Thursday, October 14, 2010

i don't want a new malaysia (part 1)

i don't want to change the world
i don't a new malaysia
i just want to fucking say things

- a song that doesn't exist loosely based on a song that exists.

1malaysia is a great concept, sure it's underlyingly farcical but it will ultimately become the downfall of them racist pricks who rule this country. because the planting of this slogan will unite everyone who actually believe in and aspire for the idea to eventualize. before this the plight against racism was disorganized term-wise but now it's like, yo, 1malaysia biatch, fuck you.

to me in order to achieve the true meaning of 1malaysia, which is defined by me because i am malaysia and not the false bullshit taught by biro tatanegara, we have to forget our international roots. whatever your race is, you have to forget whatever country it's associated with, forget your cousins or your ancestors. the chinese, forget china or hong kong or whatever, the indians forget india, sri lanka or whatever, the malays, forget indonesia, philippines, thailand, or whatever. the whatevers, forget the whatever, or whatever.

let's get back to the basics, and create a new culture, a new us, a new we. disown whatever our ancestors made culturally compulsory and let's create our own.

for example, we love to park lawlessly everywhere, let's officially make it our culture, put it in the history books. in the middle of a roundabout? why not. triple parking? this is malaysia. fuck, if they invented a car that could climb stairs, we'd park right beside the receptionist, reverse sensors all beeping while she's distractedly trying to answer the calls, why the shit not.

what else? greasy deep-fried food? i'm pretty sure that's very malaysian. we've heard of those mediterranean people with very good skin leading very healthy lives and what not what with the olive oil and all that shit but they're faggots and we're malaysians, we produce badass palm oil or something by the dozens so we cook everything with a baldi-full of that ish my man (oh yeah, mixing up various languages and under-pronouncing it, should be our new official language.) you want healthy food? fuck, i heard fruits are healthy, put that fucking banana into that burning hot lake of oily goodness, goreng pisang!

clothes? i'll think of one, the kebaya was already a fusion of malay and chinese right? expose them belly buttons, add a a thin cloth around it and boom! - kebayasari.

malaysian time - i'm proud to say is an internationally recognized trademark. anybody "too punctual" to a government job interview should be compulsorily rejected immediately for bastardizing our culture, how dare they. to be honest, just to prove how malaysian i am i confess i was actually late to writing this entry, i was supposed to do it an hour ago.

this is just the beginning, i am only randomly shitting out spontaneous suggestions and i've already got a few. there are so many things we could employ, it will be so much easier to just refer to our lives and properly brainstorm once we start over together as just malaysians.

of course we can't forget completely where we came from so maybe we could create a hero from a combination of heroes from the countries of our roots and build a statue.

in my honest opinion, to contemporarize this monument, it should be a combination of superstar rajinikanth + donnie yen + ariel peterpan.

and on the plaque accompanying it, is written - "FUCK YEAH MALAYSIA".