oh hai!

i stepped out of my room, sling bag intact. went down two sets of stairs, it takes two sets for me to achieve arrival at supposedly ground level, it takes one set for me to achieve arrival at the tv-ed lounge, it takes no sets for me to achieve being exactly where i am if i don't want to achieve arrival anywhere else other than my room. normally it would take me about 15 minutes to get ready sans shit. shit takes 15 minutes if i focus, if i'm not or if the type of shit i was supposed to take required a lot of time it might be stretched to 30 minutes. there are a few more rarely extensive and barely rocketscientic (not even primaryschoolic really) calculations i would like to share here but sometimes for fun i would also calculate, estimate, and imaginate the attention span level of my imaginary readers and then imaginatively dance around the borderline of its limit before bringing them back to being attentive after straining their levels of restraint.

i realize now that by writing that last sentence in the paragraph above this i have actually managed to actually actualize the last sentence in the paragraph above this. this is the opposite of paradox, i have achieved doxpara!

anyway back to my diary-like story, as i stepped out of the house i went into the car and drove into the joint i was supposed to arrive at. as i reached there, everyone was in having a good time.

my friend approached me with a choice of two of my favourite things - beer and cocaine. he said choose one. i said why not both. he said yeah well i'm just doing my job. i said well i'll beat the system, i'll choose one, and after that you can do your job again so i can choose the other one too... 'can you do your job twice?'... my friend said 'i am not your friend anymore'. so i just grabbed the beer and cocaine from him and quipped 'i am anymore!'.

after that, i took magic mushrooms, sniffed glue, smoked marijuana, and started to fly around naked in the club.

after flying for quite some time i landed on a pirate's shoulder. we have set sail! on course to take over the seventeen seas of planet cabanis!

this is when i realized that even though this pirate hadn't shaved for years and years he has miraculously managed to maintain just a 5 o'clock shadow, wow, i might be his parrot but at this moment in time i am as curious as any cat out there so i asked, well i tried to ask. now this is tricky, as a parrot i can only 'parrot' what people say, so the only way to get me to ask is to get him to ask and how do i achieve that? this troubled me so i decided to take beer, cocaine, magic mushrooms, glue, and marijuana all at the same time. i have created this whole new set of substance aptly named BCMGM!

maybe i should write a song about it, lucy used to be in the sky with diamonds, so maybe ben could be conjuring magic in glasgow man! ben IS the glasgow man! he is conjuring magic! say it wimme nowwwwwwwwwwwww!