Every morning, I mean afternoon, I mean ergkh evening when I take a shower, I would bend down to look at the short-ass Malaysian mirror and just stare at my face. And I'll be like yo that's a good looking dude right there like DAYUM, cute handsome pretty macho whatever whatever, he's got it. I'll be straightening up myself again and be like DAYUM and then I'll take a mean shit. You see, yeah it's true, I'm good looking as a mufuckah but why do girls not fall in love with me? I'm good looking as a butterfly who hasn't been crushed by the curious grip of a dennis the menace hereditaried child. I'm good looking as a muthafuck.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make myself look better or maintain a high self-esteem, none of that bullshit, it's just the truth. My point is actually, that wimmin have fucking bad taste (I hear "word up" from dudes everywhere). Fucking bad taste. Look at the music and movies yawll be all up into, and the kind of shit yawll be up into, what the fuck. Yawll have major bad taste. And I mean I don't wanna generalize but that's the truth. Then again the music the movies the whatever the whatever it's all subjective but when a heavenly soul like me is single and not loved by wimmin all over at least this country something is EVIDENTLY wrong with them tastebuds of wimmin.
Wimmin, get your shit togeva.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
destination ruby soho
God gave me three chances to find a girlfriend. School, university, and mirc. In school I was too stupid and blur to react when this one chick who had mad body (mantap in bahasa melayu), firm tits an all'at was interested, you lost son. I slept too much in class, some girls might find that cool but I was too slow to react. I lost. In university I lost again, I didn't go too classes, some cases I won't go to a class for a whole semester and still pass cause I got good friends who will sign for me and fill me in on assignments and shit, then again I still lost. I might've had some sweet moments playing games and football in the evening, going to hardcore gigs and other stupid shit malay dudes do in university but I still lost, no pussy for me. Mirc came and went, I got a chick who I actually went out on dates with and called my girlfriend then she played me, got this other chick who I totally did not meet in real life which does not count, they both was playin' it was stupid now I lost again. Mirc is dead now, it's still there but it's dead, kinda like hip hop, well it's not really dead, just irrelevant. Now we have instant messengers and friendster myspace what whatevers, it's hard to have a game in this shit cause first off you actually have to put pictures on your shit nahmean, in mirc you don't have to have pics, you just ask a girl out and she's stuck with your ugly ass for a day wakhugnjkuhga or she'll be cybersexing with a jabba the hut she won't know it. You also have to be very clever at playing the game, you see chicks in mirc all day in channels they're always there but with these new more personal shit shit you have to time everything right, you can't private message them too much, and tha'ts just yeah bla bla.
There's some advantage to being a big ass fat muthafuckah, like people remember you, I'm not too friendly but people will remember me, some people I have only chilled with once remember my name even. There is a disadvantage, people will stare at you for no reason, in this country people are small so they stare at you, especially when you're carrying a big ass cpu across a hotel and a mall, they stare and stare at you. I mean me. One dude was staring at me for a minute, I'm threw the cpu at him, he kept on staring, with blood on his face and all. I took the cpu and walked away. I looked back he was still staring. So I went to the atm machine to check out hot chicks, I just love hot malaysian chicks. Another advantage is you know in malls you have those dudes and dudettes who give out flyers, they usually wouldn't dare to give it to you, either that or they think I'm poor and can't afford the spectacles they're offering, oh wait I don't wear glasses, maybe that's why, hmm, on another note, one time a taxi driver told me I needed to swim and that was the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me - to my friends who were sitting at the back, laughing in their minds, I can hear you assholes, assholes.
I used to have a tuition teacher who looked like Elvis. I think I've storied this before but just be a nice human and pretend I haven't. He was the funniest dude ever, stuck in the past and shit, she asked us if we had a kugiran, yes no one not trying to be ironic use that word anymore kumpulan gitar rancak, he said he used to be in one. He was also a charmer knows how to speak to your parents and shit. Unlike the other tuition teacher who was a square social inept dude but can really teach and make sure you get your shit togetha. Elvis dude was a conman, who just ran away with my parents tuition fees. Gotta thank square dude for makin' my spm grades quite respectable, dude actually gave a fuck about some negros.
The funniest thing about elvis dude was he would teach me biology by reading through book. It'll be like he reading fotosintesis adalah makanan ruji terhadap enzim enzim yang berada di kulit rama-rama then I'll be like macamana tuh? for no reason other than I'm sleepy and be like whatever let me off already I wanna go to mirc and cybersex some random chick already then he'll pause for a while (reading the next sentence and memorizing it OF COURSE), then he would read the next sentence to me but as if he's not reading and he's actually saying it wakguaeuhgeahkkuhga you get me? I'm like duh we're reading the same big ass book here, wtfz?! wuhakhugehahgaeuga you get me? wtf that's the funniest shit everr.
There's some advantage to being a big ass fat muthafuckah, like people remember you, I'm not too friendly but people will remember me, some people I have only chilled with once remember my name even. There is a disadvantage, people will stare at you for no reason, in this country people are small so they stare at you, especially when you're carrying a big ass cpu across a hotel and a mall, they stare and stare at you. I mean me. One dude was staring at me for a minute, I'm threw the cpu at him, he kept on staring, with blood on his face and all. I took the cpu and walked away. I looked back he was still staring. So I went to the atm machine to check out hot chicks, I just love hot malaysian chicks. Another advantage is you know in malls you have those dudes and dudettes who give out flyers, they usually wouldn't dare to give it to you, either that or they think I'm poor and can't afford the spectacles they're offering, oh wait I don't wear glasses, maybe that's why, hmm, on another note, one time a taxi driver told me I needed to swim and that was the funniest thing anyone has ever said to me - to my friends who were sitting at the back, laughing in their minds, I can hear you assholes, assholes.
I used to have a tuition teacher who looked like Elvis. I think I've storied this before but just be a nice human and pretend I haven't. He was the funniest dude ever, stuck in the past and shit, she asked us if we had a kugiran, yes no one not trying to be ironic use that word anymore kumpulan gitar rancak, he said he used to be in one. He was also a charmer knows how to speak to your parents and shit. Unlike the other tuition teacher who was a square social inept dude but can really teach and make sure you get your shit togetha. Elvis dude was a conman, who just ran away with my parents tuition fees. Gotta thank square dude for makin' my spm grades quite respectable, dude actually gave a fuck about some negros.
The funniest thing about elvis dude was he would teach me biology by reading through book. It'll be like he reading fotosintesis adalah makanan ruji terhadap enzim enzim yang berada di kulit rama-rama then I'll be like macamana tuh? for no reason other than I'm sleepy and be like whatever let me off already I wanna go to mirc and cybersex some random chick already then he'll pause for a while (reading the next sentence and memorizing it OF COURSE), then he would read the next sentence to me but as if he's not reading and he's actually saying it wakguaeuhgeahkkuhga you get me? I'm like duh we're reading the same big ass book here, wtfz?! wuhakhugehahgaeuga you get me? wtf that's the funniest shit everr.
Monday, September 24, 2007
your mum buys your bling
"now i got the whole world swinging from my nuts, damn it feels good to be a gangsta" - geto boys
Man Utd kalahkan Chelsea nampaknya, tapi Chelsea main 10 orang ah.
Masa mamat ref tuh bagi kad merah aku dah dapat baca mulut dia "this one's for the special one"
Obi Mikel memang ah tak tackle kad merah tapi mamat tuh cibai kia. Aku rasa penyokong Chelsea pun benci dia. Padan dengan muka kau dan rambut rumput tebal kena tiup angin kau.
Chelsea dah jadi milik Abramobic sepenuhnya, mulai sekarang nickname sudah menjadi nama betul - Chelski.
Chelsea akan menang semua perlawanan dengan pertolongan topi besar orang Russia tuh.
Man Utd kalahkan Chelsea nampaknya, tapi Chelsea main 10 orang ah.
Masa mamat ref tuh bagi kad merah aku dah dapat baca mulut dia "this one's for the special one"
Obi Mikel memang ah tak tackle kad merah tapi mamat tuh cibai kia. Aku rasa penyokong Chelsea pun benci dia. Padan dengan muka kau dan rambut rumput tebal kena tiup angin kau.
Chelsea dah jadi milik Abramobic sepenuhnya, mulai sekarang nickname sudah menjadi nama betul - Chelski.
Chelsea akan menang semua perlawanan dengan pertolongan topi besar orang Russia tuh.
Friday, September 21, 2007
you dare to look me in the eyes, choose him over me, is better than text messages
Korang semua tahu aku suka korek telinga aku dah cakap banyak kali tapi sebelum dua hari lepas dah lama aku tak korek telinga. Sekali aku godek laci mak aku pastuh cilok cotton bud dia segenggam, aku korek sambil tengok tv. Memang takde bende best kat tv, bila ada bola aku pulak yang takde kat depan tv pantek betol, ada je kene pegi mana mana what the fuck. Sebelah tangan je cukup nak korek telinga, sebelah lagi pegang remote. Fuh, best tuh best sebab dah lama tak jolok tapi rasa lain sebab, yeah sebab taik tuh warna coklat cadburrys punya kaler, ini memang jelas stok dah lama gila tak korek punya hasil, fuh rasa lega dan best, nak bau tak buleh pasal bau taik telinga tak se-best taik hidung, tak feel. Sekarang buleh turun bawah. Oh aku korek telinga lepas dah berbuka puasa okkeh jangan maen gila.
Aku belum beli baju raya, aku dah tinggalkan zaman baju melayu aku guna je baju yang wajib tempah masa konvo dulu. Sekarang aku beli baju biasa je, sebab selesa dan bak kata aku dalam keta aku dah disown culture baju melayu sebab material dia hagam tak selesa. Aku pun tak faham. Maybe nanti bila aku jadi perdana menteri Malaysia aku tukar semua bende, menteri-menteri yang kena pegi meeting luar negara kena represent to tha fullest dengan memakai kain-kain pelekat dan pagoda. Kita kumpul tukang-tukang jahit terhebat senegara dan bagi budget sikit suruh derang invent kain pelekat yang gempak, yang ada poket, yang ada tempat letak tali pinggang, yang ada tempat letak pistol, dengan kat belakang buleh sangkut sniper sebijik.
Pasal aku rasa kain pelikat cool.
Samurai pakai apa? Lebih kurang cam kain pelekat kan. Pagoda tuh semua optional, kau nak pakai jersey Chelsea pun suka hati kau ah, itupun kalau korang belum tukar kelab sebab Mourinho dah chow. Apa guna Chelsea kalau takde manager gempak macam Mourinho, aku dengar manager baru kroni Abramovich, tak lama lagi semua player Chelsea kena bela misai Stalin.
Semua orang perlukan seseorang. Aku perlukan awek nama Coko penyanyi utama dalam group SWV dengan Shanice untuk nyanyi kat aku sambil diarang bugil slow slow. Whkaugnjn,avkja. Mereka sungguh cumil what the fucking hell. Aku cakap pasal nyanyian. Serious.
AKU SERIOUS DAH BOSAN DENGAN 4-5-1. Daripada zaman bila Man Utd dah main main dengan formasi tuh apa hasil? Tak pernah ada hasil yang bagos, jadi hopefully dengan Saha dan Rooney dah balek silalah guna dua striker. Sorry ah Giggs memang player yang mula mula buat aku nak sapot man utd masa aku muda dulu tapi sekarang dia dah nyanyuk dapat bola je dia pass kat player lawan. Sorry ah Giggs, aku kena cakap Welsh ah kat sini sebab dia my Welsh bredren. Uhuk. Uhumm. Oi Giggs, gakhkha wuyu iaiadj ailailw hdhdhd wuwuuuuu jvbuipq kasam, Giggs u mndqo ppp oi oi ksaksks kfkfla, okay? kskjdf aaal fjfjfjf lalalala jffueue iaiaiao aiwiiwa nfa analks alksks ksa iiw wqoiwqoi oiw iasi asiasoiwoqi qwio wqio asioasio aoa ioaioas ioas asioias ioasasioqwioq wioqw oiqw ioqiosaio saoias qwoi qwi nfda nfnjg ng utur rup qpiwqipq f, I mean wakl uo awowqo nadnme,mqjkkjqf fefe, but you know what it is, it is what it is, it's aljks q qoiw ankndm,aijlqweqoi qnklsdoioq eoieq kndalkladqoiwe qioqio qioo wqiwq, huaua aiioa awoiawi oao afnsdmnm qoiqwf laknanla lakna wash yow goddamn neck waufak anjasm, am,asohqwo qoiqjl a, as,n aoiq oiq qn,alnadfo eqoieq e jn df,m df,m qeoiqowe iq dsajnd nad,noqie qeoi dajkl dajqeio eqdnj danlqeoihe qol dsj,n aqeohi eqoiudajn danad lj dajl qeoi qedal adl,j ihqeoeq odasja, okay I guess that's all I gotta say Giggsy, and always remember qhafauh ohaqoouq haujka hja homie! BEST TAK ENTRY MACAM NIH KAKAK EDAH? WKAHGKAEUKHGEUKAGHKUAEHGKAUHKGA.
Aku belum beli baju raya, aku dah tinggalkan zaman baju melayu aku guna je baju yang wajib tempah masa konvo dulu. Sekarang aku beli baju biasa je, sebab selesa dan bak kata aku dalam keta aku dah disown culture baju melayu sebab material dia hagam tak selesa. Aku pun tak faham. Maybe nanti bila aku jadi perdana menteri Malaysia aku tukar semua bende, menteri-menteri yang kena pegi meeting luar negara kena represent to tha fullest dengan memakai kain-kain pelekat dan pagoda. Kita kumpul tukang-tukang jahit terhebat senegara dan bagi budget sikit suruh derang invent kain pelekat yang gempak, yang ada poket, yang ada tempat letak tali pinggang, yang ada tempat letak pistol, dengan kat belakang buleh sangkut sniper sebijik.
Pasal aku rasa kain pelikat cool.
Samurai pakai apa? Lebih kurang cam kain pelekat kan. Pagoda tuh semua optional, kau nak pakai jersey Chelsea pun suka hati kau ah, itupun kalau korang belum tukar kelab sebab Mourinho dah chow. Apa guna Chelsea kalau takde manager gempak macam Mourinho, aku dengar manager baru kroni Abramovich, tak lama lagi semua player Chelsea kena bela misai Stalin.
Semua orang perlukan seseorang. Aku perlukan awek nama Coko penyanyi utama dalam group SWV dengan Shanice untuk nyanyi kat aku sambil diarang bugil slow slow. Whkaugnjn,avkja. Mereka sungguh cumil what the fucking hell. Aku cakap pasal nyanyian. Serious.
AKU SERIOUS DAH BOSAN DENGAN 4-5-1. Daripada zaman bila Man Utd dah main main dengan formasi tuh apa hasil? Tak pernah ada hasil yang bagos, jadi hopefully dengan Saha dan Rooney dah balek silalah guna dua striker. Sorry ah Giggs memang player yang mula mula buat aku nak sapot man utd masa aku muda dulu tapi sekarang dia dah nyanyuk dapat bola je dia pass kat player lawan. Sorry ah Giggs, aku kena cakap Welsh ah kat sini sebab dia my Welsh bredren. Uhuk. Uhumm. Oi Giggs, gakhkha wuyu iaiadj ailailw hdhdhd wuwuuuuu jvbuipq kasam, Giggs u mndqo ppp oi oi ksaksks kfkfla, okay? kskjdf aaal fjfjfjf lalalala jffueue iaiaiao aiwiiwa nfa analks alksks ksa iiw wqoiwqoi oiw iasi asiasoiwoqi qwio wqio asioasio aoa ioaioas ioas asioias ioasasioqwioq wioqw oiqw ioqiosaio saoias qwoi qwi nfda nfnjg ng utur rup qpiwqipq f, I mean wakl uo awowqo nadnme,mqjkkjqf fefe, but you know what it is, it is what it is, it's aljks q qoiw ankndm,aijlqweqoi qnklsdoioq eoieq kndalkladqoiwe qioqio qioo wqiwq, huaua aiioa awoiawi oao afnsdmnm qoiqwf laknanla lakna wash yow goddamn neck waufak anjasm, am,asohqwo qoiqjl a, as,n aoiq oiq qn,alnadfo eqoieq e jn df,m df,m qeoiqowe iq dsajnd nad,noqie qeoi dajkl dajqeio eqdnj danlqeoihe qol dsj,n aqeohi eqoiudajn danad lj dajl qeoi qedal adl,j ihqeoeq odasja, okay I guess that's all I gotta say Giggsy, and always remember qhafauh ohaqoouq haujka hja homie! BEST TAK ENTRY MACAM NIH KAKAK EDAH? WKAHGKAEUKHGEUKAGHKUAEHGKAUHKGA.
Thursday, September 20, 2007
if i ever get to sweden tell the german chicks ill brb
IF I EVER GET I
You know your mind is missing movies when you start dreaming in screenplays. Remember that british movie love, actually where they follow different characters in different situations/places? Something like that was my dream a few days ago, it was bizarre, it was like I'm watching with my eyes only an inch from the screen - a stupid artsy fartsy movie that follows 50 characters every 20 minutes one-by-one back to that back to this back to that again bla bla bla. I'm not supposed to dream shit like this, I mean where the fuck did this come from?. Yes I've been abandoning movies for Entourage a month ago and then 70's show episodes watched in order recently. I also realized after watching 70's show systematically that I've watched nearly all of it in the past though not in the best order.
In another dream, throughout the whole thing I had The Clash - tommy gun playing in my mind. It's funny cause I don't listen to that song much and I don't even remember how it goes but somehow my subconciousness seems to remember every bit of it and pitched it to the music director of my dream who approved it as the score. Maybe my subconciousness is crying out to me telling me I've been abandoning it, like "doggy, you been slackingj oireaidxcnou jehla j n2 31ds cj;a.
You know you're old when you're watching 70's show and you're siding with Red all the time. I remember clearly a few years ago when I was watching Eric wanting to marry Donna, I was all go Eric go for the sake of love, but watching it now it's like yo Eric you a dumbass. How about when Donna was supposed to go for college and Eric in his heart wanted Donna to not get on the bus. Donna eventually out of her own will did not get on the bus. Back then it was like awwwww how lovey dovey, now it's like Donna you're a dumbass. Only now do I get to understand the parents, now you understand why young people are fucking idiots. Dumbasses. [red]Your ass is vacant and my foot is looking for a room[/red]
IF I EVER GET II
This one is for this month's feel. Back in the days there was this Imam dude, he had a Neighbour. During his time you can't get caught drinking so Neighbour dude drank privately while singing drunkfully ohhh theyyy abandonn meee theyy abandonnn meee.. if only they knew what theyyy abandonnnnneddd (well something like this). I mean nobody should be able to hear him but Imam dude did as you know these were in those old ghetto housing estates where people lived close to each other.
Neighbour dude would sing each time he gets drunk, usually after work, and Imam dude would listen except one day when it was all silent.
Imam dude was curious so he went to the mosque (if I'm not mistaken) and asked about. Dudes around the mosque was like yo Imam dude, Neighbour dude got taken captive by the guards yo, he got caught drinking and shit.
Imam dude was like okay, he got on his mule and went straight to the Khalifah's palace. I mean during these times they had a million guards surrounding the palace which would be situated in the middle, but Imam dude was so powerful and respected they would let him ride straight through to the Khalifah. Fuck it's like me driving my car straight to Pak Lah's room, that's how much respect everybody had for Imam dude. I'm like damn, this Imam dude.. he's the shit! He ain't nuthin', just a modest dude with a lot of knowledge, he don't got no fancy position or connections, he's his own man, his own boss, but everybody respects him like a mufucka. Straight to the Khalifah homie, the Khalifah is his homie? You got connections? Well he got more connections.
Okay too much there back to the story .. so Imam dude was like yo Khalifah let go of my neighbour. The Khalifah was like yo, you got it Imam dude. Dapped it up. Imam dude picked up Neighbour dude on his mule. Neighbour dude was like wtf what's up?
Imam dude said something which goes something like "Yo, have I abandoned you?"
Neighbour dude was like, dayummmmmmmmmmmm. From that day on he stopped drinking, he's happy now. He a good muslim now, boi.
THE END
So you see I know it's a simple story but to me the most important thing is the gestures. Imam dude is a fucking IMAM, yet he is the opposite of the majority of muslims you know in this world. You would think an imam would tell a drunk that he's going to hell and should stop fucking drinking or his ass gettin' beat. Or simply just report him to the authorities. But fuck me, he got dude out of jail, and he didn't even say a word to dude about his drinkly habit. Level of judgmentaliting - 0, level of religious ass analness - 0, level of religious annoyance - 0, level of coolness - 100%. Who is this imam dude? well he is only one of the infamous four imams of Islam, his name Nu'man.
You know your mind is missing movies when you start dreaming in screenplays. Remember that british movie love, actually where they follow different characters in different situations/places? Something like that was my dream a few days ago, it was bizarre, it was like I'm watching with my eyes only an inch from the screen - a stupid artsy fartsy movie that follows 50 characters every 20 minutes one-by-one back to that back to this back to that again bla bla bla. I'm not supposed to dream shit like this, I mean where the fuck did this come from?. Yes I've been abandoning movies for Entourage a month ago and then 70's show episodes watched in order recently. I also realized after watching 70's show systematically that I've watched nearly all of it in the past though not in the best order.
In another dream, throughout the whole thing I had The Clash - tommy gun playing in my mind. It's funny cause I don't listen to that song much and I don't even remember how it goes but somehow my subconciousness seems to remember every bit of it and pitched it to the music director of my dream who approved it as the score. Maybe my subconciousness is crying out to me telling me I've been abandoning it, like "doggy, you been slackingj oireaidxcnou jehla j n2 31ds cj;a.
You know you're old when you're watching 70's show and you're siding with Red all the time. I remember clearly a few years ago when I was watching Eric wanting to marry Donna, I was all go Eric go for the sake of love, but watching it now it's like yo Eric you a dumbass. How about when Donna was supposed to go for college and Eric in his heart wanted Donna to not get on the bus. Donna eventually out of her own will did not get on the bus. Back then it was like awwwww how lovey dovey, now it's like Donna you're a dumbass. Only now do I get to understand the parents, now you understand why young people are fucking idiots. Dumbasses. [red]Your ass is vacant and my foot is looking for a room[/red]
IF I EVER GET II
This one is for this month's feel. Back in the days there was this Imam dude, he had a Neighbour. During his time you can't get caught drinking so Neighbour dude drank privately while singing drunkfully ohhh theyyy abandonn meee theyy abandonnn meee.. if only they knew what theyyy abandonnnnneddd (well something like this). I mean nobody should be able to hear him but Imam dude did as you know these were in those old ghetto housing estates where people lived close to each other.
Neighbour dude would sing each time he gets drunk, usually after work, and Imam dude would listen except one day when it was all silent.
Imam dude was curious so he went to the mosque (if I'm not mistaken) and asked about. Dudes around the mosque was like yo Imam dude, Neighbour dude got taken captive by the guards yo, he got caught drinking and shit.
Imam dude was like okay, he got on his mule and went straight to the Khalifah's palace. I mean during these times they had a million guards surrounding the palace which would be situated in the middle, but Imam dude was so powerful and respected they would let him ride straight through to the Khalifah. Fuck it's like me driving my car straight to Pak Lah's room, that's how much respect everybody had for Imam dude. I'm like damn, this Imam dude.. he's the shit! He ain't nuthin', just a modest dude with a lot of knowledge, he don't got no fancy position or connections, he's his own man, his own boss, but everybody respects him like a mufucka. Straight to the Khalifah homie, the Khalifah is his homie? You got connections? Well he got more connections.
Okay too much there back to the story .. so Imam dude was like yo Khalifah let go of my neighbour. The Khalifah was like yo, you got it Imam dude. Dapped it up. Imam dude picked up Neighbour dude on his mule. Neighbour dude was like wtf what's up?
Imam dude said something which goes something like "Yo, have I abandoned you?"
Neighbour dude was like, dayummmmmmmmmmmm. From that day on he stopped drinking, he's happy now. He a good muslim now, boi.
THE END
So you see I know it's a simple story but to me the most important thing is the gestures. Imam dude is a fucking IMAM, yet he is the opposite of the majority of muslims you know in this world. You would think an imam would tell a drunk that he's going to hell and should stop fucking drinking or his ass gettin' beat. Or simply just report him to the authorities. But fuck me, he got dude out of jail, and he didn't even say a word to dude about his drinkly habit. Level of judgmentaliting - 0, level of religious ass analness - 0, level of religious annoyance - 0, level of coolness - 100%. Who is this imam dude? well he is only one of the infamous four imams of Islam, his name Nu'man.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Put Visors In They Rings
I was reading this blog the other day, well this afternoon actually - and dude was complaining about some malay cashiers not having enough change for a 50. Well, truthfully I think this is a national problem. It's too ironic that we've been "merdeka" (free) for 50 years (some say) yet some of us can't hand over 50 dollar notes without being bothered by "takde duit kecik ke?" (don't you have small change or something buddy?). How FREE are we, really? You tell me.
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I was clubbing the other day, well I didn't actually, but let's just say I did. I was dancing the night away doing the flash-dance-mc-hammer-hybrid-dance thingy when a group of 10 lovely ladies hounded me sporting hostile grimaces "we heard you dissed sean kingston in your blog". Oh it's something like the transformers fiasco, all over again. It's not easy being a popular blogger, I once criticized A&W for slow service and the A&W bear flew all the way from a Grizzly Man documentary spinoff set to convince me otherwise. "Yo girls, I got nothing against dude, he even looks a bit like me, I mean, the song isn't .. errr . don't hurt me.. the song isn't too bad too .. it's just it's just it's just I prefer listening to Chuck D ignoring Flava Flav on a banging beat!". That put a smile on their faces. I started to dance with them, after about 15 minutes or so the DJ gleefully played the suicidal song. I jumped up and down, so did they, I smiled as wide as Chyna WWF's clitoris, so did they. I shouted "It's OUR SONG", they shouted back "IT IS IT IS!!" excited as hell. I declared "I CHANGED MY MIND THIS SONG SUCKS LEE MAJOR ASS I PREFER RIHANNA'S ELLA ELLA EH EHH EHHHH FUCK ALL Y'ALL WOOHOOHOO FUCK ALL Y'ALL FUCKING CUNTS IN BLACK DRESSES TOO MUCH MAKEUP HAIR TOO STRAIGHT HIP POP FUCKWANK SLORE WHORE WHY PAY MORE BEATCH!" .......... I know I'm dead .... "hee hee just kidding" they smiled, I smiled, we danced the night away, we took three cabs home and I showed them my 50 dollar note.
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I mean yo seriously what is the root of the problem here? Why isn't this regarded as a serious problem? Are we serious about making our country a developed nation by 2020? For real dawg, you want flying cars? robots to mow yow lawns? teleportations? As long as I still have to hear "takde duit kecik ke bang?" (don't you have small change at all, yaw?) whenever I put out my 50 note, doggy I apologize but we'd have to put all those on hold.
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Sleepy wank? The best. Just now I had a machine gun firing away at my head and it felt good. Sometimes, I'll have all kinds of random shit just flying away through my mind after a good sleepy wank. I don't really need drugs, my hands are Pablo Escobarx2.
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I'm a nice guy, I always try my best to offer exact payments cent-for-cent, but when I run out of 'em I'll only have 50s. You know what RM50 dollar notes are like? It's like a dildo. Yeah, it's exactly like that, like you're handing out dildos. You pass 'em to a female cashier she will look at you half-wtf? / half-thankful. You pass 'em to a guy he will be half-pissed-off / half-wtf? Fuck that, even this -- I encourage anyone reading this to buy a dildo and pass it to a cashier they'd prolly hesitate less to give you some change. Poor 50s.
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Kanye West VS 50 Cent
Hipster VS Corny
Who do you think will win? Well you wanna know what I think? Yeah, Cam'ron will win! fuck all'a'yall, WOOP WOOP WENG WENG NENG NENG BEEP BEEP tutti frutti lutti tutti
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I don't blame cashiers too, they don't have enough 10s up in that bitch, it's not their fault. I blame the government although they might mean well, always let down by their sick sense of humour though. Ooh we are a multi-racial country and we are not racist and if you ask us why our ruling party is divided into three colours YOU ARE the racist because we don't see colours we only see three bodyparts forming like wu tang clan when they formed like voltron. One is the dick, one is the right balls, the other left. The people, are the body. We care about them deeply. We love the people, too much, we want them to interact with each other more than the people in any other country do so that is why we have devised this ultimate plan of action in which we fuck up the balance of our currency so cashiers and consumers will have more correspondence. By 2020 everyone in Malaysia will have interacted with and know each other. We will be so close to each other that we will start to look exactly like each other, so basically when Singapore starts to wage war they would be confused and stand fuck all chance, I mean they'd be like "What? everyone look like each other, this ain't no Malaysia, this is China, we don't be fuckin with China, they've got kung fu shaolin bruce lee and shit, fuck we outtie outtie pz.."
Okay I am very sleepy right now and I can't wank with urine in my balls. I think this entry sucks. You see I just got this surround sound system for my powerful PC. And I'm starting to wonder, okay, if I place the speakers to surround myself I would feel like I'm in the thick of the action right? If I place the rear speakers infront of me when I'm watching porn would I be feeling like I'm hitting it from the back? Likeee thaaaat. Give that a think or two while I sip on plain water. Okay I meant hitting the female from the back you fuck. Ergkh.
Let's say the other day I went on a date with a vegan feminist.
"you're eating a dead being you know?"
"well, I'm honoured"
"i'm not joking, it's just not morally right"
"plants have feelings too, and you're snapping the neck of one right.. about.. yes.. now.. I don't sense a moral righteousness in what you just did" (I had to let out the secret weapon early cause I'm tired of this shit and I just wanna get it over with)
"okay don't try to be a wise-ass"
"wow you're such an intellect"
"seriously back off my case"
"you were the one ON my case"
"well let's just get off each other's cases"
"no I don't have a case to get off in the first place, beatch"
"don't call me that"
".."
"good"
"beatch"
"you are so immature, and i think you're an MCP"
"what's that?"
"MALE CHAUVINIST PIG"
"is that a bad thing?"
"you think?"
"what do you have against pigs? what's that at the window??!!! oh that's your consistency thrown away"
"hmhphlfdksaldkjhf"
"I ethered yow ass son"
"what?"
"I beat yow ass"
"i don't understand your slangg .. HOWWWMIIEEEE .. just quiet down, finish that thing you're eating and we can split in peace"
"you don't wanna fuck me?"
"no"
"I mean, you don't .. wanna .. fuck .. ME?"
"i'm not in the mood"
"if you were you would?"
"maybe"
"even if you think I'm not morally righteous"
"i don't have time for this.. *signals for check*"
"you're paying?"
"no you are, though i doubt you will"
"you know me too well, i love you"
"i love you tooo eahkg wait what?"
"oh yes, you love me, I'm a meat eating chauvinist dick and you love me, you can't help it you wanna sex me up you wanna lick the chicken juice off all my fingers and lick them back onto my cock you lowly cunt"
"what?"
"okay maybe you don't, I need to go to the toilet"
*I ran away from the restaurant
*The next day I ran into her at the LRT station
"ah-ha, you ran away from paying for our tragedy of a date"
"it WASN'T a date"
"then what was it?"
"it was me having dinner with a stupid bitch"
"that's not too polite is it? i'm done talking to neanderthals like you"
"YOUR pussy is neanderthal"
"what?"
"YOUR .. HAVE .. A .. PUSSY .. AND IT IS - NEANDERTHAL! NEANDERTHAL PUSSY!!"
*she hissed and walked away, haha that beatch got shut the fuck down
*the next day I ran into her at the LRT station again
"you again"
"please, miss alba, I totally regret my past behaviour, I wanna start over with you"
"it's too late, baby"
"oh so now you're acting all cool EYH? neanderthal pussay"
"ok ok we'll start over"
"yes that's how it is, what it is, you know what is is, beatch, I own yow ass, you my private boat and shit, I OWNZ your ass I can wet yow ass anytime I want, now bend over while I fuck you with people staring"
"yes master"
The moral of the story is - I have always aspired to be a romantic comedy script/screen writer and have sent over my masterpieces but the suits just don't understand my art. They say it's a bit too long-winded and heavy and bla bla BOO HOO HEW HEW KITTY FUCK you are is don't know what it is, you don't know anything at all, fucking douches.
I hate them all. I wanna lie down and punch my curtains now.
*****************ADVERTISEMENT*****************
I was clubbing the other day, well I didn't actually, but let's just say I did. I was dancing the night away doing the flash-dance-mc-hammer-hybrid-dance thingy when a group of 10 lovely ladies hounded me sporting hostile grimaces "we heard you dissed sean kingston in your blog". Oh it's something like the transformers fiasco, all over again. It's not easy being a popular blogger, I once criticized A&W for slow service and the A&W bear flew all the way from a Grizzly Man documentary spinoff set to convince me otherwise. "Yo girls, I got nothing against dude, he even looks a bit like me, I mean, the song isn't .. errr . don't hurt me.. the song isn't too bad too .. it's just it's just it's just I prefer listening to Chuck D ignoring Flava Flav on a banging beat!". That put a smile on their faces. I started to dance with them, after about 15 minutes or so the DJ gleefully played the suicidal song. I jumped up and down, so did they, I smiled as wide as Chyna WWF's clitoris, so did they. I shouted "It's OUR SONG", they shouted back "IT IS IT IS!!" excited as hell. I declared "I CHANGED MY MIND THIS SONG SUCKS LEE MAJOR ASS I PREFER RIHANNA'S ELLA ELLA EH EHH EHHHH FUCK ALL Y'ALL WOOHOOHOO FUCK ALL Y'ALL FUCKING CUNTS IN BLACK DRESSES TOO MUCH MAKEUP HAIR TOO STRAIGHT HIP POP FUCKWANK SLORE WHORE WHY PAY MORE BEATCH!" .......... I know I'm dead .... "hee hee just kidding" they smiled, I smiled, we danced the night away, we took three cabs home and I showed them my 50 dollar note.
*****************ADVERTISEMENT*****************
I mean yo seriously what is the root of the problem here? Why isn't this regarded as a serious problem? Are we serious about making our country a developed nation by 2020? For real dawg, you want flying cars? robots to mow yow lawns? teleportations? As long as I still have to hear "takde duit kecik ke bang?" (don't you have small change at all, yaw?) whenever I put out my 50 note, doggy I apologize but we'd have to put all those on hold.
*****************ADVERTISEMENT*****************
Sleepy wank? The best. Just now I had a machine gun firing away at my head and it felt good. Sometimes, I'll have all kinds of random shit just flying away through my mind after a good sleepy wank. I don't really need drugs, my hands are Pablo Escobarx2.
*****************ADVERTISEMENT*****************
I'm a nice guy, I always try my best to offer exact payments cent-for-cent, but when I run out of 'em I'll only have 50s. You know what RM50 dollar notes are like? It's like a dildo. Yeah, it's exactly like that, like you're handing out dildos. You pass 'em to a female cashier she will look at you half-wtf? / half-thankful. You pass 'em to a guy he will be half-pissed-off / half-wtf? Fuck that, even this -- I encourage anyone reading this to buy a dildo and pass it to a cashier they'd prolly hesitate less to give you some change. Poor 50s.
*****************ADVERTISEMENT*****************
Kanye West VS 50 Cent
Hipster VS Corny
Who do you think will win? Well you wanna know what I think? Yeah, Cam'ron will win! fuck all'a'yall, WOOP WOOP WENG WENG NENG NENG BEEP BEEP tutti frutti lutti tutti
*****************ADVERTISEMENT*****************
I don't blame cashiers too, they don't have enough 10s up in that bitch, it's not their fault. I blame the government although they might mean well, always let down by their sick sense of humour though. Ooh we are a multi-racial country and we are not racist and if you ask us why our ruling party is divided into three colours YOU ARE the racist because we don't see colours we only see three bodyparts forming like wu tang clan when they formed like voltron. One is the dick, one is the right balls, the other left. The people, are the body. We care about them deeply. We love the people, too much, we want them to interact with each other more than the people in any other country do so that is why we have devised this ultimate plan of action in which we fuck up the balance of our currency so cashiers and consumers will have more correspondence. By 2020 everyone in Malaysia will have interacted with and know each other. We will be so close to each other that we will start to look exactly like each other, so basically when Singapore starts to wage war they would be confused and stand fuck all chance, I mean they'd be like "What? everyone look like each other, this ain't no Malaysia, this is China, we don't be fuckin with China, they've got kung fu shaolin bruce lee and shit, fuck we outtie outtie pz.."
Okay I am very sleepy right now and I can't wank with urine in my balls. I think this entry sucks. You see I just got this surround sound system for my powerful PC. And I'm starting to wonder, okay, if I place the speakers to surround myself I would feel like I'm in the thick of the action right? If I place the rear speakers infront of me when I'm watching porn would I be feeling like I'm hitting it from the back? Likeee thaaaat. Give that a think or two while I sip on plain water. Okay I meant hitting the female from the back you fuck. Ergkh.
Let's say the other day I went on a date with a vegan feminist.
"you're eating a dead being you know?"
"well, I'm honoured"
"i'm not joking, it's just not morally right"
"plants have feelings too, and you're snapping the neck of one right.. about.. yes.. now.. I don't sense a moral righteousness in what you just did" (I had to let out the secret weapon early cause I'm tired of this shit and I just wanna get it over with)
"okay don't try to be a wise-ass"
"wow you're such an intellect"
"seriously back off my case"
"you were the one ON my case"
"well let's just get off each other's cases"
"no I don't have a case to get off in the first place, beatch"
"don't call me that"
".."
"good"
"beatch"
"you are so immature, and i think you're an MCP"
"what's that?"
"MALE CHAUVINIST PIG"
"is that a bad thing?"
"you think?"
"what do you have against pigs? what's that at the window??!!! oh that's your consistency thrown away"
"hmhphlfdksaldkjhf"
"I ethered yow ass son"
"what?"
"I beat yow ass"
"i don't understand your slangg .. HOWWWMIIEEEE .. just quiet down, finish that thing you're eating and we can split in peace"
"you don't wanna fuck me?"
"no"
"I mean, you don't .. wanna .. fuck .. ME?"
"i'm not in the mood"
"if you were you would?"
"maybe"
"even if you think I'm not morally righteous"
"i don't have time for this.. *signals for check*"
"you're paying?"
"no you are, though i doubt you will"
"you know me too well, i love you"
"i love you tooo eahkg wait what?"
"oh yes, you love me, I'm a meat eating chauvinist dick and you love me, you can't help it you wanna sex me up you wanna lick the chicken juice off all my fingers and lick them back onto my cock you lowly cunt"
"what?"
"okay maybe you don't, I need to go to the toilet"
*I ran away from the restaurant
*The next day I ran into her at the LRT station
"ah-ha, you ran away from paying for our tragedy of a date"
"it WASN'T a date"
"then what was it?"
"it was me having dinner with a stupid bitch"
"that's not too polite is it? i'm done talking to neanderthals like you"
"YOUR pussy is neanderthal"
"what?"
"YOUR .. HAVE .. A .. PUSSY .. AND IT IS - NEANDERTHAL! NEANDERTHAL PUSSY!!"
*she hissed and walked away, haha that beatch got shut the fuck down
*the next day I ran into her at the LRT station again
"you again"
"please, miss alba, I totally regret my past behaviour, I wanna start over with you"
"it's too late, baby"
"oh so now you're acting all cool EYH? neanderthal pussay"
"ok ok we'll start over"
"yes that's how it is, what it is, you know what is is, beatch, I own yow ass, you my private boat and shit, I OWNZ your ass I can wet yow ass anytime I want, now bend over while I fuck you with people staring"
"yes master"
The moral of the story is - I have always aspired to be a romantic comedy script/screen writer and have sent over my masterpieces but the suits just don't understand my art. They say it's a bit too long-winded and heavy and bla bla BOO HOO HEW HEW KITTY FUCK you are is don't know what it is, you don't know anything at all, fucking douches.
I hate them all. I wanna lie down and punch my curtains now.
Pretty
"You have pretty eyes" said the photo shop camerawoman. Later on I looked at the developed pictures and those wasn't my eyes, it was as if someone photoshopped Elizabeth Taylor's young eyes onto mine. Fittingly enough, I woke up.
I once had a friend who had pretty eyes. The teacher told the female students to never look into his eyes for too long or they will fall in love. So the female students didn't and if I was my friend I would be damn well pissed off and consider injuring the particular teacher's motorcycle.
If I had pretty eyes, girls will tell their girlfriends "i looked into his eyes, now i can't come back". They would of course be LYING as they will be going BACK, to their condos/apartments. Me trailing so I could look at they asses cause they don't have eyes as pretty as mine.
If I had pretty eyes, as I'm taking a shit I would stop for a minute(this takes skills, beatch) to look in the mirror then fall in love with myself, go straight to bed with myself and wank the night away. Of course for these string-of-events to happen, I wouldn't really need pretty eyes.
If I liked a girl with pretty eyes I would say "you have pretty eyes, I am lost in it" and continue looking at it. She would blush. I would add "I really wanna fuck right now". She would be like "fuck what, my eyes?", I would be like "why not?", she would be like "you're right, why not", I would be like "why not, indeed". I summon the spirit of Japanese people and Bob Saget - may the fucking of her eyes be blessed by thee and thee.
As I'm writing this my winamp suddenly shuffled to The Pogues - a pair of brown eyes for no reason. with a pair of brownnn eyesss.
I'm looking at my eyes again, are they really not as pretty as the dreamed picture. No they're not, they're very regular. Oh well, at least I won't have teachers telling chicks not to look at them, that would piss me off greatly.
I once had a friend who had pretty eyes. The teacher told the female students to never look into his eyes for too long or they will fall in love. So the female students didn't and if I was my friend I would be damn well pissed off and consider injuring the particular teacher's motorcycle.
If I had pretty eyes, girls will tell their girlfriends "i looked into his eyes, now i can't come back". They would of course be LYING as they will be going BACK, to their condos/apartments. Me trailing so I could look at they asses cause they don't have eyes as pretty as mine.
If I had pretty eyes, as I'm taking a shit I would stop for a minute(this takes skills, beatch) to look in the mirror then fall in love with myself, go straight to bed with myself and wank the night away. Of course for these string-of-events to happen, I wouldn't really need pretty eyes.
If I liked a girl with pretty eyes I would say "you have pretty eyes, I am lost in it" and continue looking at it. She would blush. I would add "I really wanna fuck right now". She would be like "fuck what, my eyes?", I would be like "why not?", she would be like "you're right, why not", I would be like "why not, indeed". I summon the spirit of Japanese people and Bob Saget - may the fucking of her eyes be blessed by thee and thee.
As I'm writing this my winamp suddenly shuffled to The Pogues - a pair of brown eyes for no reason. with a pair of brownnn eyesss.
I'm looking at my eyes again, are they really not as pretty as the dreamed picture. No they're not, they're very regular. Oh well, at least I won't have teachers telling chicks not to look at them, that would piss me off greatly.
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