Something Strange Happens

Damn I can't believe I've been chatting with some of my friends for hours, looked at the clock - 3:10 AM. I had a long day, went out to eat at a very tacky place, even sitting down looking blur required energy. It's a windy early morning, it rained during the evening, now it's just cold and wet, I opened the windows, letting some air in - no way, close it - the wind is way too chilling, giving me unnecessary goosebumps. My arms are sore from slothing through the traffic jam on the way home from junction to junction, traffic jams at 10 PM, my muscles weren't prepared for it hence the extra tiresome effect. Oh well, maybe I should stop chatting and just lay on the bed to enjoy one of the dvds from yesterday's dvd rampage. But there's something discomforting about this night, a strange feeling, the same feeling you get when you're all alone in a big mansion working on a novel in the attic, a big tree within window view, wind blowing as if for no reason at all. I don't know, I opened the door, checked the study - my sister has already stopped chatting.

I guess I should switch off the wireless router, keep it fresh for the next broadband session, it's always good to not let your cheap ass appliances catch heat. Okay then, turn off the lights, put on a dvd, maybe a light comedic heartwarming movie to even out the chilly atmosphere of nature outside.

.....Okay this movie's not bad, but why the sad ending? I hate sad endings, I'm the type of guy who strongly feels that art is escape from reality, and in reality, I hate sadness, oh well I've been watching too much Hollywood I guess.

*Knock*Knock*

There's a knock on the front door, oh well I'm too lazy to get up, but no one else's downstairs. After much hesitation I headed to the front door during which I realize why would someone knock on the door when the gate is high and definitely not left open and we definitely have doorbells?! I panicked......Be cool you're a guy, it could be a family member for some odd reason, be cool, it could be an emergency, it could be a guy with a bloody head and one of the arms swinging around as it was out of his control since it was bitten off by the houndaifnhakSTOP okay be cool, open the door slowly.....

No one was there, I panicked again, I've heard such stories in my hometown of people getting heavy banging on the door and no one there when opened. But this was a light knock, I closed the door. However curiousity can sometimes overcome fear, maybe one of my socialite friend back from the club is pulling a prank on me. I waited for a while... 5 seconds........ 30 seconds..... I opened the door with one swift swing, a white object flies away from the door.

I hastily chased it. It was a piece of paper with something written on it :

Dear next door neighbour,

i know we don't talk much only the occasional smile or nod of the head, but i have always appreciated this one luxury you have always provided for me, you bless me with this one thing forbidden in my house as my parents see it as the devil. see i have a long distance girlfriend who i love so much and would never think of neglecting, i don't want to lose her, never! she needs my attention, and there is not one event better in my days than speaking to her, but since the world is not flat and her timezone is different i have had to wake up at unfortunate times to gain access to communication with her, and i understand u need to sleep and all, but i hope it's not rude of me to ask that you leave on your wireless router for a while longer, maybe u can let it rest when u're executing your morning urinatings since i'm pretty sure i'm cool by then, i usually only need a few hours with her on msn, usually around 4AM - 9AM. i sincerely hope u will think about this, thank you dear neighbour, smile or nod of the head to you later.

PS : Plz fix the doorbell, I nearly scratched my balls climbing your thief hating gate. ok byez


*I dedicate this entry to all wireless broadband parasites out there. WsffasaKUhgka.

Kopek Meme Besor

Ah fuck it, props to mr malay male for tagging me with a MEME, let's go

1. Who the fuck cares?
Tree huggers, hippies and PETA dicksuckers, they care about everything, even animals *gasp*

2. All I got from the NEP is a free bag of manure.
Pickup a fine lady, spread a plastic sheet on your bed, to be continued.

3. How much wood would Lee Kuan Yew chuck if Lee Kuan Yew could chuck wood?
He's chinese right? He won't be chucking wood, that's for indians and malays.

4. Who's sitting under the apple tree? No one else but me. Who's sitting under the apple tree? No one else but me.
"Fuck you hasselhoff" - The Saurus

5. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Haha just kidding chickens are too stupid to know there's an other side.

6.What do you get when you cross KJ and a piano?
One midget fucking a pony, and another one fucking his ass.

7. Who the fuck are you?
A god fearing barbarian.

8. Fuck you.
How uncivilized of you to use such words oh survey or meme, wuteverr.

9. I want a Natalie Portman and Jessica Alba sandwich. With cheese.
Pizza Hut won't see this mozzarella fuckfest coming.

10. If you find out that you're going to die in three months and suddenly those three months are up and you're dead and went to Hell, where would you go?
Well, I'll go to hell, give satan a two weeks notice, get the fuck out, get back to earth, go back in time and invent blogs.

Shopping Complex

I walked into the elevator with a friend on the way to my room, the elevator rumbled for a while as if malfunctioning, it was then released underwater. A big magnet pulls the elevator its way and we arrive at the main entrance to a heavily guarded underground apartment. In my room a few of my other friends are already there, they have just finished performing music somewhere and I was unable to attend, I kindly let them stay in my room but they will go back to wherever they came from after their last show on sunday which I hope will allow my attendance although it was most unlikely as somehow I felt like I had something to do on that day. The pretty lady who walks the corridor is the caretaker of the apartment - manager, guard and maid. She walked into my room and cleaned the fan, she looked at me, smiled and explained that my friends had asked her to clean it. Unable to think of a quick witty pickup line as I was attracted to her, I resorted to telling her that she could be my housewife, this could be subtle sexual abuse to some, but she just smiled and resumed cleaning the classic fan, why would I need such a home appliance in this day and age when we have far advanced methods of cooling, I wouldn't know as it came with the room rental package.....TO BE CONTINUED.

31 OGOS

Is obviously the EPL transfer deadline, come on Bayern, don't be an asshole, sell the bitch already.

Leave Your Wine

Man Utd is trying to buy Hargreaves, cool.

I'm nearly finished watching my MIND YOUR LANGUAGE collection DVD. You 90s kids might remember this British sitcom being re-run, fuck it I didn't even know this was a 70s show, it's not even dated, you can easily observe most contemporary stupid American instant templated comedy movies trying to imitate its concepts.

However, while when I was a kid I just simply digged it's jokes, the Italian guy's man's man coolness (The curly hair will tell you something is amiss about the rebonded Italian football team though), and Danielle. Now, watching it as an adult (Or basically someone with a brain slightly more developed than a little kid) I realized something I've never realized before. The message. Yes. The hidden message is, if we're all stupid, naive and just naturally good hearted the world would be a safer place. Look at those fucks, they're fucking stupid, not in a George W. Bush way, that's not stupid, that's dumbfuckingdumb, in a, mmmmmmmm, YEAH! HOMER sort of way! Duhh, definitely, they're stupid yet sometimes they say things that stand up comedians waste a lot of coffee just to come up with.

And as amazingly stupid as they are they just don't give a fuck, they're just happy that way, they make fun of everything, the only smart among them is the teacher, and he's a convert himself, seemingly comfortable with the way things are, and alarmingly laidback considering the amount of progress (Or decline) Of his students' knowledge of English recorded since the class first started till the end.

Their accents accentuate just how fucking different they are from each other, racial stereotypes are insulted on an minutes' basis, a few of the students are mortal enemies among themselves, the Chinese girl keeps fucking over every fucking Capitalist she knows or discover, yet they miracufuckinglously get along like Jay and Silent Bob. Is this that ever so elusive type of irony that we as human beings have failed to adopt? Is this that ever so rare type of ignorance that we have failed to embrace? Am I asking these ever so well-constructed questions because I genuinely don't know or because I just want to point out that as humans, we're pretty much fucked up.

Why can't we all just make fun of each other, piss each other off, fight over trivial things like football clubs and women with each other, then go to the bar with each other to shoot darts AT THE DART BOARD and have a good laugh together.

Just kidding, that's never gonna happen, fuck you Anti-Christ.

Okay so Hargreaves, yeah I'm quite happy, he's an underrated player as is Michael Carrick, he's been played out of position and being criticised because of it, just give him that DM place already. I'll be glad to have him in Old Trafford, he'd be a Phil Neville sort of figure who'll run as fuck everywhere to get the ball and then Carrick can distribute it to the right areas and fuck up defences. I hope we get him. Cross ya balls homes.

And the late Barry Evans is just adorable as the English teacher. And Danielle is not as hot nowadays, maybe I had different tastes as a kid, maybe nowadays I'd dig the German chick more, what am I talking about here, Whawuahkhguehga.

Por favor? When that Spanish dude says that it just always gets me, wakuheghahukga, ahhh sawwrightt.

Hmmmmmmmmm, and fuck all this political correctness bullshit, get that wood out ya splintered asses you p.c fucks. Peace.

Tyronnosoros

Sempena Lina Joy melanguk kat tagboard aku aku nak cerita pasal kes Lina Joy, oh ye aku tak tahu apa-apa pun pasal kes tuh, tapi aku rasa memang lancau hukum Melayu = Islam nih, apa lanchau? Shows you how much balls Muslims have, near to none, if you have so much faith in your own beliefs why the fucking paranoia? Why do you need to force shit into people's throats, yeah, balls, have it. It's stupid, tunjuk sikit dalam Al-Quran atau Sunnah yang certain race kena masuk agama Islam teros masa lahir pastuh tak leh tukar sampai bila-bila, kepala lanchau, asal takut sangat orang nak masuk agama lain? Kata berani kerana benar, apa nak takut? Nak orang jadi Muslim pasal terpaksa ke orang jadi Muslim dengan ikhlas, dah lah lanchau racist, apa lanchau melayu bagus sangat ke, melayu nih penyakit, ataupun cult, apa-apa pun aku tak tahu ah, memang penyakit, minah tuh nak masuk Kristian biar ah dia, suka hati dia ah, maybe Muslim keliling dia macam sial dia macam what the fuck is this, baik aku jadi Kristian, lagi baik dari dia jadi munafik apa, what the fuck, idiots, tunjuk sket kat mana cakap dia tak leh keluar Islam sebab dia melayu, tunjuk sikit kat mana cakap orang murtad kena bunuh. Aku bukan menggalakkan murtad, tapi pada aku lagi bahaya munafik a.k.a hipokrit, orang agama apa pun, tak kesah agama apa, kalau dia baek dia memang baik, orang Muslim sekalipun, kalau dia macam puki, memang dia macam puki, puki bai cibai bai bai lanchau chau ok byez.

Parrots

Just wondering why geckos (Cicaks) in the thrash compartment of my house are always of the coloured kind, while the ones in the house are of the caucasian kind. As the boy of the house I'm always assigned to throw thrash out and everytime I open the door of the thrash place there would always be one or two geckos runnin' away and from my experience since I was a kid, they would always be either of the black or brown coloured ones. Is this some kind of social commentary shit the geckos are pulling on us or are they still practising apartheid. Whatever it is I surely hope their Mandela stays in prison cause as much as I fear geckos, I'd rather only the white ones be inside and the coloured ones, yo, please stay outside, thank you. I'm not being racist, I'm talking about geckos here, hello, I'm brown myself, I bet if I was a gecko I'd scare the shit out of humans. Peace.

Smart Never Relevant

here, READ THIS

A quote :-

Syed Ahmad Johari, a public school teacher, who wears a serban and also dons a jubah (robe), said he would discuss with his lawyers the probability of taking the matter to the Syariah Court.

“Although it is a defeat for me, it is a victory for Islam because this issue has been brought to the highest court of the land. At least, the public would be aware of it,” said the 48-year-old father of six sons aged nine to 18, who all came to court together with turbans.

And I say, what the fuck? Who the fuck are you to represent Islam?

No, this is a defeat for Islam, and a victory for FASHION STATEMENT, so fuck off holy one, fuck the fuck off.

I wouldn't mind if they were fighting for rights to pray at school, THAT would be a fight for Islam, but this petty bullshit, why don't y'all take off the turban, and use the money you would spend to buy it in the first place to donate to the plight of Palestinians or something, I'm not saying y'all don't donate, but maybe you'll get a few more ringgits more by ignoring fashion and those few ringgits will fucking COUNT, fucking believe me.

Fucking idiots. I love Islam. I just fucking hate a lot of Muslims, maybe we should start converting Jews into Islam, them are some fucking smart peoples.