Salon

Hari tuh aku tengok cerita Salon. Buleh tahan ah, dan bukan hanya kerana Raja Farah yang *droolz*. Paice.

I Was Bored So I Did A Survey, Just Kidding, I'm Not Bored, Fletcher Sucks

1. If all the nations in the world are in debt ( I am not joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go?
To the fucking world bank, idiot.

2. When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Dogs, if they bark a certain way, you know they like it.

3. What is the speed of darkness?
The speed of a black metal drummer's double pedal, how the fuck should I know.

4. If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
Yet another mind boggling question that is ultimately dumb, who knows? Budget constraints? The fact that the engineer who crafted the airplane knows more than you do, numbnut?

5. Who copyrighted the copyright symbol?
Peter Crouch scored a goal yesterday, yes, yesterday was a strange day, today isn't, that's how I know I'm right when I'm of the opinion you're stupid, cause my sixth sense agreed.

6. Can you cry under water?
If we cry semen it would be easier to tell wudnit.

7. Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day?
I've never heard people say that to me, but then again, whatever.

8. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
Because calculators think they're smarter than phones, and intelligent things like being different. Shut the fuck up.

9. Do fish ever get thirsty?
I don't know, do smart people ever get stupid? Oh yeah, you're not smart, surprise, I'm not a fish either, idiot.

10. Can you get cornered in a round room?
It's possible if you're cornered by a fucking square, note : you're pissing me off.

11. What does OK actually mean?
Something to say when you don't want to hurt the feelings of the girl of your dreams when she asks how her dreadful cooking was.

12. Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
Because they have the ability to not fall out of trees when they sleep.

13. What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
That's not important, what's important is was the cumshot on the face, boobs, or hair, either way I prefer creampie.

14. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Duh, babies.

15. What should one call a male ladybird?
Dude looks like a ladybird.

16. If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot?
If I increase your chances of having amnesia by doing unangelic things to your head would you try to find out for yourself? Cunt.

17. Can you blow a balloon up under water?
In the spirit of my last answer can you fucking try this yourself, and don't get back at me, infact, just stay underwater, maybe you can find out if humans really do need oxygen too, two birds with one stone, fucking excellent.

18. Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Because linguists are idiots.

19. If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
If you think too much are you an idiot, or a dumbfuck?

20. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
A miracle. How the fuck should I know, go fuck a pigeon and fly away.

21. Why is it called a TV set when there's only one?
I told you already, linguists are fucking idiot, start listening and you'll learn a few things, stop questioning and you'll be less of a dumbfuck.

22. If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Not if it was on a ancient red indian burial ground. Actually I'm just making up answers, ask your real estate agent and he'll say something nice and scripted to cheer you up only for you to find out later that he didn't actually answer your question/satisfy your curiousity, hahaha, what an idiot you are.

23. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
You've never been to italy? Plus who cares about what's legal, it's more soulful to care about what's possible, bitch.

Soban

Semua orang perasan tak kalau orang buat survey online main-main tuh, mesti masa dia tengah bosan, atau mesti dimulakan dengan disclaimer yang dia tengah bosan "bored so i did this bla bla", asal uh? Apalah nasib survey, dah bosan baru dilayan, takpun bila buat survey tuh dikira tak macho, so kalau cover sikit cakap sebenarnya tengah bosan so buat maka macho masih dijaga, tapi tuh kalau laki, kalau perempuan pulak? Pening aku fikir hal dunia nih. Kesimpulannya sekarang aku tak berapa bosan sebab aku ada laptop untuk online dan chatting, dan aku nak buat survey tapi aku takde survey nak buat, kat mana diaorang dapat ah survey survey nih, pukilalala.

Barbarian Wants You

*nelly kelly - dilemma video on tv*

littlestsista : why does he have that white thing on his face?
penyangak : because he's stupid

I need a girl to ride ride ride, wait, change that to ride ride me, I ain't no killa.

Wayne Rooney Rulez

The Eagles - love will keep us alive
"when we're hungry, love will keep us alive" - I prefer a hash brown.

I walked into the bathroom, was about to take a bath, looked at that placewhereIkeepmysoap, my soap wasn't there, oh my, I looked for the soap everywhere, couldn't find it, then I felt the placewhereIkeepmysoap, the soap was there! Now why didn't I see it?! Oh yes, because my toilet's light is damaged, yes, it is. But taking a shit in the dark is good, you can sleep, and when you wake up your shit have soaked up all the water like sponge, and maybe you can use it to shower, just kidding, no, seriously don't try it. Ramadhan is over so I can eat during the day so expect the usual once or twice a month update, or maybe I have changed into a daily updating blogger, we will see bastichez. Man utd beat Chelsea, Fletcher scored, but I still hate him, Alan Smith rulez. Mm I saw Gol&Gincu, the leading girl has a nice pair of nose, or is it just nose, it turns me on, good movie, but her execution of whatever was weak. Peace.

Charlton

Palayananga :
Vast Aire - why'sdaskyblue?
Juggaknots - loosifa
Serge Gainsbourg - la javanaise
Atheist - air

Spiderman 2. Yeah I seen this shit now, recently, whenever, I didn't see it when it came out cause I saw spiderman when it came out and it sucked ass. This one is not bad, but when I actually think about it, it sucked ass as well. First of all, I still prefer Eric to be peter parker and spiderman, because spiderman in this movie sounded like a shithead when he tried to be witty while squatting at 90 degrees on the fucking wall, I can't believe some consider this to be the best comic movie, fuck off, and I don't read comics but when someone is named Mary Jane, she has to be Jessica Alba, yes, if she wants to be an emotional and indecisive idiot, at least make her hot. If both Eric and Jessica were casted, I'd be happy with the ending which is Mary Jane choosing spiderman, cause as it is, it doesn't make sense, first of all, there's far too many hot ladies fiending for some hairy spider dick, and Mary Jane is ugly.

And and and and, the dilemma that peter was having did not make sense to me (in the movie's scenario). Like I said before, Mary Jane is ugly, and doesn't have any credible personality to begin with, so that's out of the way. Nowwwwwwwwwwwww, he has some time management problem, he has to make money at the same time bla bla blafuck off, you're spiderman, just rob a few random rich dudes, they won't mind and you don't have to work 9-5, who gives a fuck really, what does morale have to do with anything, you're a white dude, another trivial shit out of the way, hmmmmmmmmmm, okay basically that's it, not too hard. The tentacle guy was pretty cool, if a japanese directed this shit 2-3 rape scenes would have been in order, or if the army of darkness guy was the tentacle guy he'd have a cool catch phrase for every tentacle strike, I can't think of any to make an example, because I'm not the guy from army of darkness.

Okay what else did I watch, Lemony Snickets A Series Of Unfortunate Events. It was straightfoward and boring, with all the hype of the intro by the typist and shit, I was half expecting my inner child to be crushed unfortunately there's nothing unfortunate, it's just the typical get-into-trouble-get-the-fuck-out-of-trouble bullshit, jim carrey was harmless as the villain, at some point I was quarter-expecting him to go "Just kidding lolz im actually a good guy". But the thrash talking subtitled baby was cool tho.

Okay takde movie best ke tengok minggu nih. Entah ah, takde kot. To balance this all out setelah bosan dan bosan, aku telah buat keputusan untuk tengok vid klip camron - oh boy again and again, layan doh. Peace.

Lawak Edah Di Bulan Puasa 2005

Edah : aaaaaaaaaa nanti ah, nak pindah rumah nanti ambik internet ah
Edah : edah kerja je, mana ada timer nak internet pon
Penyangak : tuh ah
Edah : 4 nights a week i work, then the res t i study
Penyangak : tapi aku ada timer nak intenet
Penyangak : wakhrkhakhgakhga
Edah : DIAM AH
Penyangak : so macam edah ada 3 hari ah
Edah : puasa tak hari inih
Penyangak : timer untuk study
Edah : ha ah
Penyangak : oh aku puasa, pasal memang ada timer untuk puasa
Edah : 3 malam edah lepak ah
Penyangak : petang nanti sedara aku amik
Penyangak : timer untuk kitorang buka puasa sama-sama
Edah : SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
Edah : pegi mana?
Penyangak : entah
Penyangak : kat sunway ada chicken hut tuh
Edah : bitch
Penyangak : tapi dia ada timer satu setengah jam (penggunaan timer yang betul)
Penyangak : wakhrakhgkhahkga
Edah : chicken hut?
Penyangak : fuh ada modal updet blog nih
Edah : ohhh, buffet ayam
Penyangak : adakah ini timer untuk update blog?!
Edah : macam sial
Edah : tak

I Speared Britney

The drug dealers kinda gave my dad a buka puasa table reservation at PJ Hilton for promoting some new vaccine so he brought the whole family. Man if I knew earlier we had a buffet for the night I woulda starved myself the whole day, oh wait. Mmm, so the first thing I looked for was AYAM MERAH! Nameann?!?! So uh, but the thing is, it was so packed, the whole journey from taking your food back to your table was like driving in Jakarta, I've never drove in Jakarta, but if I brought somebody who has to this buffet thing, and I told him/her to go take a food, he'll/she'll say something like "Man that was like driving in Jakarta", so the second part was a little bit satay, and the third part was a little bit of nasi ayam+murtabak, lame isn't it? Have I lost my touch? I don't think so, allthough I think I ate more generally when I was a little kid, but then again my excuse is, when you have fasted, sure you're hungry, but your capacity also lowers, so it's too easy for you to be full, plus the Jakarta traffic was very intimidating, if we had like say, Perth traffic, I could probably be more barbaric. Okay? Okay.

You know Jazz has these Standards? Jazz Standards? Usually songs that are written for/performed by a wide range of Jazz artists. Well Chat has a Standard too, Chat Standards, terms generally used by Chat artists, like say, one of mine is "bra engkau size berapa eh?", I always use that, okay actually when I think about it, my analogy relating to Jazz Standards didn't really make sense but who gives a fuck, I just wanted to say that, that's something I always must use when chatting with females cause first of all : I'm not a good chatter, I crap most of the time, so questions like this will help stimulate the session, maybe better and more productive exchange of thoughts will surface. However so far I've never gotten a straight answer, or have never gotten an answer at all, well except for my one and only big eared ex-gf, allthough she lied, she said she was 34B when she's clearly an A cup, Wkhrkahkghakghkaga, and she didn't believe me when I repeatedly told her I dig small breasts maybe because I was staring at some random girl's big bust when I was explaining, but I really do, okay, it's just that, big busts command greater attention, and it's only natural for males to take a glance, or a stare, or whatever, but that doesn't mean we don't dig smaller breasts, small breasts bring out the nipple in nipple, nahmean, or was it the other way around. Another Chat Standard, is "whatever" and other variations of it ("wat-e-verrrrr", "wokeva", "wat evva", "etc"), it originated from females, countless females have left me stranded after pouring out my thoughts with their "whatever"s, so I have chosen to adopt it, because allthough it seems counter-productive, it's actually..err oh well it is counter-productive, whatever. Peace.