fevret aku. selalu buleh jumpa kat orang kahwin je, lagi-lagi yang kat melaka ke apa ke. kalau kek kampung-kampung nogoghi tak dapek ah, kek sano daging salai masak lomak yo trademark. aku pun dah lupa rasa dia macamana. paling best aku pernah makan memang kat kenduri nye. masa kecik dulu. dia memang staple kenduri, macam jarang ada kat restoran ke apa ke. tuh yang buat dia best kowt, sebab dia macam awek virgin. jarang come across. tapi tak logic gak comparison tuh sebab macamana kau nak tahu awek-awek virgin pon, takkan kau nak celup jari satu-satu lalz bongok. tapi you get the idea larh.jangan bagitau orang lain tapi aku suka kira bende kadang-kadang. matematik aku hancor ah tapi. bukannya tak pandai, tapi tak suka praktis. jangan bimbang gadis-gadis malaya, aku nih baka baek-nya, kalau korang kahwen ngan aku anak-anak kita nanti semua chun chun nye takdehal weyh.
korang rasa mamat tuh dapat takeover negara nih ke? kau tak rasa leader-leader negara kita nih hancur ke? asal ah, aku tengok rakyat relax je, okay ah ada ah yang bongok assabiyah perangai macam puki tapi aku rasa itu semua salah propaganda mostly. pada asasnya kita nih semua chill je, kita nih laidback je, kenapa kita kena berlakon macam kita nih someone or something else. like fuck, man, chill the fuck out dukes.
skarang nih aku selalu makan sikit. so aku dah dapat appreciate kurma dengan melebih-lebih sebab dia macam agak magik. kalau orang putih hero dia popeye makan spinach. kita orang islam hero makan kurma. dilakonkan oleh john turturro (sorry john aku tak tahu aku eja last name nih betol ke tak). dengar tuh, kita orang islam. bukan orang melayu. melayu buleh pergi masok longkang. aku bukan orang melayu, aku mexican. siapa tak percaya buleh fuck off. wukahgekakugeakuhga.
aku welsh jugak sebenarnya, macam ryan giggs dengan christian bale.
kadang-kadang aku negro, macam wu tang.
"hey penyangak, baby i got cha monay dontchoo worray"
Saturday, September 06, 2008
penyangak the romeo
hypothetically, based on my history and general behavior, here are things that could/would happen if a girl goes on a date with me.of course, the first choice would be to go for a movie. BOOORRINGG, TOO COMMON, you say. but you ladies are females, the fuck you know?
we would definitely take the couple seat! awwww how cute! because i'm xxxl and i need more room than the average seat, now please baby move along more to the side so i can have some of your space.
if i have seen the movie before, i will be a darling and still watch it with you since you wanna see it so much. i will try to stay awake but if i sleep, i apologize for anything cause it's out of my control. some people say i snore, i snore so much that they sometimes suspect that my room is a boiler room, or an engine. on the other hand, there are another group of people that have given testimonials about my snoring being pathetic and barely making up any noticeable frequency of volume at all, as if i was a cat. so, with all those high-strung people in the cinema as your witness, you be the judge.
now after the movie, we will go for the standard dinner. BOO BORING. shut up, you need to eat, i need to eat, the mamak needs customers. okay, i know, mamak, cheap, date and mamak in one box, seriously? after that look in your face i'll improvise and say that i needed to go to the mamak to buy cigarettes first. but you don't smoke. okay i don't, but i don't want people to think i'm a sissy so i show my face at the mamak buying it as an obligation to the survival of the well-being of society's perception towards my ass. wut-evva.
okay we go to a fancy restaurant. i hope you're a closet dyke or at least a feminist. cause if that's the case, you'll at least pay for your half, and in certain extreme girl power miracles, pay for mine too. a brotha can only hope that your make up and long hair are just fronts. and look, i do wanna to order food for you and be all gentlemanly and stuff but i'm too shy to call the waiter plus he's probably from the philippines and won't understand my malay english accent so can you please do that for me? thank you i love you.
while waiting for the food we will have a decent conversation, get to know each other and all that. but since i'm a shy guy and a "post-modern misogynist" (i learnt this term from jimmy carr - it means that my misogyny is harmless) i will insist that since you're the female you should do all the talking, tell me how your day was and all that jazz. i will definitely be interested in everything that you have to say, including that part when you talk about you and your "personality" and whatnot.once we get our food, you will realize that i am very much in love with delicacies. however, honey please don't be jealous, once i've gobbled all this up it becomes a non issue and i'm back to you. that's how i deal with love, once i've taken whatever's necessary from what i supposedly love, it will become a non issue and i will cease to care. but of course, i won't do that to you.
by the time we (i) have satisfied our (my) lust for gluttony, it would probably be around 9-11 pm. i call this "the vital hours". this is when you will start to peak in terms of forming an opinion/judgement about me. this is the final half, when everything i have done throughout the date will be computed and assessed in your cute little brain. this is also the time period in which most premier league matches are played. so if i start to look all panicky, alternating glancing left and right hoping to catch glimpse of a nearby mamak with peeking at the cellular phone calendar which stores all the "important events". and then taking you to that holy mamak, sitting down, looking at the screen for at least 90 minutes (+15 minutes of break) with that ice kosong on the table staring at both of us and only you staring back at it, it is only me trying to ace your assessment/judgement with a last minute romantic supper. how adorable of me.
har har har di har @ whakugehaukgawhukga (i'm a loser).
seriously now... there could be an alternative to all of this. as a matter of fact we don't even have to start with a movie. shit as a matter of fact, fuck do i know. as a matter of fact, you girls need to tell us what to do. as a matter of fact, if we do the movie dinner you'll say we're boring, if we leave it up to you you'll say we're sissies. as a matter of fact, we males were all born clueless, and contrary to popular belief (of a minority) - we don't come of age.look i might sound like an asshole in this entry, but i'm not. it is actually just my way of saying that we men know absolutely nothing about shit like this. in fact we men know absolutely nothing. you need to tell me what to do and handle everything. it is a scientific fact that men have a one-track mind and so we are capable of doing only one (i mean none) thing at a time.
however, girls always expect us guys to know exactly what to do. really, seriously, we don't. if you one day find a guy who knows exactly what to do and everything goes so well and perfect, i'm 100% positive he's a gay wedding planner.
disclaimer: all of this rambling is verily based on knowledge accumulated from watching movies, tv series, and brazen assumptions. first hand experience is out of the question. haha. bongok.
with that i bid to yawll:
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
belated independence
in which community is it possible for everyone to be extremely "racist" yet cheerful and at ease with each other?
a porn forum.
i know not a good time to talk about shit like this but i've thought about it since a long time ago.
i mean you could be like here take a look at this cum thirsty algerian whore and you won't have people bitching about how everyone is equal and there is no need to address someone according to race and a whore's a whore it doesn't matter what race she is. instead they'll be all simple like 'o'rilly? let me take a look'. some malay dude could be asking some indian dude like 'yo indian dude, you got any desi porn?' and the indian dude won't be like 'what the fuck, just cause i'm indian you assume i only have desi porn?! i have all sorts of porn! why can't you just ask for just porn in general?! why do you have to refer to my race? you fucking keris waving buttmunching bumiputras' but instead he'll be all simple like 'let me check my external, i'll upload some nice ones for you!".
aww how sweet.
that's exactly what not being racist is all about. seeing beyond race. race is a trivial matter. in this smut universe race is merely a categorization of what someone might look like, how they might behave, whether they spit/swallow/gargle, and it ends at that. no sensitivity attached, cause you already know deep down inside it's a non issue. no need for the existence of the lame-ass political correctness because respect and equality is part of natural instinct, not something achieved through tolerance. fuck tolerance, you're supposed to be that way, not tolerate having to be that way.
none of that bullshit in sharing porn. you don't get smut addicts going 'hey look at that nude jew chick, she's only sucking that cock for economic reasons' or 'hey look at that black chick, she doesn't look like she's into the sex, the white dude better start playing some r&b tapes to get the session going' or 'i don't mean to be racist but i hate chinese bitches, they don't shave or trim, chinese people are disgusting and they should be wiped off the earth' (at least not in a non-ironic way). i could go on.
but i bet you already get how beautiful the world would be if we apply this concept of harmony to our daily lives.
we could all live in genuine peace.
there won't be any racial discrimination.
no more zionists.
no certain races claiming biased rights over something.
race is merely a concept created by god so that we could differentiate from each other and establish some kind of uniqueness about ourselves. nothing more than that.
utopia.
with that, i bid to you fellow malaysians regardless of whether you are a cuntish money hungry chinese, useless estate indian, corrupt lazy malay, or insignificant iban-kadazan-aborigine-lain-lain(other) (let's just pile all of them together shall we):
count dracula
berbatov has finally moved to man utd. at fricking last. a bit overpriced but who gives a fuck it's not my money. thing about this dude is whenever i see him play i get boners just watching him receive a pass, the ball could be a burning comet from outer space and he would just stop time then manipulate it at his own bulgarian will. the last time i had this much boner watching a player was back when alessandro nesta was considerably young (bergetah) and had ladylike (italian football player-like) long hair (so jambu one).
he was being a bitch towards tottenham before the transfer not unlike ronaldo. but like i said about ronaldo to fergie, offload the stepovery cunt already. he doesn't want to play for the club, throw him off and part ways and that's that. but i guess sir alex loves ronaldo's ugly pimply ass too much.
in total non-relation to that, i must also mention that berbatov is my age, born in the same year as i did. probably went to the same school together but he was too busy with his cricket and chess, i was more into basketball as i have some afro blood in me so we never bumped into each other. haha. and look at how old he looks and how young i look. aren't you fucks jealous? yes you are, fuck y'all.
he's exactly the type of player that manure need and the fans have known this for ages. to be frank there are not many players of his type so if they didn't sign him they would be hard pressed to find an equal. manure has two of the best speedy playmaking forwards already in the squad (in front of an almost-perfect midfield + winger lineup), all that's needed was a classy hitmen to feed, and berbatov is that dude. i hope it works well for him and manure.
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