Friday, August 06, 2004

Movie Magic

For about 2-3 days I've been real sick, food poisoning. I phuked real bad, unimaginable phuking, it's like in exorcist, and I was standing, phuke just pumped out like a broken pipe in the middle of the road. Anyway because of this sickness I've been stuck in this room, I've been downloading and watching a lot of old movies, some of them movies that I heard of and always wanted to see but couldn't find, some just re-watching old movies I lost. Here are a lot of reviews, just what I think. Oh and there's also a phase of old teen movies where I watched three old teen movies, watch out for it.


Okay I've seen this a long time ago, and saw it again, and again, why not?! Hahaha. After watching this I've officially watched (minus Jersey Girl) every Kevin Smith release. This could be my favourite (followed closely by Clerks), yes it is, and I know it is his most criticized work, but I just don't give a fuck, because this movie is my dream Kevin Smith movie, why? Because Jason Lee is in one of the leading roles, and he gets more dialogue than this movie than any other. Forget about his dumbass no-use sidekick, or anything else bad about this movie, that concept is enough, and add the consistency of Jay and Silent Bob, and you got a nice movie. To me at least. BTW, Jason Lee stars as Brodie, and what's more heavenly, is his chick is Shannon Doherty, oh shit, he totally deserves that for his nerdy assholeness.

Dazed and Confused

Okay, an 80s movie depicting the nostalgic 60s. This movie goes throughout the day, start of summer, and last class. Seniors fucking juniors up. Shit like that, this movie is pretty fun, there's no real plot, just a bunch of teenagers fucking shit up, hahaha, the acting is good, and it's just fun, you'll see a lot of familiar faces like Ben Affleck, Joey Lauren Adams etc. And also the leading actor, the quarterback jock, is this guy who always ends up playing a loser in most of his newer shit. Hahaha.

SLC Punk!

I saw this a few years ago, then my friend stole my VCD. Got it back. At that time this movie was nothing but a cultural reference to me, I just saw it for the punks and various other groups potrayed in the movie (rednecks, nazi skins etc.), it was at a time when I was also part of that scene, I meant I was in the HC scene so the movie was kinda cool, it was kinda cool looking at the various group of people involved in various street cultures in the movie. Never did the plot, or anything else about the movie really got into me.

That was then. Okay now to explain this I'll use the example of the movie Pariah and American History X. What's the difference? The difference is Pariah is a movie about a bunch of mindless skinheads, and that's just that, even the acting is bad, and you could mistake it for a documentary while American History X is a real story and in many ways a better movie, yes, when you're young and you don't give a fuck you could just brush off both movies as skinhead movies cause you just like to watch skinheads having fun, but as you dig deeper, American History X is always the better movie, and it's a story, with the skinhead culture as just a background, a setting, for the characters, and for the plotline. This is also what SLC Punk! is about, it's a meaningful story about two punksters in Salt Lake City. They could use another street culture and city, and it would still have the same qualities, cause a lot of thought was definitely put into this movie. And I loved it.

Basically this movie is about two guys, Steve-O and Heroin Bob, the only two punks in SLC when they started, and yeah, the coming of age, and time, I guess. Narrated by Steve-O and done in a slick way, the movie is a series of ironies. I must stop here cause I'm getting bored with myself but I'll mention one real funny irony, there's this one Mike, he looks exactly like a member of Weezer, I was wondering why he's so comfortable hanging out with the punks, until one moment where Bob went onstage at a gig and got beaten by the bouncer, Mike stepped up and beat the fuck out of the bouncer. Hahaha, turns out (as explained by Steve-O), he's one of the most hardcore guy in SLC, he even once broke out of a police car by kicking on the back window, but by the end of the movie, Mike eventually decides to pursue College - major? Botany. Hahaha. And Steve-O would be like "There, one of the most hardcore guys in SLC, and he's gonna be hugging trees?".

Fast Times at Ridgemont High

This is one of those teen sex comedies. Yeah, it's okay, the characters are okay. Not much really, just about teen, life and sex. But what's interesting is like Dazed and Confused, you will see traces of early parts of Hollywood Stars, most notable being Sean Penn as stoner surfer dude Spicoli (Nicolas Cage as one of his friend), and he is totally the best character in this movie, along with this other guy, the pimp-like Damone.

That's that, now I wanna vent something. What I think is fucking ridiculous is when this girl right, what's her name Stacy (Jennifer Jason Leigh), okay she's a dumbass. So Damone the pimp's nerdy friend Rat or something wants Stacy, so that's that, Damone helps him and all that. But one day Stacy decides that she's attracted to Damone, and she wooes him, asks him out, even swimming, Damone has this guilty face whenever he's with her, while Stacy looks like she doesn't give a fuck, she seduces him into fucking her, it was brief. Few days past, suddenly Stacy's pregnant, and she goes to Damone, blames him, the thing is she fucked some random guy earlier in the movie, and I don't understand it when she said she only did it with one guy when Damone questioned how she knew it was him. Okay then forget all that drama, what sucks is, when Rat finds out he broke into a fight with Damone. And near the end of the movie, he acts all nice to Stacy despite what happened, at this point I'm like, What the fuck?! Oh so your best friend cheated on you with the girl your dating, so he's the fucking culprit, I'll agree with that, only if it is also clearly maintained that the girl is also a fucking culprit, I mean wow! whenever your best friend cheats with your girlfriend, I'm sure the girlfriend didn't realize it at all, I'm sure she didn't do it out of free will, wooooooo I'm sure your buddy there used a fucking vodoo doll on her. Shut the fuck up. No, the girl is a slut, and if you're gonna treat her like a princess after what she did, then treat your best friend like a king while you're at it. Yes, I know she was only dating him, but straight out fucking your best buddy, how much respect does she has for you in the first place?! Okay that's done, next.

The Breakfast Club

Okay another old teen movie. Basically about 5 different type of teens in detention on a saturday. A jock, a prom queen, a criminal, a nerd, and a psycho outcast. I'm okay with this movie really, it's a teen movie based primarily on dialogue, that itself, by concept, is an achievement. Get it? A TEEN movie based on DIALOGUE, yes a rarity. Hmm, it's kinda cool, you gotta see it to experience it. Okay, now what I really wanna write is about how dumb the nerd is. Infact I don't even think he's a nerd, he's one of those assholes in school that are assholes, they're just assholes, you can have the vocabulary of a priest and still come up with asshole, he's just stupid. Argh. Infact I think the criminal played by Judd Nelson is the smartest amongst the bunch, he's potrayed as the bad guy here. He totally kicked the jock's (Emilio Estevez) ass, and that's just by being sarcastic in his dialogue. Yes, he's full of wit and sarcasm, I enjoyed it everytime he's pissing someone off, you could say, along with the psycho outcast, he's taking a shit on reality, I don't know what that means, but I don't care. Hahaha. It's like he's toying with the stereotype that surrounds the rest of the world, he's fucking with everything. And if there's one guy in there most likely to have a good future, I bet it's him, seriously, watch it and tell me he's not clever.

Wayne's World

So this movie's a classic, and I'm not taking anything away from it (Mike Myers classic). It's just a classic, however I enjoyed This is Spinal Tap (Talking about rock and roll comedies) much more than I did this, I guess I enjoy subtle and satirical humour more, I guess.

Battle Royale

This is basically a typical crazy and violent Japanese movie. About a government act in which a class (7th grade I think) each year or something (55 times a year in the book), to be put on an Island, in a survivor like circumstances, where they are given 3 days to kill each other and only one could survive. If more than one are still alive after 3 days, everyone will be killed. Okay, there are more rules to the game, watch it to see it, if you haven't already that is.

Basically the concept of the "Battle Royale Act" just gets to me, that's all, I can forget the non-existant justified setup to the concept itself, I just love the concept, somehow reminds me of RPGs, this could make a good PC game.

Okay now I think the hero of this movie is a big pile of dumbass, nearly half the movie he has the "I can't believe they are really serious, or dead or whatever" face and expressions, hey bimbo, fucking BELIEVE IT, you're on an island and everyone else's killing each other. That's why the two foreign students acquired into the game appealed more to me. One is Kiriyama, the other Kawada, because these two guys already know about the game and will keep a straight state of mind about it, I just hate it when dumbasses are slow to react to a situation when it's fucking clear around you. Kiriyama is this guy who never talks, he just goes out to kill everyone he could, how cool is that. Kawada is the hero you can like, because, well he's not dumb, like Kiriyama he keeps a straight mindset about the game, and kills everyone who looks offensive enough with no remorse. These two, plus the hot japanese babes, makes the movie enjoyable for me character-wise. I can't help but feel sorry for the hero, Nanahara, or whatever his sissy name is, for being dumb, and having the same dumb expression on his face throughout the movie, I also feel sorry for Naruko, the heroin, because Nanahara the dumbass has vowed to protect and be with. Man, seriously, a few times in the movie, I saw how Naruko, well I can just read her heart, she's just fucking aching to go along with Kawada, fuck him and be his instead of Nanawhatever, I mean I bet she regrets having a crush on Nanawhatever in the first place, cause Kawada is obviously much cooler, and is less of a whiner. Oh well talk about whining, that's it for me.


Aight. The director is a paedophile, I seen his newer work Bully, a lot of little kids fucking. This is one of those movies that you just had to see when you're a teen, you know, remember Romper Stomper or Blood in Blood out? Those movies that you just had to see, because if you don't, you're not a teenager, yes, because these are movies that actually defines my generation. Don't believe me? Then you can fuck off, because Romper Stomper was written all over walls when I was younger, skinheads had their nicknames taken off characters from the movie, and there was a time when chicanos were all over K.L, guess which movie they got the attitude from? Got the answer yet VATO?! Hahaha, same with Kids, you can just about see the assholes in this movie everywhere (Not saying skaters are assholes, are the characters in the movie really skaters anyway). But unfortunately, I never got to see movie until now. Hmm.

Now on to the movie. Well, I thought I was not gonna like this movie, well until it got closer to the end, I realized Larry Clark (the director) was a genius, wahkrhkahkga, see it to believe it. Wanna know why? Okay I'll explain. This movie starts out with your typical playa-casanova-wannabe-like kid (skinny and ugly) trying to seduce a virgin to fuck him, and succeding at that, then later he joins his other friend, both assholes, so it basically revolves around these two assholes who are both actually WIGGAS, you know what a WIGGA Is, find out yourself if you don't. Man I'm so annoyed by the both of them, especially how they talk, man the sun would sweat providing energy to my solar-powered calculator just to count how much unnecessary "YO" they used, it's like every sentence has to begin and end with "YO", and if possible, insert one or two in the middle. Man so annoying, and I don't think it's bad acting, no way, just because you're annoyed doesn't mean it's bad acting, infact, maybe it's GREAT ACTING, seriously, wiggas are supposed to be annoying, and these two dudes pulled it, perfectly.

Hahaha. And so the story goes as these guys go everywhere, hang out, beat some dude, bla bla bla. I particularly liked what Larry did with the conversation screenplays, I mean I don't care about the dialogues because a majority of it in this movie are annoying, but how the dialogues went about, like how the cameras follow the two guys when they're chatting while walking across the streets and all that, the camera would be from all kinds of angles, from across the street, from the side etc, and you know the sound of everything around them, the busses, everything, somehow, it's realistic, and that touch of realism somehow worked on me.

Okay on a sidenote, while the dialogues of the generic kids in the movies piss me off, cause they're annoying, and maybe that's how they're supposed to be, there's a small part in the movie, where there are four really young kids smoking pot, I'm talking real young, probably 12 tops, little kids you know, probably haven't even hit puberty yet, I don't know, the way they talk, is kind of natural, I don't know why, they're supposed to be kids, they talk like they're the mac there you know, like they're the cool matured ones in the group, and it's just four little kids smoking pot passing to the left talking amongst them, hahaha, it's kind of a breath of fresh air after all the annoyance, these little kids don't annoy me one bit, I hope none of their elder bastards' ways get onto them.

Okay back to the story. Then there's Jenny, a girl with a heavenly look, kinda like Meg Ryan, she has that spark you know. Unfortunately she's one of the victims of that skinny ugly playa dude. However she's not really a slut, just a dumbass, maybe just at that time when she thought she loved the guy and vice versa. And she only fucked the dude. Only the dude. So what saved this movie? The fact that she went on an HIV test and was tested POSITIVE. Wahkrhkaghka. That could only mean one thing right?! Warhkahkhga. Okay at that point I was like, Wahrkhkahkga, that's the shit! Hahaha, serves you fucking right asshole, what a piece of useless dumbass, thinks he's so cool with his "I love virgins" statement, oh I'm sorry mr I love virgins, smile in your ignorance, because you also happen to forget that fucking around with no protection means risking your fucking dick, oh it's all good, cause it's all "love" right? Wahrahkhkga, when you're pale and shit, and hurting like fuck, I'd like to see Jenny force you to utter the magic words, oooooh it's not so hard, it's only three words, four syllables, no more, no less, "I love virgins", ooooooooh, and me personally "loves seeing assholes get AIDS". Warhkahkhkga. Okay, as you would have gathered I thought that was heaven. On with the story, so Jenny after finding out got real upset and started looking for the dude right. She finds him at a party, everyone was already asleep or too stoned, the dude was fucking some bimbo in the master bedroom, so I don't know, she left him somewhat, and sat on the sofa until she fell asleep. And what happens? I don't know, could it be?! Just as I would have guessed, the other dude, the playa dude's friend (Who is more annoying than he is), got real horny somehow and starts fucking Jenny while she's asleep. Warhkahkghkhkga. Oooh, What could be more heavenly?! Seeing a dumb asshole fucking a girl infested with HIV. Wahrkahkhkga. Bliss.

That's why I think this movie is genius. Something a lot of movies failed to achieve. I mean, I seriously would forgive George Lucas for making a titanic-wreck outta star wars if eventually some cool alien or Kiriyama from Battle Royale killed the ultimately annoying ANAKIN by stabbing him repeatedly with slutty Amidala's hairpin or something, then taking over his body and eventually becoming Darth Vader, because Anakin is so fucking annoying, the rule is, creating something annoying is permittable only if you plan to destroy it later in a way so creatively cruel, as practiced by Larry Clark in Kids. This also applies to Spiderman, I hope Venom would be in charge of ripping that annoying McGuire dude a new facial expression. Argh, Whatever. BTW, the names of the two KIDS dudes -----> Telly and Casper. Oh I didn't mention it earlier, because they were annoying enough, if I typed out the names early I don't think anyone without the great threshold of annoyance-pain that I possess could take it and would eventually commit suicide or kill someone else before being informed of the glorious redeeming ending.

And uh. At the end, Casper was like "Jesus Christ what happened?!", and I spontaneously went "You just fucked AIDS, dumb muthafuckah".

Aight. Peace..

No comments: