pasar ramadhan

pukul 4 petang, aku tengah round-round pasar ramadhan atau nama timangannya param (soalan kuiz: apakah nama pendek untuk kelakuan sembahyang di dalam dorm asrama? jawapannya di akhir entri ini).

kalau kat param nih, aku suka check out gerai yang tak ramai orang. aku ada teori gerai tak ramai orang nih mesti dia jual yang best best maka orang tak berani nak dekat sebab best sangat manakala gerai yang ramai orang nih mesti dia jual yang tak best maka orang ramai berebut sebab kalau tak best mestilah murah. so far, dengan humble nya aku mengaku teori aku belum cukup kukuh untuk dibuat tesis.

aku approach satu gerai nih jual kuih muih. aku berinteraksi dengan salah sorang akak tuh:
"nak tanya boleh?" 
"lima dua ringgit dik" 
"tak, kak, saya nak tanya" 
"yang nih pulak tiga ringgit satu dik, ada ayam, ada daging" 
"bukan kak, saya nak tanya..." 
"apa yang kau nak tanya actually?" 
"saya nak tanya... kat mana pintu keluar pasar ramadhan nih?".

aku dengan akak tuh memandang muka masing masing. aku dengan muka plain. dia dengan muka plain jugak lah, tapi hidung dia mengembang dan menguncup dengan penuh intense.

sejenak selepas sessi daring tadi dia angkat tangan macam nak bagi penumbuk sambil senyum dan berkata:
"dik... dekat tangan akak nih ada satu jari, jari nih ada banyak guna, kadang-kadang kita guna di jalanraya diselangi dengan menekan hon, adakalanya di gunakan di stadium bola untuk menunjukkan bahawa kita merasai pihak penyokong lawan adalah useless, dalam kes sekarang ini, apabila jari yang gatal nak naik nih naik ia akan mengexpress kan perasaan akak terhadap soalan adik tadi...

...


tapi takpe, hari nih akak puasa, maka jari nih kita simpan dulu


..."

"akak simpan jari tuh... ada dividen ke? he he he amirite? amirite? high five? ... err"

akak tuh senyum lagi sambil berkata:
"kuih yang nih, lima dua ringgit, yang nih pulak, satu tiga ringgit, ada lagi satu kuih nih, percuma je, kalau adik nak akak buleh kasi, adik pernah dengar tak?"


"tak"


"ahh, kuih nih datang daripada negara thailand, nama dia ong bak, adik nak?"


"err.. huhu, apa nih kak saya tak faham"


"okay lah macam nih kalau kau tak faham, akak jawap soalan memula kau tadi... di antara setiap gerai yang bersebelahan ada ruang kecik, selain tuh semua gerai nih menghadap jalan yang besar, semuanya boleh digunakan sebagai jalan keluar daripada pasar ramadhan ini. akak harap adik perhati betul betul, sebab kalau adik tak gerak daripada pasar ramadhan ini akak akan bedok adik macam akak bedok semua orang yang cakap cerita the expendables tak best!"


"eh... akak ke yang dok belasah semua critic yang kutuk filem expendables?"


"ya, kenapa?"


"oh nak mintak autograf boleh?"


"boleh"

*akak tuh sign autograph*


"you are my heroine!"


"jangan lupa tunggu sequel filem expendables akak ada buat cameo sebagai penjaja yang suka belasah orang yang selalu tanya soalan bodoh"

hey aper-daa aku mengarut nih, consider this my review of the expendables. i have nothing to say but a movie like it deserves immunity from critics or reviews. it is something you watch and feel with your heart not think about with your brain. terima kasih sylvester stallone, you could be chillaxing not giving a fuck with all that wealth you have but you chose to hustle and try to gather as much action stars as possible into a brotherhood just to entertain us.

anyways, lapar doh, selamat berbuka puasa.

(jawapan kepada soalan kuiz tadi ialah sodorm).

yes sir, i can boogie

last time aku servis kereta aku tak bawak apa-apa takde suratkhabar, ipod battery tak charge, aku tunggu je kat situ tengok orang, tengok kerusi, tengok papan putih, tengok tangga, tengok t.v. eh ada t.v. kenapa aku tak tengok t.v. nih je dari awal. oh yeah, sebab dia tunjuk hitz.tv, bukan aku anti hitz.tv, tapi hitz.tv annoying sebab subtitling dia ada delay kira kekadang kau tengah tengok beyonce tonggek sekali keluar text kat bawah tuh coldplay - shower in the rain. apa lanch. logik ke annoying?

apa point aku tadi, oh yeah, itu dulu, so semalam aku bertekad aku takkan boring tunggu kereta kena servis. malam sebelum hantar kereta aku buat preparation. aku tak pernah habis tengok flight of the conchords so aku download season 2. aku convert movie yang aku tak habis habis tengok lagi nih the englishman who went up a hill but came down a mountain ke format ipod. aku convert jugak the office uk season 1 season 2 and christmas specials sebab nih series yang for some reason aku leh tengok ulang ulang. aku dah set ah nih, macam macam option ada untuk tengok. tuh tak kira lagu-lagu yang aku simpan dalam ipod aku.

keesokan paginya pulak on the way aku angkut surat khabar satu. rasa-rasanya takkan boring lah aku kat kerusi service center tuh. sampai je kat tempat tuh, tunggu giliran. sampai giliran, cakap-cakap, then finally kereta aku telah sedia untuk diservis dan aku buleh mula menunggu.

tiba-tiba aku jalan keluar tempat tuh, duduk kat teksi stand, tahan teksi, pergi one utama. what the fuck.

presenting the malaysian boy who planned an eventful waiting period on the chair but ended up going to a shopping mall.

satu benda dalam ipod tuh yang berjam-jam aku prepare malam tadi aku tak layan. kenapa ini terjadi? ini adalah kerana inilah perangai aku. simple as that.

dalam banyak banyak posisi kat dalam bolasepak, posisi mana yang pemainnya susah nak maintain fitness?

sudah tentulah goalkeeper, sebab apa? pemain lain lari ke sana sini so everytime main bola diaorang dah exercise cukup-cukup. goalkeeper berdiri je mostly so dia kena jaga fitness sendiri even masa tak main bola.

some shit i watched and want to review (and now having already finished typing up the entry, have reviewed)

i realize i watch a lotta shit, almost everything that comes out plus all the backdated shit i checked out for the first time or re-watched. so i gotta filter and here's a select few i decided to pseudo-review just because:

salt
i just got home from watching this. it's a very good action flick, i enjoyed it. romance is usually poorly done in action (and romance) movies thus relationships hardly having any effect. but i somehow felt for angelina and her guy in this one, despite having only a few brief shallow scenes they really seemed in love. i can't really explain it and maybe my judgment is not that good but that's what i felt and it made the movie a bit better cause you are really invested in her bionic woman of a character.

one thing about this movie (and basically most hollywood movies with female action heroes) though, anyone notice how uncool the movements of women-kind are when executing action moves? i'm not being sexist or anything wait i am but yeah that's the truth. this got me wondering whether professionally trained female agents do move like this or if they are more man-like thus cooler. i mean jason bourne looked way smoother and impactful bashing a poor swat unit member with his efficient right elbow while planting a c4 with his tongue despite his lack of angelina jolie's face. another clever observation i have already established and would like to ask my readers about is anyone notice how beautiful i look in this movie? no? well not entirely me, you guys do know my lips are the stunt double for jolie's right?

inception

i watched this movie as soon as it was out. i didn't really notice the pre-release hype and the only information i got about it was through the trailer which i liked very much. that's good, cause a fucking shitstorm graced the internet after everybody watched this shit. it's actually much better to watch anything at all with a clear mind and no trace of pre-conceived notions toxining the brain while experiencing.

on first viewing i found it to be an interesting movie quite beautifully made. nolan is certainly better in the art of big budget movie making compared to his current peers. he balances cgi and traditional effects so well making everything look so seamless, and his use of music is very inspiring. although one thing he's not good at is fight scenes, i remembered the excuse dude is a ninja for the fast cuts on his new take on batman, what's the excuse now? if he can balance the fx he can surely apply the same thing to the editing of action instead of with the exception of the gravity-defying sequence making every shooting and sparring seem so claustrophobic as we are unaware of anything except a few people are having a go at each other.

now as the movie has a vague ending, and like memento, has a trust-unworthy narrator it sparks our imaginations and discussions will arise. i actually like this, i don't particularly like trying to figure out something i just like to read other people's opinions and also annoyingly bug my girlfriend with an endless maze of questions. i think it's fun. i also had a second watch, and it probably maybe gave me a clearer picture of the picture. all in all it's a very well-made movie, no need to put it on a pedestal it's just a summer blockbuster that's all. it's not perfect, in fact i personally think the movie's crutch was it had way too many manual of dream-travelling! (read in a bassy british accented announcing voice for no reason) reading in its dialogue, it was almost like listening to a lecture.


but fuck it, it was a good movie anyway, and the casting was great. they managed to take the two actors from two previous annoying indie movies (500 days of summer and juno) and de-annoy them, although i have to concede those two are not bad actors only given poyo roles before this. the others were perfect though, ken watanabe was hawt, the brit dude (he was bronson in bronson) he was hawt with his hawt accent *swoons* and he had the funniest bits of dialogue, c-murph as usual - beautiful, and leo impressed but basically carried on from his shutter island character (i was slightly disappointed he didn't bring along the boston accent with him gotta light thear boss?).

- what really happened in inception
now this is what i think really happened, if it was all a dream or whatever or whatever. *spoilers* my opinion based on carefully cemented facts stemmed from meticulous examining of every bit from the movie is that none of it was a dream everything was real and they were all just collectively taking mushrooms and taking the piss (so was nolan) wahkugeahhukga.

sex and the city 2
we were fully aware of how offensive this flick is supposed to be especially to arab muslims. so other than my lady being a fan of the sex and the city hbo series, we also watched it to witness for ourselves the shittiness since this franchise has only gone downhill since they made the first movie. what i did not expect was that other things about the movie would irk me to the point of making the offensiveness of yank ignorance seem just mildly annoying. the dialogues were eye rolling material, the jokes unfunny, and the main character puts the poyo in poyo. i wouldn't wanna go into details as there are negative reviews in abundance with better explanated scrutinies. all i have to say is the naively judgmental tone carried by the main character all throughout the fucking movie involving remarks such as it's like they don't have a voice is the most ironic shit ever considering how i would gladly petition for her to be banned from ever having an opinion.

louie

comedian louis ck gets an fx show, bless fx. he's had an experience producing a show before with lucky louie on hbo but this time around he's doing something completely different. this show didn't start so great but it gets better with every episode. i really like how random louie gets with what's happening onscreen and his narrating. it's like a scrapbook of various select scenes from his mind. why i like louie so much is because he is really relatable. i mean i enjoy the great comedians with opinions and shit but ultimately i don't give a fuck about what they think about shit i only enjoy them if they're funny about it and if they're not they're just as annoying as annoying preachers cause when you think about it nothing really matters and there is not much difference between conformity and non-conformity or whatever and whatever and i really give a fuck about fuck all.

that's what i like about louie (other than the fact that he's the most whitest guy ever to use the word nigga and still get the adoration of black folks), just like his routines, he doesn't really try to have a tight grasp on a subject, he's just going with the flow and is comfortable saying things for no reason. if he tries to present any semblance of belief over a matter it would usually vaguefy into obscurity and end with him going whether he means it or not whatever i don't really care. watching his tv show now a few times i was nearly fooled into thinking he's trying to say or express something about something with a directed point of view but in the end he subtly opens it all up by suggesting softly a different angle distorting any understanding we might have developed.

there's a great part from this series in which louie brawls with a right-wing friend over a heated disagreement injuring the dude, and on the way back from the hospital they just nonchalantly trade apologies and then recommence their conversation about what's going on nowadays with their respective families except there were no conversations about it at all prior. he doesn't try to make a case for any side in fact he's not afraid to parody his own flaws. whether we like it or not this is how we co-exist in our daily lives, we can build up something inside our minds so much to the point of as we perceive it at first no return but in the end everything could easily be overlooked by simple gestures of going on with life. i am entertained by escapism from real life, but louie amazingly gives me my escape by turning real life into entertainment. or am i reading too much into it, whatever i don't really care.

city island
this is a great low-key family comedy/drama helmed by andy garcia. i was pleasantly surprised. good acting, good script, good story.

archer (1st season)

i used to be a total hbo-head. but fx is aiming straight for my nonsense and meme-riddled heart and mind what with it's always sunny in philadelphia, louie, and archer which is an animated series about a spy organization. i can't explain it, you have to watch it to fully grasp its unreasonable brilliance. who would've thought a serious recon operative could be a template for so much casually trivial fun. it was so ninja! can't wait for the second season.


the a-team
i was hoping this wouldn't disappoint since the cinema world has already got me kiddy drooling with a-team like flick "the losers", and it didn't! this a-team remake was simply the a-team the series updated to fit the modern times without losing it's magic and charm which is exactly how remakes should be approached. don't expect more than corny (which is good) ridiculous 80s nostalgia shit centered on the camaraderie amongst four colorful characters. what really made a-team a-team were the characters and their interaction with each other. they got it right, and in my opinion even better at times especially with murdoc. i was all giggly like a kid just like when i watched the losers except probably even more since these were familiar characters from my childhood fuck it if they were played by different actors but those actors nailed it! i also laughed loudly every time they are involved in a ridiculous action scene.

i don't really give a fuck if the action scenes don't make sense, four dudes shooting shit from a skydiving tank? four dudes successfully evading being flattened the fuck out by a million falling containers from a giant fucking tanker? why the fuck not who gives a fuck. only one gripe though, it did drag on for a bit and not too second viewing friendly (i still watched it again though) compared to the more neatly-structured the losers.

crocs

selalu aku tengok memana rasa cam ramai je nak kutuk crocs. aku pun tak tahu kenapa. sama ah macam bebudak suka nak kutuk mamat-mamat pakai polo kolar tegak. padahal kau berani kutuk belakang je ada bran kau nak bersemuka dengan brader-brader kolar tegak tuh? wahkuukgea menyalak lebih, sekali abang polo kolar tegak daring mata baru kau tahu erti terkucil, fucking geeks.

anyway, aku lately kaki agak injured so aku kena jaga sikit kaki nih. so aku beli lah crocs, sebelum nih aku tak tersentuh kedai crocs pun sebab mahal kot. tapi kali nih cam agak kena kot for the sake of my kaki. so aku beli ler satu crocs nih, dia bukan cam crocs biasa tuh, dia cam offroad nye crocs, lawa gak ah. aku cakap kau, kaki aku dah tak sakit lagi bila jalan rasa best lak, lagi best daripada pakai kasut b-ball aku yang padding stock untuk kau lompat kat court nba dan disahkan oleh mr. kevin garnett himself.

padding tebal gila wa cakap lu, lagi tebal daripada misai magnum p.i.

malah... lagi tebal daripada... bulu dada magnum p.i.

haha. tapi sebab padding dia yang tebal gila gf ku agak bengang sebab aku nih dah lah tinggi, tambah lagi dengan padding tahap hampir high heels whaukgea. lagi satu kena berhati-hati kat escalator kot kalau pakai crocs sebab ada insiden tuh kan. also kaki cepat peluh, panas gak ah tapi demi kesejahteraan kaki aku nih terpaksa ah. oh and also kena berhati-hati dengan geeks yang kutuk kau dalam hati and twitter diaorang.

babi destinasinya syurga

KUALA LUMPUR 29 April - Seorang usahawan hari ini membuat keputusan untuk memulakan sebuah pakatan baru di dalam dunia politik. Beliau mengakui bahawa niatnya adalah semata-mata untuk memajukan negara ini serta memastikan rakyat hanya menerima khidmat yang terbaik daripada seorang pemimpin.

Apabila diminta untuk memberi ulasan mengenai parti-parti yang akan menjadi pesaing beliau cuma berkata, "Tiada komen".

Selain daripada berikrar untuk hanya membincangkan apa yang beliau dapat sumbangkan kepada kemajuan dan keharmonian negara ini apabila berkempen, beliau juga turut mencabar diri sendiri untuk sentiasa berlaku adil, melakukan perkara yang benar walaupun sukar, serta mendekatkan diri dengan rakyat semampu boleh.

Beliau sedar sebagai seorang pemimpin, majikannya adalah rakyat. Ini menjadikan ianya suatu tanggungjawab yang sangat berat.

"Saya bukanlah seorang yang harus ditakuti rakyat, malah sebenarnya saya yang patut takut dan patuh pada rakyat. Apabila bersalaman dengan anda semua saya akan tunduk tanda hormat.

"Negara ini mempunyai potensi yang sungguh besar. Sekiranya saya dapat kumpulkan pemimpin-pemimpin yang paling ikhlas dan berkemampuan tanpa mengira bangsa atau keturunan untuk mengendalikannya, dengan izin Tuhan kita akan dapat bersama mengejar kemajuan tanpa batas," kata beliau.

Sementara itu, seorang Pakar Psikologi & Psikiatri dibawah Kementerian Kesihatan telah mengesahkan bahawa ahli politik ini menunjukkan sifat-sifat delusi yang ekstrim.

"Prinsip-prinsip yang dia bentangkan jelas bertentangan dengan apa yang telah ditunjukkan dan diajar oleh mereka yang lebih lama di dalam bidang beliau. Bagi saya, dia seolah-olah mahu memulakan sebuah ajaran sesat.

"Saya telah membuat aduan terus dan Ketua Polis Negara akan memulakan penangkapan secepat mungkin. Pemahaman ahli politik palsu ini adalah suatu ancaman. Ini kerajaan Malaysia, kami adil dan saksama, oleh itu si gila ini perlu ditahan tanpa bicara dengan segera," kata beliau.

"Ha. Ha. Ha. GTFO, this is Malaysia, biatch," ulas seorang pemimpin negara yang tidak mahu indentiti beliau didedahkan.

cara-cara mengelak promoters

kalau kau mallrat cam aku and selalu jalan-jalan shopping complex mesti pernah experience promoters kat tepi tuh yang nak suruh kau beli or sign up for something.

usually derang nak bagi flier je but sometimes ada yang persistent gila, bukan aku nak kurang ajar ke apa tapi kekadang aku dah ada pun akan jadi panjang lebar sebab anytime ada respons walaupun respons aku "dah ada" mesti panjang cerita sampai kang benda aku dah ada pun derang nak signup lagi sekali. maybe kalau aku ada dua akaun internet aku leh guna yang satu lagi bila yang aku tengah guna penat? wahkuga.

aku dah devise beberapa cara untuk mengelak diaorang tanpa menghurt anyone's feelings:

1 cepat-cepat keluarkan handphone and buat macam tengah cakap. kalau buleh cipta conversation palsu and dalam conversation palsu tuh kau banyak cakap AA? AAAAA! sebab bila kau tengah mengAAA! dah tentu kau kena mendongak and mendongak lah antara method terbaik untuk effectively ignore dunia yang melingkungi gravity and ultimately diaorang.

2 kalau kau student cepat-cepat keluarkan apa-apa kertas dari file and counter offer apa diaorang offer. just cipta something cam oh yake? apa pula pendapat encik mengenai broadband lalala.

kalau kau nak buat lagi comedic, kau counter offer dengan benda yang sama diaorang offer cam dia cakap encik mau register ini celcom broadband?!?!?! mau?! engkau pun cam encik mau register ini celcom broadband?!?!?! mau?? wtf?

siapa kesah asal kau cakap sambil membelakang and gerak ke arah away dari derang dan ke jarak yang selamat sebab kalau kau perasan semua orang promosi nih ada limit sampai kat satu garisan imaginasi dia akan retreat balik ke 'home' dia. aku rasa derang ada cam boss diaorang on the line walkie talkie kecik kat telinga cam kalau jauh sangat takut management shopping complex marah so boss akan jerit operation promixity exceeded! mission recalled, return to base immediately, over!

3 jerit "manusia bogel!" and tunjuk belakang diaorang, pastuh lari and escape. ini agak kelakar, sebab kau sebut manusia! haha, kalau mamat yang bagi flier tuh laki and dia sempat fikir yang manusia boleh mean either male or female (or both), adakah dia telah make a decent decision untuk pandang kerana decision nya itu boleh menyebabkan dia tertengok konek (and worse, bulu jembut) (and worser, skrotum) laki lain.

aku pun tak tahu, kau kena perhati betul betul lah, kalau pempromosi tuh jenis yang senang didistract taktik nih boleh digunakan.

4 taktik nih cuma akan efektif kalau ada kipas atau angin berdekatan. biasa orang orang promote bende nih akan kasi kertas ke apa ke pasal apa dia nak jual kat korang. so korang stop, amik kertas tuh, tengok jap, buat muka muka ala interested kejap. pastuh dengan penuh timing and precision bila kipas dinding tuh elok-elok je menghala situ terus buat-buat terlepas kertas, terus kertas tuh terbang kau ikut kertas tuh amik. just make sure kipas tuh tak tiup ke arah meja pendaftaran teros sebab in this case aku dah tak leh tolong dah, readykan jelah credit card cecukup.

5 tap dance away to safety?

6 and finally my secret weapon, when all else can't be done, put on a huge smile, cakap "takpe" seribu kali and jalan away.

a loser's review: the losers

two movies were enjoying the hype before the losers was released and i managed to catch both prior to watching it. it was kick-ass and date night.

now kick-ass has been getting a lot of praise. i enjoyed it, a bit, but it was just okay. a few chuckles here and there, a wow during the last scene with that gta-status weapon, a "yeah nicholas fucking cage, biatch!" when nicholas cage arrives onscreen, other than that well it was, alright, i guess.

kids cussing, big deal this is 2010, comical ultra-violence, big deal the koreans and the japs have been doing it since forever. some dude in-movie complaining about why no one normal would just decide to become a super hero in real life one day when he is actually in a comic and in comic world that happens all the time, eye roll material.

truthfully what bothered me was the cussing, it was a bit annoying, and forced as fuck. they needlessly fit in overused cuss words everywhere. kids cussing is cool and all but halfway through the movie it became a chore to listen to. they should've made like the thick of it and hired a british swear consultant to look over the script.

and what is with every single fucking reviewer or pseudo-reviewer i've read going "kick-ass is simply put... kick ass!" (cue me rolling eyes and forcing my imaginary cat to do the same). it was supposed to be comic satire but what satire where?

date night i watched because i had a 2-hour window between ticket purchase and showing time for the losers. it was really meh. james franco and mila kunis were funnier than the leading couple and they had like what just slightly longer than their trailer appearance of screentime? but i'm biased, i don't find tina fey or steve carrell funny. at least not anymore. the movie was really meh despite some nice supporting casts (marky mark, ray liotta, common, liam mcpoyle from it's sunny, even leon from curb was in this!).

this movie was one of those movies where you don't need to watch the movie the trailer would suffice. the whole time steve carrell was on screen i only laughed once and that was because he was exchanging words with franco and franco said something funny and my laugh spilled as the camera cut to steve. the whole time tina fey was onscreen i was thinking about how funnier it would be if it was sweet dee instead.

then it was finally time for THE LOSERS!

i knew exactly what to expect, an a-team kinda shit (how fitting for the a-team remake trailer to come out before the showing). i've read some reviews dismissing it as just another action movie. i don't mind at all, i'm always excited to watch action movies on the big screen.

the opening sequence to set up the story was simple and tight, i loved that and had a small feeling that i would really enjoy this movie but i won't get too excited, i'll judge it when it's finished. true enough, after it ended i couldn't help thinking about how i loved it. this is one movie that i loved so much i'm prepared to just ignore the reviews and actually formulate an opinion totally on my own and stick to it! (*gasp* how could i!) cause you gotta admit not too many people like it. it is, a bit too mindless for your friendly everyday connoisseurs i guess.

but what it did to me was, it made me that small boy again, watching an episode of a-team all by himself, giggling and being all-round giddy. of course a particular unimpressed reviewer did say it panned out like a bad episode of the a-team but when i was a kid i've never not enjoyed any episode of a-team so this is not necessarily the worse thing.

i also don't remember the last time i laughed out loud uncontrollably in a cinema and i went alone. there was this one scene involving the funny white dude, he started with a really funny scene *laughs* follows it with another funny scene *laughs* and ended with a scene that was just too funny i just had to laugh the fuck up. great buildup.

whoever played that guy, he was really good. you will find most stereotype chatty gadget-geek type in movies to be annoying, like seriously annoying, they always over pronounce or overstress intonations when quipping a joke as if smirking to themselves wow i'm so smartalecky and referentially funny but this guy was just naturally and innocently comedic (or genuinely and hilariously geeky). he is also one of the most well built geek i've seen.

the casting was really good, their chemistry made me all warm inside. because i feel this is what makes the movie, i'm gonna do this one by one:

the main good guy leader dude - the first time i saw his eyes i thought he was gonna be good. i didn't realize that he was the guy who acted as the comedian in the watchmen. no wonder he was impressive. he looks like a cross between robert downey jr. and nicholas cage.

the tough black dude - it's STRINGER FUCKING BELL. you can't go wrong.

stringer fucking bell

the funny geek white dude - this guy is classic. i always find the stereotype fast-mouth in post-90s movies annoying and i was ready to write him off, but he proved me wrong. this guy is just too jolly, you'll love him if you love kittens and shit. he's like a mix between donatello and michaelangelo of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

the quiet cool sniper - i always have a thing for the quiet character and this guy was mad cool. and to top it off, he's a fucking badass sniper wahukgea. and to top that off, he's latino. i'm all kiddie mancrush whenever he's on screen.

the sarcastic black dude - this guy is the vehicle expert, i think that's kind of a cool specialty. he's also mad sarcastic, not white boy annoyate inflection when saying something ironic sarcastic, i'm saying he's MAD sarcastic. when he's angry he gets hilariously sarcastic. i think only black people are capable of pulling this off nicely. that might sound cliche but i find that in this movie there is no really cheap exploitation of racial stereotypes, everybody just seemed like themselves.

the chick - she's the chick from star trek and avatar. she fits the character quite nicely. and she's very tanned. i love it when a movie focuses on tanned women instead of over-glorifying some not really that hot white chick ala megan fox. cause come on dawg, seriously tanned women are the height of excellence! i mean, the bees knees.

the bad guy and his henchman - the bad guy is really really funny, and some of the best moments are his exchanges with the grunt assistant.

there are some other characters but these are the notable ones. i think this movie could have easily been just another action movie but they made very good choices with the cast. i mean i am biased due to my nostalgic love of something so old schooly, simple, and a-teamy but if you can diss everything else about the film you definitely can't have anything against the casting, it was very good. and if you do, i don't really give a half-fuck let alone a full one.

the movie's overall production was modernly slick though, a lotta cool music video or advertisement kinda editing mixed in with comic elements. i do enjoy movies that employ such gimmicks especially those parts when they morph actual footage to illustrations but in this case those are just additional joymakers.

notice how i didn't make any mention of and comment on the story line or plot. wahukgea. no need to point out the obvious.

it was just great to feel like a kid again. all it took were cool characters with contrasting characteristics, good chemistry between them, humour, guns, decent action, and the rest will follow.


bonus reviews:
shutter island
really enjoyed this one. very well made. the acting was top notch especially from leo and his sidekick (i liked his accent "need a light, boss?"). also the professor. made me question my sanity for quiet a bit. the storyline might have lost some shock value due to it being overdone but you just need to stop trying to predict or anything just enjoy the ride and take it for what it is.

veronica mars season 1-2
i haven't finished season 3 yet but so far brilliant. i really like it, even went on a binge for a little while. contemporary setting with an old school feel. the joy of finding out what the mystery is all about fuels my interest. and the never ending big lebowski references.

how to train your dragon
surprisingly despite the annoying smart talking geek (yes my point again), quite enjoyable, better than avatar at least.

the slammin' salmon
it was ok. i wish the broken lizard team would just make a super troopers sequel already. that was their best shit and it seems will forever only be.

frequently asked questions about time travel
i might be an anglophile but this is garbage.

something bout the way you do the things you do

in the car on the way home i told myself, penyelamat dunia, never ever even begin to ideate stepping foot in that place again without your girlfriend.

i am a dude, i would break into a drought-relieving amount of sweat if i had to purchase something, especially when i have to choose, even if there was only one choice.

here i was in this restaurant. as it relates so much to choice, i have never been good with menus, i always end up with something the opposite of what i like by my own foolish doing. you have to forgive me, how do you read and begin to understand these things, there are these terms, these technical technical terms, like butter, garlic, mushrooms and what have yous.

i am but a regular guy, there is only one ingredient i am familiar with that comes from the kitchen - food.

in a proper restaurant with so many choices on pages upon pages of... hardened paper?, i am like a woman trying to figure out the right specifications for her future new cpu. yes, exactly. i am flipping back and forth forth and back, this is exactly like me trying to read a book and eventually giving up before finishing the foreword, except right now i am hungry, and the solution lies within this book i am holding on with sheer cluelessness to.

i actually had an agenda. a few months ago me and my cutie went here. the waiter gave some bread as starters and my gf taught me to eat with the two liquid whatever they were on the table. i really liked that and i wanted to taste it again.

don't make that face, i assure you i did not fuck that up. what kinda screwup would i be to fail at getting something that the staff would only stop short of force feeding me. that was nice. the other thing was what my gf ordered. i wanted to taste that again too. now achieving that alone, is the struggle.

my gf was not in the country but i did have my phone with me and i could easily sms or phone her to ask what it was. but there was pressure. i had spent about five minutes just reading everything on the menu trying to figure out what it was and by the time my genius mind finally came up with the idea of basic telecommunications one of the waiters was already standing nearby as if waiting impatiently for my set of command.

of course he wasn't, he was probably just there waiting for an empty glass of ice lemon tea to jollyly refill. and even if he was, who gives a fuck, i am a customer, i can browse the menu as long as i want. but i can't, because i am not normal. and how do you expect me to be calm and collected and to make the right decision, there is an imaginary waiter hissing and clicking his tongue with all the impatience of a traffic jam attendee.

so i made the wrong decision to just follow my gut and point at my (wrong) choice. and i had to finish it. driving home with a glutted belly but unfulfilled taste buds.

all i could imagine as i made the turn to go right back home was the grace of a woman's delicate fingers turning the pages only to browse as she had already made up her mind, her big funky eyes glowing at the ingredients fine written below the fancy names. all alien to me, as alien as aliens.

women don't even need to know what they want, it's their method when being approached with the idea of choice. it's their ability to block out everything and everyone but their mind and modus operandi when dealing with options. when they are looking, and formulating countless separate opinions they are almost floating and gliding from one to the next, back to the one, and then the other. what a sight. so baby, come home quick i miss you.