to all 3 of my readers

sexy tak rambut cannih? aku suka makan sushi, aku letak a considerable amount of wasabi and aku layan HIKMAT MENGOSONGKAN HINGUS KALAULAH ADA HINGUS KAN YANG MELOITER DI DALAM LUBANG HIDUNG SAMBIL AIR BERATUR UNTUK MENGSLIDE KE BAWAH PIPI KAMU... TAHAP KE-8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mari kita kaji something.

sangat setia dan pemurah - betul. kan kan kan sayang.

bersifat patriotik - pernah saya berbual dengan mamat amerika yang menetap di sini saya cakap we malaysians are on america's dick, just check out our flag. mamat amerika tuh teros high five saya sebab tak pernah ada orang malaysia yang nak mengaku bende tuh kat dia. tapi sebenarnya saya nih patriotik jugak. saya sayang negara ini, walopun saya lahir di negara sheepshaggers saya malaysian through and through. saya membesar dengan nasik lemak cikgu kat kedai bawah serta karipap paroi (dan juga kfc serta vitagen what huhu).

sangat aktif dalam permainan dan pergaulan - saya suka jugak lah bermain tapi pergaulan tuh saya agak kureng sikit sebab saya pemalas.

sikap kurang sabar dan tergesa-gesa - untuk tenung mukamu.

bercita-cita tinggi - cita-cita saya underground je, dia gayat sket.

suka menjadi orang yang berpengaruh dalam organisasi - saya lagi gemar tidur sambil mimpi kena ngorat kat office tempat kerja saya baru masuk.

seronok bila didampingi - of coz uols especially by you.

suka bercampur dengan orang - tak lah jugak. tapi nak kata saya suka tolak tak jugak. tak lah jugak suka mendarabkan orang yang saya suka bercampur dengan, ataupun membahagi-bahagikan sehingga ada yang tertolak. saya amik jalan tengah tanpa berkira.

suka dipuji, diberi perhatian dan dibelai - betul, betul, dan betul (muka nakal).

sangat jujur, amanah dan bertolak ansur - yekut.

tidak pandai berpura-pura - mungkin pandai, tapi malas, too much effort.

cepat marah - kalau ikut genetik ye. tapi saya dah belajar jadi orang paling sabar kat dunia kot.

perangai yang mudah berubah-ubah - ye betul. tapi ada je benda mengenai saya yang tidak boleh diubah. gemar endorfins contohnya.

tidak ego walaupun harga dirinya sangat tinggi - betul kot.

benci pada kongkongan - entah.

suka berlawak - ye kot. binatang apa keris di kepala? ... give up? .......... ayam buat yoga. get it, get it? argkh.

pandai buat lawak dan berfikiran logik - ye kot. baru tadi saya hantar file lagu kat seseorang pastuh mungkin saya tercancel and ym cakap "You have canceled the transfer of 1 file." tapi saya cakap kat si dia "asal kau cancel" wahuegkahukga kelakar dan berasaskan logical thinking kan?

...

whatever lah. nak share music sket bleh? click untuk dengar/download.

muck - if there was something else - arguably band indie paling best kat negara nih.

media distorsi - selalu - i love naif. this is a cover version of one of their songs, probably my favourite cover of a naif song. i dare say it's better than the original, the singing is very dreamy.

white shoes and the couples company - roman ketiga - haha tetiba speaking kat atas tuh apa angau ekau mek oi cik nek cik nek. anyway lagu nih layan hari tuh masa hari raya aku selalu sumbat ipod kat telinga seblom tidur, tengah mamai-mamai hampir tertidur lagu nih terkeluar terus aku high kejap macam hippies nye high gitu uols cam baru amek cendawan magis. terbayang orang-orang ala-ala dewa hindu atas daun terbang ke sana ke mari gaya bebas lagi random kat the skies and all that wow.

siapa makan apple guna garpu?

aku.

aku sadistik towards perut aku hari nih aku makan buah je manjang, kecuali pagi tadi bila aku makan roti dengan sardin. hari nih cam hari diet uols pasal raya makan banyak gila kot. adik kene menten body adik yang menawan nih, nanti cosmic beauty tidak mahu mengejar adik lagi huhu.

cemana raya okay?

aku panas gila kot dengan indonesia. it's warrr, bitches!

sebab masa raya ketiga aku gi rumah atuk sedara ternampak surat khabar ada gambar lisa surihani bermanja-manjs dengan nicolas saputra.

GRGKHGKHGKhnkmhukhHGKHGKH.

pastuh cik ana moli yang comel dengan cik magents yang terlalu comel cakap pulak pasal maria ozawa tuh pulak.

wells itu takde kesan sangat kot pasal saya prefer destiny deville tau huhu ada ada je u nih tau hiks hiks hiks (hiccups yang comel).

when we were young

sepanjang hari nih aku kencing duduk. uhhh lega gila. teringat kejadian masa breakfast tadi.

aku tengah lepak dengan jaki, ekjos, farun and adik dia farin (semua bukan nama sebenar).

jaki: "weh kau tengok sket chiki chiki yang baru sampai tuh?"
ekjos: "apsal?"
farin: "kau cakap kat aku ke jaki?"
aku: "ha'ah jaki, aku curious gak, kau cakap kat siapa? kat salah sorang kitorang ke kat kitorang semua?"

jaki: "cipap, the royal kau ah, maksudnya korang semua"
aku: "or u ols"
farun: "boss teh tarik satu!" (muka relek je layan laptop tapi bagi order)
ejkos: "apsal dengan chiki chiki tuh?!"
aku: "eh farun, kau bagi order kat siapa? takkan kau main sebat je cakap order kau and confident je ada orang nak amek? wahukgeaukga the fuck?"
ekjos: "eh fucker focus please?!"
aku: "ok" (malu kene sound)
farun: "erm... ignore ignore ignore" (tengah layan facebook lah tuh)
aku: "weh farun, focus!"
farun: "erm what's.. on.. my.. mind? mmm.." (memang tak focus langsung)
aku: "suka hati kau ah farun, dah nama pun farun"
ekjos: "weyh..." (dengan muka kecewa ala-ala pasrah tapi tak nak pasrah sebab aku leh buat lawak pasal fokus dia)
aku: "okay, okay, jaki, recommence discussion! alert! alert! forming! forming!"

jaki: "kau pahal hyperaktif semacam arinih penyelamat dunia aku lepuk gak kang... anyway, kau perasan chiki chiki tuh semua dressing cam nak gi clubbing, nih mamak kot?"
farin: "korang rasa derang gi teraweh tak?"
jaki: "kau rasa kalau derang gi pun kita leh tau ke?"
farin: "sallak?"
farun: "sebab kita tak pergi teraweh... bodoh" (sambil mata masih tekun kat laptop muka serious tengah layan farmville, kot)
farin: "oh kau nak bahan aku tiba-tiba leh fokus?"
farun: "mana.. button.. button tag nih..." (oh tengah tag gambar rupanya)

ekjos: "maybe lepas gi mamak memang derang nak gi clubbing kot?"
aku: "kau memang suka bring up unresolved conversational elements yang hilang di bawah benda lain yang di bring up selepasnya ke ekjos?"
ekjos: "kau suka kacau aku kan?"
aku: "aku lagi suka kacau farin sebab dia jambu"
ejkos: "FOKUS!"
jaki: "apa problem kau ekjos, sekarang nih time-time sahur (what korang ingat kitorang breakfast pukul 10 pagi ke bulan puasa?), maybe baru lepas balik clubbing kot, tapi ini hari biasa kot bukannya weekend?"

farin: "aku suka yang baju hitam tuh, cam comel je"
aku: "cam ada misai je"
farin: "tak kesah ah still comel"
aku: "ye lah, aku tak cakap ada misai tuh satu disadvantage"
farin: "noted".

jaki: "kadang-kadang aku memang suka je tenung minah-minah camnih, mesti diaorang ingat aku judgemental, padahal most of the time aku just nak tahu je"

farun: "tapi memang kau judgemental kot, the last time kau nampak a pack of minahs a few days ago kau cakap diaorang nih mesti sluts, baru je tadi kau cakap pasal this new group maybe baru lepas balik clubbing. apa lanchau kau boleh assume macam tuh padahal tah-tah memang diaorang suka dressing macam tuh pun" (mata still tenung laptop)

aku: *bangun secara terkejut pastuh pandang ke general direction farun* "wait what?"
farin: "si cipap nih memang suka buat camtuh, tiba-tiba je"
aku: "tapi usually untuk bahan kau, kau ada issue dengan jaki ke weh?"

farun: "mmm.. siapa nih, nak accept ke friend request... mmm" (dekat kan sikit mata ke laptop untuk tenung dengan lebih detailed)
aku: "pundek"

jaki: "kalau aku lah kan, yang dress putih putih hijau tuh aku nak buat girlfriend, dia nampak macam sweet je"

*tiba-tiba ada brader joe datang mencelah* "weh ada api?"

*farin kasi api*

joe: "boleh abang join?"
aku: "boleh je, asal abang fokus, kalau tak fokus kang ekjos temper ... kan ekjos kan kan kan (dengan nada manja)?"
ekjos: "cibai"

joe: "korang cakap pasal apa?"
jaki: "pasal that group of chicks" *tunjuk*

joe: "oh interesting... abang kenal sangat diaorang"
ekjos: "camna?"
joe: "diaorang kerja hotel abang kerja, selalu jadi usher kat majlis"

jaki, ekjos, aku, farin: oohhhhhhhhhhhhh
farin: "patut ler dressing gitu"

joe: "tak jugak, diaorang dressing camtuh pasal baru balik clubbing..." *pastuh dia belah*

aku: "joe tuh keje apa eh kat hotel?"
farin: "maintenance kot"
aku: "so betul lah judgement kau jaki"
jaki: "huuh, kau menyesal tak lash out kat aku tadi farun?"
farin: "cipap nih mana pernah menyesal pasal apa-apa"

...

farun: "the fuck!, apa nih?! cuba korang tengok nih!" (tiba-tiba menjerit sambil tunjuk tunjuk laptop).


jaki, ekjos, aku, farin: PEMENDA?!

farun: "nih blog aku baca nih, dia tulis semua dialog kita, cam semua dialog kita tadi ada kat entry nih!" (dengan nada cemas)

farin: "kau jangan mengada cipap, so apa kita akan cakap lepas nih? mesti ada kat situ kan?"

farun: "tak, dia akan update everytime lepas kita cakap, macam ada someone kat sini tengah transkripkan semua dialog kita and masukkan secara live!"

aku: "ha'ah, aku lah orangnya yang responsible for all this"

tiba-tiba farun, farin, jaki, dan ekjos secara perlahan-lahan hilang macam fadeout.

and aku tinggal sorang-sorang, hmm, aku kena mandi, and keluar bukak puasa. peace.














joe: "weh apsal abang ada lagi sini? siapa nak fadeoutkan abang? ........................ pantek! aku balik naik teksi lagi lah nampaknya"

tengo celos

i like being ignorant cause it's true that ignorance is bliss but most of the time you can only be ignorant when you're ignorant about your own ignorance. there are times when i just must be ignorant but like i said, it's not something you can control like a computer game. and even a computer game is not really something you can control that much especially if you suck at winning eleven like me.

aku suka jadi ignorant sebab memang betul ignorance is bliss tapi most of the time aku hanya boleh ignorant bila aku ignorant pasal ignorance aku sendiri. ada masanya aku memang kena jadi ignorant tapi ye ah, bukannya bende kau leh control, bukannya cam game komputer kan. lagipun game komputer lagi ah susah control lagi lagi kalau kau sengal dalam winning eleven macam aku.

padahal winning eleven biasa orang main kat ps2 je.

haha cam apa tah dah tulis dalam english pastuh nak translate. padahal bila kau guna bahasa yang hancur cam aku bila translate ke bm berapa kerat je bm betol pon? betul?

tapi tuh ah. susah nak jadi ignorant cam okay sekarang aku nak ignore benda nih! and terus ignore. memang susah ah lagi lagi kalau kau aku.

buktinya, aku nak off comment kat entry nih sebab aku nak ignore comment-comment orang! tapi aku just.. tak... berdaya.......... so aku tak off. argkh.

(nih ada suara dalam kepala aku cakap (vocal texture dia pulak sengau sengau sket): padahal senang je kau nak ignore comment-comment sebab senang je ignore benda-benda yang tak wujud wahukhaeukghuka loser blogger)

aku pun maki balik suara dalam kepala aku, hek eleh, buleh ke nak guna istilah "comment-comment", padahal alang2 kau nak angkut perkataan english, baik kau guna cara english and tulis as comments je, bongek.

(suara dalam kepala aku cakap whatever, DINCH!)

actually dia cakap "boleh je", tapi tuh lagi sakit hati dengar so aku tukar. suka hati aku ah. suara dalam kepala dalam kepala aku sendiri, huh.

malingsia vs. indon part two, 1malaysia part two

i don't know why this indonesia malaysia issue is bugging me.

i don't usually focus any effort on caring about anything (unless if it's a hot curvy girl with big eyes and a smile that could melt the sun).

erm, anyway, then i realized, i don't really care about the issue.

there's no fucking issue. indonesians seem to forget that most of us here, ARE them. so too, have some malaysians. come on dawg, if you're a malay chances are at least one of your ancestors hopped onto a garuda and flew his or her ass to claim some land from unsuspecting africans weary from having walked a million miles to get here. also, that fucking ad wasn't even put out by our government in the first place. plus, wait fuck a plus there is no fucking issue, it's stupid childish bullshit.

the indonesians are a passionate bunch, and malaysians are dispassionate pricks. i guess this contrast bundled with their aggressiveness and our arrogance is the stem that birthed all this fuckery.

something has been bugging them for years, decades even, and our own
oh shit

the air is suddenly filled with the sweet hearty aroma of chicken kurma. mmm must be my gramps cookin' up sumin' for us to bring back home for open fast. something so culinarily tempting so early in the morning of a day of guaranteed hunger.

see i'm at the kampung right now, i don't usually bring my laptop here because i don't like to pollute the tranquility of chillin' in a laidback leisure-paced small town with the pungent wiry-impedance of technology. but, i didn't wanna miss someone, plus this nostalgic-ful one-storey house has already been debauched by lucifer's own invention - wireless internet anyway. so why stop at just possessing technology when you can sneeze to a step further, and actually use it.

wait where was i.

oh yeah, our own ignorance of this buggery might also be part of the buggering.

i've been to indonesia and i loved it. partly (and this might sound insulting but it's not) because it reminded nostalgic 'young' me of the malaysia of old.

i've interacted with some of their people. the friendly beautiful girls, the skinny characterful men, the animaly animals wait what.

moving on. once, this dude ranted about how he was proud that he made it in malaysia. he had a nice job and all in our beloved 1malaysia country. he was a bit pissed off that our view of indonesia is that they are our poorer less developed sibling, and that indonesia equals construction workers and maids.

he went on about how his nation might not be as developed as ours but their people have more passion, more colour, less racism, and they are generally less hypocritical.

i might have misquoted this guy, or just simply made him up. but whoever or whatever he is be it a real person, or a figment of my overactive a.m. imagination, i couldn't disagree with him.

it's pretty obvious that they do have some kind of inferiority complex. big bro, not doing as 'good' as lil' bro. all this aggression is not pure, it is just a symptom.

we're all civilized people, shouldn't we be more understanding, more tolerating, more caring. i mean sure they've overreacted, but you know, hey bro let's take a drive somewhere and talk about this non-judgmentally.

*oh yeah at exactly this point i suddenly just stopped caring about what i was writing and about to write more about, strange huh*

sowww... i'm gonna stop here about this subject cause i actually don't know where i'm going with this but i guess i'm just generally pissed off at dumbfucks with stereotypical opinions yeahh urgkhh hurr durrr we gave them jobs so they better hurr durrr get their shit together durr hurr. fuck off.

and yeah you know people should stop putting "anything except dangdut" in their music preferences. i don't want to explain why, i just think it's mildly annoying. i'm going to apply for a job at facebook just to issue a warning for everyone guilty of this to edit their shit or bear the consequences of being stripped off a virtual social life. in my free time possibly during lunch i might even skip a meal and go for the "anything except techno" types.

and i don't even listen to or like or give a fuck about dangdut or techno, i'll just do this out of logical spite. grgkh.

i also don't have anything against 1malaysia but i don't think this country is ready to not be racist. mattofact this applies to the whole fucking world, universe even, the aliens will agree. i mean if the opposition takes over this country it would be chaos, simply because we're not ready to not be racist. the stability of this country is built upon a foundation which is racism.

this order must not be disturbed. i'm not being sarcastic, it is what it is. if you simply put racism out of the picture cold turkey style you will have a fucking mess and decades possibly centuries (taking it a bit too far) of cleaning up to do. even if you put it out gradually you'll still have more than just a bit to do.

politicians know not to fix what brings them joyous amount of 'commission' money all while their people keep on smiling and hate each other without expressing it in a disastrous manner the same way engineers have been told not to fix what is not broken. yeah we're a bit wonky but we're still pretty much intact.

i'm pretty sure at least a thousand of us have pointed out the irony of the same government promoting the 1malaysia being the same government ruled by a skin color coded coalition. realize that they know this country ain't ready for no racism, although this country seems ready for and accepting of a smokescreen campaign promoting no racism. hurm durm.

and while i'm on this subject, i mean mood, i hate people who think it's cool to be different. fuck off. i remembered one time this thing happened and everybody gave their thoughts and paid their respects some dude thought it would be cool to be all like yeah hurr i'm so kewl why are all these people making a big fuss out of it chillax i'm cool no need to be like all these people i'm so cool i'm going to insult and make fun of all of them because they're sheeps and i'm not a sheep i'm soooew clever and all that and they're all soewww dumb hurr. grrkh that pissed me off to no end i don't know why. fuckin' non conformist douchebags. i'd rather be an innocent happy idiot than a smelly douchebag wunty-twatty fucking chair up their arses pseudo-'intellect'sss.

man i got so fucking pissed, seriously i got so angry i could start beating up some pricks, i could eat a meal fit for a king and start throwing up aggressively towards the general direction of assholes so i gathered all my pent-up pre massive random object wrecking outrage of fury and and and... deleted someone from my twitter.

anyways, i'm signing off, about to take a shower and drive back home now. hopeful that cosmic beauty would be there for me later cause i want to get mellow.