please do not go there

the problem with a lot of muslims is that we are allergic to the gray area in a confrontational way. if we know of anything comfortably residing there we would be more than happy to poke at it in every possible way until it finally buckles and hurriedly scramble into black or white. it might be because we are culturally very bored & boring, nothing excites us. or maybe it's just that we have chased too many out of the gray area into the black to notice that fun was one of it. or another or, that we're simply arseholes.

little did we know that god himself has tangibly told us that anything that he did not make a rule for, is simply - something with no ruling - it is like the space between here and there, it is neither here nor there. you won't be merited for doing it, you won't get a demerit for not doing it either. this might be a simple concept but unfortunately, not a walkover in the 'grasp' department, especially in this planet of constant humanistic judgments.

let's not forget that prohibiting that which is not prohibited, or allowing that which is prohibited, is a big no-no. not a "i-just-uttered-fuck" no-no (what's wrong with this anyway, lalz), instead, a "i-just-told-an-angel-that-he-can-go-screw-a-robinson-crusoe-cunt-with-his-non-existent-dick" no-no. i think i should put it in a simpler way, there's a big difference between things such as having pre-marital sex which means you have sinned, and "big mistake, buddy" ones such as saying fuck you to your religion which means err, you just said fuck you to your religion.

let's not forget what made islam so unique and beautiful - the fact that it is not a religion of innovation. it is what all religions should be, a religion of uhm yeah, as you know he's god, and you shut the fuck up and do what he says. it sounds crass, but this is why i love islam, and is still a muslim to this day even though i visit a nihilist god-bashing forum everyday.

if i was to believe in god, the only way is for me to believe that he is the faarc-ken boss. why would he smack the lay down on some commandments only for us to say wait this does not seem right, maybe it shouldn't be this way, let's change it up a little bit to suit the era/times, and the place. why would he not smack the lay down on some commandments only for some cunts to go wait i think we should make some rules for this, afterall we have thicker beards. and why are we so obsessed with adapting our religion to time or place, who the fuck created time or place, in the first place?

man fuck that shit. i'll give you an example of unwanted innovation, "fuck" as a word. people detest it as if it's some kind of sin. i don't really champion the f-word, since i do feel that the stigma attached to it makes it even more appealing. but at the same time, i am aware that it is bastardized by culture. "fuck" is not sinful. it never was. "fuck" is only sinful if a certain form of mostly pointless human culture is your religion, not say, your religion. who the fuck made "fuck" sinful? probably republicans, but i'm sure as fuck it wasn't god. there's nothing wrong with fuck. there could be something wrong with fuck if used for the intention of something wrong. even so, the sin is with the intention, not fuck. (now that i've done this especially for you, when are you gonna give me that fuck, fuck? wahukhuwahukgakgea).

another beautiful victim, music. i grew up in the 80's, which meant i grew up thinking that guitar strings were the threads used to sow the demon's g-string back in his glory days. really sure you 80's kids could relate. why is this so? again, culture. actual religious doctrines lose again, to human culture. so oblivious were we to the fact that in no way has god actually put the thor hammer down on music. fortunately for me and many kids in those days, obedience was plastered with wood glue to the non-issue part of our brain, so we didn't lose out and miss the train. although, it would have been wicked if "fuck" was more mainstream back in the days, the demand for chilli attributed to disciplinarian housewives would've been substantially high.

i feel sorry for these inhabitants of the gray area. what makes it worse is, even if their gray-areaness is given the stamp of approval, the validity would still be downplayed to no end by most people with delusions of authorotar. the most common occurrence would be for people to mention that it is prohibited and sinful if doing so and so would lead to you ignoring your religious duties. this is a much unneeded mutation of an idea known in the more simpler days as "it is sinful to not do your religious duties". it wasn't broken yet we felt the assholic need to mend it without even a hint of a notice or a video conference from jibril. why can't we have the same pro-activeness in the forever futile plight of not being assholes.

the sin does not lie on what you did that caused you to miss punching the ethereal clock, but not punching the ethereal clock. if you decide to morning wank a little longer than usual and was late for your job for the hundredth time and got fired, i'll be the first dude to appear above you like ceiling cat and inform you that you got fired because you didn't come to your job, not the overtime morning wank. fuck it, if you go with this extensively flawed logic, even reading the quran is haram if doing so made you miss your friday prayers. no dukes it's not the reading of the quran that caused your downfall, it's being an absent-minded douche. and before i forget, please don't ever blame overtime morning wank for anything at all, it is furbally cute, and totally innocent.

you can quote me on that. haven't had a morning wank in ages though.

oh dear muslims, us humans will never be perfect, but at least try not to be anal.

another muslim blight that is so rampant yet it's existence continually disregarded is taking the exclusively personal choices of others, personal. look, if the prophet peace be upon him saw some chick donning a kitten sized napkin as her evening wear would he go "you're going to hell, whore, put on this tent or yow ass is gettin' capped"? i can safely say - no. he would be rational, patient, and wise about it. of course people will say who are we to try and emulate the prophet, we are not him. well that's true only to an extent, cause if some things are prophet-like yet do-able, and you're not doing it, bitch that fucking excuse does not apply. and i don't even think that excuse should exist. sure we could never reach the holiness level of the prophet, but did he invent the "sunnah" only for his people to go ohhh who are we we are nobody we can't be as perfect as the prophet. usually this excuse is used just so that some arsecunts could carry-on being the judgmental pricks that they are.

look homes, a lady who thinks that a sun glass wiping cloth makes a great dress is not your or my problem, it is her choice, and problem if you will. it only becomes a problem to both you and me if that lady makes everyone think that they should be wearing a wiping cloth to shopping malls or the wrath of the hardly clothed shalth they suffereth. not that i would initially automatically object given the serenity of the thought of young ladies in shopping malls not having enough textile to cover both boobs.

it's even a bigger problem or ours if that very same lady instead covers herself from head to toe which gets the superficial nod of approval yet thinks what we believe in is a joke. i'm not saying you should look down on a ninja since she could be evil, but dawgie, don't look down at anyone at all!, i mean why the fuck should you? since when was being muslim about being a bill o'reilly. (i'm also not saying we should look down on bill o'reilly, just assume his namedrop as something metaphorical).

okay maybe some people would argue about face-value saying that they don't want their children to see and be influenced. look dogg, would you want a child who could look at a fucked up thing and decide that he doesn't give a fuck about that fucked up thing, or a child who does not do fucked up things only because he hasn't seen a fucked up thing? if you choose the latter then you're a naive dumbfuck who does not realize that there is a national park difference between someone who does not do things and someone who does not want to do things. someone who does not do things are only a minus word away from doing things, someone who does not want to do things on the other hand will not do things, unless if he decides to be someone who wants to do things which would only mean he's not someone who does not want to do things anymore. wakugewahukgeaahukga what the fuck did i just write, okay whatever.

all my ass be sayin' is, let's stop stressing over other people's personal choices, the best way to educate as the prophet has demonstrated time and time again before is through coolness and wisdom, not cunting behaviour.

plus there are far better shit to think about anyways, like i don't know, shaking off the stereotype that we're all stuck-up douchebags with efficient self-c4 capabilities? i dunno.

we are supposed to be followers of a beautiful religion. what the fuck happened.

i want other people to know that our idol the prophet is a man who encourages us dudes to please ladies in whichever way possible except through the excrement hole and during red lights. yes of course there are some restrictions there, but wouldn't those restrictions make sense medically anyway, right fuckos? so be creative and forget the restrictions, embrace the gray area. think of all the possibilities. all the lickadingalinglys, all the celestial places we could stick our tongue in, all the yoga karma sutrafying positions we could indulge in, all the ergkh... *entry writing process temporarily halted* dzzzk.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

now that i am back with a wide smile on my face fresh from welcoming some new endorphinic entrants to the pearly gates of my bustyfied mind, i will say to all my fellow muslims:

be cool about shit, yo.