CRPM Condemns 'Cow Head' Fiasco

PUTJARAYA, August 29 - The Chief Rocka Prime Ministah today offered a wary perspective on the shameful "cow head" incident.

Yesterday, a small mob of angry appropriately dressed men threatened bloodshed over the relocation of a Hindu temple into a predominantly Malay neighborhood.

What was originally a peaceful demonstration almost turned riotous as protesters started spitting and stamping on the severed cow's head. The frenzied crowd only stopped short of putting it on fire as doing so would cook it and this could disrupt them from functioning properly as they were fasting.

The Chief Rocka Prima Ministah said today that he was bewildered and ashamed by what he deemed as disgusting behaviour.

"As we prepare for Merdeka celebrations with my 1Malaysia campaign in hand, this sort of thing just you know, spoils shit."

He also called for investigations into the demonstration techniques of the energetic group now known infamously as "Head Bull".

"First of all, what would something like that achieve? We're all grown men here, a simple memorandum or face to face talk would have sufficed. In fact, if I was to be involved and had no other choice but to go the severed animal head route, I would have gone with the mastermind of the temple's relocation waking up to a bloody horse head on his bed... GODFATHER STTYLLLE .. Nahmsayin'?"

When asked to comment on what further actions will be taken by the authorities, Dato' Seri explained that Malaysia is a multiracial country and we all must live in harmony. He also expects the opposition parties not to start politicizing this issue and making a big deal out of it.

"I mean, Anwar's got his sodomy trial accusations and whatnot, that poof, shouldn't that be the bulk of his worries?" He said.

"Chinese, Indians, they're all humans. When my ancestors welcomed them as they arrived on a boat, who would've expected the immigrants overstaying their welcome and start being involved with our economics and politics and shit. But that's all in the past, we're all okay now. Hey I wouldn't mind tappin' some of that non-Malay meat myself brotha. And if that ain't proof nuff that we multi-racially cool ... bitch I don't know what is."

siapa penyelamat dunia?

saya sebenarnya budak sekolah. baru form 4 tau, honeymoon year bak kata cikgu kaunseling meleesa leena (*angau kejap*).

saya ahli ke-7 dalam gang paling handsome dalam sekolah.

sebenarnya saya bernasib baik je dapat join. saya cuma dapat join sebab man jacket recruit 2 orang lagi lepas dia tension cikgu disiplin lai panggil geng derang 6 jahanam. saya rasa man jacket menyesal sebab from then on, cikgu disiplin lai panggil geng nih 8 ekor babi.

tapi saya tak rasa man jacket menyesal amik saya, sebab saya yang bukakkan facebook untuk beliau and ajar camna nak comment kat status gadis cantik veronica (nama sebenar salmah). tetapi beliau mungkin terlalu menyesal amik badrul a.k.a. james berudu sebagai ahli ke-8, sebab badrul selalu hadiahkan kitorang ikan, tapi lepas beberapa hari, "ikan" tuh tumbuh kaki.

siapa man jacket? man jacket alpha male (atau bak kata abang-abang - pailang) bagi bebudak form 4, ada orang cakap bebudak form 5 pun takut dengan beliau, lagi-lagi sebab alpha male form 5 nama dia sudin stokin (dia memang suka pakai stokin, tapi muka dia lagi mirip aziz satar). siapa nak takut dengan orang yang nickname stokin?. mungkin juga korang tertanya kenapa nickname man jacket, jacket? saya kurang pasti, beliau tak pernah pakai jacket. ada orang cakap sebab beliau mat rempit, mat rems kalau naik motor mesti pakai jacket. itu rumours je, sebab setahu saya beliau datang sekolah guna driver yang bawak mercedes s500, beliau tak pernah ada motor, sebab sejak bapak beliau hadiahkan beliau skyline saya tak rasa beliau ada nafsu kat motor.

ye, beliau anak orang berada, walaupun rambut mullet.

tapi kenapa jacket? saya malas nak fikir panjang-panjang, cikgu disiplin lai cakap daripada berangan baik pergi kedai gunting rambut and gunting rambut.

yes, cikgu disiplin lai cikgu disiplin kami. kami suspek dia nerd yang suka main world of warcraft, tapi kami tetap takut dengan dia. dia suka tarik sideburn orang and dia tak takut dengan sesiapa pon. ada rumours cakap dia pernah gertak pengetua lepas pengetua tersilap amik karipap daripada piring dia masa meeting pibg. jangan sentuh karipap cikgu disiplin lai, itu fevret dia, karipap, dia cakap sebab tuh lah dia kahwin dengan cikgu fizik ros, katanya "luar crunchy, dalam berisi". dia tak cakap camtuh pun, itu lawak yang lan buat.

siapa lan? dia ahli ke-5 dalam gang 8 ekor babi. nama sebenar dia ismail, dia suruh panggil lan sebab fevret band dia infectious maggots. takde sorang pun dalam sekolah yang kenal siapa infectious maggots kecuali ismail, jadi kami assume band tuh tak cool and akur panggil dia lan. kami salah, sebab takkanlah band yang nama infectious maggots (buat suara dan tone gadis dalam cerita 'kami' cakap bende) tak cool.

lan merupakan pelajar yang memegang record sideburn yang paling banyak ditarik oleh cikgu disiplin lai. woah jangan main gila, even salleh elvis pun kalah, salleh elvis tuh budak form 5 btw. ceritanya lan nih memang orang yang nostalgis, jadi dia suka simpan sideburn macam george best. cikgu disiplin lai tak buleh tengok sideburn, dia mesti tarik tarik and suruh potong, lan berdegil. pernah satu hari cikgu disiplin lai dah fedup dia bawak gunting and gunting sideburn lan masa perhimpunan depan semua orang. lan cakap "nooo cikgu dah hancurkan hidup sayer u ols!". cikgu disiplin lai dengan lek je sound balik dengan pelat hokkien dia... "bollocks!".

jadi siapa lagi dalam geng 8 ekor babi?

okay selain daripada #7 saya, #1 man jacket, #8 badrul a.k.a. james berudu, dan #5 lan ada #2 mat bunga, #3 ah chong, #4 george, dengan #6 eric.

mat bunga ialah assistant kepada man jacket, mat bunga jiwang and dia ada motor ex5, dia suka bonceng awek lalu jalan yang banyak traffic light, hmm. ah chong bukan orang cina tapi keturunan jawa, dia suka makan capati untuk makan tengahari and ganja belakang surau untuk makan malam (breakfast dia pulak simple je toast and butter), kenapa nama ah chong? entahlah sebab bebudak pernah lawat rumah dia masa renovation ada brader kontraktor muka macam dia nama ah chong. brader tuh pun bukan orang cina rasanya, sebab muka dia macam muka orang jawa.

george pulak bukan orang irish, dia keturunan mamak, kita panggil george sebab english dia fail. bila sebut nama dia kita sebut dalam accent british macam weyh george (dalam accent british). eric pun bukan french, and kita tak panggil dia eric sebab nama dia cam eric cantona. malah kita tak kenal pun siapa eric cantona, bukan zaman kami.

eric kawan baik ah chong, diaorang berdua suka pukul budak. ada sekali tuh diaorang tanya fared budak form 3 nih jam pukul berapa, belum sempat fared budak form 3 tengok jam diaorang dah pukul sampai lebam. lepas dah kena belasah and terlantar tepi longkang baru fared budak form 3 sedar dia takde jam. bila saya tanya ah chong dan eric kenapa diaorang belasah fared? mereka cakap sebab dia budak form 3.

george pulak pandai masak dan bertukang. lan pernah buat lawak kalau dia tak jumpa bini dia nak kawin dengan george. merah pipi george, lan buat lawak lagi cakap "tengok tuh ayunya bakal bini i blushing u ols". kami semua cringe serentak. lan memang suka kacau orang tanpa sempadan, impian ulung dia nak letak ganja dalam kek pisang makan petang cikgu disiplin lai.

apa aktiviti kami? wells kami suka escape sekolah and pergi cybercafe pastuh main dota. actually saya sorang je tak main dota, saya lebih gemar twitter and facebook. sebab tuh diaorang sayang saya, saya lah kabel mereka kepada gadis-gadis comels siberaya. diaorang semua orang ala-ala kampung, huuh even man jacket yang dari keluarga berada, derang busy sangat jadi cool sampai guna internet pun tak geti.

saya buleh dikira ahli geng yang paling chill lah kira, hobi saya leraikan pergaduhan.

pernah fahmi dengan andrew dari kelas sebelah gaduh over perempuan, saya tahan and cakap "bunga bukan sekuntum! ... ?" mereka spontan jerit sesama "tapi bunga nih je yang kuntum sampai d-cup kat sekolah nie!" pastuh derang belasah saya. saya menyesal tak escape sekolah hari tuh. esoknya man jacket pulak tak escape sekolah. beliau panggil fahmi & andrew tengah padang bola. beliau tinggalkan fahmi & andrew dengan ah chong & eric. senang cerita lepas tuh dua minggu jugak lah fahmi & andrew buleh digest bubur je breakfast lunch dinner. ahaks, tuh ler, lenkali cubalah sentuh saya lagi, ada brans?

kelas fevret kami pjk ajaran cikgu sean rambo. selain daripada pjk cikgu sean rambo also ajar kemahiran hidup. dia suka hisap rokok sebelum kelas and muka dia banyak parut kesan membeduk buaya dan harimau... serentak. sebenarnya dia tak pernah ajar kitorang apa-apa pun. kalau kelas kemahiran hidup dia baling je kayu dengan gergaji pepandai korang ler. kalau kelas pjk dia baling je bola kat tengah padang, pepandai korang ler. lepas tuh dia lepak hisap rokok dengan cikgu kulit putih banyak jerawat yang suka pakai cap.

kami suka imagine kalau cikgu sean rambo bengang dengan orang dia akan samada panah orang tuh guna bow and arrow atau tembak guna bazooka. tapi dia tak pernah bengang dia lek je sap kok luuu benson & hedges. man jacket kapten bolasepak sekolah, so masa pjk kalau main dengan beliau beliau sering score goal, tapi kitorang yang celebrate-kan macam team epl ramai-ramai peluk-peluk dengan muka happy dan tangan ala-ala "yes!". badrul a.k.a. james berudu pun power main bola, tapi kalau dia score goal dia celebrate sorang-sorang, sebab seumur hidup dia .. dia tak pernah mandi.

haih banyak lagi cerita kami yang buleh saya cerita tapi kami masih sedang menjalani cerita nih movie tak habes lagi. infact saya baru nak gi sekolah nih dah lambat nih. hujan best kat luar sana, mesti mat bunga tak pergi sekolah, dia tak suka kalau ex5 dia basah. everytime mat bunga tak datang sekolah market untuk gadis-gadis comel kat sekolah terbuka luas. oh gadis-gadis comel... haih. next time saya cerita pasal gadis comel maggie. dia pengawas. jap lagi dapat lah saya jumpa dia masa dia frown sambil catit nama saya kat pagar sekolah.

no surprises

pagi tadi aku kena lawan katak gergasi, dia kata dia nak conquer earth. aku cakap, aku takut dengan sedara-sedara kau yang kecik, tapi aku tak takut dengan kau sebab kau besar and bila aku pandang straight aku nampak mata kau je. aku tak takut dengan mata kau, aku takut dengan seluruh badan kau. sekarang aku nampak mata kau je, aku tak takut! (kot) (dia dah muka bosan cam lu ingat nih cerita hollywood nak monologue monologue, wa steady je tak cakap pa-pe-pun kot).

so anyway.

aku nak tarik aura aku skang.

aku lek je ah seperti biasa ala-ala tai chi nak tarik aura aku aku lembutkan lengan aku lembutkan semua and aku slow-slow tarik tapi bukan macam sedut maggie tau itu guna muncung nih guna tetangan. tapi shit, tak keluar-keluar. dua tiga minggu nih paling aku senang tarik aura dalam sejarah aku sebagai cosmic hero, dia keluar senang je. dia warna beige, hexadecimal value dia FFF8E7. tiba-tiba aku jadi lemah gila aku try lagi tarik sampai berpeluh-peluh berketar-ketar satu badan... in the end aku pengsan. bila aku bangun and masih floating kat outer space, aku pusing-pusing badan and pandang keliling 360 darjah. katak giant tuh dah takde tapi dia tinggalkan note yang dia buat guna slime dia wa kasi can sama lu pasal wa saspek i meen raspek sama lu penyelamat dunia, esok wa datang lagi untuk cuba conquer earth.

fuck.

dia bagi aku satu hari je, cibai nye katak gergasi. aku tengah panik nih kot, tapi kepala aku songsang so mata aku lagi stim dari usual and aku susah nak angkat bahu. kepala aku dah kebawah sikit, nak tengok langit pun takde nafsu. haih. ada spaceship manusia pass me by, astronaut dalam tuh tengah pasang lagu pink floyd any colour you like kuat-kuat. aku tak rasa sound boleh travel dalam vakum tapi aku tak rasa telinga aku bukan telinga penyelamat dunia yang boleh dengar apa saja. efron you astronaut, aku tak nak any colour, aku nak warna beige hexadecimal value FFF8E7.

kau pernah tengok colour nih? aku penyelamat dunia kot, aku dah merentas satu universe aku dah tengok semua. tapi dalam journey aku hanya ada satu keindahan yang consistent. keindahan ini deserve semua overstatement yang aku buat sebab semua overstatement yang aku buat bagi aku masih understatement sebab walaupun aku penyelamat dunia aku still human and apa yang aku cakap masihlah pujian seorang makhluk dunia sedangkan keindahan ini merangkumi segala ruang dan masa yang wujud dan dunia hanyalah a speck of dust and aku hanyalah a speck of dust inside a speck of dust. keindahan ini yang buat aku nampak warna universe.

dari situlah aku tarik aura aku. dengan aura ini i can face anyfuckingthing.

dayum. katak gergasi nak datang lagi esok, aku harap aku dah sembuh. katak gergasi, kalau apa-apa hal, mintak extend tableh? lek ah lu handsome je kot... walaupun aku takut dengan kau kalau aku nampak kau dari jauh. lek ah malam masih muda, esok kalau kau datang and aku masih auraless leh kita lepak-lepak kat warung kopi kat spiral galaxy, warung kopi dia pusing-pusing, banyak alien-aliens female yang chun lepak situ. kita leh berbual, leh aku ngadu kat kau?

kenapa aku rasa cosy dengan kau skang padahal aku cuak je dengan kau. maybe pasal bila aku rasa macam nih aku dah tak nampak benda lain kecuali keindahan. and bila aku tak nampak kau camana aku nak cuak dengan kau?

kau pandai berbual tak katak gergasi? asal kau nak conquer earth sangat. lek lek ah apa problemnya. asal sekarang nih kau nak sangat conquer earth? kalau kau nak murtabak kat pasar ramadhan tuh takyah lah gelabah sampai camnih kau pesan je kat aku takyah sampai nak amik the whole earth semata-mata.

lek lek. kalau still nak conquer earth, at least kasi wa extension bleh? (ini semua perbualan aku dengan dia kat handphone sebenarnya). *click* cis selamba je dia letak handphone on me, ke line kat galaxy dia tak clear.

tetiba TENENGGG, aku dapat sms dari katak gergasi.

dah malas wa nak layan karenah lu, bila lu dah sedia calling-calling. penyelamat dunia kunun, pathetic.

kong ajar nye katak gergasi.

tapi betul kot.

malingsia vs. indon and 1malaysia

i've heard some shit about anti-malaysia shit and shit, you know indonesia vs. malaysia. oh yeah it's on, dong.

let's say if indonesians wanna throw down with us, i think they'll have to think twice, and we have to think thrice.

they have to think twice cause over here we have gyms and shit, we have like an army of asian vin diesels boutta flex and hustle like for real homie. other than gyms, we also have food, yes, plenty of that, majority of 'em fast and fatty. we have an army of o-beasts bout to get it in, we bout it bout it nahmean, like it's grrrindtime and we all up in this biatch. like for real we get in there and bring the ruck like buck buck buck all up in ya biznatch. bow!

on the other hand we also have to think thrice cause although those indo muhfuckuz are skinny as shit they also fear nothing. i once saw this indo construction worker, he was eating his lunch on this big fucking crane:


he was standing on one foot balancing himself on the tip of the highest point of that shit. he wasn't scared of shit, he didn't have no safety harness, he didn't need no fucking parachute all he had was lunch and his balls. he was humming cintaa taakkk kaaruaaan biikinn peeenaasaraaannn while rendering the big fucking crane his honorary bitch. i was in indonesia once and i saw this indo dude swimming in volcano lava and shit, he was doing it freestyle and breast stroke, once in mid-backstroke he decided to dive like olympic dive but instead of climbing onto a platform he climbed onto a mountain of frozen lava and jumped down. after tiring himself out from his own sheer rambo-ness he dragged his awesome body into one of the lava ponds and chilled out like this:


jacuzzi style except the bubbling water was not water but fucking skin peeling hot as hell lava and his bitch wasn't a blonde but a dragon. yes, a fucking dragon the size of a boeing 747 which flew straight from inside the volcano.

you've seen those indonesian black silat shows in which the dude starts stabbing himself and nothing happens right? and then bats come out his mouth. well fuck me when i was in indonesia cause i saw one dude stab himself with the drill from g.i. joe and then batman came out his mouth. fuck me my dear. fucking batman the size of christian bale came out his mouth and fucked off back to the batcave to buttfuck alfred.

i guess we have to think more than thrice afterall. don't mess about with those indonesians, they crazy.

but of course we also have yours truly penyelamat dunia who could summon both the forces of holiness and unholiness and deliver sheer grimlocking devastation to anyone who dares to enter, this center, sonnn. but he, who is me is on the indonesians' side. cause when they were colonized their colonists fucked them a lotty lot and so they have produced more mixed-bred beauties than we have and i would never do anything to jeopardize my chances with 'ems hot as fuck albeit slightly moustached chickadees. HELLLLLLLLLLS TO THA NO my melayu NO, fuck you melayu, and malaysians too for that matter.

speaking of which, 1malaysia. you see to fully achieve 1malaysia, we have to understand where we come from. in order to unite all races we must know each race. let's do this one by one.

lain-lain - either some fuckers who were originally here before some indonesian badass came and started stamping his shit and pissing territorially on this land or some fuckers who get drunk and know how to use frogs productively.

indians - there are two types, those that guard buildings and tell melayu fuckers to fuck off if they're being rude and tell them how fucked up their race is like in those p. ramlee movies and there's the other type of indians who are really good at talking on the phone and can slide below a lorry riding a horse.

chinese - i believe they're aliens.

malays - generally brown people. you could say they're a cross between early humans and not so early humans with a mix of those aliens (i believe they're called chinese people), if you believe in evolution. if not these fucking malays are just easily a fucking "rojak" (mixed up) race. i once saw a jackie chan looking dude and started speaking mandarin to him and before i could notice that jackie chan speaks cantonese he said in malay i don't understand i'm malay lah kawan. so i said in basic malay that i'm an alien and i'm here to take your land. of course i myself am not chinese, i'm raceless, i was just talking shit. he simply told me he could handle it as long as i "belanja" (treat) him well. ha, you dirty malay biatch.

anyway, the conclusion and the solution is malays are already the perfect race for this country to represent 1malaysia. so send the indians back to india, send the chinese back to whichever planet they came from, and just pile up the lain-lains and hide them down an underwater cave below some giant river or something. takkan melayu hilang di dunia.

or if you don't approve of this idea JUST FUCKING SIMPLY STOP BEING IRONICALLY RACIST FAGETS SCREAMING 1MALAYSIA WHILE YOUR OWN FUCKING POLITICAL PARTY IS 1MELAYU MORE THAN ANYTHING ARGKH GRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGKH I'M HERE TO SAVE THE WORLD I CARE ABOUT FUCK ALL ELSE SO IGNORE ME I'M NOT DRUNK I'M JUST LIKE FUCK ALL Y'ALL.

now where is cosmic beauty i need to get mellow.

sometimes

kadang-kadang masa tengah mimpi macam kau kat sekolah ke apa ke and kau plug in bende kau dari bilik kat benda kat sekolah pastuh mesti cam time mimpi tuh dah nak habes kau gelabah nak packing balik semua barang kau nak bawak balik bilik kan, macam hard disk ke apa kan. tapi mujur ah ada suara kecik cakap weh nih mimpi je kot kau takyah packing barang kau kau bangun kang bende tuh semua still ada kat bilik lagi kot. haha thank you.

kadang-kadang masa cabut bulu bontot kau perasan yang walaupun kau sentiasa cuci bontot dengan meticulous lepas berak siap sabun menyabun, percik limau nipis, hairdry semua dia still akan busuk. so camna mat salleh yang setakat guna tissue je buleh suka buat anal? takkan sebelum anal kena cloroxkan anus dia kot. mmm kadang-kadang aku masa aku bukan tengah cabut bulu bontot pun aku terfikir benda-benda camnih. in the end aku rasa maybe derang taram je kot, maybe bau tuh bagai pheromones gak yang lagi buleh menstimulasi. hmmm. korang rasa?

you know you're a dude when...

your sofa is your closet.

aku selalu je pakai t-shirt tertuck-in ke dalam seluar sweatpants pastuh masa keluar keta ada ah apek pandang slack macam "aphal mamat nih", tapi actually dia sebenarnya cam "wow christian bale is in malaysia meh?".

to be continued.

ok kita sambung ye nih aku tulis dalam 5 jam kot lepas aku tulis to be continued iaitu sekarang lah gamaknya.

aku sebenarnya patut kat masjid sekarang nih. aku gi naik keta sensorang tadi sebab ingat nak men futsal lepas terawih. sekali masjid penuh haha so aku lek je balik rumah buat sorang-sorang. masjid cam tuh ah tahun lepas kau berapa kali je jejak aku untuk terawih leh kira dengan minaret aku ni hah so dia cam penuhkan diri. tapi kecoh gila gak kot tadi, macam nak gi stadium tengok bola, kena parking jauh-jauh tepi jalan pastuh jalan jauh-jauh. siap ada brader-brader jaga trafik guna lightsaber lagi.

ada pakcik yang tak tahu ah bengang ke apa pasal penuh dia jerit "tahun nih hebat wow penuh!". aku tak sure dia cakap straight ke dia sarkastik sebab nada dia cam sarkastik, tapi kalau ikutkan semua pakcik-pakcik melayu bila cakap nada diaorang sarkastik. kalau diaorang cam "dik goreng pisang 2 ringgit" pun adik goreng pisang tuh macam dia nih nak order goreng pisang ke nak perli aku padahal tak logik pun kalau dia perli. teros adik goreng pisang sound balik cakap "pakcik, pakcik pakai kopiah terbalik" ... "betul lah tuh, memang terbalik, jap yang putih nih mesti depan yang putih nih pulak mesti yang belakang ha okay jap pakcik betulkan ye zirafah". kalau macam tuh memang confirm ah sarkastik sebab kopiah yang dia pakai mungkin takde depan belakang pun, mungkin dua-dua adik goreng pisang dengan pakcik tuh sekali sarkastik so double sarkastik jadi apa? jadi sarkistik.

to be continued.

ok sekarang aku sambung lagi, ini lebih kurs 5 jam jugak ah dari to be continued tadi tuh.

aku baru balik men futsal. ponek eh, malam nih menyekso diri, bilo laie nak menyekso diri bedosup sano sini kalu bukan malam sebolum puaso. sebelum sampai rumah layan air kopi vanilla gerenti endorphin.

semalam aku nak gi tengok wayang cerita district 9, tengah beratur lek lek lama gak tunggu sampai dua orang lagi turn aku, sekali akak tuh bukak kaunter sebelah, ada couple gi situ. aku pun dengan macho nye pun gi berdiri belakang couple tuh. bila couple tuh gerak aku pun ke depan. akak jaga kaunter pandang aku lain macam, aku pun pandang dia lain macam, dia pandang aku balik lain macam, aku pun pandang skrin atas pulak lain macam, aku cakap district 9 dia cakap err ini untuk booking je, aku cakap oh untuk booking je ke pastuh aku gelak sorang sorang, dia masih pandang aku lain macam, aku pun tak buat macam-macam and pergi balik belakang line sebelah.

kat depan ada couple tengah cium cium. aku pun tadah muka kat balak dia cam "i nak gak?". balak dia pandang aku lain macam pastuh sound "kau jangan nak macam-macam". kena reject cis, macam haram.

so later on aku tengok ah district 9. cam aku tak leh concentrate sangat sebab dia cam bukan cerita action yang bodoh wahukhukga. dia cam ada banyak cakap ada banyak konsep bla bla bla, tapi cgi dia memang lawa ah tak kartun cam cerita blockbuster standard. dia cam blend lawa je macam cgi tuh part of the surroundings, and also colour dia memang chun ah, memang gritty.

crowd pulak kelakar gak ada minah kat belakang cam budget nih cerita pixar kappa keluar alien alien tengah selongkar sampah dia cam awww. keluar alien kecik yang boleh lah comel lah tapi takde ah comel cam lipas campur udang campur robot kecik awww cute nya dia. alien kena pukul dia cam ahhh jangan awww. cuba kalau aku kena pukul dengan brader jaga pintu cinema tuh sudah tentu aweks tuh cam pass me by je, jangan kan "awww", "a" pun tak terukir kat bibir. everytime ada aksi ganas yang belasah alien or orang cam AAA NO macam tak patut, hello nih memang cerita tembak tembak kot bukannya rom com.

aku rasa kita dah establish this dengan poster cerita nih yang ada makhluk yang macam kesatria baja hitam yang terlebih baja tengah berdiri atas tanah yang diperbuat dari taik syaitan pastuh ada ufo tengah hover atas dia and ufo tuh takde rupa sikit pun macam cupcake. bukannya poster dia muka matthew makanohey pakai scarf sambil senyum and lancapkan kambing. haha lek lek penyelamat dunia, takde ah aku tak marah pun tapi cam saje je buat cam marah aku rasa cam kelakar je.

pastuh aku kalau tengok movie aku suka teleng ke kiri so since seat aku kat tengah aku gerak lah ke kerusi kanan aku yang kosong. pastuh aku cam angkat kaki kanan naik atas kaki kiri cam silang kaki kasi selesa sikit. elok pulak mamat yang tadinya sebelah aku sebelum aku move selang kaki kiri dia atas kaki kanan. wahukhukga. macam synchronized selang kaki. cam ada persefahaman di situh. pastuh aku angkat kepala kat dia dia pun angkat kepala lepas tuh kitorang dua dua buat handsign westside cam two twisted in the miiiid westside pastuh serentak kembali tengok skrin balik. actually part tuh aku imagine je, actually dalam semua benda yang aku lalui aku tak sure mana satu yang betul mana satu yang aku imagine.

tah tah aku imagine je tengah tengok cerita district 9 padahal cerita sebenar kat skrin cerita kartun up tuh padanlah awek-awek di belakang menggediks reaksi mereka. haha. eh tak ah memang district 9 kot pasal aku pulak dok tergelak-gelak sebab main character dalam movie tuh dok mencarut sepanjang movie FOOK FOOK, FOOK THIS FOOK THAT, YOU FOOKING PRAWNS, FOOKING FOOKING FOOK YEAH FOOK THE WORLD EH FOOK KOK KEONG whaukhukga. cam sebab dia bukan cakap fuck pun dia cakap fuck dalam accent atau bahasa dia memang tak censored ah lagipun every second kot dia mencarut kalau kena censored pun mamat censorship tuh mesti cam cis bedebs melampau frekuensi kekesatan dialogue filem ini takyah censor ah FOOK IT.

pastuh aliens dia dipanggil prawns pasal memang macam prawn, kalau kau masak maggie dalam bowl yang besar cam swimming pool buleh lah tambah diaorang dalam hidangan kau kasi best sket. entahlah.

okaylah kawan-kawan jangan nakal-nakal ye saya mungkin nak tidur esok sahur sudah. and oh yeah, hello! cik mia aku merinduimu hur hur hur.

that joke is still funny somemore

kan dalam entry nih aku cakap to be continued. well ini lah continuatination dia.

aku dah lama ah tak tengok wayang. sebulan dua kot. kalau ikut kan takde ah lama sangat pon, sebab dulu aku pernah bertahun tak tengok wayang lek je. apa buleh buat, masa tuh tak muat kusi, kalau muat pun, lover's seat tuh and bukak dia nye penghadang untuk bagi ruang kepada more to love aku.

masa aku dah kurus sket antara benda pertama aku buat ialah aku duk kat kusi starbucks tuh, and tak bangun bangun sampai starbucks tutup. sebab dulu aku bengang dengan kusi tuh. siapa punya idea nak guna kusi camtuh untuk tempat-tempat cafe coffee frapuchicano orale carnal pelanchau nih. santai ah konon. dah habes santai ah kerusi tak stabil macam tuh. konon kira hybrid hammock dengan tikar lah. dah habes beach ah konon, biatch. tapi tadi masa aku nak guna perkataan hammock sebenarnya aku terlupa perkataan tuh, aku paham konsep dia so aku tanya member "kawan (bukan nama sebenar), apa nama benda yang ikat antara dua pokok yang orang boleh tidur tuh?", kawan aku dengan lek je jawab "hammock"... "terima kasih", "sesama".

teros tutup ym.

simple je perbualan, senang ada kawan macam nih, dia tanya kita jawab. bukannya kawan yang misai tebal kita tanya kang dia tanya balik (aku takde je kawan camnih tapi imaginasi aku pada pukul 11:30am - 12pm ada).
"kau nak buat apa tidur antara dua pokok?"
"err, orang tetua cakap nanti kau leh serap essence dua pokok tuh nanti leh sehat sehat belaka"

"ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yaka. pokok apa?"
"tak kesah ah pokok kelapa ke manggis ke avocado ke, kalau rempit dia suka pokok rembutan (hello!)"

"ohhhhhhhh yaka. aku dah lama tak nampak kau kat kelas yoga asal ah?"
"sebab aku tak amik kelas yoga pon"

"ohhhhh yaka. patut ah"
"ohh hammock! baru aku ingat, ha kau, sini kejap aku nak bisik sesuatu"

/dia tadah muka
PANG!

"ohhhh yaka, awat hang tampaq muka aku nooo"
"sebab kau banyak soal"

"aku banyak soal ke"
"unorthodox paradox sungguh mung nih, natang menda dok tau"

"ohhhhhhhhhhhh yaka, kau nak gi mana nih?"
"nak gi sana entot sama cewek cakep bangets, loe stay sini entot sama kucing loe"

"ohhhhhhh yaka, kucing gwe yang mana satu dong?"
"yang ada kurap, ok byz"

"ohhhhhhhhh yaka, yang mana satu yang ada kurap"

actually bende nih takkan habes until aku luku kepala dia sampai dia pengsan and masa dia pengsan dia buleh snoring and snoring dia tuh pun bunyik macam soalan and aku teros terbang ke planet venus in the nude untuk tenangkan diri.

anyway where were we. yeah, dulu bagi aku kusi tuh memang kerek. aku paling benci kalau meeting ke apa ke kena kat tempat tempat coffee pelanchs nih, sebab kusi tuh ah. or apa-apa tempat yang suka guna kusi cantuh. ergkh.

habes aku duduk lah kat starbucks tuh tanpa beli apa-apa macam ha puas hati aku leh duk atas kau.

staf staf starbux pun dah cam dik dik lek dik pecite nih dik at least beli lah something dik. well at least itu apa aku rasa derang nak cakap based on muka derang. sampai kul bape tah starbux dah nak tutup nih dah nak mop mop semua derang cam dik dah lah tuh dik. aku pun cam ah takde saya nak duk sini sampai kusi nih mintak divorce. well at least itu apa aku tafsir dari muka derang and keupayaan aku untuk mengetahui apa yang aku sendiri tengah pikir dalam kepala. also sebab derang semua dah angkat kusi itu with aku sekali in it and cuba nak campak ke luar compound starbux cam "takpe ah kusi tuh burn je ah" kata mamat yang aku rasa supervisor based on pemerhatian aku yang dia suka arah-arah staf lain sambil mendongak sebab based on psychology kalau kita tunjuk dagu kita kat orang orang lebih mudah patuh pada kita. so kalau nak jadi pemimpin developkan lah chin anda and ikutlah theory seorang penyelamat dunia yang suka reka theory sebab bagi aku if you believe in something so much it might just work although sebab aku dah persembahkan theory nih kau mungkin akan saspek aku tipu and susah kau nak believe in that something so *flash benda dalam men in black yang buleh buat kau lupa what i just said*. SWISH!

masa aku kecik aku pernah kurus sekejap, tapi hitam. bila aku gemuk balik aku jadi putih balik. blame fifa 95. dulu lek lek je setiap petang berbasikal gi main bola sambil bersuntan you ols. sehinggalah muncul fifa 95, aku rasa cam daripada aku bergerak seluruh badan berpeluh dan aktif sihat kuat dan strong gitew main bola baik aku gerak jari jemari aku je and command orang-orang kecik nih untuk main bola for me.

sebab tuh lah jari jemari aku lawa-lawa buleh jatuh chenta if you ever happen to catch a glimpse (kan kan kan?).

masa aku kecik aku paling suka main hide and seek. aku paling suka nyorok pastuh takde orang dapat carik aku. dah besar aku suka duduk sorang-sorang dalam bilik and kunci pintu. tapi jap lagi member aku suh aku burnkan lagu raya passing kat dia kena gak turun nampaknya. but of course sebab aku penyelamat dunia aku leh lek je dispense sedikit energy dan aura kepada cd nih and dia leh terbang sendiri ke tangan member aku. cuma aku tak tahu lah camna nak handle situation kalau member aku pengsan sebab nampak cd terbang tanpa bantuan bende-bende yang logik. and kalau dia pengsan hopefully dia tak snoring yang bunyik macam soalan. cheh.

pagi tadi sebelum breakfast aku makan tiga bijik maltesers. except bijik yang kedua dan ketiga tuh terlekat bersama.

anyway, aku penyelamat dunia, aku tahu what fuels the world. it is cuteness. kecomelan.

aryan dance

time to get racist.

masa kat u.s. naik cab orang arab, muslim, cerita pasal islam, bla bla bla kesucian kerohanian bla diblayidapdapduubiduu. cerita pasal kemurnian. easy to find something in common to talk about sebab kita muslims. he overcharged us. then orang italy, friendly, cerita pasal kehidupan yang tak senang, cerita pasal negara kita, negara dia, culture kita, culture dia. he overcharged us. then mat salleh, misai coklat tak coklat sangat, standard ah, gemuk gemuk sikit takde ah gemuk tapi chubby standard mat salleh amerika, dia tak pandang kita pun. dia berbual kat telefon dengan accent redneck pasal nak chill out after work kot, i'll just get a few beers we can sit down talk chill bla bla bla dalam accent redneck. dia tak pandang kita langsung, aku ada rasa cuak sikit tak tahu kenapa, maybe sebab banyak sangat tengok iklan cerita cops the actual cerita tak tengok pon. anyway, he undercharged us.

anthony bourdain ada pergi this mexican restaurant kat d.c., ada mini bar yang sediakan makanan-makanan mini. aku rasa petang nih aku nak makan sushi.

lawak edah 2009

edah: awak kerja kat tempat sama lagi ke
edah: dah lamakan kita kenal awak
edah: mesti sekarang "bulu jemput" (quoting you) awak dah beruban
edah: hahahahaha
aku: jembut ler
aku: wahgkeauhuhkga
aku: kau nak jemput bulu buat apa
aku: nak jemput bulu gi orang kahwin ke
aku: nak jemput dia kat rumah bawak gi tengok wayang?
aku: wahgegegaeauhkga
edah: eleh
edah: haha
edah: sama je

oleh ucapan manismu

i have some shit up in my throat, and i sense a flu or fever coming. this is not good, not in these times. especially when y'all dezaym well fucking know my immune system is tip top so anything that passes by it might not be just a regular one. heavens, my paranoia is shooting up through the roof right now.

and yo mr. paranoia, since you're through the roof and all, could you tell the water pump to mellow his ass down a bit with the rumbling, that git is noising the fuck out of the top floor. it's like i live below the pissing subway, and a train would happen to just pass by every time someone uses the tap.

yesterday night i witnessed a ninja kitten. i went outside and i could see a glimpse of the little thing running into the bushes. couldn't catch a peep of the face, even if i could i wouldn't cause of the ninja mask.

you people probably know me a bit, know what's happening in my life a bit. but you don't really know much. because what happened yesterday, that event, has begun to shape since a long time ago and nobody knows about it but me and everyone directly involved. i kept it a secret, secret no more for i am about to reveal all to you interweb strangers.

to be continued.

blowjobbing in the wind

weekend aku ikut cuzins gi bar/club apa tah dah lama nih tak gi tempat-tempat berasap yang buat mata aku berair nih dah nak dekat setahun kot. pastuh aku lek jelah dengan gaya rempit zip up sweater sling bag tapi hip hop from the waist down baggy jeans and timbaland ma nizzlah jalan riang ria masuk buat muka cool tapi nervous sebab aku takut authority specifically abang-abang bouncer rambot buleh buat meja kecik teringat zaman sekolah lambat masuk sekolah pengawas pandang slack kat pagar. tengah aku jalan lek lek brader bouncer nih kejar aku. mula-mula aku ingat dia nak mintak nombor so aku cam nak ingatkan lah balik nombor aku so that aku buleh bagi nombor yang bukan nombor aku manalah tahu aku tersilap bagi nombor random yang rupanya nombor aku although what are the chances of that tapi i'm not taking the risk.

tapi haha rupa-rupanya dia suh tunjuk ic. haha. aku lek jelah bukak wallet tunjuk lagi, pastuh cam tahun aku lahir tuh tersorok sikit dia suruh gak keluarkan ic kasi tunjuk clear. lepas dah tengok tahun adik lahir dia teros gerak mesti cam cuak sebab ye ah lek lek je assume aku muda remaja kan. aku bagitahu cuzin aku dia bengang, haha, tak tahu aku tengah senyum je lek je whaukhukgea bila lagi aku nak diberi lesen untuk perasan muda kecuali setiap masa.

when i (was) small (still is, actually) my favourite characters were always smart ones. examp like x-men, my fav was beast, ninja turtles my fav was donatello. i guess it's cause when i was a kid i thought being clever could get you pussy. i wasn't wrong though, when you were too young the smart boys were the ones getting all the womanishy attention primarily because they needed dudes for homework copying and to teach them shit and shit. plus i can't see myself attaining that kind of dedication towards education and you know how we always dream of being someone we can't be. at this age the jocks were too cool for women i guess so the nerds be hogging all the twat. i can't bare the look of all those fuckers with they thick ass glasses smiling and shit, and they pimples fucking glowing and shit but they still be surrounded by the ladies and shit. fucking disgusting. ergkh.

i just want cinta monyet right now sebab aku masih naive. aku tak tahu apa. baru lahir semalam. mmm. semalam hari ahad. aku entah ah. aku nih macam. daym.

tadi lepas eksersais aku duduk sorang sorang makan rembutan dekat depan supermarket. tengah lek lek mencucuk mencampak ke dalam mulut lalu mengunyah ternampak sesuatu kat cash register. wait, ramona rahman ke tuh? dezaym. mungkin ya mungkin tidak. tapi yang pasti tiba-tiba rambutan nih rasa best gila. manisnya cukup cukup manis tak terlalu tak terkurang, texture memang tak keras namun tak terlalu lembut juga. kulitnya tersisih dari isi dengan mudah bagaikan negligee silk tulen yang ditanggalkan dari seorang gadis bergetah licin. hidup itu indaadaadaadaadaaaaaaaaaaaa. lepas tuh dia lalu depan aku dengan muka cool while tolaking cart dia...

you know what i miss? reading those textual erotic stories, back in the days yo with minimal internet speed that shit was super entertainment. and if written well enough with an engaging storyline could have a greater effect than its more modern and more visual cousins pictures or videos. it could make me cum straight onto my own face whaukhukga. and i be all up in the toilet cleaning up awkwardly grinning at the mirror like what the fuck was that homie.

i don't even remember the colour of your eyes and i'm already this way

petang a few days ago seorang orang lama datang visit aku. seorang kung fu grandmaster yang tersohor.

dia kata

selamat pagi penyelamat dunia...

hai.

pastuh dia cakap kau tak leh post benda benda macam "#iwillneverforget how boobies look like" kat twitter and rasa pelik kenapa tak ramai perempuan suka layan kau. tak semua perempuan akan faham yang itu more of a compliment than pervertism. memang semua orang will mistake kau nye worship terhadap the most beautiful everything on earth which is the female body and the female race for pervertism. tapi apa manusia tahu, manusia bangun everyday mengharapkan hujan supaya diaorang buleh tension tak dapat tidur kat rumah sedangkan kau bangun everyday and pandang slack kat hujan sebab kau rasa macam dia turun untuk mock keemoan and keloseran diri kau yang merembes-leleh.

bukan setakat hujan je. aku rasa kalau aku fail untuk dapatkan kecomelan semua benda will mock aku, from bumbung rumah belakang nih, ke tumbuh-tumbuhan, semua binatang, termasuk kau sekali kung fu grandmaster, 7e yang dekat apartment sana tuh pun, air gatorade dalam fridge 7e tuh pun! well provided dia ada stok sebab babi of a 7e nih asyik habes stok gatorade masa aku balik tengah malam penat bersukan pantek kobau tol. sigh. semua tengah mock aku, babi korang. ha'ah, babi kitorang pun mock engkau. argkh, efron you.

hujan still turun rintik-rintik slow-slow macam lagu r&b yang slow. haha sama je kalau kau cakap macam insert genre yang slow. fuck it. tapi lagu yang kat winamp nih tengah mock aku ke. babi kau.

macam dia cakap kau memang fail, walaupun kau selamatkan dunia setiap hari, walaupun everyday ada je an abnormally miscreated behemoth flailing and fleeting macam unicorn dalam transformers menghampiri planet earth dengan niat untuk membuat kekacauan tapi dengan penuh efficient and stealth tanpa pengetahuan seorang pun manusia kau dah nyahkan a.k.a. DINCH kan dia ke galaksi lain sebelum dia sempat gentel seatom pun atmosphere bumi. dari segi nih kau sukses (thumbs up), tapi kau tak dapat selamatkan diri sendiri daripada rasa macam nih.

apa nih? kau takyah tahu ah cibai. sebab kau macam benda-benda lain dalam bumi nih tengah mock aku. kalau aku terbang keluar bumi pun belum tentu selamat, mesti aku nampak a constellation of a grin mocking my shitty self. fuck you, stars!

cibai ah lagu jiwang nih, kenapa kau nyanyi "i didn't know i could feel this way", aku nak rasa camtuh gak babi, sebab this way yang aku tengah feel sekarang nih aku kenal dia sangat, infact kitorang selalu je lepak sekali and aku dah bosan gila tengok muka dia. weyh current this way apa kata kau gerak sekarang and make way pada this way lagi satu yang magic. tak macam kau, kau sihir. hehe.

kung fu grandmaster pandang aku semacam. baru aku sedar yang aku dah terlalu lost in my own twittty (to wish impossible thingstty) thoughts sampai aku tak sedar yang sepatutnya dia impart wisdom kat aku and aku dengar tapi padahal dah 15 minutes dia pandang slack kat aku macam aku pandang kat semua benda sekeliling aku.

dia cakap kat aku, kalau atuk merajuk kang kau cakap atuk poyo, harap je kung fu master leh kalahkan pelbagai jenis villains yang ada nickname cool cool yang pegang senjata yang tak praktikal tapi apa pedulik sebab dia nampak cool bila dia berpusing. tapi poyo, nak merajuk sebab orang dah lost in thought sampai lupa dia tengah impart wisdom. so atuk takkan merajuk katanya.

tapi atuk nak cakap satu benda je kat kau katanya.

hidup itu indah. hidup itu indaadaadaadaadaaaaaaaaaaa.

betul tuh kung fu grandmaster.

betul...

pastuh dia sambung (eh nih cam dah lebih satu benda je tapi aku buat tak tahu sebab tak nak kena penerajang shaolin tak pepasal). so, mister, penyelamat, dunia (perlu ke cakap pause pause camnih), pergilah mandi and shave semua pastuh, eh wait. shave, asal aku cakap shave, kau mana ada facial hair pown wahugkeahugkeahukga dia gelak babi nye kung fu grandmaster GILA FAGET NYE TAKDE FACIAL HAIR BULEH PULAK AKU NAK SURUH KAU SHAVE. pastuh aku cam kononnya dengan nada serious nak cakap gi mandi and shave go outside and enjoy life, tapi tak sempat aku lepas perkataan shave aku dah cam wauhkgehaukhukhukga.

ini dah lebih daripada mock nih kung fu grandmaster. ini namanya INI DAH LEBEYH.

tapi aku nak buat apa, takkan nak balas balik kang sekali dia wing chun aku tercampak sampai padang golf awam yang nampak lawa hanya ketika waktu malam. well lawa ke tak subjective really. tapi tuh ah, aku tengok jelah dia gelak.

sambil buat muka ye ye ye ye... ye ye.. yeye.

dalam hati, pantek kobau.

dah lah fuck this aku gerak dulu, cakap kung fu grandmaster, gila tak graceful cara belah, at least baling lah smoke bombs sana sini dulu pastuh terbang sambil goyang goyang rambut panjang macam iklan pantene. oh whatever.

aku terfikir ah. tak salah kot untuk meng twit (to wish impossible things), sebab kalau aku kurang ajar and terajang dua huruf dia jadi possible jugak. itulah apa aku kena buat, kenapa biasanya aku penyelamat dunia and aku dengan selamba je menerajang mammoth freaks terkangkang tercampak balik ke wherever they came from untuk selamatkan dunia tapi aku tak leh jadi rambo untuk diri sendiri. tapi kau kena faham, walopun aku penyelamat dunia, aku still manusia yang lemah. ramai hero alter ego diaorang hero. aku alter ego aku orang biasa. hero tuh diri aku. eh kejap pening. anyway, kau tak faham kau tak leh rambo sepanjang masa. dalam sesetengah instances kau jadi lemah sampai lemah pun tak sanggup nak lemah macam kelemahan kau sekarang.

kau leh panjat melompat dari skyscraper ke skyscraper dengan selamba king kong tapi bila disuruh panjat pokok untuk capai cinta monyet engkau struggle.

hari nih aku jadi penagih dadah dan pemabuk. kunci diri sendiri and go on a orange binge. anggap c dalam vitamin c tuh cocaina.



no lah fuckers. i ain't down. cause i smile when you smile it don't matter what you smilin' about it don't matter that i'm pretendin' like i ain't got nuthin' else to smile about. easy.

some shit i watched

not so consistent in this department. this is mostly a few shit i've watched in the span of what half a year prolly. shit i'm losing the watching touch. don't blame me, my bathroom's soap holder couldn't hold a small one wait what. fuck. i meant, i just you know these days, i don't know. huhuhuhuhuhuhuuhuhu.

i love you, man
not bad. the tall dude who was the drummer in freaks & geeks or the tall dude in how i met your mother just doesn't seem so good playing that role though. he has been playing himself all this while and nah man he's shite as someone else especially just not cool enough to play a dude kinda guy, nah man. paul rudd on the other hand wasn't too bad in a lead role which is outside his comfort zone. although it would have been funnier if he just played one of his crazy ass calmly wacky co-character characters as the lead role, would have been fucking hilarious. whatever, though, ain't my movie the fuck am i whining.

watchmen
roschjazk is dope as fuck. that's it. the movie overall i liked it.

adventureland
this is bullshit. the soundtrack is good there's some velvet underground, lou reed, big star, the cure, david bowie, etc. and all that good shit but i've got all those in my winamp already who gives a fuck. except for martin starr aka bill haverchuck and that guy who played the cop who wasn't the jewfro dude back in superbad this was garbage.

friend (chingoo)
dope ass korean movie about a buncha friends. it's just dope, man the acting, the characters and shit, how it's done. fuck. it's like a not overly dramatic and classy young and dangerous.

x-men a.k.a. wolverine origins whatever
wait what?

a bittersweet life
badass rambo shit. wahuhkuga. some korean thug shit. this guy gave me goosebumps, it was like watching rambo or vijaykanth. it's just anger release personified. and just when you thought he's fucked and shit is impossible he does some shit and you're like fuck this is badass i'm cummin' in my pants this is some rambo chuck norris shit fuck.


a lotta little britain seasons and specials and all that shit
haha compuah says naaaw. do it bitch, you'll do it if you love me. i won thak wun. haha. dahhhling. sebastian.

the worst week of my life 1st season (original brit version)
this is bullshit. other than cute sarah alexander it's bullshit. that dude deserves all that shit he's getting cause there's no redeeming quality about him, he's not even charming, how the fuck is he british. and he gets fucking sarah alexander. fuck outta here with that bullshit homie.

the inbetweeners 2nd season
funny.

true blood 1st season
not bad at all homes. i started watching a few episodes of this on tv when i had to live in the condo for a while and had no other form of entertainment. and it was like my childhood watching late night tv series about some rural town with a lotta dialogue and creatures and shit you remember back in the 80's it was kinda like that and it felt nice. of course i had to spoil the kiddy magic by watching the rest of the season through internet downloading and wanking to anna paquin's tits.

transformers revenge of the fallen
okay i guess the action part was better than the first one. the comedy not so. the robots are still pretty annoying. but overall it was not bad at all because there was a cutie sitting beside me whaukuhkga.

the host
nice. very well done movie.

memories of murder
very well done. i tell you these fucking korean filmmakers, they're fucking ace. this one was about a serial killer and by the pace could have bored me to fucking sandholes but i don't know it just got a hold of me, the way it was done was dope as fuck. and how it blends a lotta movie genres together, there's actually even a strong element of comedy subtly and effortlessly running through this shit. beautiful shit.

mind, body & kick ass moves
i had a martial arts phase when i did kickboxing. but shit this series is dope as fuck. the host is dope. some british martial arty dude, and he goes everywhere to discuss everything whatever whatever it's just nice, laidback nice.

house latest season i forgot the number
holy fucking mindfuck i love house.

let the right one in
one of the best vampire movies i've seen prolly cause it had some strong love shit attached to it. very meticulously beautifully made movie. the vamp chick was kinda cute too.

dead snow
okay zombie movie.

al'interieur (inside)
brutal fucking shit. not bad.

some two and a half men
charlie sheen said when a woman is talking just keep saying "i understand". wisdom.

full house (poolha wooseu)
yes korean fucking tv melodrama comedy whatever. haha who gives a fuck i enjoyed a bit of it for some reason. the chick was cute. and you know it gave me a view on what people who were made for each other are like. i mean their dialogues don't need to be some deep life analyzing change the world bullshit, it just simple shit like what did you do today and when they interact with each other just talking about simple shit like that you just can't see them doing it with anyone else but themselves and shit. that's just love to me. is it? yeah i think it is, i might be right or right.

eat drink man woman
this is dope shit. taiwanese movie. laidback you know reminiscent of when you were small kinda movies you watch in the hot but not so hot sleepy but not so sleepy afternoons. wait as i'm writing this entry i'm beginning to get deja vu cause you see i sift through my movie files and memory from the latest down to the not so latest so i might have written about this shit at some point in this blog so wait what the fuck it's kinda like in real life where you never remember whether you've told this story to your friend but fuck it who gives a fuck anyway.

beat street
haha dope old school hip hop shit. the fucking cameos man. crazy ass cameos by legendary hip hop legends and shit legendary fuck. don't wanna name names too lazy to namedrop but trust melle mel in a zebra outfit rhyming political shit while the furious five is dancing in the background, that's some crazy fresh paradoxical old school shit not many artists could capture.

the it crowd latest season season 2 kot
funny shit.

alfie
haha michael caine is too cool. alfie, tell me what's up, i need your help. i don't know how to handle birds. you gotta help me alfie. what's it all about, alfie?


..

aight then that's it then.

but i've got two movies i'm halfway through my scary girl, kinda like my sassy girl but the girl is some kind of hitman, or hitwomen, what. and this old kung fu movie one armed boxer vs the flying guillotine the music is fucking badass as fuck what the fuck guitars that sound like weapons. fuck me.