Friday, November 30, 2007

all you mufuckaz need a beating

Why are people so anal about parking spaces.

I have to park 2 km away from home everyday causa no space near the house.

I have to walk through padi fields, rivers, oceans, constructions, hills, a shit tank, a canyon that is now filled with water etc. just to go from car to house.

A canyon that is now filled with water is something really mystical to me. I've seen it once, and camped besides one. It's kinda cool. Looked like a big lake. But imagine this, beneath the water is a fucking living canyon, I mean like hillsides and all that, with trees and all that. It's like an underwater national park. Like fuh real, that shit just amazed and stay amazezing me. Like fuhreal, daym.

Anyway, yeah. Cunts.

You know how between houses there's like a free space that you can park you car if the porch's full.

The house infronna mine used to be empty I used to park there all the time and all that.

Now a cunt's moved in and shit. It's like she puts a dustbin on that space cause she won't let nobody else park there, as if it's her land and shit. What an asshole.

And her car is so small and shit, plus she barely uses her own porch, fuhreal. What kinda selfish cuntish shit is that. Mufuckaz need to chill and back lay a bit.

Have some fucking niceness in yar fucken hearts for once.


WHAT THE FUCK, happened to niceness?

I'm a nice guy. I always try to give the right amount of change to cashiers. I always give cars the road unlike most cunts. I don't mind a lotta things.

But muthafuckaz except a few don't act the same. What the fuck happened to niceness. All you fucking cunts need to be taught a lesson.

Somebody needs to beat NICENESS into you cunts.

That's what it is.

You just can't expect people to be naturally nice nowadays. You gotta heat up iron and patch it onto they flesh then force them to be nice. You gotta shove a cactus dildo down they throats and all that. BE NICE BITCH.

Like shiiiiit.


Fuckedy fuck.

You mufuckaz really really need to be taught lessons. Fuck a lesson. Lessons.

I'm gonna gather every single cuntish asshole and put them in a pit.

In the pit I'm gonna put in giant robots. Giant unisex rapist robots. With big ass cocks made out of raw uncut splintery diamonds.

And I'm not gonna let anyone out unless they promise to have some fucking niceness.


Sunday, November 25, 2007

jah easy dub

I was watching this friends-on-acid british sitcom Coupling. And despite the fact that it's pretty pretty dope, it had a laugh track. Laugh tracks are generally understandably corny maybe because of the fact that most sitcoms are not funny. At all.

It's love-hate for me though. I love to be told when to laugh, or when a situation's supposed to be funny, cause I'm a lazy thinker. And it does add a bit of livelyness to the shit. But sometimes shit would be a certain type of dope which would render the laugh track as nothing else but annoyance.

For example, League of Gentlemen. They scrapped the laugh track for season 3 and that made it somehow way better. Or shit like The Office (UK) / Extras, it's laugh out loud funny but I would certainly not appreciate it as much if it had a stupid laugh track. Or Curb Your Enthusiasm. Or other that typa shits. Yadadamean?

Forget about it.

Anyway, I've always wondered about the mechanics of a laugh track.

Some sitcoms have very open-ended and scene-responsive laugh tracks. Like in some instances where it's a disaster of a situation and any sensitive being wouldn't be laughing. Buttt, there would always be like 2-3 sick fucks bursting into a faint moment of cackling and then stopping in a fadeout kinda way like 'oh we're not supposed to laugh here? b fuhreal?'.

It got me wondering like mad. If the studios and production houses have meticulous laugh track editors who possess a wide range of royalty free laugh FXs, it wouldn't be much of a problem for me. Technology is magic. I undastand totally.

But what if it's an audience setting. Recorded. Do they cue the audience whenever they are supposed/required to laugh? If so do they inform the audience on what type of laugh it's supposed to be? Or the volume even? Do they like pay a bunch of people to sit in a room and laugh? Or is it like those big ass American sitcoms or Senario where they have a large studio crowd?.

Most importantly, yet again, do they cue the audience?

Like the big APPLAUSE lighty-light sign you always see in movies that have a scene about something involving a studio audience. Or do they just let it be. Or do they let it be at first, and then make laugh track editors edit it a bit so that some appropriate parts get the right kind of laugh and some inappropriate laughs get cut out.

I don't know. I'm just curious, yo.

Aren't eggs just the best. And chicken. And potatoes. Fish in the form of fish and chips. Mmm Mmm Mmm. I'm just hungry right now. Should I get out and get some food? patut ke? aku dah pakai boxers yang aku biasa guna untuk keluar rumah sebab ianya sungguh selesa untuk konek. tapi aku cam malas. Hmm. The world needs me.

But I don't need the world.

Aiyo God, send me to heaven yaw.

I need that shit.


MILF. Hmm. MILF. You're so cute. You're so cute I can't apply you to my figmental sensual escapades. And by that I meant dirty animalistic nihilistic imaginary fuck sessions, wahukukgea.

When I get to heaven. And since we humans love statistics. I might wanna check out my top ranking mind fucks. I wouldn't be surprised by the sheer oddness of it, because I don't usually include celebrities and the atypical porn stars. Yes, I'm very regular. I go for regular girls mostly, from the memory. I'm not gonna talk about this anymore bye (I want to but I don't wanna gross out my 100,000 female readers, no lie, I checked Google Analytics). Whakuguekaga.

Didja guys know there's a dance routine called Wu Tang? Yeah, do the Wu Tang!. Yes, and it's mad mongoloidistic. But what would I know about dancing. I was thinking about posting about it on Rogue Radio until I actually watched a video of it. Sorry doggz, contrived dance fads are mostly fuhhcking lame. The lamest shit.

Hip hop, please stick to b-boys. You've got your own badass dance unit and you keep trying to invent the most retarded-board-room-meeting-invented-simplistic-non-rhythm-having bullshit brushing off our b-boys and b-girls. B-boys and b-girls are broke now. Either that or they have to sell their soul and dance corny with a fake smile wearing moronic looking "hip hop" costumes.

Lil' kids are gettin' into these cuntfucking dance fads. I don't remember me being into all that dance fad bullshit as a kid. Wtf. Or have I been thoroughly cool since my age was a single digit. Man I'm so cool.

Dammit. I'm so cool.


Btw, Coupling was pretty dope innit. It had some cute british females. The psycho one gives me boners for some reason. The three males. One is this typical good propah guy stereotype who can get annoying but sometimes would erupt into cool ass tirades like this one in which he explains the male-porn affinity throughout the ages (triggered by his girl's discovery of his love for lesbian porn and the awkward moments that ensued). Another is his best friend, the creep. Who always has some fucked up as-if-everyone-knows-it termed theories. The third dude, a simpler dude, is the cooler luckier one, with the donkey schlong.

And because I don't feel like ending a post with 'donkey schlong' I'll have to type some more apecrapshit. You know, I have no idea why while typing this post out, I kept mistyping laugh as 'laught' or 'love' throughout it. You won't notice though cause I edited those mistakes. But WTF. WHUT'S THA DEALEY.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

curb your racism, nah fuck that let's go ballistic with racist insults. and 10 years before farhgkin independence

Man, when the blacks moved into Larry David's house I'm like that ma is hot (the one in red), and I was like fuck Larry you should be shagging her instead. Fair enough, since Larry is every man's man, he finally did at the end of Curb Your Enthusiasm season 6. Cheryl can fuck off. Cheryl broke Larry's heart, and if you break Larry's heart, you break every man's heart. But in the end he got a hot momma with a fine ass body. Usually she would walk around the house with her hair tied up and housewife clothes, in the last episode she dressed up PROPAH and I'm like daym daym daym dayyyyym.

LD's latest season dealt with racism a lot. Well, in a way it parodied racism and the paranoias, idiocies, dumbfucking pc-nesses, etcies. that's commonly associated with it.

I like racist jokes. I like racial stereotypes. It fucking tickles my dick. It makes me laugh out loud. Lisa Lampanelli is not the funniest cunt in the world but she makes me laugh anyway causea her no holds barred racial stereotype tit stomping. And ironically, her stand-up shows are pretty prettty heartwarming.

Paul Mooney, jokes are racist as fuck. I FUCKING LOVE IT. Wgeakkhueaga. White folks get made fun of the fuck shit. He does not give a fuck, you fucking slaved my peoples for years this is fucking the least you can do, lemme diss yow ass. Whukgeakhugea. Check him out yaw. YOUTUBE THAT SHIT, aight.

I love racism.

Give me racism for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and supper. And in my hot horlicks.


I love 57, the number, not the 'year' of independence. I think it's a cool number, and that's that. I hated history, the subject, why? Prolly cause it's so fucked up now you'd think the history you're supposed to learn is either a benign cyst, or a sickening one. Or just badly-written fiction to keep the people in a comfort zone like any other history lessons.

So I watched this documentary "sepuluh tahun sebelum merdeka" (10 years before independence).

Content aside, it was a very well-made documentary. Short and cool, mostly interviews-based narration. The creative use of symbolism is dope (like the split screen three malaysians holding placards shit), and the usage of music is just dope, soundtracks combining well with what's on screen CAN make a man piss his eyes for sho'. And The Clash being in the playlist wins my cum everytime.

Content-wise, it's what I wished was taught back in history class. My reaction would be, huh, interesting, as opposed to huh, *scribbles pics of genitals on pad BORING* (or zzz) with the standard syllabus. But you know what it is, propaganda, not propagandhi.

The docu is basically about left-wingaz fighting for everyone to be malay and the country to belong to them, I mean us. Imagine that, everyone being malay. Dopeness.

Sure this is like fucking decades ago, even if they succeded who knows what might eventuate. Corruption, envy, evil, none can escape the temptations and shit.

But you gotta let a brotha have some fockenh fantasy eh.

Imagine that. We're all malay. That yellow fuck with the horizon eyes, he's malay. That hairy darkie, he's malay. That shit brownish moustached dude, he's malay. That latina looking bitch, she's malay. Like daym.

We don't need to make every 'heartwarming' tv ad compulsory to have all three colours anymore. We don't need a token chinese and indian, both speaking in the darndest malay dialect eva heard worse than mainstream film dialogues to be assistants to some supposedly high-ranking malay dude in police movies.

Fuck, I wouldn't be taught by nature, to hate on them chinks and darkies. I'm not saying that's what muh parents or fam taught me, they're cool, it's the environment, it is what it is dunce.

We'd all be malays, focken malays. I don't need to explain to my foreigner friends why we call the chinese, chinese, and the indians, indians. And that, they didn't come from they mainlands, they born here dukes, only they great great great grand don dada came from the mainlands, but fuck that right.

Makes things easy wouldn't it.

And the Gandhi inspired Hartal thingy was dope for sho'. Mufuckaz closing shops for a day and fucking up the economy. Take that you bri'ish cunts! Shove it up yer farhkenh arses.

I mean, all could've resulted in an ALTERNATE REALITY. Where Singapore is a part of us. We're all malays. We all fuck each other and live happily ever after. Deep. Fuhreeal.


I can't describe much more bout the docu though, I'm running out of effort. Alls I gots to say is it's FUCKING DOPE. You expect my level of anttention-span to watch docus? No you don't, bitch. But I finished this one so it must be dope innit?! Yawll should simply be gettin' and watchin' that shit anyway. The director provided like a million links for you to download the 30 minute shit.

If you give me any excuse at all I'm gonna piss on your brain.

And make your hot girlfriend give me brain.

Friday, November 23, 2007

bersih tak bersih

I guess it's now about that time for me to write about current issues, or issue, preferably. BERSIH!

I used to join the Reformasi demonstrations back in the good old days, yes myself it's been nearly a decade ago. Not just the main demonstration in the thick of the city, even the small small ones, and definitely the ones in Anwar's house. Why? Beats me, it was fun though, well I followed muh pops and uncle mostly. Anwar is one funny dude, charismatic for sho', his speeches are the shit, him dissing any politician is the shit. The PAS leaders are jokers too. Maybe that's why.

One thing about Anwar is, he probably was a faggot, most def bisexual. I mean he schooled in MCKK. It doesn't really matter though, he would make a dope leader, cause he can speak like a mufucka, afterall what else does a leader do but speak and make muh country look good, biatch. Nonea that stupid melayu bullshit our Minister of INFORMATION or whuteva pulled.

Plus, it doesn't really matter whether Anwar's a faggot or not, what really matters is, is he the bitch, or the butch? wahkgeuauhkgea.

Back then, the gatherings were chaotic cause SBs (Spesel Brunch) succesfully pulled triggers. I read for this recent Bersih gathering they had some PAS dudes who kept it organized and spotted SBs before anything, that's pretty dope. I guess that's why the fucking water cannons were fired with no cue.

I've never tasted that chemical though, cause I'm a dope rioter, muthafuckah. Wauhkehukgea.

One of the best shit was blocking highways. One demonstration was on the Kesas highway, that was dope. Helicopters flying around and shit. Just chilling on the highway we blocked and shit, that was dope. Why is it dope? Cause I don't know, any instance of anarchy is kinda dope to me, I'm a punk, beatch. Like fuck order fuck law, we blocked the highway yaw!

Anotha dope shit was that biggest one in KL, that ended up with Anwar giving his speech at Masjid Negara. Why? Cause like I said, anarchy, the city stopped for a fucking stadium full of people to do whatever they wanna. What's funny was, my family went there together but I detoured. I went somewhere else first, shopping for shit cause I'm about tah get back to boarding school, I think I bought some toothpaste as well too, gotta have toothpastes, toothbrush I can live without, I can finger myself. Then I got on public transportation and re-joined muh fam and the demonstration shit like it's some picnic, wakhugukea, *whistles*.

Thing is, I could've joined the BERSIH shit for nostalgic purposes but fuck it, I'm too lazy, I'd rather be at home watching Bad Boy Bubby fuck random girls. I guess back then a little part of me did feel that we need change and shit and revolution bla bla hoo haa wee hoo.

I'll stick to UMNO for now though. Cause face it, we're all doomed, nobody can make this country better right now, I'll stick to the corrupt but stable. We need a messiah, but by the time he (for feminists, fuck yawll, HE) appears with a blazing cock wettin' the pussy clit of our nation, it's gon' be too late, it's gon' be doomsday. Doomsday yawll.

And the only way for a revolution to happen is with big ass fucking guns and bombs. Let's kill each other shall we, that's the only way. Destroy, rebuild. But not that I don't appreciate all the whining, the whining keeps the corruption at least on a controllable level.

Man fuck it corruption is a requisite. Who gives a fuck, Dr M was corrupt as fuck but he did okay, this country was cool.

Idiocy is the pro'lem. Fuck man when I heard that Minister of INFORMATION or something chop his own head off and run naked around the Al-Jazeera office I was like fuck dude gotta put a hit on this dude, WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING? Fuck that, we need smooth talkaz up in this muthafuckah. Yo Pak Lah get yow shit togeva, hire some cool dudes, preferably with a cockney accent so we can say fuck and they won't know it. Fahcken sloppy wankazhz.

Fuck man.

I can't handle kids, I'm not good with kids.

There's three things that can help me get pussy that i just can't do or am not good at, carrying a book around / clubbing / being good with children. Okay maybe we can add losing fat to that list too.

What if i told you just now i was driving in the hood and a latina looking gurlie was walking in the opposite direction. and she was mad hot.

Man stick to the topic, back to the matter at hand. Kids.

What if I hooked up with this mad fine chick then she takes me to her parents and turns out she has like fucking 50 small nieces and they all scatter around me, what the fuck would I do? Make funny faces is all I could think of.

I'm gonna be trapped. The jealous ex-bf will be there as well cause it's like an open house or something. He will suddenly approach the kids and then charm them like a mufucka. Muh girl's parents'll be like fuck our daughter's bwoy is such a losah. He ain't no shotta. Fuck hell what do I do in this situation, do I act like I can handle children then fuck it up. Like start talking to one of them, and then one of them start going about how cool the transformers movie was, and I be like "fuck that, sonn" and I just screw up. Fuck this, sonn, I'm doomed.

Latina girl. Daym where does she fucking live? Daym.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

semalam penat duh

korang suka tak drive kat jalan lama? i mean jalan highway lama yang takde tol yang ada dua lane jeh tuh? aku takut doh drive kat jalan lama, aku selalu drive slow gila, ye ah banyak driver lubang buntut, kadang kadang aku tengah drive ada lori tengah potong lori wtf kimak aku lak kene slow tunggu kau masuk lane kau. takpun motor, bodoh nye motor, semua tak geti nak bawak kat lane sendri, boleh boleh nak amek lane aku, kote kau. aku takut, bodoh.

aku tak tau ah camna orang dulu dulu survive dengan lane camnih. dulu parents aku salu balik kampung lalu jalan lama, sebab time tuh dari jb ke semban mana ada highway plus lagi doh. gila doh, sikit sikit kena potong lorry, siapa leh tidur doh dalam keadaan macam tuh, aku jarang tidur doh dalam keadaan macam tuh.

memang lah buleh buat jalan lama selamat sikit, tapi buat apa nak amek risk tuh doh? kalau camtuh nanti semua orang ikut jalan lama, sape nak bayar tol? sape nak bayar duit kita pegi bulan? kalau tak pergi bulan camna nak jadi negara maju? doh?

kalau tak jadi negara maju, camna nak dapat kerajaan yang bagi duit kat orang orang unemployed, aku nak jadi unemployed tapi dapat duit benefit doh. pegi kelas carik kerje je setiap hari doh. kalau tak maju, mesti tak dapat keje supermarket tapi buleh idup selese, asal tak buat anak ah.

kalau dah tau diri tuh takde punca duit yang boleh arap, TAK GETI PANCOT LUAR KEH? okay ah mengaku aku takde pengalaman leh lah cakap, mesti mamat tuh cam cakap, KAU INGAT SENANG KE NAK BUDGET PANCUT LUAR? ENDORFIN TENGAH DIPAM BERTUBI TUBI KAT OTAK KAU INGAT SENANG KE NAK CONTROL? BANGKUNG? okay ah aku faham perasaan kau mamat, tapi pakai lah condom, pastuh dia cakap KAU INGAT BEST KE PAKAI CONDOM? okay ah aku bleh cuba faham lagi perasaan kau. tapi takyah ah romen, pastuh dia cakap HABES KONEK AKU DAH STIM, LAGIPUN AWEK AKU NYMPHO.

awek kau nympho, meh sini pass kat abang. hi nama awak siapa? bra saiz berapa. mesti awek tuh cam pissed off bila aku tanya bra saiz berapa. padahal dia nympho.

kelakar kau dunia. puki ah.

anttention span aku hebat. aku try lah baca buku nih aku baru beli. aku baca cam satu page pastuh tidur jap, lelap mata jap, baca satu lagi dengar orang berbual jap. bookmark aku dah macam WOW AKU LAH BOOKMARK YANG PALING KERAP DIGUNAKAN DI MUKA BUMI. TAHNIAH SYABAS PENYANGAK SYABAS! KAU HEBAT, KEMMAK LU CAMNA LEH HEBAT CAMNIH? SIAPA TOK GURU? BOOKMARK LAIN MESTI CAM CEMBURU DENGAN AKU, TERIMA KASIH AH PENYANGAK! MAKASEH! CIBAI KAU!

sarkastik punya bookmark.

sebenarnya bookmark aku sekeping 5 ringgit. yelah manalah tau kau takde duit tapi kau bawak buku kau, kau perlu duit, emergency, sebab ada awek lawa cam nampak kau pastuh cam "hi, i will love you if you give me 5 bucks right now". like yo.

5 ringgit tuh pulak datang dari paket paket duit raya yang aku tak bagi! whaukgeukagukaeukgea. konon nak bagi duit raya kat orang datang rumah, sekali semua orang lain dah bagi, cam malas ah pulak, lagipun aku malas. malas. malas.

aku bukak balik semua sampul tuh aku masukkan balik dalam wallet! wakwahgegeakueHAUKWAHKUGEUKAHGEUKA what the fuck.

Friday, November 02, 2007

don't curb your gasanalism, let that bitch go and let the world know, how the insides of yow ass smell like

Yesterday I was staring at the screen not knowing what to do with it hand and fingers stiff on the mouse, then I felt something coming and.. and.. and.. I sneezed & farted simultaneously, that felt pretty good, preeeetty good, preeeeeeetty good.

Shooting cum to a proper ladies' face is the zenith of manhood, the claim of superiority & dominance over that particular dame, fox, gal, femme, etc. The white soya bean quality of your penilis fluidis represents the unity of your army of supremacy. Your private & personal marine corp, relieved of their generic duty of going from air force to naval for a more noble one of air force to land soldier. Soldier! Take-over! the nose! the eyes! the cheeks! the lips! and occasionally, hair. No weaponry needed, the mere presence warrants a claim of authority, lordship.. total supremacy.

It's true though. If I hate some kind of women, I would imagine cumshotfaceher to be really really pleasurable as me putting that beatch down, yo. I got you mufuckuh, you snobbish arrogant think-you-hot muthafuckah.

Yargkh, my imagination is held accountable for keeping my reality sane.

Never blame video games for violent, rather lack-of.

Never blame songs for suicide, rather lack-of.

Always blame lame bands for the lack of suicides, crucify them, ostracize them - for the over-population of lame white boys with super lame dressing sense is the cake taker of doomsday prophecies.

If we walk right up to the sun, would it be in an area 51 studio on a drift of moon trip dejavu?

No matter how much I crap, I will make it obligatory to pretend that I am not crapping by using a pretentious style of writing.