Thursday, October 30, 2008

easy lover

se-soon pagi nih raja farah teros dibeli balik dari aku. wahukukhgea fuck man.

aku teros cakap kat diri aku sendiri "takpe ah one night stand pun cukop ah".

dan juga alarm aku buat dajal kat aku lagi, aku buleh stay up lama gila malam tadi yang jarang aku buat semata-mata nak tunggu match man utd vs. west ham pastuh buleh tak sengaja tertidur kul 3am camtuh (match 4am), pastuh buleh mimpi panjang gila.

kau tahu kadang-kadang kalau aku mimpi panjang gila dalam keadaan itu aku leh macam cakap kat diri aku weh gila panjang mimpi kau nih kata jap lagi kena bangon and aku akan teros bangunkan diri. tapi kali nih, tidak, aku leh lek lekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk je layan mimpi tuh dari intro dia sampai credits dah roll. argh.

aku bangun bangun je langsir aku sedang dijamah kehangatan cahaya matahari. seraya itu hatiku terus bertutur "fuck". and aku grudgingly tidur balik.

cibai, salah siapa nih, adakah alarm went off tapi aku tak sedar, atau alarm aku buat perangai kerek tak berbunyik pown, entah ah. apa-apa pun apa aku tahu awal pagi nih aku dah miss nak tengok lagi kekasih gelap-ku count berbatov wahkgeaukgeaghukga.

takpe dua hari je tunggu dah next match lawan hull. untuk dua hari nih kita lepas gian dengan melancap sambil tengok video nih dari match semalam:



Wednesday, October 29, 2008


what happens after this:


come on take a guess.

come on.

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

guess lah!

waheahkuukgeaeghuwghauka fuck yawll, here's what happens:

sheesh i forgot to put in a title again

the older you get the simpler you become and thus my music digging habit has mellowed down considerably. quiet a relief really cause if it hasn't i would sometimes spend my nights delaying sleep just to read up on music and downloading whatever i feel like, fueled by curiosity. i'd stay up till like what 5am and once all the downloads are done i'll be too knackered to even listen to 'em. if only id'a put the same effort on trying to get chicks on facebook instead, but what a pity my internet social life is as loserly lame as my real one.

it's funny how sometimes getting something means more than actually enjoying that something. how many fuckers here buy shoes and don't even wear them? that's what i'm talking about. 70% of the satisfaction comes from buying that shit innit. i'm not saying that the percentage i just gave you is statistically correct but just by using it i've sounded more convincing than i would without it, aight.

it's a blessing that what i used to collect was mostly cheap (pirated dvds or shit). still i would love to turn out rich and just buy those originals in them boxes and collect that shit, or even start collecting vinyls for that matter. fuck i would make a really cultured yuppie if only the only culture i am forever infatuated with is not slackerism.

although being a hip hopper usually means i must be infected with sneaker pimpilitis, i'm free from that. i bought a fancy sneaker once, and i used it to run and such, dudes be like "why you wearing that to do that shit?", and i was like "why buy 'em if you won't use 'em", and then dudes be like "betul jugak", which translated to english would sound like "right right!" (a clockwork orange reference) (kau ingat kau dah cukup cool ah buat a clockwork orange reference, poyo) (kau ah poyo) (kau apa susah aku poyo?) (patut aku cakap camtuh kan kat ayat pertama kau, cis) (tau takpe .. poyo) (kau apa susah aku poyo?) (hek eleh tiru ayat aku .. poyo) (kau menang ah) (aku gila kowt selalu buat dialog dengan diri sendiri) (tau takpe) (eh you sadap).

i got this fancy sneaker for free once and i used it for futsal (it's actually quite good for futsal), and whenever i kneel down looking at it i'd be like "dude, you're a fancy sneaker, you could be a model that everyone looks at and admire, instead i use you to kick balls and shit, now you dirty as fuck, you must hate me like shit", but my shoes be like "yo i don't mind yo, i was created to be all grimy and used and shit, i'm all about that dirty shit like wu tang back in the days yo, ya dun kno! props homie", and i was like stunned by his statement because it's so beautiful, i givez him a loving dap and we disappear into floodlighted artificial-turfed heaven.

cause i wear flip flops to go out. i only wear shoes on holidays and shit cause a lot of walking is involved. this is kuala lumpur son, we drive everywhere, annoyingly park everywhere, too, and we come out chased by hounds, chale homes, err takde kene ngene. anyway puh-puh-puh-plus i'm actually more of a timberland sorta guy when going out chillin' and shit. but since timberlands are expensive and shit, just gotta resort to sneakers sometimes innit blud brrrap.

hey where was i. oh yeah music. haven't been checkin' out too many new music. i dunno. shit here are a few songs i'm diggin' currently tho innit bruv brrap.

moods - grooving when we meet
fuck is this song so badass. it makes me wanna grab my chainsaw and start dancing around in the streets wearing only my kain pelikat wif mah tits jiggling and my face plastered with a permanent wide smile. god bless ugly black men with heavenly falsettos. pap pap pap pap pap pap padaaa pap pap pap pap papp! ahaks! (can't find youtube for this so for cute ladies that wanna get groovy wimme pop me ya ims and shit and we can chat and shit and i'll send you this song and shit and we hit it off and then some brrap brrap gunclap! bullet! bullet! bullet!).

the majestic arrows - the magic of your love
super soul strings and shit, the falsetto which is just another word for badassery kicks in and nothing else is needed.

don covay - i was checkin' out while she was checkin' in
just sing the title outloud in an i've-got-the-blues manner and pussy will come flying right atcha ass purring for some soulful humpin'.

solange knowles - i decided part 1
it sounds nice mawfukka. she sounds like her elder sister beyonce but has a better groove.

james ingram - one hundred ways
musicians who play for old school black r&b soul artists play the instruments with their dick. come on now the i-don't-know-what-instrument-that-is-but-it-sounds-like-sex lead is like the phrase "fuck yeah" in music.

toots & the maytals - pressure drop
i dunno whenever i listen to the rhythm of this song i think of hidraulics and when i think of hidraulics i think of humping. when i think of pressure drop i think of the pressure dropping when the dick is going back outside. argh i dunno i just love how this song sounds.

alicia keys - teenage love affair
it's sweet, mofucka.

syreeta - she's leaving home
her voice and singing sounds nice, so nice, like hot tea on a cold morning, or hot sex on a cold night, whichever, ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

that's all for tonight. it's such a laidback night. like most other. the way i like it.

if only i had a chick to chat with. oh why is the mirc so not happening nowadays argkh, facebook is almost like real life where you have to have skills to get chicks and all that and also it has your face on it like argh i know my face is so good looking like insert actor's name but you know it's just that it's an acquired taste LALZ. peace out homes.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

i'm lovin' the bahasa melayu facebook........

dan aku mahu menanda semua gadis-gadis menawan di facebook.

a pleasant wtf.

jap lagi ada entry betol kowt. takpun esok. takpun hari-hari seterusnya. gwa ngga tahu bila sebonar eh.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

longkang besar

kami masih bebudak sekolah rendah, petang ittew kami balik awal, kelas terakhir kami tinggalkan.

kami dah tak nak naik bas lagi, selamba je stop naek bas padahal yuran maseh bayar. kami jalan kaki, jauh memang jauh jugak, tapi fun. cam poyo lak guna kami, guna kitorang lah pulak.

kitorang lalu rumah orang, selamba je jalan tepi swimming pool orang, kenapa ada swimming pool kat tengah-tengah rumah-rumah melayu biasa kat keramat? aku pun tak tahu, tapi kalau lalu swimming pool tuh masa bulan puasa mesti ada salah sorang yang akan sound

"pergh, kalau rendam dalam air nih chare nih"
(zaman tuh belum start guna pergh atau chare kot tapi aku adapt ikut dialogue zaman nih) (and ayat itu agak bongong sebab kononnya cakap camtuh sebab puasa memang penat and kalau rendam dalam swimming pool memang best padahal kitorang tak puasa pown, selalu masa almost sampai area taman perumahan selamba je beli ice cream kacang merah murah kat kedai runcit jenis dalam rumah jual jajan tuh sambil neighbourhood cute chicks cakap "eee awak tak puasa").

and kenapa kitorang lalu dalam rumah orang and orang tuh kasi dalam rumah dia? entahlah, zaman dolu dolu orang tak paranoid sangat kowt, mentaliti kampung your lawn is my lawn maseh menular dengan segarnya kat keramat.

pastuh rasanya kitorang lalu macam longkang besar (ala-ala longkang los angeles macam cerita blood in blood out ataupun dalam gta san andreas kalau kat los santos sebagai contoh yolah, tapi jauh lagi kecik lah pada tuh kan lagipun masa kau kecik semua benda jadi besar), jalan tepi-tepi. masa tuh ah budak nakal cakap "hari nih kita tengok dokumentari", aku tanya balik "dokumentari?", budak nakal cakap "ada ah", aku tanya lagi "dokumentari apa pulak?", anak pengetua pulak menyampuk tapi dengan point yang sama jugak "akh nanti kau tengok ah". aku yang innocent nih pun ikut je ah, okay dokumentari, what evva (zaman tuh belum belajar cakap what evva secara bimbo walopun dalam hati sekalipown tapi aku adapt dialogue ikot zaman nih). lepas lalu longkang besar tak silap aku lalu jalan besar, jalan besar yang banyak bas warna biru yang boyan selalu naik tuh, takpun bas mini.

banyak jugak bas sekolah yang mat rock selalu bawak. bas sekolah kitorang dulu mat rock yang bawak, dia selamba je biar kitorang berdiri kat pintu bas yang tak tertutup tuh. kitorang berlagak macam kitorang tengah windsurfing. kalau ada member dia abang yang tua sikit pakai cap tuh mesti keluar macam-macam cerita gila-gila remaja dia. macam "gua arituh balik kampung dengan awek gua, gua naik bas ekspres, gua bawak satu selimut.." (aku try imagine cara mat rock dulu-dulu cakap tah jadi tah tidak), ayat dia sounds polite. walopun dia mat rock, dia tetap tak obscene sebab maybe dia sedar budak-budak around. tapi kitorang tetap faham maksud dia "bawak satu selimut". ye ah, kalau berdua, kenapa tak bawak selimut sorang satu, kalau dah bawak satu selimut, maknanya nak share lah, kan kan kan, and buat bende-bende kureng senonohs kans. bila aku fikir balik, aku takkan allow anak aku yang baru sekolah rendah berdiri kat tepi bas sambil bas berjalan, bahaya kowt, dowh.

back to the dokumentari. lepas jalan besar, dah nak sampai dah taman perumahan. beli jajan sikit. lepas tuh teros ke rumah anak pengetua, dekat je dengan rumah aku.

aku heran satu bende je, dulu masa sekolah rendah parents aku cool je kalau aku balik lambat dari sekolah. sampai kul 6 biasa sebab main micro genius kat rumah budak nakal. maybe pasal aku laki. tapi bila aku fikir balik damn homie sekolah rendah tuh kecik kot bebudak, maybe zaman tuh kita tak paranoid sangat, and also neighbourhood yang agak semua orang kenal semua orang. semua housewives suka berbual kat jalan belakang kuat-kuat. aku paling suka bila makcik kedah tuh berbual, sebab aku suka accent kedah time tuh, cool jugak ah. maybe pengaruh imuda. eh imuda accent kedah kan. entah ah.

back to the fucking dokumentari larrh. erm, lepas masok maka keluarlah tape dokumentari ituh. tah apa-apa ah. "dari mana dapat", "geng sana kasi pinjam".

you guessed it. mah first porn. wahukgeahukgeaukga so predictable one.

konek sekolah rendah adakah dapat handle semua nih. tak pernah steam macam nih babe, ini baru betul steam, sampai kulit terstretch se-sestretch yang buleh. aku meniarap and tekan-tekan konek kat carpet sambil membising "weh gila tak pernah rasa camnih weh agak discomforted kot konekku tapi macam separa best" (ayat nih tak logik diutter budak sekolah rendah zaman awal 90's tapi wokeva), sambil memember aku geleng kepala cam cis gelabah gila mamat nih, relek ah dowh.

lepas habis anak pengetua letak balik dalam beg dia. mind you beg sekolah dia! anak pengetua nih jack! lalz tabley belah mamat nih selamba bawak sekolah semua. haih aku tak tahu ah certain budak-budak memang berani. aku takde ah sangat, aku skema jugak, tapi aku blur so aku ikut jelah perangai derang nih.

sejak dari arituh aku takde pulak tengok porn lagi. sampai aku pindah dirty south. dimana tradisi-nya agak different, mostly porn adalah porn stash parents kekawan yang disorok dengan tak ekhlas-nya (bawah videotape lain, takpun bawah baju dalam almari, waduh bangets kreatif lah sikit). mungkin bende nih generic lah and semua orang prolly ada propah experience dengan keadaan macam nih tapi kat dirty south cam agak rampant, haha.

maybe sebab tuh derang panggil dirty south kot.

like i always say, entah ah.

(mesti kene end blog entry dengan last sentence yang kononnya cool).

(tapi tak cool pon).

(kau apa tau).


(ah sadaps).

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

ninja cats are having chikkin today

there's one supposedly old ninja cat, who is always visible, probably too old to bother about stealth.

there's another one that i'm fascinated by, i think it's the original ninja cat. he's getting even better now, i hardly see him. maybe once or twice a month by accident, and even so it would usually be only parts of the body. enough for me to make out that it's him, usually by the colour of his fur.

folks, that's what i call stealth fucking stealth. in, smoke, food gone, smoke, out. he's getting better. my guess, he's the disciple of the old one, the old one is female i think, let's call her orange, and the first ninja cat, call him smoke. orange is smoke's guru. smoke didn't use to be this good, but now he's on the level of orange back in her glory days.

now orange likes to just chill, she can be stealthy whenever she wants to but most of time she's all bout the relaxin', and eatin', and shit, nahmeen. she might be more calm but she ain't gon' let you touch her, oh no way, she wants to eat, and get out. she will be demanding, like yo where's my fucking food chump, but nothing more than that. she's a food-motivated serial one night stander with absolutely no bullshit attached. i'll eat your food and i'm out, no complicated relationships necessary. maybe the once-in-a-while casual head nod, but that's it.

and then there's the buncha white feminine looking cats. those are the ninja's bitches. even orange has bitches, fuck me if you think orange is straight, she's a dyke yo. if i had as many bitches as she did i'll be rolling around the pool swimming in my own endorphins.

smoke in the mean while, is doing all the work. lone ninja, taught by the badassest dyke on the street.

no idea whatsoever what he'll need all his ninjafying skills for.

but if i knew all that, he wouldn't be a true ninja........ would he?


Thursday, October 16, 2008

katakan saja aku terima

nobody tagged me for this. but i'm pretty sure martin kove does not give a shit.


do you bud?

aight i'll take your word for it.

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
endless tears, crying so much i'm silenced, the wailing shifting to just air gushing sloppily in and out of both nose and mouth, friction with mucus the only sound (sadness is self conciousness' achilles heel). hitting aimlessly at the steering wheel as i drive down this curvy highway on to where she lives, passing by her house and going around the backstreet to pass by hers again and again, and again. hoping i'll catch her going home after her date so i could stop my vehicle, run to her and beg her to come back to me. but she never reaches home, obviously because she's staying overnight at the douche's house doing you know what. so i wake up the next morning in my car on the federal highway's emergency lane head botched on the steering wheel which is drenched in dried spit and tears, handphone still in my hand bearing a record of 46 unanswered outgoing calls.

wait that's too realistic and lame, what i meant to say was:

3. Whose butt would you like to kick?
a giant butt that would shit out a million bucks everytime i kick it (cash hopefully not in the form of coins).

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
become batman and fuck wonder woman. or rogue. or storm. definitely not mystique, this is one of my deepest concerns ever and i'm sure i've relayed it in various previous posts - fucking a hot but-could-morph-into-anyone chick. i don't think i need to explain why. do i?

anyway, reminder:

5. Will you fall in love with your bestfriend?
no idea. she has really nice tits though.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
being loved by someone.

the worst of loving someone is not getting the love back - this basically means a bastion of hurt on par with anal raping yourself.

the worst of being loved by someone on the other hand, is a spare tyre, and a large junkyard of convenient booty calls.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
history tells me that i'll keep wanking over the image of her regardless. i'm saying - someone you secretly lust for, AND someone else's property! = super wendy whopper turn on!

if you're talking bout love though, mm ,err hrgmh, frk, i'll still stick to the wanking. crying while fapping away might not be the most romantic thing ever, but it sure is close.

10. What takes you down the fastest?
a sumo wrestler? (lame penyangak, lame).

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
a billionaire batman who still refuses to fuck mystique.

12. What do you really want at the moment of responding to this tag?
ramly burger.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
someone who wanks himself to sleep. i virtually tagged myself. you do the mathematics.

14. What do you have to say to the person you envy the most? You don't have to write his/her name down.
give me your wallet.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
homie you know whatitis.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
anything but the roasted chicken.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
i mean, but you know, i mean, i'm assuming you're asking this question assuming they won't agree to polygamy?

ok in that case.

no no no way no way, you can't tell me no no no way, i have a hard enough time getting ONE female specimen to fall in love with me and now that i have two you're telling me i'm just gonna have to casually scrape off one of them?

no no no no.

i'm gonna have to stress my braincells like never before just to come up with some time-bending way to keep both of them. believe my ass i will.


(i also deleted a buncha questions i'm too lazy to answer, but do you give a shit martin kove?)

hindraf banned

sebab diaorang racist or something.

kalau betul, aku setuju.

and while we're on a roll, apa kata kita ban semua badan-badan racist kat negara nih.

macam parti ultra-malay malays (UM), money-hungry chinese (MC), and minister-sakhty indians (MI).

apa lagi.

mari kita naekkan parti-parti multi-racial (and most definitely multi-sexual) macam PARTI PELANCHAU, dan pemimpin ulung-nya yang berwibawa dan hensem iaitu adik penyangak.

aku jugak nak mintak jasa sapa ada contact number presiden parti undi rosak, nak buat coalition.

barisan dah ada.

pakatan dah ada.

in the spirit of unification, maybe aku namakan coalition aku seks.

barisan nasional vs. pakatan rakyat vs. seks buas.

kalau kami menang, kami akan legalize medicinal marijuana and maybe, just maybe, improve some other trivial shit like economy, credibility, whatever and shit. nahmeen.

also, melayu cina india atau lain-lain semua akan diban, semua rakyat malaysia akan digelar satu nama - "malayfuckingsians".

vote for us, yo.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

here's my obligatory political post

fuck all you degenerate cunts, fuck you.

hobi menyimpan bende-bende yang tak patut disimpan


why do i keep things that are rubbish?

why do i keep labels that i get from buying shoes and shit? why?

i bought a track bottom the other day and while usually they have those labels that go around the thing at the back with some kind of string this one go around the thing at the back with some kind of cool plastic metal chain kind of shit, and i was like shit this is pretty cool, let's not throw it away, why? why the fuck did i do that?

why do i keep all these papers around me, what the fuck are these, is it because i'm paranoid one of it might be my birth cert or a car grant so i keep it all, why? what the fuck is wrong with me?

why do i keep all these insignificant pornos in my hard drive? why? why the fuck? some of it is just some dude who's obnoxiously showing off that he can never pass a test to be a cameraman, and you get like a one second shot of a nipple and then just a shade of skin for the rest of the video, what the fuck is that dude? do you get off on watching skin? you'll never get to work for astro man you're screwed. so why am i fucked up enough to even keep 'em videos anyway argh.

and the fucking cds, don't even let me get started on that, even the ones that you can't even play on the dvd player cause the pirate does not take care of his fucking stock and then sell it to you and you're too lazy to return it. and instead, in a fucked up twist, you keep the fucking thing. why do you keep the fucking thing? are you somehow optimistic that one day enough exposure to the other pile of dvds that don't work might negate the condition and make the fricking dvd playable? or are you just plain fucked up? fuck is wrong witchu penyangak?


why? why? why?

fuck me i don't know.

Monday, October 13, 2008

semalam aku mimpi lim guan eng pasang instrumental "a tribe called quest - scenario" lepas ceramah dia habis, and busta rhymes dalam crowd tengah rap

hopelessness can be loserly or romantic. romanticism associated with hopelessness may not even be romantic at all, in fact it could easily be a wet floor soaked in alcohol with sprinkles of cocaine painting random patterns further abstracted by the mixture of various international colors of divine phuke. it could be a broken man on the ledge shouting abuse at the sky in which his voice will travel to and get lost in the distance as the too faraway intended target moans and groans to the rhythm of a dick possessed by a post-modern specimen with awfully gelled hair. turns out all that he needed to keep himself off the ledge and still on happiness was brylcreem, but losers don't know this, because we are hopeless.

losers could be romantic without being romantic at all. we love to bury ourselves in sofas into our dream world. a world where butterflies have fishes or pussy in laymen's term (lay men, geddit geddit geddit hihi?) (triple animal in one sentence super combo POW POW POW!) that could be penetrated. as we engage we fly across mountains and goats that ram each other head to head. goats wailing annoyingly haunting the whole zoo even when you're facing a supposedly distracting but truthfully-not giant gorilla. DUDE DID YOU READ THAT? I FUCKED A BUTTERFLY LIKE FO REEL, GIDZZAMN. but alas, the butterfly must fly away, why? because i am a romantic loser BUT FUCK THAT I FUCKED A BUTTERFLY! LIKE DEWD REALLY.

i am struggling to stand, not because i can't, but because i'm pretending i can't. lying down in mud made out of stains that come out the butt, struggling to stand up. looking as if i'm making love to gravity. saliva softens the mud a little further, making it more easy, but i'm still struggling. if it's easier why is my struggling becoming harder, easy, because i'm pretending. it has nothing to do with science, logic, or nature.

and then i stop pretending. but i still can't stand up! why! argh! why! BECAUSE I HAVEN'T FOUND THE F.A. CUP ROAD TO WEMBLEY SONG!



life is hard for someone born in the (late uhuk uhm) 80's.

life is hard for someone without a flux capacitor and needs to listen to the fucking f.a. cup road to wembley song without resorting to humming voices in the head.

although there's nothing wrong with voices in the head.

but there's all planets of wrong with alarms in the head.

it's creepy and fucked up. but that's whassup.

i woke up at 7am with a burger in my hand.

you can quote me on that.

i woke up at 7am with a burger in my hand.

it was from yesterday. i fell asleep half-meal i was broken hearted, even ramly couldn't save me from flailing hands calling for my girlfriend when she departed. you cheated on me, and you left me. how could you .. nautica thorn. i thought you were a virgin, but you fucked that random dude in that bangbros van, you must've fucked a lot of others before, blood didn't come out your pussy, whore, you weren't a virgin, you lied, ENGKAU TELAH DITEBUK TUPAI! and you enjoyed it too! you're rubbing it in my face, and it wasn't your nipples so i'm offended! instead it's the dour taste of blatant adultery! and inside a measly van no less! i hate you!

i am the saviour of mankind. i am a man of honor, a man of steel, a man of willpower. i may not be capable of gobling a whole bottle of maple syrup in one go but still, I AM ALL THAT IS MAN!

i will save you the damsel in distress and make you my mistress! you will not whine when i cheat on you because you understand that a man of this stature needs variety in pussy.

i am in actuality none of that and because of this i am all that is hopelessness.

but whatever it is.............



Friday, October 10, 2008












Wednesday, October 08, 2008

notes on a scandal-less

parents lisa surihani tak kahwinkan aku dengan dia lepas tuh hantar kitorang ke some faraway cottage untuk honeymoon so kitorang buleh hate each other only to fall in love in the last minute at the expense of some characterless dude. aku selalu tanya diri aku kenapa bende nih tak jadi kat aku? after a few seconds baru aku sedar bende nih tak jadi sebab aku bukan farid kamil.

also for now aku belum muat jersey bola malaysia, hopefully in 3-4 months bleh larkh lalz.

aku dah kurang gemuk sikit. dah ringan sikit, tapi facial hair still belom tumbuh-tumbuh. adakah aku destined to be facial hair-less and therefore agak feminin. the lesbian lifestyle is not so bad. aku pown agak gemars tengok tomboy, some tomboys memang quite cute dowh, sayangnya mereka pengs. but then again, kadang-kadang cara derang dressing tuh yang sebnarnya buat aku fikir derang cute, dengan hoodie lah, rambut smart, muka comel, anting-anting. tah pape. adakah aku ditakdirkan untuk jatoh chenta dengan sehelai pengkid gittew, mak pon konfius lew.

kalau aku leh bentuk sejambak lesbian jadi straight maknanya aku memang hero ah, sivaji tha boss pun tender resignation kalau dia sedar akan keperwiraan aku. macam ji fatt pun ada, kau tahu ke ji fatt apa? cibai kau, kalau tak tahu jangan ah nak senyum-senyum macam kau paham reference aku.

arituh aku tengok KAMI THE MOVIE. jalan cerita dia agak pointless and asal boleh. tapi ada certain watak yang bagos. paling best is the penyangak. haa mamat yang jahat tuh, yang drug dealer tuh. ayat dia aku tak leh tahan, tapi malangnya aku sorang je yang gelak kat ayat-ayat dia dalam wayang tuh manakala mamats and minahs lain semua gelak kat awkward moments dalam movie tuh yang tak kelakar pon sebnarnya tapi siapa buleh predict kefahaman humour melayu. ayat dia yang paling favourite, bila one time dia jumpa mamat emo tuh and dia cakap "selamat sejahtera mat jambu" waukhghkeahukgeakuga tak tertahan penunu bunsen mak terbahak-bahak menggelakkan diri like wahkugkeaukgeakhugeakgeaukga. adalah lagi ayat dia, gwe ngga hengat buat masa ini, oh ada sekali dia cam greet minah emo tuh "eh lama tak pegi gerai mak kau, nasi paprik dia sedap, tapi terlebih garam" cam ala-ala friendly gittew padahal minah tuh tengah membuak-buak bengang-nya mamat nih buleh buat lawak ayat skema ala-ala friendly wauhkgekuagkheahukgka TAK TAHAN TAK TAHAN TAK TAHAN NAK BUKAK BAJU SEBAB KELAKAR SANGAT TAPI TAK BLEH SBABS AKU DAH BUGIL PUN NEH.

seblom aku penyangak, aku penyelamat dunia. kenapa aku tukar personaliti. sebab aku sedar zaman penyelamat dunia dah habes. penyelamat dunia cool, pakai baju dick tracy, ada jalan syurga tak terbatas and jalan syaitan tak terbatas sekaligoos. tapi zaman sekarang zaman sang merah. sang merah emo, rambut merah, suka duduk sambil tunduk ke bawah. so aku kene tukar jadi tuan wujian, so aku penyangak, tapi orang tak sure aku jahat ke baik, kadang-kadang cam jahat, tapi nak kata jahat sangat tak jugak, entah ah, kalau korang tahu tulis atas kertas kecik nih and masukkan dalam peti cadangan. kalau kau laki janganlah kau guna pulak peti cadangan tuh untuk lancap, aku tahu ah kote kau kecik muat leklok je ke lubang size 50 sen tuh waukgeahukga loserh.

aku still degil cakap raja farah ittew propah chun. biarlah kalau makeup pown, what's the worse that could happen, konek aku berhabuk masa aku facefuck dia? habuk buleh basuh, tak dapat facefuck raja farah sebab tak nak konek berhabuk? hantuk lah kepala kat bantal 69 kali tak dapeknya nak turn back time bila dia offer kau facefuck pastuh kau turn down sebab dia make-up tebal and dia merajuk and cakap seumur hidup tak akan kasi kau facefuck dia lagi, keputusan muktamad. hambek kau loser.

kepada perems-perems sekalians, perlu dinotasi, walaupun aku nih tinggi dan hensem aku tetap merendah diri. so kalau aku asik terpandang payudara mahkota permaisuri korang yang pejal ittuh percayalah ianya bukan pasal aku pervert tapi pasal aku anggap diri aku rendah dari height aku yang sebenarnya. harap makloom.

aku benci perkataan "nukilan" sebab, takde sebab, random menyampah kat perkataan, sorry. fucker you all.

the non-awakening of a do nothing is nothing man

the best part of a flu is the morning when it starts to heal/come down.

eyes open and i stare at the fan for a little while. it's not moving cause obviously you don't wanna turn on the fan if you're sleeping with a fever. i'm sweating just a little and not enough to feel discomfort. slowly sloth to the end of the bed and stand up. i feel much better than last night, last night i was weak as fuck, now i feel much fresher and better cause the flu has finally abandoned my body, leaving only a slight harmless hangover.

i go down to the kitchen to check out my chicken. i cooks mah chikkin and i eat it. i answer a few calls and then i'm back upstairs. i sit in front of the pc for a while before i start to feel a rock pushing down my rectum.

it's time for the infamous post-flu shit!

this is when i push out a big ass dildo sized rock out mah asshole. and as the rock is out i start to sweat, the sweat of supressed heat gathered from your body fucking up cause of the flu. ahh it feels so good, like wanking in the summer.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008