Summer of Hope

"House is a deity trapped in a human body - he's comfortable with not playing along, but sometimes he wonders why he can't play along, just to trick you into hoping a part of him could be human, guess again fool" - Mickey Mouse

I'm doing a short story divided into three chapters called "Summer of Hope" for my own ethereal pleasure, check it out:

Summer of Hope Part I
I just watched a music video, nice one, nice song. But it featured a loving couple enjoying themselves in a cable car, cuddling, smiling and shit. No fucking way dawg. The only excitement I get out of riding a cable car is reaching the intended location. If I have a girlfriend and we go dating in a cable car .. No we won't go dating in a cable car, ever, you wanna be romantic? book a hotel room for 2 weeks, fuck each other's brains out for 2 weeks, don't leave the hotel cause the only sighseeing we'll do is the arrival and departure hall of the bloody airport. On second thoughts, nah no airports, let's just drive out to the city or something, I'm sure there's a lotta hotels there.

Summer of Hope Part II
In the afterlife, there will be heaven / hell. I will be in heaven. And I will be paying hell a visit. Oh you betcha you muthafucking twat. I'm gonna be in there, I'm gonna borrow all of Satan's tool and I'm gonna find each and every one of you cunts who programmed viruses / spywares / malwares / trojans / whatever / whatever causing my laptop to become fucked up - I can't even open 3 word documents at a time, fuck you, I'm gonna torture all you fuckheads orgasmically.

YOU! Yeah you, come here you buttfucking bastard, I'm gonna scrape your lips off and make you eat a spicy as fuck nasi lemak without the nasi, timun, kacang, ikan bilus, telur or daging. I'm gonna make satan wear a strap-on (Just in case they turn out to be dick-less) and fuck you, through your peehole, yes the irony, satan and his flaming dildo is fucking your peehole and cumming inside where cum is supposed to cum outside, fuck you. I'm gonna ensure that you're sober as a mufucka, and then make you listen to Akon's rehearsal tapes for 24 hours, and 24 hours in hell is not the same as here dunn, it's like a thousand years or something, I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna do everything in the M.E.T.H.O.D M.A.N song intro from the Enter The Wu Tang 36 Chambers album, torture muthafuckah whut? whut? JEBAOOWWWWWWW. There's a lotta categories of people that I hate, but you fucks are gonna be first in line. I hate all of you piss kidneys, and this is me being subtle.

Summer of Hope Part III
I just watched this movie The Pursuit of Happyness, I think it's despicable. The main character is an asshole and I'm not only saying this because it's Will Smith - it's because he's the salesman mlm type, a liar, a cheater, an asshole. For every one hobo lottery asshole like him making millions, 500 thousands didn't - had to send their kids to the welfare, and sell their wife to an arab. I'm not fucking around this is scientific truth, there have been researches and shit. Though I can't say it was a bad movie, they had the whole uplifting feel to it, I could've fallen for it, thankfully I didn't cause it had a funny smell. It would have been better if it was some dude who just picked a regular job, had a small home, had fun with his wife and kids, lead a decent honest life, smiled at everyone, enjoyed life for what it is, and just be naturally happy .. oh wait - yeah, even indie artsy fartsy fucks won't pick up a movie pitch like that. No wonder my movies don't sell. Not that I make movies. Bleargkh. Buck townnnnnn! home of the original gun clappazzz.

Penguin in the Sahara

You know, life is so hard.. just kidding I'm not gonna talk about life, what are you up to? oh yeah? cool, good for you, thumbs up. I been doing a little bit of that myself, except moderately, you know what they say? every moderation is a combination of observation and toleration, well I just made that up, it rhymed and all that, sounded cool, heyy.

So on to what we discussed just now, what's a blog without discussions on current issues EYH?! let's see what issues have to offer here in this lavendary garden of a nation we call Malaysia:

• Lina Joy loses fight to change her religion status - oh yeah? oh ok, kinda aa.... expected, dontcha think? .. next



• Bahasa Melayu is now Bahasa Malaysia again - ministry of education changing shit every now and then, just being consistent init



• PM marries again - nothing to see here move along

..

Nah I'm just fucking around, I'm not gonna evade writing about things that are not random bullshit like I always do, can't I just be a proper old blogger for a while.

Lina Joy issue - Babyrina and Sexysuraya have amateur marketing teams, any local porn impresario quick enough to jump on considering this as a nickname for one of his actresses gets my full blessings.

BM is back to BM - I think this will affect only an inkling of the population, even so only when they're on screen or writing karangans. Other than that, no biggie, we know everyone here only speak either bahasa pasar or bahasa rojak, it's evolution baby.

PM marries - All I can say is, it's funny watching or reading people saying now the PM has someone to look forward to at night to hold and to bla bla bla, come man, seriously? You don't think he's tapped that ass already? you out of touch son, our PM is all that is MAN, he might not be the evil genius that is Dr. M, he might be inferior in all aspects of ruling a country........

but he is ALL that is MAN. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Our Pak Lah is the rempit of all rempits.

You ever chill in a mamak .. then a butt-ugly rempit walks by, black jacket on, holding dear to his tinted helmet, poker-faced, looking straight ahead, not bothering to probe for a place to sit his ass down cause he knows he is the lion of this concrete jungle and there WILL be a place for him, if there aren't any, there will be one made? .. he talks loud, walks with a ballsy rhythm (whatever this means), familiar? Have you ever cursed him in and out - making fun of him several ways in your mind only to :o when you see the broad clinging to his hand, attentively trailing him wherever he is going?

Yes, that fair skinned, short-haired chick with a face so cute you feel like caging her as a pet to devour, every time a piece of sand drops in the hour glass.

The mulleted warrior she admires with all her heart is ALL that is MAN, not the muscular hulk humping away an ironpiece at your gym - he's either a metrosexual or gay - either way - gay .. not the rockstar threatening to tear his guitar strap every instance of spinning and jumping - that's a faggot .. not the ghetto blaxploitated basketball jersey wearing cap funny ghetto heaven going fuck - he's a faggot .. not the something something - that's gay ......... This old lad, who does not adhere to traffic direction, or light IS, Julius Caesar, HE .. is Genghis Khan, he is George W. Bush, he is Scarface, he is Don Corleone, he is Nino Brown, he is etc. etc. etc. "The World Is Yours" tatooed on his balls, and I don't mean "The World" on the right one, "Is Yours" on the left -- both sides, same phrase dupduplilicacatetedd, provided both balls are still intact, of course.

Who am I? I am the dude, the other lebowski, I am just a product of^ HIS environment, HIS empire.

Phew. So back to the topic at hand, if you find me annoying .. don't worry, I'll get back to blogging only about football real soon.

Oh yeah another issue is the ongoing apostacy faith whateva whateva. I want to snipe at one angle, most muslims don't have balls, they're insecure, plain dumb, you lack a lot of faith if you require anyone straying from Islam to only refer back to Islam, if you have so much faith in your own beliefs, you won't be such a coward, if you have so much faith, you won't mind that particular kafirun alrejamun bulu jembutun exploring everything cause the strength of what you believe in -- is enough. It's like love, one day you get this call from this girl you have a relationship saying she wants something different, if you're an arsehole you'll force her to be with you, if you have faith in love what is there to be afraid of? and if she leaves you for a rempit, there's no need to cut her arms and legs off, scrape her eyes out with a spoon then burn her slowly on a stove, that's what fucking cowards do, have a soup, and have some fucking balls you fuck.

Malays like to use this phrase "BERANI KERANA BENAR", which translated literally means brave because you're right. Malays don't like to practice it. I'm glad I'm Welsh that's all there is to say. I know there's a need to point out certain things or defend your faith, but at the same time, there's no need to be a fucking NAZI, just face is, majority of muslims are fucking arseholes, is it any surprise people start to look down on muslims? no it's not a fucking western propaganda .. on second thoughts maybe it is and if the western propaganda is a vechile you hopeless fucks are the fuel. Muslims are not going to stray far from the disease we call organized religion, the most vile contamination, AIDS ain't got shit on organized religion, AIDS = Starscream, organized religion = Galvatron, and I'm Soundwave, I love that ninja cassette player dude. Anyway, I repeat, a majority of muslims are either nazi arseholes or nazi douchebags, CHECK YO'SELF B4 U WRECK YO'SELF. Gangsta rappers have all the wisdom. Peace.

Itulah Kehidupan, Penuh Dengan Keindahan Alam

On a stormy, rainy, gloomy evening, what oh what in the world could make things better? Yes, nothing else but the beauty of your streamyx's DSL LED blinking, ooh the celestial twinkling fluorescence which brings life to all your homicidal tendencies rggrrkkrhhh. arkgkkhhhh, you fucking cunts, shove it you cunting bastards, twatty-twat-twat brrapp bbraappp fucking low cost kidney-piss, low life thieving phukey-promotional-sense monopolizing banditery practicery assholes, fuck you, fuck you, know that you stand in the way of me changing the colour of my blog's header bar, you fucking cheap undependable-e-mail-server-owning bar-beer shit-feces. ARKGHHhhh. Bulllet bullet bullet.

Aku suka korek telinga, aku pernah cakap dulu aku suka korek telinga, takkan kau tak ingat, gila. Walaupun doktor dalam cerita puteri apa lanchau tuh cakap tak bagos korek telinga pasal taik telinga tuh bagus untuk telinga aku tak pedulik sebab aku rasa best bila korek telinga, orgasmic doh. Gila doh, aku jadi tak kruan kalau takde bende tuh, kalau supply dah habes -- kau layan boh aku layan bud - kau layan ais aku layan kapas - kau layan hisap aku layan korek - kau layan tarek aku layan jolok - okay tak? Layan doh, memang layan, kalau aku habis supply aku kacau adik aku mak aku semua orang ah, aku masuk bilik mak aku - aku geledah semua laci dia, aku bukak semua yang tertutup kat situ, aku jadi gila tak tentu arah, kalau takde gak aku geledah bilik aku carik duit, aku pergi kat mafia multinational terdekat, 7e paling dekat, kedai runcit mamak tak best takde awek 7e cakap selamat petang, ada dua cawangan kat sini, dua dua tak leh harap sangat, tapi takpe, barang tak baek pun yang penting ada barang, itu yang penting doh. Ummmmm yeAaahhhhhh.

In Greenhouses

You run frantically into the loo, you sit down, you go "ahhhhh" as shit goes down, and then something - this is just marvellous - happens, you get hiccups...

Yeah man fuck that shit. Hiccups while shitting, nothing better to start a productive day of laying down still for hours alternating watching movies and wanking with.

Hiccups while shitting, you try to make it go away, taking a deep breath, hnfshhhhhhhhhh notice as you enthusiastically snort pure air the asshole opens up... down goes the finger-licking nugget-piece of excrement sleazily *pulp*.

Occasionally you get those long ass handmade car-precise shaped shit that you know, looks like a dildo, or a dick, whichever floats your boat, or clicks your clit. And as you're halfway excuding it out like that playdoh thingy, you hiccup one time *hickKUP*, and your asshole closes then open in one swift movement of a movement like the cunt muscle of a black widow (discovery channel will beg to differ but butt fuck 'em), *GUILLOTINNE CHO{PP!* the shit splits in half, kinda like a tabung uji (those things that look like small dildos in chem labs) in your pussy breaking in half allthough this probably ain't too logical as a tabung uji will just smash to pieces and induce a split-second of sonic boom multiple-orgasms before the agony kicks, in all its glory. Gloria estefan didn't see this coming.

So, how was YOUR day? good? good, well me? nah I'm just chillin' you know, smoking other people's smoke and shit, listenin' to damn it feels good to be a gangsta........ throwing gang signs in slow motion, combing your girlfriend's vaginal hair with a comb that grows out of my crotch, the usual.

Err... hmmm I don't know.

I read a book with so much gayety, by that I mean the word, a long time ago before gay was gay, gay was NOT gay. That's so gay.

I haven't devoured a big mac for a long time. My childhood was fucked upside down by Roald Dahl, that fucking pilot. I need House, I need his wisdom right now. I watched the whole season 4 of One Tree Hill last month, what's wrong with me? Well consider this, I've watched all their seasons in offering.

What's wrong with me?

Yeah dawg you don't want my presence when you're walking alone in a dark alley that's what's up, I watch fucking One Tree Hill, who the fuck watches a boring ass white people can't jump ass moving picture with licensed faggy ass white boy ass music pasted every fucking two scenes post rock as score piece of shit, I do, I'm a self-loathing piece of brown purple polka-dotted piece of dog shit in an abc bowl, I'm sad, I'm just sad, I'm not ...saddd, I'm SAD.... SAD, SAD, SAD. I need a gurlfriend, I need a gurlfriend right now! I need a piece of whiny ass flesh with a puncture somewhere below the belly button, a black hole below the nose that can't stop spewing funny sounding shockwaves that has the uncanny ability to go over any male species' head like cowboys over horses, just so you could preserve her mood enough for her to wilfully participate in cowgirling later at night.......

Yes I need that,



I need someone to waste my phone credit on for no rational reason just so I can wank and maybank2u.com topup at the same time frequently to impress myself, I need someone to ignore, I need someone I can trust to have strong enough jaw muscles to send then receive, repeat - in orderly and unorderly fashion based on timing if you know what a brotha is sayin', I need someone with long ridiculously coloured hair who listens to fergie, avril lavigne, gwen stefani and other various satanic music, I need someone who can hypnotize me just by unhooking that piece of cloth foreign to national geographic jungle natives, I need someone to... I need someone I could... I need someone I would....... I need someone who..... could lend me a One Tree Hill boxset when I need it..... wuakhugaekughukea bad joke bad joke. Bodoh lanchau.

British people are funny, yet they don't fuck that much eh? If not we'll be having as much hot chicks as Indonesia, not that the white specimen is beautiful, it's all about the mix, and the mix.... is the end of racism, and beginning of shadism. This is how we kill racism, we fuck each other so much that colours get confused, so confused you would have to depend on shades to be racist, race can't be registered properly as shades are too gray-area-ish, the birth of shadism, kinda like the hutus and the what was that shit in rwanda again, yeah, petty little differences can make a difference, it's a new era, if only fornication with animals could breed manimals, then we'll begin another era, plants? yep, another era, having tree genetics can help vitalize your sex life, imagine growing all over your partner, you know females have so many sex spots and all that, that's why japanese chicks just lurrveeee having sex with octopuses. And then PETA would step in, and then guess what? I'll have a plant-human hybrid army ready to kick they ass, fuck you for killing our ancestors, you fucking.. you fucking... peta. Anyway, somewhere in Mauristitus there's sandy beaches and clear water, if you ever decide to skin dip and cover all your nasty parts with the water so that people won't see them, send me a picture? If I can't see them then the Mairautus tourism campaign is a farce.



Well then, that's it for me today, happy to let all those relevant pent-up emotions out in writing, life is but a long dream so when you're trying to hook up with a girl and she says "in your dreams pedro!", just say "wet one then, tonight, you fucking peta". Sorry kalau tak semua I aku in capital pasal you know, hampeh.

Jurassic Fifteen

What is the significance of Jackson 5 in my life?

I'm about to reveal a secret that won't be too surprising in this world chokeful of psychos and post rock.

When I was little I had 4 brothers, one younger, the others older, we all wore jackets in different colours, I wore red because Michael Jackson wore red in the "beat it" video. This is not too far off from Jackson 5 when Randy came in allthough they should've been Jackson 6 by that time, I think, fuck I know too lazy to wikipedia.

By the time I was 11, they were no longer by my side, I wasn't sad, I just moved on, this was around the time I started to develop full-blown boners which felt slightly uncomfortable at first, watching "oriental massage" with my friends after skipping school.

Why the entry drought - Cause I don't have a life to write about.

What's on my playlist and why? (Cause people give two fucks) :-

• One Be Lo - decepticons
  cause he can flow AND sample.



• Big L - da graveyard
  cause he "gets more pussy by accident than otha niggaz get on purpose".



• The Clash - police on my back
  cause this song is so cute and geeky despite about well, police being on their backs.



• The Clash - rudie can't fail
  cause of the way "what i neeedddd i just don'ttt haveeeeee" is delivered ... and how "fail" was pronounced, ruuuudieee can'tt fiaaaiialalllll



• Sham69 - if the kids are united
  cause, uh well, i dunno, this should be a school anthem or suttin'.



• Operation Ivy - sound system
  cause i love them.



• Operation Ivy - bad town
  cause they fucking rule, duh? and this is where half of Rancid originated.



• Naughty by Nature - hip hop hooray
  cause hip hop anthems used to have a simple formula - bangin' beat + emcees who could spit, come on who the fuck wants to fuck with Treach's steez?



• Redman - put it down
  cause Redman and Timbaland are the kings of club bangaz, i wonda if they play this shit in ghetto heaven



• Nine - whutcha want
  cause his voice makes frequencies run for they lives.



• Organized Konfusion - black sunday
  cause Pharoahe Monch can sing, and sounds betta on beats like this.



• Bounty Killer - mad n psycho
  cause dancehall djs can kill you with their voices alone (by dancehall i mean dancehall not seandapaul). and dancehall clash crowds do not throw hands in the air, they throw flames, yes, pure fucking fire.



• Jackson 5 - i wanna be where you are
  cause mj sings betta as kid, and his brothers provided him the best backdrop.



• Jackson 5 - gotta be there
  cause this is the most jiwangest song in the world, and big nosed mj, is the shit.



• Jackson 5 - maybe tomorrow
  cause this is what Ghostface sampled for his classic song, and Ghostface like J5, RULEZ yo azz



• Mobb Deep - hit it from the back
  cause they are the evil bruvaz of Kriss Kross, can y'all not tell from the title of the track.



• Incognito - still hip hop (radio edit)
  cause the yellow bastard on the vocals, and the chink fuck on the boom bapopals, they are the future



• Smif-N-Wessun - bucktown
  cause of the classic jazz sample and how ghetto rap should be delivered.



• Ras Muhammad - money feat. Diplomats International
  cause this indo dude can raga and I like Mistah's voice and flow.



• Heltah Skeltah - letha brainz blow
  cause this is what's gangsta.



• Pete Rock & CL Smooth - i got a love
  cause Pete Rock rocks the horns like no other

..Man i suck at punctuating

JEAH

MANURE HAS WON!

BUCKB UCBK BUCK

wateva


AND THE WINNAHHHH ISZZZZZZ





MANUREEEE


GLORORORRYYYYYY

World Peace Day

man i just came back from warming down after the war

i was in a war man, but i was late for it, i was in all black, dawg, i was the shit, i sniped muthafuckaz with the crossbow, nilla what?!

i was the shit, the queen loved me, she gave me a medallion so i could go in and out the castle as i please.

that's what you get for sleeping 12 hours from evening to morning

can't help it i didn't sleep the night before cosa some girl, her name was uefa champs league

i went to work half concious, and it was a 1 and a half hour drive

i set my alarm to when i'm supposed to be in work place so that once i get to car park, i could just sleep for a while, for a while

got in, boss still not in, went to take a nice ass shit

it's not unusual for me not to sleep on a work day, but i think it's because when i was taking a shower i didn't take a shit, usually i needed to shit, but this day i didn't need to shit, so i had to shit at the work place, a nice shit, nice one, washed the face

today's a long day at work, and by long day i mean half day to you normal working people whaukukhgkuea

got home, surfed for a while, fetched the sista, and i was off to war..........


don't you dudes think that ebony bullshit on fly fm's morning show is lame?

not only do i not see the difference between normal speaking and ebonics other than "brace yourself foo" or "pimp" here and there, it was just awkward, they always get the shit wrong. like for instance when they ebonified "fly fm is the best station" or something like that theyll just use the same sentence and add pimp tight or brace yourself foo what the fuck what, the right phrase should be "fly fm is the fucking shit........................nahhmean?! cleopatra in the casinos, nahmsayin?!". like wut-e-va.

Raja Serious

apeeeeee siak dah lama tak update blog. argkh, memang confirm aku nih batang. bosan bosan. ape cite?! bosan memang bosan, takde life kecuali hip hop, hip hop hip hoi kjhp ip ipho lk hhik hok yak ak auwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

ada banyak benda aku patut dah blog by now. antaranya :-

movie2 dah tengok - tak banyak pasal line tengah hot, 300 was gay, this is england quite nice, cerita pasal budak kecik join skinheads, skinheads yang ikut tradisi skinheads original nih pastuh kena kacau dengan member lama yang dah jadi racist dan kena pikat national front whateva. apa lagi ntah.

beastie boys dan j5 di singapore!!!!!!! - muthafuckah aku patut blog pasal betapa gilanya trip nih sebab muthafuckah, beastie boys and j5! dapat lepak dengan bebudak bebudak divineaura yang sempoi, dapat mengarut dengan diaorang sambil mengantuk. excite! excite! very nice!

dj premier - ini dah lama gak berlalu tapi one of the best nights of ma fuckin' life y'alllll?! dj premier wey, aku sepatutnya blog pasal mula mula masuk aku macam takut pasal the usual ghetto heaven music was playihngn, and skali primo masuk dia bunuh semua orang doh dengan apa yang dia main cara dia mixing bla bla bla LEGEND Mafakazzzzzzz siapa tak setuju meh sini aku bedok guna suduuu

oh yeah, how i fucked up on the ronaldo dissing part, man i havent been blogging in a minute, i dissed him, and he goes out giving me hard-ons for the whole season, but still i doubt he's loyal, he's a mighty talent, but he's a mercenary.

jadi korang bayangkan jelah aku dah blog pasal tuh semua. aku bukan apa. i guess this blog shit isn't in me, this diary diary shit.

aku teringat masa aku kecik dulu, aku ada try buat diari sikit. last last aku buang diari tuh sebab takut bapak aku jumpa, aku tak tahu aku dah citer ke pasal nih, ini semua pasal masa darjah 5 tuh masa bulan puasa aku cakap pergi masjid dengan kekawan bapak aku tadehal ah dia kasi aku pergi tak saing dengan dia, aku tak tipu pun memang aku pergi masjid, masjid kat keramat permai tuh ada bukit kat tepi dia, aku maen mercun kat situ, yang paling kelakar ada sekali kena serang tak ingat dunia dengan rival team, diaorang guna mercun das, kitorang banyak guna moonwalker dengan a-bomb kecik je, sekali kena serang member semua lari berkelapaii merata rata, aku rilek je pergi lepak dengan abang indon macam aku part of the gang, geng mercun das tak perasan diaorang attack member aku yang lari je. wkahgeakhukgaea gila bodoh, aku pernah cerita ke nih, tak ingat.

lagi satu aku masih simpan diari besar tuh walau dah tingkatan 3 camtuh tapi aku koyak lah bahagian mercuns tuh, masa besar kau macam tegelak gelak apa lanchau gelaabah nak mampoz masa kecik tapi time kecik memang cuak duhhh don't fuck around. oh lagi satu aku masa darjah 5 aku suka 4U2C so dalam diari tuh aku lukis katun katun 4U2C and i think it was Nico, kira rap tak ingat ah nih time darjah 5, tapi rap melayu, apa buleh buat, duduk kat area brownies, so macam masa aku dah masuk sekolah menengah kat j.b pulak, time tuh dah zaman aku layan rock pulak, nirvana, ratm, metallica, sepultura apekelanchau semua rock yang popular dulu ah kat sekolah masa 90 an, jadi member aku pun rata-rata macam tuh, paling kurang nirvana, takpun The UKAYS, gempak tuh ukays dengar kat bas sekolah setiap hari, so macam ada satu hari tuh member aku kantoi kan aku nye lukisan 4U2C tuh, gila malu siak kena kutuk, haq rap wey yo yo yo yo yo, gila malu siak, rap kira hina ah. so sejak dari tuh aku full-on rock. dan sekarang tengok apa dah jadi, once you go hik hok you cannot escape tooo thaaa voideeargkhhhh. promise kepada pembaca-pembaca aku yang tak wujud aku akan update selalu. peace out nilla.