Wednesday, November 05, 2008

nailin' palin

you know doomsday is chillin' just a few tables from you at the mamak when a man named karlmarx hussein osama ops i ment barack hussein obama (what? you mean hussein and osama i ment obama are actually part of his actual name? ..fuck) is about to become the united states president.

here is a man who looks like he's about to do either three things - break into a falsetto and poplock at the same time, leap into a stride and run a cross country marathon with the slightest of ease, or i dunno, sell you a kebab? eheh eheh (nervous laugh).

..and you fuckos made him the fucking president.

oh fuck it, i'm still proud of him. because if you take your time to think about it and examine his face intently, you'll realize (if you're inaccurate enough) that he could look like an indonesian construction worker.

and we all know that indonesian construction workers are CERTIFIED BADASS!

I heard he could speak fluent indonesian too. DOBRAK! crotz banget! jilab! gi sana entot kocheng loe! .. translation = super badass.

puh-puh-puh-plus he listens to hip hop. or at least pretends that he does. i'm pretty sure he's more of an old school motown kinda guy tho. it doesn't matter, both hip hop and motown piss the fuck out of o'reilly and pissing o'reilly off is like having maria ozawa deep throating both mah cawck and marh bawls, always a delight!

i am pretty sure everyone in the non-redneck world are ecstatic that he was rightfully appointed leader of the most powerful nation on earth for at least 4 years.

they must each have their own justificitanizoided reasons too.

i have mine.

so what exactly convinced me that everything will be okay under this kenyan 6000m olympic runner?

it is the fact that he holds dearly to tha 10 commandments. he has a tatoo of it under his medium sized half-kneegrow balls. he knows it by heart and could recite all of it in a rhythmic fashion.

just let me explain, one by one:

COMMANDMENT #1
never let no one know how much dough you hold.
when i look at his scrawny ass, all i could think about is - brudda needs moar soul food, and that haircut couldn't be cheaper.

dude is definitely not flossin'. he looks simple. confirmation of rule number one being heeded.



COMMANDMENT #2
never let 'em know your next move.
he speaks perfect engrish and potrays himself as someone who'll probably end up a decent proper(not propah)-mannered president. little did you know that once he officially becomes president he'll appoint mos def (whoodee whooo) as the CIA head and be like I GOT FOWTAY NATION, READY TAH ROLLLL, SON.



didn't see that comin' didja, certainly not - dude was mad university educated and shit what the fuck yo? yeah well, so was method man and redman in how high, yo.


COMMANDMENT #3
never trust nobody.
just from looking at his nose and lips i could tell that this man trusts no one and nothing but his balls, his cock, ..and his glock.


COMMANDMENT #4
know you heard this before, "don't get high on your own supply".
america generally has always been guilty of this. they usually get high on their own supply before even getting everyone else hooked on it. just take a look at mtv, or shit.


but no worries, obama is about to change all that. it's already in his personaliy. what's the most important thing on earth right now? gas, right? obama don't need no gas. obama don't need no car or no air force one (except maybe err the shoe version), he runs his ass to everywhere. obama is a real man, and half kenyan too.

super hans said it best:
"you got a bloody suitcase on wheels, real men don't get the earth to carry their luggage mate, they carry 'em themselves.."

i know the quote does not even reek a must of exact relevance but you peoples all have diplomas and shit, i'm sure yawll get mah tokyo drift.


COMMANDMENT #5
never sell no crack where you rest at.
no problem. the dude's hometown be around chicago, the home of kanye west, lupe fiasco, and common. i'm pretty sure they'd be too busy searching for plastic bags to assist slippin' on skinny jeans, inventing weird but catchy new ways to let people know where they go back to for eid mubarak (chicago maynnne), and being vegan while pimping knit sweaters to even have time to sell crack.


COMMANDMENT #6
that goddamn credit, dead it.
i know this is taking it way out of context but HE GOTS FOWTAY NATION, READY TO ROLLLL, SON so yes.. china, chigro please, dead it.


and on another note much closer to the context of this commandment, no malaysia you can't borrow republicans to help with the malay redneck campaign. and no porn industry you can't borrow palin, just simply fucking take her and keep her for the sake of penyangak's fantasy of both her, AND tina fey.



COMMANDMENT #7
this rule is so underrated, keep your family and business completely separated.
yeah i mean, it's exasperating enough just to have one black dude join the upper echelon of the system.

didja watch the few moments before his historical speech, his whole family was black.


you know right, once you go black you never go back.

next thing you know the KKK'll be lead by a negro.

hey wait.



(dave chapelle predicted the future, again).


COMMANDMENT #8
never keep no weight on you.
you can't really cap a redneck sniper with an uzi anyway.

he's probably going at it from a conspiracy theory-bait weird and impossible angle while the c.i.a. is aiming at you from space using top secret post-modern satellite smart-hit technology.


COMMANDMENT #9
shoulda been number one to me, if you ain't gettin bags stay the fuck from police.
who needs former-cop bodyguards and the secret service when you've got the zulu nation, nation of islam, 5 percenters, bloods & crips, suge knight, al-qaeda (apparently), and the whole of frickking indonesia, etc. etc. etc. backin' yow ass.

obama is mob deep, he ain't no snitch, dunny.




COMMANDMENT #10
a strong word called consignment.
i'll do the science.

take all the gas from arab countries and there will definitely be a cuntfull of demands for gas from at least ........... the arab countries?




THE END

wahukgkeauga sorry just playing around lah, writing random shit on a shady thursday evening. if you're confused, i was just playin' around with this classic.

4 comments:

shuji okishima said...

gangster dowh no.9!!

hanisss said...

I GOT FOWTAY NATION, READY TAH ROLLLL, SON.

hahahahhahahaa.
funny.

penyangak said...

lalz anutha chapelle classic. tenok x vid bawahs tew.

hanis said...

hahaha sumpah klakaaaaaa!
is that jamie foxx?
ahaaa